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September 2015 Moms
TabulaRasa25
member
Schedules and adjusting and intimacy
TabulaRasa25
member
Sigh.
My husband has never, as long as I've known him, been a sex at night guy. Our relationship and marriage pre-baby, it's pretty rare that our sex life took place at bedtime/in the middle of the night, etc. He tends to crash hard in the evenings, is an earlier person to fall asleep than I am, nods off while reading/watching a movie, whatever if it's in the evening. He's simply not a night owl. He had the highest sex drive/most energy for and interest in sex in the afternoon. Prior to becoming parents, our most common time for intimacy was after work/before dinner. Sometimes early mornings, but really, mostly that afternoon window.
The issue is that we don't have that window available anymore. Nighttime is the most reliable, consistent adult alone time, even if it's not his premium time and not his first choice. Afternoons really are never reliable as far as baby being asleep. Fine, you just adjust, right? I mean, I'm not a morning person, but I've HAD to adjust, due to being a parent. He's adjusted in many ways, as well...just not in this area. We talk about it, and he's agreed that, yes, adjusting needs to happen so we can continue to have a regular sex life. Am I wrong for feeling like when you're parents, you take the time when you can get it, not hold out for a schedule that doesn't exist anymore? The baby sleeps through the night...why can't we use some of that time to reconnect? I'm pretty flexible, I'm open to grabbing whatever time we can.
I know he's tired. I don't want to make a big issue of it, but I feel like my concern in valid. And we've discussed it, but it doesn't seem to be changing. He's a good guy, but we promised ourselves we wouldn't let our sex life die because of having a baby. I feel like getting back to a regular sex life is hard-fought, for me, because I had a pretty lengthy recovery postpartum due to tearing and pelvic floor issues. I don't want to not have that part of our life, because my husband no longer has access to the timeframe he prefers for intimacy. I honestly don't see lazy afternoons of cuddling and sex being a part of life anymore for us, at least outside of vacations (sans kids) and until our kid(s) is/are old enough that they're off doing things at that time. I get that he might miss that, but, eh, what can you do?
My husband has never, as long as I've known him, been a sex at night guy. Our relationship and marriage pre-baby, it's pretty rare that our sex life took place at bedtime/in the middle of the night, etc. He tends to crash hard in the evenings, is an earlier person to fall asleep than I am, nods off while reading/watching a movie, whatever if it's in the evening. He's simply not a night owl. He had the highest sex drive/most energy for and interest in sex in the afternoon. Prior to becoming parents, our most common time for intimacy was after work/before dinner. Sometimes early mornings, but really, mostly that afternoon window.
The issue is that we don't have that window available anymore. Nighttime is the most reliable, consistent adult alone time, even if it's not his premium time and not his first choice. Afternoons really are never reliable as far as baby being asleep. Fine, you just adjust, right? I mean, I'm not a morning person, but I've HAD to adjust, due to being a parent. He's adjusted in many ways, as well...just not in this area. We talk about it, and he's agreed that, yes, adjusting needs to happen so we can continue to have a regular sex life. Am I wrong for feeling like when you're parents, you take the time when you can get it, not hold out for a schedule that doesn't exist anymore? The baby sleeps through the night...why can't we use some of that time to reconnect? I'm pretty flexible, I'm open to grabbing whatever time we can.
I know he's tired. I don't want to make a big issue of it, but I feel like my concern in valid. And we've discussed it, but it doesn't seem to be changing. He's a good guy, but we promised ourselves we wouldn't let our sex life die because of having a baby. I feel like getting back to a regular sex life is hard-fought, for me, because I had a pretty lengthy recovery postpartum due to tearing and pelvic floor issues. I don't want to not have that part of our life, because my husband no longer has access to the timeframe he prefers for intimacy. I honestly don't see lazy afternoons of cuddling and sex being a part of life anymore for us, at least outside of vacations (sans kids) and until our kid(s) is/are old enough that they're off doing things at that time. I get that he might miss that, but, eh, what can you do?
Re: Schedules and adjusting and intimacy
I do agree with you. You've got to use the time you have. The alternative is scheduling a sitter/family member to take the baby during that time some days a week but scheduling time for sex in that way is about the most UNsexy thing I can think of. So, yes...Since you've got a baby who sleeps through the night I'd capitalize on that time.
We're the same way except I'm the one who's tired. My baby does not yet sleep through and I'm exhausted most days. But...we commit to taking at least one night to "go to bed" (get ready for bed/ lay I bed together/cuddle/talk/ usually leads to sex) when she does at least once a week. That's seems to help!