S/O on Weddings and so forth

audj · January 2009

So I've been lurking and reading the comments about weddings and had to comment myself. My "close" friend got engaged in May of '08 and is planning an August 8, 2009 wedding and asked me to be a bridesmaid. We started TTC in May and found out we were pregnant in December, due August 23rd. She knew we were TTC and made a few comments about how she hoped we weren't pregnant for her wedding. Well, low and behold, I am going to be pregnant for her wedding. I told her early this week and this morning she called me to ask me to bow out of the wedding. The kicker? She isn't concerned about my comfort, but rather the pictures. A mutual friend sees both sides but told me not to overreact. So my question is (after all the blah blah): Am I overly sensitive for being kicked out of her wedding?

Traycee1242 · January 2009

Honestly, I would be done with the friendship. That's horrible. I wouldn't want a friend like that.

Conway714 · January 2009

That is the most RIDICULOUS thing I have ever heard! Your friend obviously thinks that bridesmaids are only there to make the bride look good. I would be very hurt if I were in your shoes. But honestly, if she is going to be that shallow, then she isn't worth your time.

starrjelly · January 2009

I agree - what a craptastic friend. Her pictures? Really? Save your money and have fun instead.

JCM052707 · January 2009

I don't think you're being sensitive AT ALL. I think it's pretty crappy that a "friend" only cares about her pictures. Why do people think pregnant women ruin pictures??? I'd be pretty pissed, but then again glad to not be doing it. But I would have rather have bowed out on my own accord or if she had asked because she was worried abotu my health.

myantonia · January 2009

I think I would be pissed, personally.

I think it's a reasonable conversation to have with the bride to decided mutually if you should still be in the wedding with regards to comfort, driving distance, etc. But for her to flat out say that she doesn't want you in the pictures is sh!tty.

I would question how much I valued the relationship continuing after a converstaion like that.

Conway714 · January 2009

also, I am going to be in a wedding in May, and I already forewarned the bride that I could possibly be pregnant for her wedding, and her response was, "Oh, I would be so happy for you!" That would be the appropriate response. Be glad you're not in the wedding because your "friend" would probably be an absolute bridezilla!

audj · January 2009

Thanks for the validation. I pretty much have decided that that friendship is done for. Her wedding has proved some of the things I already knew (ie her selfishness). I think I'll plan some last hurrah the weekend of her wedding and find something better to do.

sunset11/7 · January 2009

we're both due on Aug 23rd!

Wow, I really hope my BF does not react like your "close" friend! That's pretty rude, inconsiderate and selfish of her to be concerned about the photos! She obviously has no clue on what a wonderful time this is for you. You're not beeing overly sensitive, but look at it this way, you'll save some money and won't have to worry about how you will be feeling that day! Maybe when her time comes to try to have a baby, she'll look back and realize how she hurt you. I'm sorry.

JulieC53 · January 2009

WOW. That is horrible. I'd be so over that friendship. How superficial is she? I'd say enjoy not having to be in the wedding!

MissBlush · January 2009

So she doesn't want you in the wedding because of how you will look? ?How shallow. ?You have every right to be offended.

aldyn · January 2009

I know I'm in the minority, but I typically try to give friends that are getting married the benefit of the doubt... weddings can make normal people do crazy things. I wouldn't disown her as a friend, I'd simply feel relieved that I didn't have to back out of being in the wedding! I wouldn't want to be on my feet that long while that pregnant, I wouldn't want the extra responsibility that being a bridesmaid entails leading up to the wedding and I wouldn't want to spend a whole bunch of money on a maternity bridesmaid dress that I would most definitely never wear again. I'd happily go to the wedding as a "normal" guest.

EAN · January 2009

It is just a shallow and materialistic thing to do. If that is her view, then it sounds that you will be better off because I bet a lot of her wedding planning will be shallow.

laurapgmartinez · January 2009

One of my bridesmaids was on the heavier side, and her mom told her she shouldnt be in my wedding because she would ruin my pictures. I was pissed! How awful for a mother to say about their child! My friend kept making remarks about it. I kept having to tell her over and over that she was beautiful and one of my best friends, my pics would be ruined if she wasnt there! I would be hurt to be kicked out! At least now you dont have to buy a dress that probably would have cost a lot to accomidate a pregnant woman, because you know none of her choices would have!

Sonya Flanagan · January 2009

her pictures? give me a freakin' break. Take the money you would spend on her stupid bridesmaid dress and take your hubby out to dinner or spend a day at the spa because I'm sure the girl tending to you will be a hell of a lot nicer than your "friend" the bride. I will punch her for you if youd' like?!

Geek_Girl · January 2009

Ditto everyone else! Take the money you would have spent on the gown, her wedding gift, travel expenses, etc and treat DH and yourself to a nice B&B weekend away, a day of couples massage/pampering, whatever.

I wouldn't even attend her wedding. That is NOT a friend. A friend loves you regardless of how pictures will look, etc.

bobsbride2006 · January 2009

sounds like you dodged a bullet on that one. She sounds like a Bridezilla and a crappy friend. Her pictures. . .how vain! You were planning on going less than a month before you're due. You sound like a great friend. . .use it on someone who's worth it.

.happy.as.just.kim. · January 2009

Like everyone else has said- be GLAD she asked you to back out. If she can't be happy for you, just go have a fun "last fling before the baby" weekend yourself and be glad you weren't stuck at a bridezilla's wedding all night.?

Ceci_Momma · January 2009

Ugh that's disgusting! Ditto what everyone said!! She is not worth your time, money, and energy!!!

Have fun doing something else that weekend!

madonnadouwanna · January 2009

Wow, that was harsh. I'd start walking away from that. My SIL was pregnant at our wedding and my MOH would have been too, but unfortunately m/c. I was working with them since it was important to me for them to be there. My BFF just got engaged and has asked me to be in her wedding.. she's asking my limitations of travel, etc. Some people are just incredibly selfish. Granted it's her day, but it doesn't give her any right to treat you like that. There are plenty of other people who want to be your friend out there!! Enjoy a babymoon with the $$ you'll be saving!

lil_rhody · January 2009

I'd be glad if I were you. I predict this is the beginning of her bridezilla-ness. Some girls go insane for their weddings, and I think it's inexcuseable.

egsquared · January 2009

That's horrible and I think you have every right to be upset! One of my bridesmaids was about 37 weeks pregnant in my wedding, and she was the cutest bridesmaid ever. She had had a previous m/c, so I was so happy for her to be having that baby. I'm sorry your friend is being so insensitive.

tanya8 · January 2009

I agree with these ladies. Lose the loser. This is going to be one of the happiest times (albeit miserable ones as well) in your life, and if a "close" friend can't share that with you, forget her. You don't have the hormones for "friends" like that right now!

MattysGirl81 · January 2009

You're definitely not overreacting. If it were me, I'd probably write her off as a friend. I don't understand the whole bridezilla thing - while I certainly had my preferences for my wedding, I knew the world didn't revolve around it. If a friend had told me she was going to be pg for my wedding, I would have been beyond excited for her and asked her what she felt comfortable doing. It would not occur to me to ask her to not be in the wedding! That's beyond ridiculous.

MattysGirl81 · January 2009

aldyn:
I know I'm in the minority, but I typically try to give friends that are getting married the benefit of the doubt... weddings can make normal people do crazy things. I wouldn't disown her as a friend, I'd simply feel relieved that I didn't have to back out of being in the wedding! I wouldn't want to be on my feet that long while that pregnant, I wouldn't want the extra responsibility that being a bridesmaid entails leading up to the wedding and I wouldn't want to spend a whole bunch of money on a maternity bridesmaid dress that I would most definitely never wear again. I'd happily go to the wedding as a "normal" guest.

I wouldn't even be attending the wedding!

monica92603 · January 2009

UH, superficial much?

I had a few pregnant people in my wedding who (gasp!) got pg after I had asked them to take part in one way or another. One was 8 months (and looking back I feel bad that I made her go thru it for us) and one was 5 months.

Some brides get so nutso over their wedding. I actually gave my MOH's full say over what they wanted to wear and THEY chose for the group.

I'm not sure I'd still want to still be friends w/ this person.

calex33 · January 2009

Wow - that is horrible. ?I don't know that I would be able to continue that friendship if I were you. ?As someone who was recently married (July), I remember well the pressures of wedding planning, but it does not give a bride the right to be a b!tch. ?2 of my BMs were 7 months pregnant at my wedding and it never even crossed my mind to ask them to step down!! ?That's just insane.

AmyfromMI · January 2009

Wow! So you're supposed to put your life on hold until your friend is done getting married? Absolutely ridiculous.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · January 2009

I say, and my DH agrees...that that's not a friend. Pictures?? Who gives a f*ck about pictures? I think your friend is rude and selfish for not wanting you in the wedding because you'll be pregnant. If I were you, I'd be happy to find out now, before wasting that much more time with her as my "friend."

For instance, my friend whose wedding I will be in in June, at 7 mos. pregnant, bought extra fabric back in June of '08 when we all bought our dresses "just in case" I became pregnant, even though we didn't even start trying until December, and got lucky on the first try. She is absolutely thrilled for us, and could care less about me being pg in her pictures. THAT, my dear, is a friend.

I'm sorry to be so blunt with my post, but it really made me angry that she could have the audacity to be so selfish.

b.heather · January 2009

I'm so sorry! I think this may tell you something about your relationship with her, but it might be worth it just to have a heart-to-heart conversation about how her comments made you feel and ask her what's going on. Although it may just be that she truly is superficial, there is a chance something else is going on. (although I can't imagine what - but you never know with people). If she's been a close friend in the past, I think it's worth it to have a calm conversation with her and let her know (without blowing up) how you feel about what she said.

mrsbhk22 · January 2009

How selfish of you not to consider her wedding when planning your family! JUST KIDDING! She is insane. I know someone who insisted on all girls getting their hair colored the week of the wedding with her there so she could approve the color. Some women lose all sense when planning a wedding. Personally, I think it's just an excuse to let their true colors show. I would be happy if I were you - at least you saw her true side before spending so much $$$ on the wedding. I would still attend (b/c I am a coward like that), but I would pretty much write the friendship off after that point and make no effort on my part to continue it.

erino&chrish · January 2009

Bridezilla much? And saying she "hopes you aren't pregnant"? I'd save my money and not be in the b!tch's wedding.

sarcole530 · January 2009

Wow. That's really rude of her. To me, that's like asking a heavier set friend to not be in your wedding beacause she will ruin the pictures, which is JUST RUDE! It's nice that a mutual friend is being positive and seeing both sides, but I don't see her side. I think a real friend would be happy to have you in her pictures pregnant or not.

mrsblt · January 2009

Wow. So pregnant=ugly now? That's a poor outlook to have on the creation of life. What a shame that she doesn't value your friendship more than her ideal of wedding photos.

I'm MOH in a wedding in late July so I'll be towards the end of my 7th month. My friend's reaction to the news was to tell me that I can pick any dress I want as long as its in her colors. I can't even imagine being told I would ruin her pictures!

Want a personalized experience?

S/O on Weddings and so forth

Re: S/O on Weddings and so forth

Choose Another Board

Search Boards