Need serious HELP!! ASAP!!!!!

britteeny · July 2016

Hi, i am 28 weeks 3 days pregnant and 20 years old. I was diagnosed with severe depressive disorder, bipolar disorder 1 with psychotic features, and ptsd over a year ago when i was finally hospitalized. My family nor childs father does not take any of these diseases seriously. I have been off my medications since i found out i was pregnant and all my symptoms have hit me harder than befoure along with the thoughts that come with an unhelped eating disorder. So far throughout my pregnancy i have had no emotional help or support or anyone to talk to about anything, although my family has been wonderful in getting things for the baby as i dont work anymore and i do not drive. The father has a decent paying job and is currently staying with my family so we can save money. The father and i fight everyday and he calls me terrible things and spends money on whatever he wants but hasnt bought anything for our daughter except a few outfits, and i dont even have undergarments that fit anymore let alone clothing and then he harasses me because they dont fit and says i look "inappropriate". He has been caught cheating and lying during my pregnancy. And now he has come to me and told me there was a little boy born 2 weeks ago, that the mother is now claiming is his child. He also states that this female is not capable and possibly even willing to take care of a child and he wants to pay for a paternity test and get full custody if possible. And have me stay at home and raise both children while he works. He pretends like everything is okay and im overreacting and i just need to suck it up. I am so far lost and depressed and hurt but then i get yelled at for being depressed and upset. This pregnancy has been a complete nightmare and i feel so guiltyand selfish for not being excited. I dont even know what to do anymore. Please someone help me.

drabong88 · July 2016

You need to first take care of you so that you can take care of your baby! I would talk with your doctor about medication, although it may seem like the better choice to be off all medication while pregnant it may actually cause more harm than good. And you do not need to feel guilty about not feeling happy, I can't even imagine how you are feeling with the circumstances that you are having to deal with. Just know you have a whole group of people on here that support you and are here for you.

ivassaq · July 2016

You do not deserve to be treated this way.
You do not deserve to be treated this way.
You do not deserve to be treated this way.

Find help. From your doctor, a councilor, friends, family, your church, or a support group. Surround yourself with people who reaffirm that you are loved and valued.

Sending a hug to you. Stay strong.

guitarra1614 · July 2016

Hey,

Good for you for reaching out. It really sucks that you are going through this. I found a website of phone hotlines that might help you. Many of them are anonymous and free.

https://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/hotlines/

I was in a bad relationship once and it felt like my world was turned upside down and that I didn't know which way was up. Use your best judgement and reach out to someone and tell them what is really going on. If your family is not supportive, maybe a friend? Or a parent of a friend? Sometimes, my friend's parents are really good resources.

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but I bet there are people who love you and would be willing to help. Even if you haven't talked to them in awhile.

I echo what @ivassaq says. Find a church, a doctor, a counselor, a neighbor, or someone in your community who would be willing to help. I know our church does pastoral visits. You can just call and say, "Can I talk to the pastor/priest? I need help." Even if you aren't religious, they might have information to free local resources to help.

You are not alone. You're stronger than you think. There is always a way to better things. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

rn1stbae · July 2016

You are not obligated to be used as a childcare provider for another woman's child. Given that you've said of this man I would seriously consider whether or not living with him with just your newborn is a healthy decision, let alone another child. First and foremost though I urge you to seek help and take care of YOURSELF first. There are psychiatric medications whose benefits outweigh risks that you may be able to take. Please do yourself a favor and Google "Pregnancy help hotline" or "mental health help hotline" and speak to someone. These resources will be able to out you in touch with other resources in your area. Depending on where you live there may be an inpatient psychiatric facility that you are eligible to receive services at. Do not take shame in seeking the help of a professional.

Prof=Mom · July 2016

Honey we are here for you. Praying for your protection, wholeness and peace. Praying for the father and that situation as well. You are close to the finish line for this baby and you will be a great mom and already are a great person.

asht · July 2016

Get in to counseling to manage the symptoms. You can ask the doc about meds but they may not help much as there really isn't any bipolar meds that you can take and not sure if general depression meds will help much. Doesn't hurt to try.

And lastly move on from the douch

rock1cherry · July 2016

So sorry to hear what you've been going through. You do not deserve that treatment. As so many others have said, go seek help and most of all, take care of yourself and your baby. You deserve better. Hope you are able to get the help you need to move on from him. My thoughts are with you during this hard time.

schuberta · July 2016

So sorry for everything you're going through. I agree with everyone here--taking care of yourself is critical right now so that you can be the best mom for baby when he/she comes. Not a whole lot more to add, but anecdotally, one of my closest friends also suffers from bipolar. She tried to go off her meds during pregnancy but it was too difficult. She was able to take one class C drug, not sure what it was, to help manage her symptoms. Her baby was born beautiful and healthy. Check with your doctor and see if there are medications that you may be able to take--even if it's not your normal meds, it could help bridge the gap until you are able to take regular meds again.

Cricket Bug · July 2016

I mirror what PP have suggested in finding help from a professional. I don't understand how your family is not taking this seriously... Maybe bring someone along to an appointment where your issues are addressed in all their seriousness so that they can share the weight of what you are going through. If you have any intention of staying with the father, I would recommend counselling. If that doesn't work, then the curb.

seitzy3 · July 2016

I agree with everyone else. Please, please find counseling with someone who knows the severity of these issues. I am very familiar with all your diagnoses since I have a family member who has them all as well. I can't help but feel sorry that your family and your babies father don't take these issues seriously.

as far as this other women's baby, do not think for one second that this is your responsibility. It is NOT. You don't need the added stress on top of what you are already dealing with. And I'm sorry for judging but this guy sounds like a total dick. Please talk to someone about what you can do to move forward and focus on yourself before this new baby comes.

I am not sure if you stopped your meds with the advice of your doctor, but I would consider giving him/her a call and seeing what your options are. Most of the time the benefits of the meds outweigh any risk. I know this first hand dealing with severe anxiety.

Hoping you start to feel better soon! Keep us updated

jensou · July 2016

I don't have any further advice to add but when I was in a really bad relationship with a guy, it hit me that if one of my friends was in a similar situation I would tell her to run, not walk- away from that shit.

If if you can somehow try to imagine the situation as somebody else's - what advice would you give that girl who was struggling? I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be stay with this clown and raise his baby for some other momma.

Whatever you choose, my dear, I wish you the best.

breezie0608 · July 2016

So sorry you are going through this.

You need to talk to your doctor about your meds and possibly getting back on some, especially if the benefits outweigh the risks. Second, you need to run!!!! If he treats you like this, how is he going to treat that child? No one deserves to be abused, physically or verbally. A person who loves and cares about you is not going to treat you like this. I would go to your local woman's shelter and get as far away from him as possible, you and your baby deserve much better. Best of luck, and keep us posted, we will be praying for you.

noelani42 · July 2016

You deserve better...I wish I could give you a big hug and drive you to counseling right now...the first step is to seek some counseling....your insurance should cover it due to your mental disorders...in fact, I'd call your care provider's help line ASAP and tell them everything you just told us...they will point you to the resources you need in your area right away...please don't wait thinking things will better....call now and keep us updated

homebird · July 2016

Are you seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist? If not, you need to get to one ASAP.

You may not need to be off all your medications. There are some that are pregnancy safe, and others where the risks outweigh the benefits. But only a specialist (aka psychiatrist, not an OB or primary care physician) should be making that call with you.

Therapy will help you cope with your symptoms in the meantime, as well as deal with some of the life issues that may be contributing to them.

Take care of yourself!

britteeny · July 2016

******Update***** i found out he has been sleeping with the other woman and has said awful things about my unborn daughter and I and has told the other woman he was only staying with me to save money so he could run. And that he wishes he would have never left her and wants to get back together and raise their son. Hes told her he is sick of me and doesnt want to have to pay for this baby and that i do nothing for him. He has had contact throughout our relationship and her number was saved as dad outta town in his phone. I have never experienced such soul crushing pain. After she called me to explain and send me pictures i woke him up as he was sleeping in my bed and begged for an explanation. He didnt give one and i kicked him out. I am a complete and total unstable emotional wreck. I cant hold myself together for more than a few minutes at this point. I hope it gets easier. Thank you all.

TheTamedShrew · July 2016

I'm sorry you are going through all that.

This is a close-knit online community of women who have been getting to know each other since our BFPs. Please feel free to participate and get involved in other discussions, and I'm sure you will find tons of support here.

AnnaS930 · July 2016

Only this discussion and the 1 reply. Guessing you'll pop back in in another couple of weeks to give us another update. I won't be holding my breath.

Prof=Mom · July 2016

miam4 · July 2016

Hi... you gave us an update on your relationship and it is very clear that it is not working out. I am really sorry about it, but you need to be strong because we do not change other people's behavior.
Tell us what have you done for yourself. I am worried (and I guess I can tell we all are) because we want you to be able to be ok with yourself in order to be able to take care of your daughter. The last thing you need, is him telling that you are not mentally stable and give you hard time about custody. What kind of help have you got?
Best wishes

noelani42 · July 2016

I'm sorry you are going through this but one day you'll look back and you think of this day as the day when your life changed for the better because you finally got rid of that person from your life...stay strong, take care of yourself and your little one, and seek a counselor who can help you pick up the pieces...this is not the end, it's the beginning

noelani42 · July 2016

One more: check out www.survivinginfidelity.com you will get tons of support and advice on there

Ltoplin · July 2016

A zebra doesnt change his stripes its hard to hear and usually u have to find out for urself... I found out the hard way with my ex husband but when i finally let go which took about two years things started to shift for me. I also recommend reading the seven spiritual laws of yoga i am reading this now and it may be helpful for you. I would have him get the paternity test and if it is his i would move on.
As far as meds talk to your doctor and get back on them ones that wont hurt the baby but if you have those disorders and are not on meds you could end up losing custody in the longrun as my cousin did.
also look into online college so you can start a future for u n ur baby girl

homebird · July 2016

Please see a therapist and get some support. Unfortunately, with the limited knowledge we have (and you haven't participated in any other discussions), I don't think anyone here "knows" you well enough to give you good advice beyond what has already been given.

Good luck.

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