September 2015 Moms
LoveLee85
member
Help, modified Ferber not working anymore
LoveLee85
member
we are miserable.
We've been doing this for over a week now and it's getting worse every night.
He only slept through the night 2 nights, and those are the only two times he's ever slept through the night and his almost 10 months life.
Is he just not ready??
does it just not work for everyone??
At what point do I give up because I dread this.
I was always told it was supposed to get easier and in fact it's getting more difficult and it's getting worse.
I feel so broken and I feel like the world's worst mom.
We've been doing this for over a week now and it's getting worse every night.
He only slept through the night 2 nights, and those are the only two times he's ever slept through the night and his almost 10 months life.
Is he just not ready??
does it just not work for everyone??
At what point do I give up because I dread this.
I was always told it was supposed to get easier and in fact it's getting more difficult and it's getting worse.
I feel so broken and I feel like the world's worst mom.
Re: Help, modified Ferber not working anymore
Moral of the story is, it's ok to wait until you are sure lo is ready. It's also ok to modify any "sleep training" technique to fit your situation. Nothing is black and white. Set small goals you feel comfortable enforcing, and give it a few days. If they aren't working, just adjust. Don't get discouraged... my terrible sleeper is the joke of all my friends... but we are actually seeing some progress now, and without many tears (most nights at least!)
Also, could he be teething or sick? Both of these will disrupt any sleep routine.
Remember he will sleep eventually - it won't go on forever. If it gets too much there is no harm in leaving him in the cot safely while you have a breather. Even just have a quick hot shower and focus on your breathing.
Sleep training doesn't always equal STTN but it does tend to equal much improved sleep. DS2 still wakes occasionally but its around 5 am for a quick feed then out until morning. This is a huge change for us and one that I am more than capable of managing. It doesn't sound like that is the case for you. Something else is probably going on. Most of the time when someone describes a similar situation they have a schedule issue going on.
90 minutes is a long time to let a baby cry. I know others have done this and it's worked, but that would never work for me because I just couldn't handle it and don't want to see LO upset for so long. Maybe trying smaller increments and going in to check on him every 15 minutes would work better for you. We did it with bedtime and all naps at the same time, and during the day with childcare too, so it was consistent across the board. We also leave a small 6 by 6 inch snuggly blanket in there for him and his wubbanub pacifier to chew on so he has something in there to comfort him and play with.
That being said, our little guy has slept through the night even prior to sleep training (but was always rocked or nursed to sleep). So for us, it was more about getting away from the rocking to sleep and doing drowsy but awake. I wouldn't expect your LO to suddenly sleep through the night if they've never self-soothed before, so just take it slow and even a little bit of progress is progress!
Hope you can find something that works for you!
I have a very good sleeper and when he went from the pack n play in my room to his crib he did good but I think it's the full tummy.
High fevers, puking, diarrhea, cold showers, ibuprofen, tylenol..... it was a nightmare first 8 straight days.
So his sleep schedule is now ruined and he's afraid to be anywhere but in bed with me. I'm still not sure what I'll do but maybe I'll try the crib again once he's had some more time.
What I'm trying to say is do what's best for your baby, you know what's best momma. But also wanting sleep isn't bad. Once I nurse DS to sleep in our bed sometimes I have my hubby come lay in bed with him so I can have some me time. Just gotta do what works.
I just googled modified Ferber and that check up. I'm not a sleep expert and never read any books on it. FTM here.
He doesn't eat much food. He will eat 1 or 2 baby food pouches a day(if I can get him to eat them without gagging and puking).
He has 8oz bottles every 3 hours.
Naps are no drama and easy. Naps for one or two hours normally.
Now after sleep training if he even goes near his crib he freaks out. It's awful. I use to put him in there for a few minutes with toys so I could use the restroom...I can't anymore. He totally wigs out. He has co-slept with us from day one. I'm sure that's the issue. Co sleeping use to work but now he squirms and I can't sleep. That's the whole reason why I'm starting this...but it isn't working.
Maybe take a break from the sleep training for 2-3 weeks then try again and see how it goes. Maybe he's teething or going through some sort of leap that is making it difficult right now. I know my LO has been going through major seperation anxiety this last month and I imagine that would make it hard if I were trying to sleep train him right now.
I also recommend buying Ferber's book if you decide to try again (I think it only costs about $12 and is an easy read). I found it to be very helpful and gave me the confidence to know I was approaching the training correctly. It also gives example sleep/nap schedules that I found to be helpful. Hope you get some good rest soon!
I mi would go back to doing what we did before. Give it a few weeks, time to regroup/Plan for you and the. Try again.
I work. So her schedule during the day is not consistent. We've told ourselves this week we have to get everyone on board ... so hard! But her evening schedule is the same. We eat. Bath. Play. Bottle. Bed. She'll go to sleep for an hour. Wake up. Go back. Wake up and then fusses (not crying if she's with us) until morning. I've tried leaving her blinds open for light. Turning a night light on. Darkness. Music. Softer blanket. Changed out mattresses with Grandma. We tried letting her cry for 5-10-15 going in each interval. No change. We've tried co sleeping, doesn't work any better. Never any issues with acid reflux or anything. Already has 2 bottom teeth and doesn't look anything close to top coming in.
I guess my question is does anyone else have a 9-10 month old refusing to sleep right now? And any suggestions beside coffee? Lol
I really encourage anyone who is going to sleep train to make a real commitment. Baby is going to be pretty confused if sometimes Mommy and Daddy come get her and bring her in to bed but sometimes leave her alone in the crib. Consistency is really important until you get a routine down.
Our attachment is sound. A little Ferber can't break her trust THAT much, right?
https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/is-sleep-training-child-abuse/
https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/dont-have-a-cio-panic-attack/
https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/pediatrics-cry-it-out-study/
PS. DS2 was a Mama's boy before and he still is
ETA: Fixed links
Crib is by the bed, I left a dim nightlight on so he can see and won't get scared, white noise is on, child safety stuffed animal he loves is in the crib with him....I waited 3 minutes and checked on him. I did pick him up and nurse because he was hysterical. Then tried 5 more minutes in the crib and he spit up. He only calms down when I bring him into bed with me. This is even with motrin for teething pain....I'll never sleep alone again
I'm desperate to try Ferber again but just can't bring myself...it was so horrible and only got worse in the few days I tried it. I'm willing to try again in a month or so, after reading up and getting a set in stone plan.
I think your idea to take a breath and to set up a concrete plan first is a great idea. I can't listen to my LO get too upset so DH listens for me. He shuts off my monitor in the bedroom and brings the other one downstairs to listen. He texts me when its time to go in. Maybe you need to take a shower or set a timer on your phone while you step outside for a glass of wine. The first few intervals are 3,5 and 7 minutes. It isn't going to hurt LO to cry for such a short amount of time. I told myself that DS2 cried longer MOTN while I made his bottle some times. Find people who will offer support like family members, friends, the other moms here or another mom group and don't hesitate to call or ask for reassurance while you're in the middle and feeling down!
No one likes change including our babies!
ETA: A game plan would probably be helpful. Crying getting progressively worse definitely isn't typical which makes me think something is off either with LO or their is an issue with your schedule or method. A little time may help you pinpoint what the problem was.
The reasons I was so against any form of CIO was Bc a) my daughter always fights sleep so hard at bedtime. We do cry in arms (not overly pacifying LO when she cries in our arms and letting her release energy). She actually cried LESS in her crib by herself tonight.
I have had massive anxiety about her crying alone in her crib. However, it's WAY easier than I ever imagined. I'm crazy in tune with my daughter and feel like I can interpret her cries. She's not in pain crying in her crib. She's not anxious. There's no crazy amount of cortisol in her brain right now. She's just tired. She (weakly) cried/fussed for 3 minutes, then 5 minutes then maybe another 3-4. Then stopped and started rolling around. She's now sound asleep. Holy crap!
if you're on the fence and worried about trying CIO, maybe give it a try. Maybe your babe will be ready for it and it will work!
I totally get the wanting to punch someone when they say how tired they are. OR how much sleep they got.
And then I wished he'd get hit with a sleep regression. That is not nice and not one of my best moments. But damn, I'm tired!!
Hang in there mamas