I'll bring the conversation over here so the induction thread can serve its purpose.
I think everyone needs to GTFO with their birth fear mongering. Assuming all of us want the same end result- a healthy mom and baby- why does it matter how other people get there? I had a planned home birth with a CNM, but I have no desire (or business) to judge hospital births, inductions, planned c-sections, or any other way that a woman decides to bring her child SAFELY into this world (I totally judge free birthers). What was right for me and this baby isn't right for everyone and every baby. And my opinion on someone else's birth choices matter none. Coming on these boards at this point in the game an offering ANYTHING but support is bullshit. This is not the time to be throwing guilt trips around. That's damaging and so unnecessary.
I think last minute switching of BMBs is really dumb. Who cares when baby comes, wasn't the whole point the support group you formed the last 9 months?
The whole artificial hormone statement from the inductions thread made me ragey yesterday. So... Hormones are ok for preventing pregnancy but not inducing labor? - got it ... Tired of the Google medical degrees around here and in real life. My body my baby my choice.
I'm semi avoiding the birth announcement thread because I'm super uncomfortable and in pain and tired of being pregnant and jealous of people due after me having their babies. I'm happy for you but right now it just makes me sad and depressed
We are doing the first 10 days at home with baby with absolutely no visitors. Our families all live far away so everyone will be staying with us when they come to meet baby. My MIL booked her trip for exactly 10 days after my EDD. I had my dad plan his trip to overlap with hers. She makes me anxious and overwhelmed. My dad is laid back and easy going and I'm going to need that. Sorry not sorry.
If my midwife offered to induce today (due Monday) I would seriously consider it. I am so tired and emotionally drained from prodromal and false labor I would do almost anything to feel good again and snuggle my baby. But my midwife is the professional and I am trusting in her for my care so I will do what she says is best. That is why we have them! If it were up to us emotional, tired, achy and just plain over it pregnant ladies, elective inductions might happen more often out of sheer exhaustion and anticipation. Just my two cents on the induction thread...
My UO is that I'm probably calling parents/ MIL as soon as I go into labor. My MIL lives 2 blocks away from the hospital. So if the hospital doesn't want to admit me yet or whatever, I am just going to go to her house instead of doing a half an hour drive home. And my MIL also understands I just want my husband and possibly my mom in the room. MIL is cool with that because during her two births she kicked everyone out so she told me is fine being in the waiting room. She just wants to make sure mom and baby are ok and I'm cool with that.
@Kellyj103 I only told a few people I was in labor, but it was actually really sweet getting the intermittent texts of love from my dad during that week of early labor. Once shit started rolling I wasn't checking my phone so it's not like people were bugging me. I say, you do whatever you need to in order to be comfortable and have this baby!
Since families and in-laws are such a big topic recently, I think my UO must be that I am sad we don't have more family support. I love my family and we are very close, but they all live half way across the country. DH's parents both passed away before we had kids and the only family of his that lives close to us doesn't really stay in touch often.
@oandmplus1 I totally agree. It's hard not having family nearby. Not enough for me to move back to Detroit though. There's a lot of things I don't like about my mother but at the end of the day she's still my mother and always wish she could be here to support me through these big life events. It's hard to feel like you have a "village" when there's no family around.
UO: In our house, family is not defined by blood or marriage and we have zero problems cutting the bad apples out of our lives - sometimes permanently, as in the cases of DH's parents. And I can't say I really mind not having toxic in laws to deal with.
I'm semi avoiding the birth announcement thread because I'm super uncomfortable and in pain and tired of being pregnant and jealous of people due after me having their babies. I'm happy for you but right now it just makes me sad and depressed
@erin7264 I agree about not defining family by blood or marriage. Some of DH's family is the same way, and we no longer see them. I wish I had done a better job putting energy into building up my friendships here, I suck at it.
On a lighthearted note (and a chance to AW!), I think onesies with ridiculous sayings on them are sometimes hilarious. I know we've talked about this before and I couldn't decide. Proof:
I get super weird thinking about my BIL babysitting my baby. Not that anything's wrong with his kids but...I mean, you can't trust EVERYONE with your kid...and he wouldn't be high on my list of people to ask. (His wife though, sure.) #SorryNotSorry
I hate people who think any other way than what they want is WRONG. We have enough mommy- shamming with out adding self mommy guilty. I know for a fact that they anti-inductions comments from yesterday did not help one single person. It actually harmed more people and brought a lot a lot of guilt and shame.
There is a difference from inducting due to schedule and 'social' reasons, to inducing for medical reasons. None of the women on this board was induced for any other then concrete medical concerns. But nope, some Holy-than-Thou jerks decided that is NOT ACCEPTABLE for them, therefore it is wrong for them all.
Do us a favor, if you are not a CNM or an OB/GYN, and not directly looking at a persons chart, do not tell people they are wrong. Yes, you can report scientifically confirmed EBP, but DO NOT JUDGE and CONDEMN OTHER MOTHERS.
Regarding the inductions thread yesterday, I'm truly sorry if any of my comments upset or offended anyone. My spouting off was related solely to the article that was posted and my perceived attitude of the doctors in the article. But clearly, posting that in the inductions thread where people who just need support was totally the wrong place for it. I have no judgement and it is none of my business on whether someone decides to induce after thoughtful discussion with their doctor. Safe babies is above all the important thing - not our individual philosophies on how we get there. Love all you brave mammas!
I think mommy shaming in general has gotten out of hand. With the recent incidents with the little boy as Disney world, or at the zoo with the gorilla it just kills me that we can't support other parents in a terrible time of grief instead of judging them all the time.
Same goes for the decisions we make in how we feed our children, our birth experience, and how we raise our kids. Mommy shaming in any form makes me SO mad!
UO: I have no hang ups about cutting family our of this child's life. For example MIL. My mil will never be left alone with any of my children. She is a raging alcoholic and frequently drives drunk. She also doesn't control her dogs properly and firmly believes in baptism by fire with things the dogs will be interested in. Case in point: mil and fil were looking after their nephew and nephew's kitten, and she went and got the kitten from where nephew had been hiding it (just in a seperate part of the house) and shoved it in the dog's faces. She didn't understand why I lost my shit- the dogs were trying to bite it and the kitten was losing its shit. I feel like she will do something similar with LO and would think nothing of leaving the baby alone with the dogs. Note: I have dogs, so it's not that I'm afraid of them or anything. It's the control of their behaviour and introducing them to a baby in a controlled environment.
I will visit her, but the moment she pulls out the wine or tries any shit with the dogs I am out. DH fully supports this, but I think she's hurt by it. My mum's gone to a lot of effort (without me asking), getting a cot and car seat so she can look after LO and MIL doesn't understand why we haven't asked her to do the same thing.
I also will not be having anyone at the hospital other then DH. My family is fairly high strung and has no boundaries. I think my brother and sister are hurt, but I can think of nothing worse then pushing this child out and then immediately handing him over to be passed around through the family. I will not be informing anyone of his birth until I have had at least a couple of hours of skin to skin time and a shower. My child, my rules.
I feel like I may have inadvertently started that induction debate because I said something about people's doctors giving them hard cut offs and to not be afraid to speak up if you are well informed and not happy about it. Obviously, the doctor is the expert and I in no way judge women who choose to have inductions with their doctors approval, regardless of how far along they are. I just know some women would prefer to go into labor naturally or avoid Pitocin and it is possible to decline or postpone interventions, just be aware of the risks. My comment was meant to encourage women to ask questions and be well informed. Different birth plans work for different families.
UO or not? Hoping to have DD get some time with just baby and us before the grandparents are invited in. Maybe just 15-20 minutes? I want her to have time to be introduced in a less chaotic environment where it's just the four of us.
UO or not? Hoping to have DD get some time with just baby and us before the grandparents are invited in. Maybe just 15-20 minutes? I want her to have time to be introduced in a less chaotic environment where it's just the four of us.
This was important to me with DS. I wanted him to be the first to meet her, alone, and we did pull it off. It was probably about 20 minutes... Long enough for him to get his present "from baby sister," see me for a bit (well, and DH, haha), and check her out for a little while.
I'm sure my MIL was stewing out in the waiting room, but IDGAF. I was mad at her anyway because she brought him to the hospital right after she was born when we told her there was going to be 90 minutes of skin to skin then the trip to the nursery to be checked out... So she had to take him without seeing the baby and leave for a few hours. Should've just listened!
@BecauseBabyIamAPug - I agree. (I know I'm a day late participating -- yesterday was a busy first full day for babe) I am always amazed by the never of people (my personal IRL friends included) who firmly believe that doctors push c sections and inductions because they "don't want to have to stay late". I can believe that there do exist SOME doctors who do this, but I feel like they are probably rare. And why would you work with a dr who you felt was going to do that? I fully trust my OB docs. If they said a section was best for baby, I would do it. Not question their motivations in doing so.
I believe doctors are generally doing what they feel is best for baby and mom, but compared to some European countries with more midwife practice and lower infant and mother mortalities, we have a very high c-section rate. Our doctors here are trained to perform interventions when concerns arise and I think they are more comfortable feeling they tried to help then allow something bad to possibly happen and say they did nothing about it. I totally get why women and doctors choose c-sections when there is a concern, but I am the type to ask questions and evaluate the risks if I choose to avoid the intervention. That being said, I prefer to have an unmedicated birth with the supervision of an OB in case there is an emergency, understanding that they have a specialty in surgery and may recommend it without it being necessary per say. I would never tell another mom that her birth was reckless or wrong for her or her baby. Every mom is trying to do what she believes is best, and I would say the same is true for the vast majority of doctors.
@whataboutscience I see nothing wrong with someone letting their child(ren) meet the new baby before everyone else. We are letting DD come in and see the baby, without anyone else present. If we have other people in there, they would be rushing DD along with her bonding time, because they would want to hold the baby. DD is 4.5 years old, has been begging for a sibling for over two years, and has been waiting for this moment. As far as I am concerned, my family of three (soon to be four) comes before grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.....so after MH and I have our bonding time, DD gets to come in and spend as much time with the baby as she wants, before anyone else is invited in to meet baby.
@whataboutscience - agree, we are definitely trained to err on the side of more interventions because our society is very litigious and intolerant of any adverse outcome, but generally doesn't consider the risks of extra procedures/antibiotics/admissions. Other countries tend to practice more toward what's best for society as a whole as far as interventions and cost of care. I think there is a much bigger role for informed decision making in the US but people need to be aware of the risks of both aggressive intervention as well as a more watchful waiting approach. I'm not sure we'll get there in our current system.
blissylissy86
member
Re: UO Thursday
I think everyone needs to GTFO with their birth fear mongering. Assuming all of us want the same end result- a healthy mom and baby- why does it matter how other people get there? I had a planned home birth with a CNM, but I have no desire (or business) to judge hospital births, inductions, planned c-sections, or any other way that a woman decides to bring her child SAFELY into this world (I totally judge free birthers). What was right for me and this baby isn't right for everyone and every baby. And my opinion on someone else's birth choices matter none. Coming on these boards at this point in the game an offering ANYTHING but support is bullshit. This is not the time to be throwing guilt trips around. That's damaging and so unnecessary.
and I hate visitors at the hospital and my house awing over my baby.. go away.
July16 JULY siggy challenge
I just miss having a big, close family nearby.
I wish I had done a better job putting energy into building up my friendships here, I suck at it.
Proof:
We have enough mommy- shamming with out adding self mommy guilty. I know for a fact that they anti-inductions comments from yesterday did not help one single person. It actually harmed more people and brought a lot a lot of guilt and shame.
There is a difference from inducting due to schedule and 'social' reasons, to inducing for medical reasons. None of the women on this board was induced for any other then concrete medical concerns. But nope, some Holy-than-Thou jerks decided that is NOT ACCEPTABLE for them, therefore it is wrong for them all.
Do us a favor, if you are not a CNM or an OB/GYN, and not directly looking at a persons chart, do not tell people they are wrong. Yes, you can report scientifically confirmed EBP, but DO NOT JUDGE and CONDEMN OTHER MOTHERS.
Different does not mean wrong.
Same goes for the decisions we make in how we feed our children, our birth experience, and how we raise our kids. Mommy shaming in any form makes me SO mad!
Married May 16th 2015
July BMB June Siggy
I personally did not feel you were judgmental at all.
I will visit her, but the moment she pulls out the wine or tries any shit with the dogs I am out. DH fully supports this, but I think she's hurt by it. My mum's gone to a lot of effort (without me asking), getting a cot and car seat so she can look after LO and MIL doesn't understand why we haven't asked her to do the same thing.
I also will not be having anyone at the hospital other then DH. My family is fairly high strung and has no boundaries. I think my brother and sister are hurt, but I can think of nothing worse then pushing this child out and then immediately handing him over to be passed around through the family. I will not be informing anyone of his birth until I have had at least a couple of hours of skin to skin time and a shower. My child, my rules.
Little boy due July 31st 2016
UO or not? Hoping to have DD get some time with just baby and us before the grandparents are invited in. Maybe just 15-20 minutes? I want her to have time to be introduced in a less chaotic environment where it's just the four of us.
Married May 16th 2015
July BMB June Siggy
I'm sure my MIL was stewing out in the waiting room, but IDGAF. I was mad at her anyway because she brought
him to the hospital right after she was born when we told her there was going to be 90 minutes of skin to skin then the trip to the nursery to be checked out...
So she had to take him without seeing the baby and leave for a few hours. Should've just listened!