This may have already been discussed in the past so sorry in advance if it has! But I hate the use of 'sissy' and 'brother'. I am one of those people who believe that your name is one of the most important aspects of who you are as a person (and that's why it's so hard to decide on a name!!) so when you start referring to your children only in terms of their status as a sibling, you take away a piece of that. Now, I'm willing to accept/move past a one or two year old using those terms especially since some names are hard to pronounce for little kids but my SIL uses those terms for her 5 and 8 year old. I makes me rage-y every time!
Plus I love my dd name so I do not want to replace that lovely sound with the word 'sissy' which I hate in general.
I couldn't possibly disagree with you more on the bolded above. Couldn't possibly.
I don't have any problem with disagreement, truly to each his own. I was raised around numerology and specific types of things that marry names and personality heavily. But let me ask, If your name has no impact, then what did you base naming your baby on? Is it just something you thought sounded good and that's all that went into it? It wasn't after a person who meant something to you (real, alive, deceased, fictional), or a name you thought would evoke a certain life path (how does it sound as an adult, on a resume, could it be the name of a president), or a certain feeling (is it masculine, feminine, modern, classic), did you look up the meaning of the name, have you considered nicknames? All of those things that we agonize over (which you personally may not do but as a whole the board has quite a long thread of exactly this) as parents are just a few small examples of how important names are. And as an adult why we may choose a different name for ourselves, or are affected when we choose even whether or not to take our spouse's last name, or give it to our children.
Just as a personal example: my name is Melissa. My mother wanted me to have the nickname Mellie (after Melanie in Gone With the Wind) but Melanie means black or dark (specifically she found a reference at the time to stormy), so instead she named me Melissa which means honey or the honey bee. In school people started calling me Missy (obvious nn for Melissa) and she wrote a note to my teacher that they had to stop. So out of 7 Melissa's I graduated with, I was the only 'Mel'. I could never imagine me with the name Missy, it's just not who I am. Everyone I know (who has gotten into names with me) agrees. It's just one way names and personalities go together.
@maf9866 ... I have to agree with @NoraAurora here. Something that someone else, yes, makes up or determines before ever knowing you or your personality doesn't define you as a person. If that were the case, Laverne Cox wouldn't be Laverne Cox today... same with Caitlyn Jenner. Your name doesn't define you AT ALL. It's who you are on the inside and what you show to the world outside (among other things) that defines you.
@Julia70286@simcal18 I'll PM it to you guys if you'd like, just to get an idea if I'm the only one in this boat.
Doooo it! And screeners, encourage her to put it out there. I have no clue what it's about so I could be misunderstanding but if it's a BMB scandal/shady shit/conspiracy idea I could use some excitement on my boring paperwork day!
Let me put my bias aside and figure out how to word this as respectfully and diplomatically as possible and I'll be back. I'll have to prepare my flame retardent suit as well, just in case.
@AllyTheKid I'm sitting here waiting during my 1 hour glucose test so if you post your UO it will make the hour fly by I'm sure! :-p (I'm also now super paranoid it's about me and that you all secretly hate me or something haha)
**TW** I would like to apologize in advance if I am incorrect with my suspicions or if this seems unwarranted but I can't help the way I feel about this. Due to the nature and sensitivity of the situation, and as a PGAL mom I can relate to the pain and hurt associated with it and would never EVER intentionally be insensitive to a fellow loss mom in her worst time. That being said, I am also protective of my own feelings in regards to such situations, and the feelings of other PGAL moms on the board whose struggles would be ultimately disrespected in my eyes if somebody were to fabricate an elaborate loss story for entertainment- So here goes-
I think the "Hospital Time" thread is a catfish thread. Although the facts seem fairly legit, they also seem like a copy-and-paste story to me, and furthermore the emotional response of the poster seems questionable to ME, personally. But I also know that everybody grieves differently so I could be in the wrong. Another thing that seems questionable to me is how new and infrequent the poster is/was, and the cherry on top of that for me is the overwhelmingly optimistic religious message. But again, I know everybody grieves differently, as well as finds comfort differently. If that is a real person and a real experience, I am genuinely so very sorry but I can't shake the fake feeling, and it makes me angry. I feel guilty for questioning or 'attacking' a loss thread, but I also feel disrespected and even a bit betrayed by the prospect that it is fake. I am unfamiliar with the poster, and it just seems off to me that a woman with such a large REAL LIFE support circle would come to a board on the internet looking for support and sharing her experience with a group of Internet strangers she hadn't built up relationships with. If I am wrong I am sorry. I truly am, I am just defensive of myself and of the other loss moms on this board that I can relate to and have built up relationships with.
I need to read something interesting! I feel like I'm the only one working today and I need entertainment! @AllyTheKid
Me too... I'm bored doing paperwork, while everyone else is on physical inventory, which I'm not allowed to participate due to my pregnancy. So I am here alone, reading all your posts
@allythekid It doesn't bother me if it is because she certainly didn't milk it too much if she is faking. I feel like catfish usually do a lot more stringing along, a lot less raise a point, update very infrequently, and then provide closure so soon. She didn't waste any of my time. And while the upbeat religious stuff skeeves me personally, it is well within the realm of what I see other religious people do frequently (living in the South and being from a very religious family). I feel like a true catfish would have more drama.
Hmmmmm I hadn't really thought about that being a catfish thread @AllyTheKid. I'm a pretty trusting person so the story would have to probably be fairly outlandish for me to wonder. But not judging you at all for being sensitive to that kind of post. I have not a clue.
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
@AllyTheKidI'll admit to pretty much always believing that everyone has the best of intentions. I'm a glass half full kind of person so things like this just don't cross my mind. With that in mind, I really just can't see why that would be true. What value would she have to gain from that? (genuinely asking here since this is my first TB experience so I don't know others' motives). I feel like I could see if she had stayed involved... like hey, everything's now okay guys, let's be friends. But she gains nothing from leaving if that were the case.
Not sure if I articulated that well, but that's just my initial thoughts. Feel free to school me in the ways of TB catfishing of past boards.
@AllyTheKid When the thread first popped up, I wondered if it was fake too since I'd never seen the screen name before. But then I figured she might be getting involved in our BMB now because it's something to do while stuck in the hospital. I haven't checked it since because I was afraid it might have an unhappy ending and my PGAL brain can't handle that, so I don't have any idea what else has been posted. But I think most catfish accounts on here are disrespectful. This is such a personal thing and an incredibly stressful time for those of us who are PGAL. Of all the groups of people on the Internet that you could mess with, pregnant women should not be one of them.
@AllyTheKid I went back and read her first post and responses. Other than not being sure what telling a group of people she hadn't talked to at all before, would do - I didn't think twice about it. However, I see your points.
@AllyTheKid I have to admit I got the feeling as well, but I wasn't sure if it was because I was picking up on something or that I'm so oblivious to complications of pregnancy that I couldn't fathom it, which is very much a possibility.
My UO (which I thought of in bed last night) I don't find Brad Pitt or George Clooney that good looking so I'm not sure how they became Hollywood heart throbs.
@AllyTheKid That's so weird, I had the same thought and agree that, although it's so tragic if true and we all clearly support anyone going through something, if it's fake then that really brings up a whole batch of other feelings. Including that I was having mixed emotions like wishful thinking that it wasn't true, but the randomness struck me too so I started to wonder after I got over being very upset initially. Even if it sounds silly, I do personally feel hurt if someone would make up something like that and, although on the surface yea anyone can make up anything online, on one hand I'd be slightly happy if it wasn't a true story but on the other I just wish it wouldn't have been put on here, IF it was just to get some attention, bc of the feelings it triggered for myself and others. Feels are confusing about this one!
@AllyTheKid I had a bad feeling about the thread but I couldn't articulate what it was. I think maybe it's because I really don't want to think about the possibility of a loss this late in pregnancy, though I know from family members that it's entirely possible. I honestly sort of hope it was fake because I just can't imagine how terrible it would be to go through a loss at any point in pregnancy, but especially this late.
I'm a lurker, but I did post on that thread. I genuinely thought she was just looking for someone else who may be in the hospital because she felt alone, which is why I responded and told her I was in the hospital as well. When you're sitting in a hospital room by yourself for hours, you get lonely and having someone to share the experience, even a stranger on the Internet, provides some comfort.
TW..... My first baby was a 21 week loss and I held on to my beliefs because that was the only way I could figure out how to get through it, so I understand her religious tone.
Anyway, that's just my opinion. I got where she was coming from, so I didn't find it suspicious. I almost started a new thread myself to ask if anyone else was on hospital bed rest, but I didn't for fear that people would think I was just a "catfisher" because I haven't posted to this board.
@AllyTheKid I've avoided that thread like the plague for several reasons. First of all and most importantly, I'm not a big fan of offering ridiculous amounts of support to someone who has never offered support to anyone else. While no one else here is struggling with something quite so severe, there are plenty people here who aren't having the easiest go of things and could definitely use all the support we can offer- @TurtleMomma with her super painful SPD and @scostel2 with her unrelenting nausea, for example.
I had the same thought @krzyriver did about her posting more because she's in the hospital and bored, but if that were the case, wouldn't she be posting other places than just her original post???
The religious stuff kind of rubbed me the wrong way, as well, which is strange considering that I'm a Christian. Maybe because I can make it through the day without feeling the need to spout a bunch of random religious platitudes.
Anyway, I truly hope she wasn't a catfish/troll because I don't want to believe there are people out there who would fake that kind of stuff for whatever reason.
@CopperBoom86 I totally get what you're saying, which is another reason why I didn't post about what I was going through. It's not fair for me to ask for support when I haven't given any.
BTW, is your screen name a Gilmore Girls reference? I love it!
@CopperBoom86 Going off on a bit of a tangent here, but religious stuff tends to rub me the wrong way too even tho I'm Christian. I tend to assume, and maybe I shouldn't, that if you need to have God in every sentence you speak, maybe it's cause he's not part of your life as much as you're trying to say he is. So it's fake and meaningless anyway. And some people aren't fake, they just take it WAY too far. Like that lady who had her faith reaffirmed because she had just the right amount of milk for her recipe. Lol. That fact that I'm bisexual and basically against organized religion doesn't help either, although I still call myself Christian because I do believe in God.
I wish I could better explain why it gives me the feeling it does because the red flags I see are so seemingly minor, but I can't shake them. Just small things that don't add up =/ I can't quite put my finger on it.
Real or Fake, it's distressing. @ignoscemihi Maybe it tapped into some insecurity that happened surfaced for me yet thinking about possible loss this late. @UponAStar16 I have very mixed emotions and can't understand why, because USUALLY I would jump to be supportive, so I'm reacting out of my usual character by being suspicious, and feeling guilty for even being suspicious if I'm wrong. @LauraPCOS It does seem like I'm picking up on SOMETHING that isn't quite obvious, just a feeling, so I understand where you're coming from completely. @krzyriver I first thought the same- bored stuck in the hospital, but then I just got a bad vibe?
I feel like shit now one way or the other. I would feel so hurt if somebody thought I was making that up and it really happened to me. I would feel so hurt if I found out for a fact that it was a fake post, because just WHY?
@AllyTheKid Don't feel bad. She hasn't contributed much to threads other than her own, so it's not crazy to think that. Anyone who pops up out of nowhere and commands attention but isn't show others the same support is going to raise a couple red flags. Like I said, I haven't been back to the thread so I have no idea what's been said so I can't really say if you're on to something or not. Lol
@bnsmith85 I don't disagree but I don't think the idea are mutually exclusive, I think people change their names (or adapt nicknames) for the same reason- they use it as a representation of their personality and therefore further define themselves. If they felt their name was just a name, then why bother changing it at all? In numerology your name and personality go hand and hand so when one changes, the other one typically does as well (very very shallow description of those ties as it goes much further).
Maybe be its my fault in not articulating as well as I should have. I believe names and pesonalities are very strongly linked and thus together are one of the most defining characteristics of you as a person.
Edit to add: that's why I don't like those terms, because, to me, it means you are not allowing the name (and by direct link) their personality to be seen/heard besides the fact that they have a sibling.
The funny thing is I thought the UO was goin to be the sissy thing not my philosophy behind names! Haha you never can tell.
@amye102485 - I always feel like a jerk for saying stuff like that when there are nice people like you out there who totally get it. Bottom line- this is absolutely a place for support, but I don't think anyone would disagree that it should be a two way street.
And yes, definitely a GG reference
@AllyTheKid - Don't feel bad, girl! Nothing wrong with speaking your mind!
@amye102485 I hope you don't feel like I'm discrediting your experience! =( just some of the things @CopperBoom86 mentioned also flew a red flag with me.
@maf9866... I think if my name were Katie, I'd be the same person, when it comes to the important things, that I am today as Brittany. I guess we agree to disagree
Also, my mom calls my aunt sissy sometimes and visa versa. They're obviously grown adults. It's a term of endearment for them and something they connect over from childhood. I don't think it's shaped them at all as adults because their name wasn't utilized with a sibling all the time.
@maf9866@bnsmith85 I think some people do tie their identity to their name a great deal. However, I don't think it's all that common. It's probably more common among transgenders or people who are changing their name for personal reasons. So I see both sides of this, though I think you could probably call the majority of people by a nickname without offending then.
Re: UO Thursday (6/30/16)
I had had another comment, but alas, I'm at the end of the thread and now I can't remember it.
On monday I thought of an UO that I was excited about and now I can't remember it for the life of me....
Just as a personal example: my name is Melissa. My mother wanted me to have the nickname Mellie (after Melanie in Gone With the Wind) but Melanie means black or dark (specifically she found a reference at the time to stormy), so instead she named me Melissa which means honey or the honey bee. In school people started calling me Missy (obvious nn for Melissa) and she wrote a note to my teacher that they had to stop. So out of 7 Melissa's I graduated with, I was the only 'Mel'. I could never imagine me with the name Missy, it's just not who I am. Everyone I know (who has gotten into names with me) agrees. It's just one way names and personalities go together.
I'll have to prepare my flame retardent suit as well, just in case.
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
I would like to apologize in advance if I am incorrect with my suspicions or if this seems unwarranted but I can't help the way I feel about this. Due to the nature and sensitivity of the situation, and as a PGAL mom I can relate to the pain and hurt associated with it and would never EVER intentionally be insensitive to a fellow loss mom in her worst time. That being said, I am also protective of my own feelings in regards to such situations, and the feelings of other PGAL moms on the board whose struggles would be ultimately disrespected in my eyes if somebody were to fabricate an elaborate loss story for entertainment- So here goes-
I think the "Hospital Time" thread is a catfish thread. Although the facts seem fairly legit, they also seem like a copy-and-paste story to me, and furthermore the emotional response of the poster seems questionable to ME, personally. But I also know that everybody grieves differently so I could be in the wrong. Another thing that seems questionable to me is how new and infrequent the poster is/was, and the cherry on top of that for me is the overwhelmingly optimistic religious message. But again, I know everybody grieves differently, as well as finds comfort differently.
If that is a real person and a real experience, I am genuinely so very sorry but I can't shake the fake feeling, and it makes me angry.
I feel guilty for questioning or 'attacking' a loss thread, but I also feel disrespected and even a bit betrayed by the prospect that it is fake. I am unfamiliar with the poster, and it just seems off to me that a woman with such a large REAL LIFE support circle would come to a board on the internet looking for support and sharing her experience with a group of Internet strangers she hadn't built up relationships with.
If I am wrong I am sorry. I truly am, I am just defensive of myself and of the other loss moms on this board that I can relate to and have built up relationships with.
Me too... I'm bored doing paperwork, while everyone else is on physical inventory, which I'm not allowed to participate due to my pregnancy. So I am here alone, reading all your posts
BTW I only drink Dr.Pepper or Mt.Dew
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
Not sure if I articulated that well, but that's just my initial thoughts. Feel free to school me in the ways of TB catfishing of past boards.
Edited because the quote was too long
My UO (which I thought of in bed last night) I don't find Brad Pitt or George Clooney that good looking so I'm not sure how they became Hollywood heart throbs.
TW.....
My first baby was a 21 week loss and I held on to my beliefs because that was the only way I could figure out how to get through it, so I understand her religious tone.
Anyway, that's just my opinion. I got where she was coming from, so I didn't find it suspicious. I almost started a new thread myself to ask if anyone else was on hospital bed rest, but I didn't for fear that people would think I was just a "catfisher" because I haven't posted to this board.
edited because spelling.
I had the same thought @krzyriver did about her posting more because she's in the hospital and bored, but if that were the case, wouldn't she be posting other places than just her original post???
The religious stuff kind of rubbed me the wrong way, as well, which is strange considering that I'm a Christian. Maybe because I can make it through the day without feeling the need to spout a bunch of random religious platitudes.
Anyway, I truly hope she wasn't a catfish/troll because I don't want to believe there are people out there who would fake that kind of stuff for whatever reason.
Edit: Words.
BTW, is your screen name a Gilmore Girls reference? I love it!
Real or Fake, it's distressing. @ignoscemihi Maybe it tapped into some insecurity that happened surfaced for me yet thinking about possible loss this late. @UponAStar16 I have very mixed emotions and can't understand why, because USUALLY I would jump to be supportive, so I'm reacting out of my usual character by being suspicious, and feeling guilty for even being suspicious if I'm wrong. @LauraPCOS It does seem like I'm picking up on SOMETHING that isn't quite obvious, just a feeling, so I understand where you're coming from completely. @krzyriver I first thought the same- bored stuck in the hospital, but then I just got a bad vibe?
I feel like shit now one way or the other. I would feel so hurt if somebody thought I was making that up and it really happened to me. I would feel so hurt if I found out for a fact that it was a fake post, because just WHY?
Maybe be its my fault in not articulating as well as I should have. I believe names and pesonalities are very strongly linked and thus together are one of the most defining characteristics of you as a person.
Edit to add: that's why I don't like those terms, because, to me, it means you are not allowing the name (and by direct link) their personality to be seen/heard besides the fact that they have a sibling.
The funny thing is I thought the UO was goin to be the sissy thing not my philosophy behind names! Haha you never can tell.
And yes, definitely a GG reference
@AllyTheKid - Don't feel bad, girl! Nothing wrong with speaking your mind!
Also, my mom calls my aunt sissy sometimes and visa versa. They're obviously grown adults. It's a term of endearment for them and something they connect over from childhood. I don't think it's shaped them at all as adults because their name wasn't utilized with a sibling all the time.