Coworker Baby Shower: Should I go or decline?

Galaxygurl84 · May 2016

Ok, I find myself in a little bit of an awkward situation. There is a coworker of mine that has hardly said 10 words to me in her many years of working with me. When I try to converse with her, her replies have always been one word answers that don't invite conversation and she avoids eye contact. She got married, I was not invited. I took it as a sign that I was not in her social circle. Well, this coworker is now pregnant. I didn't know until I heard my Manager talking to a coworker of mine. Then, my pregnant coworker walks up to my desk says "This is for you." (So now we are at 14 words she has spoken to me in total). I open it and find it is a baby shower invite. I didn't even hear from HER that she was pregnant( guess this was her way of telling me?) Usually this is the kind of thing you tell your friends, etc that you intend to invite right? So I feel pretty far removed from this whole situation. Also, I don't know if the baby is a boy or girl or if she knows the sex or even what they are possibly naming the baby.

There are restrictions on her baby shower gifts: No regular diapers as gifts and do not give a baby shower card, a book for the child is requested instead.

So, what do I do? Should I decline? Should I go? If I don't go do I still buy a baby gift? Help!

ElaineMOH · May 2016

I wouldn't feel obligated to go, and unless it's someone I was close to I probably wouldn't feel the need to give a gift. If my co-workers were just chipping in for a gift I would contribute. I would decline politely and move on, but that's just me

ElaineMOH · May 2016

Well, if you think it will cause you more stress by NOT going, then go and enjoy yourself. Or, decline but send a thoughtful gift. Do whatever you think is best for you in the end

OliveOyl2014 · May 2016

If it was me I wouldn't go. Especially if she thinks you hate her. If I thought someone hated me, the last thing I would do is invite them to my baby shower. Also, by your description of her invitation, this sounds like a gift grab.

dufferoo · May 2016

I don't know why you feel on the hook for a gift. If you aren't friends and you're not going to the shower, you genuinely have no obligation whatsoever.

Galaxygurl84 · May 2016

Thanks, I just have anxiety about it. For some reason my Boss told the whole office that I hate this girl a few years ago. The truth is, I don't hate her....I don't know enough about her to even have a real opinion of her other than I know she doesn't seem to like to talk with me. My Boss liikes to start rumors about everyone.

He started a rumor that 2 coworkers were having an affair...(nice Or what?!). So, I'm worried it will seem like I actually hate her if I don't go. *sighs* feel like I am in such a weird spot.

Galaxygurl84 · May 2016

Well, I almost think she doesn't like me since she rarely talks to me. I've not done anything to make her act that way either. But ya, it does seem like a gift grab.

Galaxygurl84 · May 2016

Ya, I have no idea what I'll do.

I think either way I am on the hook for a gift.

Galaxygurl84 · May 2016

Thanks dufferoo. I hadn't through the about it that way. I have run into it in the past where I had wanted to go to a friend's baby shower but couldn't attend so still gave her a give anyways, so could be why I'm thinking that way in this situation too. I appreciate the feedback, since I am in the fence about all of it!

VOR · May 2016

I'm with dufferoo. It's an invitation, not a subpeona. You're "busy" that day and if you don't go to the shower, you don't need to give her a gift.

Galaxygurl84 · May 2016

Thanks VOR, it definitely helps to hear that!

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

If the shower was at work, I'd go and get her a small gift like probably just a book. If it's outside of work, I'd decline.

Have you tried talking to her about your boss telling her that you hate her? It would be uncomfortable to me to work with someone who thinks I hate them when I don't. Maybe clearing the air will open some lines of communication between you and make work less awkward too.

Galaxygurl84 · June 2016

Hi DrillSergeantCat. Coworker was stand-offish and one word answers before our Boss said what he did, so it didn't really seem to effect how her and I interact. But I did tell everyone the second after he said it, including her that I didn't hate her. Agreed that communication would help between her and I, and I have tried hard to talk to her, but she is not interested. Maybe, I just got an obligatory invite because I work with her.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

@Galaxygurl84 I see. It probably was an obligatory invite. I guess it depends on what you want to accomplish with her. If you are okay with how things are now and it won't bother you if they get a bit worse, don't go. If you want to show her you'd like to extend an olive branch, go.

NYTino24 · July 2016

@Galaxygurl84, it totally sounds like a gift grab to me...either that, or she feels obligated to invite you. I doubt the latter since she didn't invite you to her wedding. I have a coworker who is like that to me, only I heard that she was talking about me behind my back. I also know she would never invite me to something like that. I'd say you have no responsibility to go, especially if you'd feel awkward.

Coworker Baby Shower: Should I go or decline?

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