UO 6/30

sagoon · June 2016

'Tis Thursday! Regale us with your unpopular opinions!

Image: https://themercenaryresearcher.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/opinion.png?w=640

adorebella · June 2016

I get really tired of people acting like doctors are monsters who just want to use every intervention at their disposal for their own selfish needs. Guess what? Doctors want a live baby and mother just as much we do. I cannot imagine if my job involved having the life of a baby and mother in my hands. I would probably lose my mind under that kind of pressure. I really wish people trusted medical professionals more instead of Dr. Google. My doctor and the interventions she used gave me a live baby when I might not have had one and I thank my lucky stars for her every.single.day.

Vivi20 · June 2016

@adorebella You are actually right. I admit, I am guilty of being skeptical of doctors and interventions. After having a midwife, I'm terrified that I have an ob-gyn this time around. But when it comes down to it, he is the one who is the doctor and knows a heck of a lot more than I do. So while I still would like my wishes and desires known/respected, I also need to just trust that he does, in fact, know what he is doing.

elvinnoe · June 2016

I'll admit I judge people how they dress. Yesterday I interviewed two people and they weren't dressed badly, but their style was really dated. My first thought was, this isn't going to go very well...

Long story in a nutshell, it was one of the worst, most awkward work experiences I've had before. I felt so emotionally drained afterward and had to shut off my phone and email for a while and retreat to get my mind back on track. So in other words, the experience didn't help me get over my McJudgy pants.

Vivi20 · June 2016

I think it's irresponsible to go on the internet to find a babysitter for your child. I can't fathom the idea of perusing a website and picking out a total stranger to watch your children. I honestly can't believe there are parents who would do that. The only people who I entrust our daughter's life to are our parents and siblings. If those people aren't available, then we don't go out or I don't get a day just to myself.

adorebella · June 2016

@jlea05 I totally agree. I think it's perfectly acceptable to go in with some opinions but like you said they know what they're doing. I certainly wouldn't go on record saying that every doctor is amazing and respectful and has the best of intentions but I would say those things of the doctor that I personally and thoughtfully chose. I can't think of any other aspect of medical care where people have the kind of strong opinions they do about child birth. I don't go into surgery making demands about the kinds of practices, medications, and tools the doctor uses because I trust them to know their shit. I think that when it comes to pregnancy and delivery there's only so many things we could have control over that we go a little overboard about trying to be in the driver's seat IMO.

Vivi20 · June 2016

@elvinnoe I admit I judge people based on what they wear/how put together they are. I think it's important to present yourself respectably. That doesn't mean you have to have a blow out and makeup and expensive clothes. But brush your hair, bathe yourself, and wear clean clothes that fit. And pajama pants in public? No. Just no. You look like a homeless person. It takes the same amount of effort, and is just as comfy, to pull on some nice yoga pants or leggings.

adorebella · June 2016

Spinning off the comment about leggings - I must be a total prude but I cannot stand when people wear leggings with a shirt that doesn't cover their caboose. I don't even know what it is but I think leggings always call for a long top. However, I don't feel this way if it's workout attire, which is probably hypocritical.

Vivi20 · June 2016

Yes! Cover your bum!

karaelaine1991 · June 2016

adorebella said:

Spinning off the comment about leggings - I must be a total prude but I cannot stand when people wear leggings with a shirt that doesn't cover their caboose. I don't even know what it is but I think leggings always call for a long top. However, I don't feel this way if it's workout attire, which is probably hypocritical.

I agree with all of this, including the work out attire thing. I think it's because when you're working out there are different standards - like, it's not really acceptable to just wear a bra in public, but if you're working out, just a sports bra is fine.

ETA I don't really have my own UO at the moment but if I think of one I'll post it:)

adorebella · June 2016

@karaelaine1991 Yeah I think that must be it. When I'm running I wear super tight spandex-y shorts and stuff but I feel inappropriate if I have to wear it anywhere other than running.

nolemomma14 · June 2016

@jlea05. I too prefer to use family to watch my son, but some parents aren't lucky to have family or close friends near by. As long as the proper research is done, meeting the person, interviewing and following up with references, I think using a reputable online care company can be done safely. We needed a last
minute sitter this week and hired one of the girls from our neighborhood who's parents we know very well. She has a sitter profile on care.com, so I think it is possible to find responsible childcare online. Now finding someone off of Craigslist and just inviting them over to watch your kid is most likely a terrible idea!!

adorebella · June 2016

@nolemomma14 That's a fair point. I haven't yet needed childcare other than close friends and family but if I wasn't near family I certainly would have to (mama needs a night out!!!). I have lots of friends that moved here from out of state just prior to having children and it can be really stressful for them not having family to help with childcare.

Teach123 · June 2016

@jlea05 I agree with the sitter thing. It just makes me too nervous to leave LO with someone we don't know really well. We found a college student from our church that had experience keeping children, and we left him with her some when our parents both went out of town at the same time once. We also have a college student that used to work at our son's daycare. We saw her interact with kids and knew she was a great choice before we ever left him with her.

katesmama0706 · June 2016

@adorebella yes to the doctor skeptics!
My UO I guess piggybacks off of that. I hate feeling like I'm judged for having a high intervention birth with my daughter. I went with an OB, had my labor started with pitocin, my waters artificially broken, and an epidural. My labor was short so I've requested an induction this time round too. Yet I feel like I get tons of side eye for not wanting a "more natural" experience.

cjs260 · June 2016

@jlea05 I am a babysitter that was found online. I have references, and I ask for an interview with the family prior to the gig, because working for a family is a two way street. A mom I sit for (who met me from online) weekly cried last night when I told her that I would be retiring at the beginning of November. Though I completely understand that not all sitters listed online are as mature, responsible, and experienced as I am, and parents really need to do their due diligence before hiring a stranger.

As for my UO...
I'm so tired of all the individual posts of symptoms and topics that have their own threads already. Like a post titled "I have a random chin hair, anyone else?" or "I can't eat because I have morning sickness" would fit perfectly into Symptoms. And wanting to know when people are due around you? We specifically have a spreadsheet dedicated to due dates. Now, there are great topics out there that are fun and interesting to talk about, but sweet mercy this board is a mess compared to other BMBs. I don't think it's too much to ask to post in a dedicated thread if it's on the front page.
I am ready...

karaelaine1991 · June 2016

This isn't exactly a UO but I'm ticked so it's going to go here. DH just came home and announced to me that HE has decided that WE are doing "No Sugar July."

Really, DH? You're going to take sugar away from the pregnant lady? Without asking my opinion on the matter?

Currently on my way to the grocery store to buy all sorts of sugary things that I'm "not allowed" to eat.

katesmama0706 · June 2016

@karaelaine1991 oh hells no lol girl you eat that sugar

adorebella · June 2016

@karaelaine1991 He can jump right off a flaming cliff with that idea. Hard pass.

adorebella · June 2016

@katesmama0706 Oh yeah I've definitely felt that judgement and had the same interventions, which I would have again in a heartbeat if the situation called for them! Actually, the epidural is happening no matter what. Don't even get me started on the heavy judgement I've gotten from some for being straight to formula this time around. The boobs are closed for business. Forever.

Briala · June 2016

@adorebella I totally agree of it weren't for medical intervention then neither me nor DS likely would have survived childbirth he was sooo stuck.

I also am tired of the judging for A. Having a c-section with DS and B. Having a RCS scheduled in advance. I actually had people tell me that "people who have c-sections just didn't try hard enough." I didn't even know what to say that person had no idea what I went through with DS or how I felt needing an emergency c-section, much less the epidural not working during said c-section and being strapped down unable to do anything but cry in pain. I'm terrified to give birth again, I am choosing what I think will be the healthiest option for both me and baby with my Dr's input and advice. She thinks it's a bad idea to pursue a vbac in my case. With a planned cesarean we can have lots of back up plans in case something happens again. I'm getting really annoyed that people automatically assume I am taking the easy way out or not willing to attempt a vbac.

Also I reallly dislike rap music it just sounds like noise. What is the point of singing a song or lyrics if no one can understand you?

ThePax89 · June 2016

I judge the shit out of parents who forward face their kids' carseats too early. (UNLESS, a child has severe motion sickness and it is a bigger danger if they are vomitting every car trip)

Mylitta · June 2016

Well unfortunately I agree with pretty much all the opinions expressed here today.
Re: doctors. I think people take the stance of 'this is natural and women have been doing it forever without doctors, why now?' And forgetting that for centuries it was COMMON for a woman to die in labor. Like not a big deal. Ummm yeah... I don't want to do that. It still happens, but super rare.

Re: leggings. I actuality don't care about the butt. But conver your bits women! No one wants to see that. A camel toe is bit attractive or cute. But for some reason I agree without clothes are different. Still not that tight obviously, but not a big deal. My UO on this: I think you should still wear a shirt. I dislike the sports bra only idea... however I'm larger busted and that would never work for me. So it may be a personal issue.

Re: the Threads! Yes yes and so much yes! This board is not even that long yet... I sometimes think I've already responded only to find out this was a NEW thread. I want to refer people a lot. If I begin doing this, please know it is done with love and the goal of giving more information.

adorebella · June 2016

@Briala Oh man, I fully, 100%, without a doubt support your decision to go for a RCS. I'm facing a similar choice. Owen got stuck too, possibly because he was the size of a 3-month old. My doctor has told me that because of my history I can opt for a c-section at any point and if this baby is measuring big too at a 36 weeks scan then c-section is the route we have to go (which I totally agree with). I'm on the fence right now but if I decide to do a c-section there will be absolutely no shame. I'll do whatever I have to to get a healthy baby out of the deal.

Briala · June 2016

@ThePax89 ohh definitely this
@adorebella Thanks

Or seeing carseats on top of carts where kiddo is supposed to sit with legs out. Suuper unsafe and can void your carseat warrenty and safety because your trying to *latch* where its not supposed to.

I also dislike when poeple babywear incorrectly to where safety is a concern. I am all for babywearing but be safe about it! A quick google search and you will have all the safety points you need to know about.

Vivi20 · June 2016

The term "helicopter parent" really gets under my skin. I resent the fact that because I keep an extremely careful eye on my daughter, play with her, and am considered strict, that this somehow makes me a helicopter mom. Aren't I just being a mom and doing my duty to care for and protect her? I mean, if that makes me a helicopter mom, I'll take it...but the negative connotation is what I guess bothers me.

ChaoticWolf · June 2016

I guess I'll have the opposite UO of everyone on here: I'm sick and tired of people side eyeing me and telling my IRL that I won't be able to go through with my "new wave woo woo birth center" intervention free plan. I feel like online there's a lot of support, but outside of the internet I get a lot of disparaging comments about having no epidural. I also get a lot of comments about my cloth diapering, breastfeeding, and babywearing plans. My mom and every woman before her in my family was intervention free, cloth diapered, and breastfed. Why shouldn't I do the same for my kid?

ThePax89 · June 2016

@PaukMeKiande you are so lucky to have those strong female influences!!!!!! I was the first in my family to breastfeed, and was lucky to have great support.

ChaoticWolf · June 2016

@ThePax89 Lol I think it was just because we were all poor and in the South. It was a way to save money and keep from having another mouth to feed for a while. We all had clotheslines and they made their own cloth diapers out of leftover fabric.

sagoon · June 2016

@PaukMeKiande I have also noticed that everything that is disparaged online is encouraged IRL and vice versa. Online people side-eye you if you formula feed. IRL you get dirty looks for breastfeeding. You cant win!

adorebella · June 2016

@PaukMeKiande That sucks that people have not been supportive. But that doesn't necessarily mean you judge people making other choices, right? I'm very much all for everyone just doing whatever works for them. I've been on both sides of the fence and there's judgement no matter what. With my first I planned a med free birth, breastfed (well, EP'd), made my own baby food, cloth diapered, etc. This time I'm planning epidural, formula, jar food, disposables. If a baby is well taken care of I truly don't care about what means someone chooses to get there.

sagoon · June 2016

My UO: I really don't care what other people do as far as raising their kids (barring abuse and neglect, obv). If it doesn't affect me or my kid, then go hog wild. Dye your hair and drink a latte while pregnant, or abstain from everything but kale. Have an induction, epidural, c-section, and an appendectomy for kicks, or have a med free, dolphin-assisted homebirth. Feed your kid breastmilk till they're 5 or give them formula the minute they're born. The only issue I get judgey on is vaccination because that DOES affect my kid. Get them their shots!

litzi-2 · June 2016

i agree that having family to take care of kids is ideal, but i'll have little problem if i have to find others to help as well
my UO is i'm not at all looking forward to attempting to breastfeed. doing it while i'm off for 6 weeks, ok. but after i get back to work it will be awful.

egilona · June 2016

There was a thread about a month ago - I think it was on this board, but it might have been on a different BMB that I lurked on. Anyway, it was about genetic testing - like yea or nay*, are you/aren't you, pros and cons, etc. Almost invariably, each poster did one of two things: a) stated they were opting out because it wouldn't make a difference for them, or b) made damn sure to preface their saying they were getting it with "but it won't make a difference for us either way". Even people who were getting genetic testing felt it necessary to disclaim "hey we won't terminate!!! I am making sure you know that!" - like, why? So I guess my UO is not only do I think it is ok for the results of genetic testing to make a difference to people in deciding whether to continue their pregnancy, but it will make a difference for me.

* On a lighter note, since I feel that was kind of heavy, some grammar UOs: "yea" is what you say when you are giving a yes vote. It should not be spelled "yay," nor should people type "yea" when they are writing out the enthusiastic interjection - then they should say "yay"."Yeah" is a casual way to say "yes". It should not be rendered as "yea". NOT ALLOWED. (My mom messes these up ALL THE TIME)

karaelaine1991 · June 2016

katesmama0706 said:

@karaelaine1991 oh hells no lol girl you eat that sugar

adorebella said:

@karaelaine1991 He can jump right off a flaming cliff with that idea. Hard pass.

Thanks, all. He's being super pouty now because I got mad and drove off to the grocery store. There are just so many reasons why I'm mad about that conversation ughhhh... tried to be pleasant at dinner and make small talk but got one word answers. Not really sure what I did aside from get mad at him for basically telling me to go on a completely unnecessary diet while pregnant... men!

And I agree about the unnecessary threads thing but I'm super proud of all of us for not going off on anyone for making them so far! They're dumb and annoying, but yay us for taking the high road!

litzi-2 · June 2016

@egilona i remember reading that thread and didn't reply. i personally will get genetic testing done because certain results would make me opt to terminate. i thought about it a lot and feel strongly about it.

sagoon · July 2016

I don't mind the repeat threads at this point. New people are joining the board every day and they may not know that there was a thread about xyz over a month ago. Once we have an established group and everyone has been around for a few weeks there is no excuse for not looking for a recent thread, especially on a timely issue (ie when we're all doing glucose tests or having strep B butt swabs or whatever).

karaelaine1991 · July 2016

egilona said:

There was a thread about a month ago - I think it was on this board, but it might have been on a different BMB that I lurked on. Anyway, it was about genetic testing - like yea or nay*, are you/aren't you, pros and cons, etc. Almost invariably, each poster did one of two things: a) stated they were opting out because it wouldn't make a difference for them, or b) made damn sure to preface their saying they were getting it with "but it won't make a difference for us either way". Even people who were getting genetic testing felt it necessary to disclaim "hey we won't terminate!!! I am making sure you know that!" - like, why? So I guess my UO is not only do I think it is ok for the results of genetic testing to make a difference to people in deciding whether to continue their pregnancy, but it will make a difference for me.

* On a lighter note, since I feel that was kind of heavy, some grammar UOs: "yea" is what you say when you are giving a yes vote. It should not be spelled "yay," nor should people type "yea" when they are writing out the enthusiastic interjection - then they should say "yay"."Yeah" is a casual way to say "yes". It should not be rendered as "yea". NOT ALLOWED. (My mom messes these up ALL THE TIME)

Very much with you on the grammar thing! I do not see eye to eye with you on the genetic testing but that's all I'll say about that today.

egilona · July 2016

@sagoon I did not know there would be butt swabs involved in this

poetryandoceans · July 2016

@PaukMeKiande I've got a similar gripe to yours. My husband is a GP, and we have received some serious side eyes for our choice to go with a midwife. I registered for a childbirth prep class, and they have a questionnaire to fill out about you and your birth partner; when I indicated my husband's profession, the woman handling my registration did a double take and said "wait, you want the childbirth for midwives class? Not the class for OB handled births?"

There seems to be this huge harsh divide between approaches to childbirth and parenting, and it's all a bunch of bullshit, pardon my language. I'm using a midwife, but I'm not bed sharing. I'm going to try to breastfeed, but I'm not taking my full maternity leave. Everybody just does what works for them, and this "camps" approach to everything parenting related is already getting under my skin and I'm not even out of the first trimester. Eesh.

Teach123 · July 2016

egilona said:

@sagoon I did not know there would be butt swabs involved in this

Oh yeah, it just gets better and better. They have to check for strep B before the baby is born. I was at least 30 some weeks when they did mine. If you have it, then antibiotics are required before you give birth, so you don't pass it on to the baby.

UO 6/30

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