Pregnancy treatment Europe vs North America

c1kc1kpol1cn1k · June 2016

Hello

Just noticed this and thought I would bring it up to see your experience's. I recently moved back to Canada after living in Europe (France/UK/Croatia) for 7 years. While there and being pregnant everyone was more accommodating. If you are waiting in a store to buy groceries pregnant women get to go ahead and order (for example from the deli counter / butcher etc.) This is completely normal and other customer's go out of there way to let you go. Also in regards to anywhere like store's/ on public transit etc. People would hold doors for you, give you their seat since obviously you can't be swinging around on a bus or on the underground. Also any administrative building or anything there would be a sign saying pregnant women / elderly/ or those with difficulties will go forward.

I feel like here is the opposite, maybe people are so used to this whole equality thing that holding doors/ giving up a seat for pregnant or elderly people/ letting them ahead in the queue is unheard of? I don't get it?

What are your experiences?

SkiChic626 · June 2016

I find people in general are nicer and will hold doors/let you go ahead of them/etc., but there are certainly no signs or anything like that allowing pregnant women to cut ahead. We were in Disney last month and there were two people in those jazzy chair things that got on the bus. I had already been on and seated in the front seat, and when these people got on the bus was pretty full and the bus driver started asking for people to give up their seats for these two people to sit and at one point looked right at me! I gave her a snide hell-to-the-no eye and rubbed my belly lol. Seriously??? You're going to ask a pregnant woman to get up??? I don't think so.

At least in Canada you have better maternity leave laws than we do in the US!

ashleybaker712 · June 2016

When I was pregnant with DS, I noticed people being really nice. They would open doors for me or let me go ahead of them. This time around, I'm not getting the same polite behavior. I have had several men see my belly and turn away almost as if I'm going to go into labor at any moment and they're going to be responsible. It's strange. I've also had people look at me and then decide NOT to hold the door for me or decided to go in front of me.

I think the US is very strange with pregnancy. It's not celebrated or respected.

heatherskye · June 2016

I live in Italy and since becoming pregnant have traveled to France, Scotland and Sweden. In none of those countries (especially Italy) did I ever get treated better because I was pregnant. And I was traveling with my 3 year old as well! Nobody was ever rude but I haven't noticed a marked difference between how I'm treated here vs. when I was pregnant in the states...

WinnieLou82 · June 2016

I've found old ladies smile at me a lot but, other than that, no special treatment. I also have a mean case of RBF so I don't really invite much friendly banter in my demeanor whether I'm pregnant or not.

c1kc1kpol1cn1k · June 2016

haha i definitely have noticed old ladies smiling

searchingforameaning · June 2016

living in the US, I feel like I need to apologize for being pregnant, for walking slow, for wanting to press the handicap button for the door instead of hoisting open the heavy door myself. I don't want to be treated like I am broken, but my body does feel like it needs a lot more grace than normal. And I do find myself wanting to tell everyone, "I am not normally like this!"

Snaps816 · June 2016

In the US here. I had one person give up his seat for me on the bus (I don't take the bus often so I can't speak to how common this is), and I get the sense that people are holding doors more. Certainly people smile at me and ask questions. I have wished, many times, that letting pregnant women cut to the front of the line were a common practice. That is one of the hardest things in my opinion, standing in lines, especially when there is nowhere to lean.

Curls919 · June 2016

I think in the us people also aren't so quick to guess someone is pregnant unless they are really showing. I did find in my last pregnancy when I was commuting that people gave me seats, etc. This time round (I no longer work) people smile and ask questions but no ones given me special treatment or anything.

AliKay20 · June 2016

I think it just depends on people's own experiences. I live in the US and had nothing but positive experiences thus far- people allowing me to cut lines in the bathroom, opening doors, waiting until I get on the elevator, Starbucks barista giving me free croissant and drink when I forgot my wallet, etc.

But this lady was just on the news because she was denied from using the employees' restroom at the metro station (subway). Yes, she wasn't an employee but she was 5 mths pregnant & had to go. The station manager told her no and she ended up having an accident.

She reported it to the media and when NBC4 tried to contact the station, they didn't respond to do an interview. They did respond to her complaint she submitted saying this was "under investigation."

She then asked again to use the restroom after the complaint and media awareness. The manager said yes right away due to what had been done when she was denied access.

ccfc1984 · June 2016

Not in Europe or US at the moment, I'm in Asia. They fricking love pregnant people and babies here. It's sweet in some ways and very annoying in others. I've been told not to walk up 1 flight of stairs in work (you should take the lift), carry literally anything at all, way too much bump touching by strangers etc. But, it comes from a good place and people are genuinely excited for you.

nanner26 · June 2016

I've had the same experience @ccfc1984. People treat me like I'm going to break. At work I would walk up a flight of stairs and people would tell me to slow down or pick up a box that weighed nothing and people would grab it from me. It's really nice and there are definite perks but then again made me feel like I was being babied.

I was in Egypt with a friend for a couple days and when our tour guide found out I was pregnant (like 3 months along) he refused to let me go through any of those dinky metal protectors and would point out steps and stairs so I wouldn't trip. I just learned it was more of a hassle to not just comply and let people "help" me. Although now that I'm almost 8 months along, I'm not going to complain anymore. I think it just depends on the people you meet.

Edited to clarify: I realize Egypt isn't in Asia, but the people are of the same culture I live in.

ccfc1984 · June 2016

Where are you living Hannah0726? If you're comfortable sharing.

nanner26 · June 2016

The Middle East. I dm'ed you.

Nikkoli98 · June 2016

@Hannah0726, Egypt is one of my favorite places I've visited. Hope you got to see some cool stuff!!

nanner26 · June 2016

@Nikkoli98 It was great! We went in February so the weather was really good. Unfortunently tourism is down for them right now, but it worked out well for us. We hit all the major sites. Definitely a trip I'll remember!

texasmama2014 · June 2016

@AliKay20 I am kinda side-eyeing that article... I don't expect to be given special bathroom privileges (or really special treatment) because I'm pregnant. I'm grown up enough to know when I need to pee, and that I should go every time I pass a bathroom since I know I have to go often...

lucypod · June 2016

searchingforameaning said:

living in the US, I feel like I need to apologize for being pregnant, for walking slow, for wanting to press the handicap button for the door instead of hoisting open the heavy door myself. I don't want to be treated like I am broken, but my body does feel like it needs a lot more grace than normal. And I do find myself wanting to tell everyone, "I am not normally like this!"

This! I'm constantly apologizing for things like walking slow or needing help carrying something.

In the US I think we're trained to not expect any special treatment, especially from strangers. But it would be nice if people were a little more courteous. DH and I were in NYC a month or so ago and not a single person offered me their seat on the subway any of the times we rode it, and I was very visibly pregnant. I've had a few people hold doors for me but in that annoying way where you still have to grab it from them and hold it so it's kind of pointless... and I think that would have happened anyway.

@texasmama2014 I feel like sometimes it just creeps up on you though. Depending on how the baby is positioned, it could hit you all of a sudden, even if you've just gone to the bathroom. That's happened to me several times. Last night at yoga I went to pee, then some position we were doing made the baby move and press down on my bladder again, so I feel like it can be really hard to predict. Places should definitely be accommodating to pregnant women who need to use the bathroom, because really what is the big deal?

Nikkoli98 · June 2016

@texasmamma and @lucypod, I can see both sides here. Obviously she didn't get her way she was mad - I would have been fuming mad too if I explained the situation and ended up having an accident. I would have ranted about it to my family - possibly on this board - but I doubt that most of us would go running to the news because "the metro station caused me to pee my pants." The fact that she went back and asked to use the same bathroom again just solidifies the drama IMO.

texasmama2014 · June 2016

@Nikkoli98 I go by the motto "Poor planning on your part does not constitute and emergency on mine." I don't live in a city, so I don't use a metro, so maybe I'm off base, but I do commute and drive a lot. If I need to pee, I stop.

MamaKSquared · June 2016

I think this varies a lot based on people's particular interactions and where they live. I live in the South and it's normal and even expected for people to hold the doors for someone behind them, pregnant or not. I wouldn't say I've received any special treatment from strangers. No one has offered to let me skip the line at the grocery store or anything. I was in line for the restroom at a concert and there was another pregnant lady several people behind me. The women immediately behind me offered to let her skip them. The people in front of me didn't offer to let me skip. Again, I think it just depends on the people you happen to be around.

The biggest difference I see between here and Europe (and even Canada) is parental leave. We just don't get much at all.

c1kc1kpol1cn1k · June 2016

I agree! here in canada we have 1 year which almost feels like not enough time

AliKay20 · June 2016

texasmama2014 said:

@AliKay20 I am kinda side-eyeing that article... I don't expect to be given special bathroom privileges (or really special treatment) because I'm pregnant. I'm grown up enough to know when I need to pee, and that I should go every time I pass a bathroom since I know I have to go often...

Lol, I know. It's extreme. I wondered why she wouldn't just go into a Starbucks or something. Mind you, the subway bathroom is...really dirty. Apparently she's used the employees' restroom several times which is why the manager told her she was abusing her rights!

ccfc1984 · July 2016

texasmama2014 said:

@Nikkoli98 I go by the motto "Poor planning on your part does not constitute and emergency on mine." I don't live in a city, so I don't use a metro, so maybe I'm off base, but I do commute and drive a lot. If I need to pee, I stop.

This is great if it works for you, but everyone's pregnancy (or anything that can affect your ability to control bodily functions) is different. Some people (pregnant and not) can go pee every time they see a toilet, and plan to stop at a toilet at regular intervals and go to a toilet as soon as they feel a need and yet still get stuck in a situation where they need to use a bathroom urgently despite all their planning. Not everyone can control their bodily functions perfectly for whatever reason. This certainly doesn't make it someone else's emergency, but it surely could elicit some compassion and help where possible. Would it really have cost the employer anything to accommodate her? Sure, he wasn't obliged to, but I would hope if I ever found myself unfortunate enough to be in that sort of embarrassing situation people would be kind enough to help.

Everyone's pregnancy is different and if you can help someone who's in an uncomfortable situation without much effort on your part, I just don't understand why you wouldn't. Whether the emergency was due to their poor planning or something out of their control.

ebilbao · July 2016

I think it depends on where you live in the US. I'm in Delaware and everyone here is extra nice when you're pregnant, to the point that after I had DS, I immediately realized how "ordinary" I felt once I wasn't getting special pregnancy treatment anymore.

MamaKSquared · July 2016

terezakatarina said:

I agree! here in canada we have 1 year which almost feels like not enough time

A year is a ton compared to what we get in the US. My company just started giving us 3 weeks paid maternity leave this June. We get to use that on top of 6 weeks of short term disability (8 weeks if c-section), so 9-11 weeks total. Anything beyond that is PTO. Some companies have more generous parental leave, but some companies don't have any.

ccfc1984 · July 2016

MamaKSquared said:

terezakatarina said:

I agree! here in canada we have 1 year which almost feels like not enough time

A year is a ton compared to what we get in the US. My company just started giving us 3 weeks paid maternity leave this June. We get to use that on top of 6 weeks of short term disability (8 weeks if c-section), so 9-11 weeks total. Anything beyond that is PTO. Some companies have more generous parental leave, but some companies don't have any.

Yeah, but comparing any other Western countries maternity leave to the US is like comparing a places religious freedom to Saudi's. You guys are pretty much bottom of the barrel at it, the world over. Getting better maternity than in the US doesn't really say much! And I say that as someone getting better than in the US, but still waaaay less than any decent western country and much less than it should be imo.

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