How much is your DH involved?

catem07 · June 2016

Aside from the BD, of course, in which he is a necessary participant. We just started TTC and I'm curious how much you share your charts/OPKs/temps/CM/other various methods. My DH knows I post on this board, but I don't think he has any real idea what ovulating even is, for example. For now, he's happy for me to say we need to HIO EOD during my FW and that's enough for him.

KirstinH88 · June 2016

Thats about how involved my DH is. He knows I participate on this board, but I don't think he realizes how much I NEED this board for my sanity. He knows I temp, but I don't think he really knows why. Or what does it mean if my temp is low or high. I've tried to explain to him, but he would rather just HIO every day regardless of FW or not.

TravelingCouple · June 2016

When we first started TTC baby#1, not much other than sexing when it was go time. Now, two pregnancies later and TTC #2, DH texts me to ask if I got a + OPK around the time I'm usually fertile, if I say yes he replies "HIO time." Neither of us can crack an egg with thinking of fertile CM, and we both power through day after day of timed sex during fw, even if we don't want to. So I'd say he's pretty involved at this point. He knows I get frustrated and annoyed when it feels like it's all on me. But it was definitely gradual, he didn't know how most of it worked until we watched The Great Sperm Race together, and I filled him in on everything I'd learned the last time I was active on TB and reading book after book.

KirstinH88 · June 2016

@travelingCouple I was going to say that I want DH to sit down and watch The Great Sperm Race with me, but I don't think he would. Hmmm....

RatParade · June 2016

My H is very uninvolved, however I don't temp or use OPKs currently so there's not much for him to notice. I don't tell him when FW is or when AF is due, and he doesn't ask. He might already know these things as he has a good working knowledge of how bodies work, but if he's not asking I take it to mean he's not interested in knowing, which I am ok with. I prefer to go BSC in private. He hugs me when AF comes or I get a BFN, and then we both move on.

NYTino24 · June 2016

We are still benched, so not much. He knows I'm temping, using opks, and have read TCOYF. He can always sense when I'm about to ovulate since he tells me I get emotional. He wanted to go with me to my annual gyn appointment on Monday and I said no way. He just wants to hear her say how long we have to wait to TTC after visiting Jamaica and Grand Cayman. I said I will be honest and tell him, but I am 100% sure she will stick to the CDC recommendation of 8 weeks / 6 months. He doesn't seem to think we will have issues since I'm one of 5 and he's one of 4, so he's pretty nonchalant. I told him that I will let him know when we need to do the BD and he seemed fine with that. He's excited to not use protection. Haha

Aurora1973 · June 2016

My OH is in the "let's just keep it fun" camp. He doesn't want pressure, which I am guessing is a pretty common sentiment. So I don't hide anything from him, but don't point it out either. I suspect he has zero clue just how much I'm working at this, but I'm cool with it as long as he does what I need him to. We have an agreement that if I say no to giving him a BJ (which like all edited to be more realistic most guys he loves frequently) that he is to not give me any shit about it as the BJs will be plentiful when I'm no longer in need of his seed, LOL.

TW: loss

I will say that he was confused about the concept of a CP until I had one and explained it to him. He's adorably clueless about some of the way things work, but he was loving and supportive while I was dealing with the brunt of it, even though his mindset was totally different.

I think his attitude might be tough for some...and I certainly wish he were occasionally more excited. But he's an amazing, connected dad to my stepson, and I know he's very much looking forward to being in a place where I'm many weeks along and he can feel more attached.

jazzymommy90 · June 2016

Well my DH is very curious lol, if he doesn't understand it he wants too. So when I first started talking about OPKs and temping and charting he was so confused. I honestly thought he did not care until one day he actually bought me an OPK and said hey babe I bought this cuz I think it will help us GKU faster. I was utterly shocked that he bought it and actually knew what it was! So now we share in those moments, I tell him how I'm feeling and we actually put on the calendar what days I'm most fertile. The next thing I am teaching him is how charting works, this has been a very exciting time in our lives!

NamelessAria · June 2016

My husband knows that I post on TTC forums, temp, chart, use OPKs and whatever else. He has a very, very basic understanding of temping, charting and OPKs. Like he understands that temps tell me something about my cycles but he couldn't look at a chart and determine anything from it. And he understands that somehow a "positive OPK" tells me I'll probably ovulate soon. But he doesn't know how soon and he probably couldn't distinguish a positive OPK from a negative OPK if he were shown both.

He'll sometimes ask me about my temps or my chart. And usually at some point in my cycle he'll ask me when it looks like we'll have the next "sex marathon."

He finally decided to make an appointment with our PCP to have his hormone levels checked and such. And he's consented to having a SA done if the RE suggests it. Other than that his role is to mostly annoying tell me to "just relax" and "be patient" and to "stop being so bitter over other people's success and happiness."

mrsdaddario · June 2016

DH is actually quite involved because he has to be. Before we moved on to medicated cycles, he hated when I would say things like "we need to have sex today". He felt like a sperm bank and wanted it to be more natural. When he finally came to terms with the fact that we most likely would not get KU on our own, then he finally started to show interest and ask questions. He's a champ and will do whatever I need him to do.

kiki75 · June 2016

Mine is kind of getting more into it little by little. First it was the OPKs and he'll ask if it's blinky face or solid face. Then he watched The Great Sperm Race--which I think is a good one because it's corny enough to be funny but science-y enough to be interesting and it kind of clues him into how the odds actually work so, not to take the romance out of it but yeah, we gotta maximize our chances. Then I was watching some of Does This Baby Make Me Look Fat and he started listening and then moved over and started watching and asking questions. Then last night he was telling me that he was looking up ways to improve chances from his side. Hooray! So glad that he's kind of getting into it. He just kind of needs time to do it at his own pace or it gets really stressful and overwhelming.

@NYTino24 You might ask your Dr. if you can do a preconception appointment or if you can just have him come in for the question period at the end (or beginning). We did a separate preconception appointment because when I had my annual, the Zika news was just starting and I stupidly hadn't yet put two and two together about the possibility of him having to travel to Mexico for his job or other areas of the US that are at risk for spread. I think it was really helpful for him to go in with me to get to meet my doctor and ask questions himself. That's just how he operates, though.

librarymom917 · June 2016

Surprisingly mine is pretty involved, he researched a lot while he was at work after we officially decided to start trying this month and knows when my fertile days are and I've shown him all my OPK's(I just excitedly showed him my first positive one and he was just as excited) he knows when my next AF is due as well.. this is our first month though. He also knows I'm on this board

juliebeannn · June 2016

My DH has gradually become more involved as our ttc journey gets longer. He knows I participate on an awesome forum. He doesn't know I pee on sticks that aren't HPTs. He noticed the temping but didn't ask what that was about until just last week. I showed him my chart during the convo and he asked what all the colors were. That's when I started explaining CM and he stopped me saying that's not "need to know". Haha.

TheJerilu · June 2016

My partner is pretty adamant about not wanting to know any details. I've given him a quick rundown on how fertility cycles work (he had a really poor sex ed program growing up - thanks Texas!), so he knows that there is a vague "fertile window", but he absolutely does not want to know specifically when that is. He knows I have two "science kits" that I pee on - OPKs and wondfo pregnancy tests - but not how to read them or when/why I use them. Occasionally he'll be like, "Is that a baby science kit or the other kind in the cupboard?" He also doesn't want to know anything about CM or SHOW or anything like that. He also drew the line at temping, which is why I do not partake.

The few times I've tried to let him in on a bit more, he gets really bad performance anxiety. He's very much of the mindset that sex between partners should be an emotional thing, and HIO goes against that in his brain.

That being said, he's quite supportive of my level of involvement. He encourages me to post here, saying that he hopes I can inform and support others (swearsies that's almost an exact quote - he's a sentimental guy and gets the value of community). On days when I've been down, he reminds me that it could happen next month, take a long time or be completely impossible, and he's happy no matter what as long as I'm by his side.

I just realized the science kit thing makes him sound really dumb. He's not. He's quite intelligent, but he thinks the wondfos look like litmus tests, which he associates with high school science experiments.

AliciaGoose · June 2016

My DH pretty much knows everything. As we've gone through the process he's asked a lot of "what's that for" questions and has paid attention and learned a lot from them. He knows about the forum, temping, CM, OPKs and charting (though he's never really seen my chart so I don't know if he could decipher it). Before I just ordered Wondfos from Amazon he would actually go to the dollar store and pick up OPKs and HPTs for me. He also has a medical background (he's a pharmacist) so he already knew a lot about what was happening in my body. That being said, even though he 'knows' a lot, there are still things he prefers not to know. Like if I never said the words 'cervical mucus' to him again he would probably be the happiest man alive because he thinks it's incredibly unsexy to know the intimate details of my cervix! Which is understandable. But I still tell him because I'm mean like that.

LadyMillil · June 2016

DH is pretty involved now, especially since we have been doing IF treatments. He doesn't know a lot of details about things - like, he knows I pee on sticks that tell me when I'm ovulating, but he doesn't know that they are detecting LH. He even randomly asks about my abnormal bleeding issue. When we first started TTC he didn't want to know anything until I got a BFP but when it became obvious that I have a problem and needed his support he got much more involved.

MrsJennaSheppard03 · June 2016

DH and I just started TTC so he's still getting used to it. He knows about ovulating and my FW. He has an idea of when I am expecting AF. He wants to stay in the dark about CM lol. I mentioned the words cervical mucus to him the other day and he was like WHOA. So maybe we're not ready for that yet. He's showing a lot more interest in this kind of stuff now than he did a week ago before AF was due. Now that I'm late, he's trying to learn more about this!

mrsstuessy · June 2016

DH is very involved. He was happy to listen as I explained things gradually starting a couple months before we started TTC and I have educated him more as we started the process. So, he knows all about temping and OPKs. CM is still a little iffy for him though. He also did a bunch of research on his own a couple weeks ago and so now I would say he definitely knows way, way more than most women do. I sort of keep him a little bit updated as we go through the cycle. I tell him a few days in advance when FW is approaching and we have so far aimed for sex every day for about a week. He is more than happy to be used for his sperm. He is pretty good at just sucking it up for a quickie when that is needed. So, overall he is a really awesome supportive partner. I am grateful, because going through this alone would be really tough for me.

PepperAT · June 2016

My H is pretty involved. At first he was super naive and thought it was going to happen right away, so he couldn't be bothered to learn about anything that I was doing or what any of it meant. As the cycles go by, he gets more and more involved. He doesn't like having pressure or being on a schedule, but I have explained to him that we needs things to happen at a certain time for certain things to happen. Now he is way more involved and always asking questions. Every morning he asks what my temp is and when I started doing OPKs this cycle, he would ask "what my pee stick told me today". He probably knows way more than he should, but I like it this way and so far it doesn't seem to be hurting anything. Plus it is super cute to talk to him about everything and I can see how excited he gets about things. I don't like how sad he gets when my temp drops and we both know what's coming, but I always have someone to cry to and he just gets it, most of the time.

He also thinks that I spend WAY too much time on the bump. I am not even sorry.

AliciaGoose · June 2016

PepperAT said:

*snip*
He also thinks that I spend WAY too much time on the bump. I am not even sorry.

Yup! This is a thing. I'm off for summer now so I can get lots of bump time in during the day and fool my DH into thinking I don't come on here as often

I mean, not really, but at least he'll be happy I do it less when he's around!

PepperAT · June 2016

AliciaGoose said:

PepperAT said:

*snip*
He also thinks that I spend WAY too much time on the bump. I am not even sorry.

Yup! This is a thing. I'm off for summer now so I can get lots of bump time in during the day and fool my DH into thinking I don't come on here as often I mean, not really, but at least he'll be happy I do it less when he's around!

That is perfectly acceptable!
I can't fool him. When I am laying in bed on my phone, he just knows I am on the app by the colors on the screen. Sometimes he will ask "How are the ladies on the bump doing today?" hahaha

themrs · June 2016

Even though we just started trying, my H already knows quite a bit about TTC. Before we started, I told him I'd be reading up on everything and then I ordered OPKs and got my bbt thermometer. For the first week or so he didn't know too much, but as my chart was filling out, I would tell him about it. He asks questions about it too. I'd say he now has a pretty good understanding of what's going on. I'm glad he is involved and he is excited about it. He even did some of his own research online and sent some links to me which was cute.

MandyBeeSLP · June 2016

DH is pretty involved whether he wants to be or not. When I first read TCOYF I told him all about it, because I was enlightened I wanted him to be too. He really doesn't like to know all the details, but when I share them he knows what I'm talking about. He kinda draws the line at CM, so I just let him know when we need to be having sex and I let him know when I've ovulated (when I am temping and know). We started watching the great sperm race and never finished it, but maybe I'll try to get him to watch it with me again.

whiska · June 2016

I could just write the exact thing as @NamelessAria. He knows I do all this stuff - opks, temping, hanging out on the forum - and he's good with it. I think he actually appreciates the science involved with the opks and temping, and we both are thankful for them because hio eod for weeks sounds like a nightmare for us both. So now we just get down when I see the opks start getting dark, and stop when I see my big temp jump --> of course from his perspective it's just me telling him, "it's time," and then, "we're good for this cycle."

He was more than happy to do the SA; I guess we're well matched because I would not stand for him getting crabby doing this one thing when I have put in so much work and research on my end.

His only critique this whole time is that I shouldn't care so much. In fact he said it again yesterday when we decided to just do a few more unmedicated cycles following the hsg. It seemed so dismissive at first but as time goes on it is looking more and more attractive!

LadyMillil · June 2016

whiska said:

I could just write the exact thing as @NamelessAria. He knows I do all this stuff - opks, temping, hanging out on the forum - and he's good with it. I think he actually appreciates the science involved with the opks and temping, and we both are thankful for them because hio eod for weeks sounds like a nightmare for us both. So now we just get down when I see the opks start getting dark, and stop when I see my big temp jump --> of course from his perspective it's just me telling him, "it's time," and then, "we're good for this cycle."

He was more than happy to do the SA; I guess we're well matched because I would not stand for him getting crabby doing this one thing when I have put in so much work and research on my end.

His only critique this whole time is that I shouldn't care so much. In fact he said it again yesterday when we decided to just do a few more unmedicated cycles following the hsg. It seemed so dismissive at first but as time goes on it is looking more and more attractive!

DH grumbled a bit about doing the SA because you have to "collect your specimen" at home and then drive it within 30 minutes to the lab and the closest location is 25 minutes away, plus the whole at 1PM you MUST have your sample ready because that's your drop off time put pressure on him. I let him complain and then just looked at him and described my HSG and everything else I've been doing and said that the least he could do was *colourful slang* in a cup.

AliciaGoose · June 2016

@PepperAT My DH will literally ask the exact same question! If I'm quietly sitting on my phone while he's doing something he just assumes I'm here and goes "How are your bump friends?" Also if he does something ridiculous or gets upset he goes "Did you tell the people on the bump about that?"

77samiam · June 2016

My DH is a superstar! I'm super freaked out by needles so he gives me all of my daily injections with a big smile and continues to be the strong one.

pretzel2plus1 · June 2016

AliciaGoose said:

@PepperAT My DH will literally ask the exact same question! If I'm quietly sitting on my phone while he's doing something he just assumes I'm here and goes "How are your bump friends?" Also if he does something ridiculous or gets upset he goes "Did you tell the people on the bump about that?"

H asks the same thing! Every time something happens he wants to know if I "told the bump ladies." lol.

He's pretty involved now, since we've been TTC for almost a year, but like many of you, it was a gradual process. He actually mentioned something the other day about temping and other signs and I was all "YOU DO UNDERSTAND!" I'm not sure he could interpret a chart, but he definitely knows that my temps tell me when I ovulate, and he loves that I now use the CBAD OPKs because he can read the smiley faces. He prefers that I refer to CM as cervical fluid instead of mucus. He's just pretty grossed out by the word mucus, but he knows that CM is usually my first sign that it's go-time, so he doesn't mind if I mention it.

TravelingCouple · June 2016

@KirstinH88 It's pretty interesting in general, even if you aren't TTC. And the video is well done (if you haven't seen it already), it keeps your attention. It's not too cheesy either, which is why DH made it through it.

KirstinH88 · June 2016

@TravelingCouple I have watched about 1/2 of it. My issue is that I keep watching it at night, in bed, so I keep falling asleep.

Marley629 · June 2016

We are 10 months in and at first OH knew a lot. It was starting to take a toll on us and I think he felt under pressure when he knew when FW was. So for this cycle I am curbing my TTC talk, and debating whether or not to continue temping but kinda hide it from him (i prob will bc it's a control thing for me) he expressed that our sex life felt like work since TTC and I have felt same way (our schedules do not help this) so I am hoping it improves when he knows less and I can take on that part.

[Deleted User] · June 2016

H is all in on all the knowledge. He knows when I get a positive OPK, when I think I'm ovulating, when I have ewcm, when I will be testing. He also takes several vitamins every day, doesn't drink from the end of my period until after I confirm ovulation. He has even left work early to have sex! I think he has also done a certain amount of male fertility research on his own that I'm not aware of because he will randomly tell me things like "beets are natural viagra" and whatnot.

We are in the "keep it fun" camp - we don't have sex if we just are too tired or simply not in the mood and we keep sex fun. No reason you can't have great sex and also know when you're ovulating. (although I have the luxury of saying that because H does not have performance anxiety... obviously if the guy does then it's a different story).

RedBreast35 · June 2016

I think we fall into the category where he has a general idea I do all these things like temping, charting, researching, but I draw the line at discussing CM. For both of our sakes. I also don't think I've actually told him I post on here- he knows I follow "some TTC community" but I don't think he knows I'm actually "part" of the community. I'm not sure he'd be down with it for some reason.
I'm kind of jealous of those of you who have DHs who are really involved, do their own research, and read TB with you. Mine didn't believe me that it could take a healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant until his doctor told him the same thing

meilay · June 2016

He's getting a bit more involved as time goes on. He started out pretty adamantly opposed to knowing anything at all but that only lasted the first cycle. As time goes on, he asks questions here and there and tries to understand what's going on. He's supportive of whatever I choose to do in this process and that's a huge improvement from the beginning of the journey.

catrb89 · June 2016

I'm very thankful DH is pretty involved. We've watched a lot of documentaries about conception and birth, and he's really knowledgeable about everything at this point. He's taking some supplements and trying to support my crazy ass. It feels like everyone is getting pregnant, including my workplace bully who's nearly 40. I'm impatient and dealing with other medical issues so I'm defensively pessimistic. Regardless, I'm grateful for a man who is happy about a positive OPK and slippery CM.

onefootinthebayou · June 2016

W/o H, there would be no process. I've never wanted to get pregnant or have a baby before being with him (& even now that I want to I'm dreading it) so I've asked him to take on the role of "director" to get me to do what needs to be done to get through this process. He's also very patient with me and my abandoned attempts to temp & chart. Now that we've been trying for a year (although I've been half-assing it) we started seeing an RE and he goes to the appointments with me b/c I probably wouldn't go otherwise. He doesn't pressure me but I needed him to take a leadership role in our TTC process or else nothing would get done. This is a team effort but if he wasn't involved, family planning wouldn't be happening. I'm grateful for his support but more than anything, I'm grateful that I'd be happy with just him forever if we don't have a child.

housewifehobbyist · June 2016

My H is very involved in knowing things, I let him know when FW is approaching and if/when I turn an opk. He asks about my temp around fertile week and wants to analyze my chart after to see what days we hit. He also takes extra vitamins at my request. He does make fun of me for peeing on so many things though. He's been really good and supportive with all the issues we've had, and I wouldn't want to do all this without such a strong supportive partner.

GrabberBlue2010 · June 2016

My DH is kind of 50/50. He found the Great Sperm Race and watched it and then watched it again with me. He had a general knowledge about TTC for average couples and the science behind it (he is very logical and to the point) But with me, and my PCOS and hormones and yada yada yada, he has learned that we are not an "average couple" and we (I) do not function normally. He has always been there for every doctor appointment. He has always listened to new stuff I find. He is attempting to eat healthier along side me. He quit smoking because he knows that is bad TTC. He also quit drinking. Emotionally he is with me 100%. He does not understand temping and charting. He does not really see the benefit like I do. He recently got on board with HIO as much as possible. But this past week he wants to take a more "care free" approach... AKA - his way.
While he is supportive in every aspect, he is mostly involved with keeping me calm and collected and there when I go BSC

How much is your DH involved?

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