Community› The Bump Month Clubs› June 2016 Moms
June 2016 Moms
New Discussion

Postpartum Visitors: Rants & Raves

vintagevix2016vintagevix2016 member
in June 2016 Moms
We are nearing the end of June and I know many of you have already delivered and are home recovering with your bundle(s) of joy. Along with the highs and lows of postpartum recovery, we have the added bonus of visitors! So let's here those stories if you have them! 

Report Reply to Post

Re: Postpartum Visitors: Rants & Raves

  • Rawa1416Rawa1416 member
    Rave: mil was amazing their first week here. She cooked, stocked our freezer with meals, did our laundry, entertained DD, and even worked out the yard for us. 
    Rant: my mom was here last week and got her feelings hurt because we wouldn't let her help the way she wanted to help aka hold DS all day long. She would sit and pout and not be helpful at all. She kept trying to discipline DD and then would buy her things after she noticed DD starting to act standoffish towards her. She went to the store several times to get things for herself and never offered to pick anything up for us while she was out. The list goes on and on...
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • AmberLiz99AmberLiz99 member
    Rave: my mom came down and watched the kids overnight twice do that dh could stay in the hospital with me and the new baby. She also helped me do laundry and get freezer meals made, which is awesome

    rant: despite being helpful, my mom has also been kind of pushy about the way my kids "should behave", enforcing rules we don't have, etc. im super grateful she had been here, but I'm also kind of ready for her to go home tomorrow. 

    Thank goodness MIL isn't coming to visit! Neither dh or I could handle that!!!! 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  
     

    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • rlbrooks84rlbrooks84 member
    edited June 2016
    Rave: my dh took our boys camping a week after DD was born and it was just her and I at home and it was AMAZING! I love my boys but they are driving me a little batty and I'm looking forward to school starting in August! 

    Rant: my DH feels that since I'm not working anymore I should be able to handle all of the night feedings and he's not planning on helping at night. He doesn't really help during the day unless I don't give him the option. He takes DD when I do bath time for the boys but otherwise I feel like kicking him in the nuts! I came home from running errands with all the children and he didn't even clean the 3 dirty bottles I left by the sink. Seriously you just sat on the couch and didn't give a shit!

    just realized this rave and rant are totally off topic, sorry.
    Report Reply
  • vintagevix2016vintagevix2016 member
    edited June 2016
    Rave: My parents will arrive on Tuesday for a short visit (they're staying at a hotel) and intend to cook dinner for us while they're here, keep their visits super short so they don't interfere with our new routine and bonding time, and run errands for us. They've also offered to watch him if my husband and I want to do something just the two of us. 

    Rant: The in-laws visited for a few days this past week and weren't helpful at all. They camped out on the couch, arguing over who would get to hold our son. We pretty much had to entertain them, cook for them, and clean up after them. My MiL argued with me over feedings. She felt that I shouldn't be waking him (as she was holding him of course) just to feed because "He's so comfy and it's not like he's hungry anyway. Don't bother him!" Um, he hasn't eaten in 3hrs, it's time to feed him. Give me my child. 

    @rlbrooks84 That's okay :smile: That was awesome of your husband to take the boys for a bit to allow you some one-on-one time! I'm sorry to hear that he hasn't been more helpful though, I know that's extremely frustrating (and tiring I'm sure!). 
    Report Reply
  • ashleygray89ashleygray89 member
    Rave- my mom has been amazing she had helped with the house work and showed me alot of things I had no clue about also hubby's dad and step mom have been amazing bringing food and watching little one so we could shower and nap

    Rant- my hubby's mother and step dad and half sister who has partially something wrong with her come over and they are super loud and they upset the baby passing him around and I literally freak our and panic on the inside watching them try to let b his sister hold the baby bc she can't grasp the hold the head thing.. I literally freak out and panic on the inside. .. which is a situation that will be addressed asap bc I can't deal with that! 
    Report Reply
  • vintagevix2016vintagevix2016 member
    ashleygray89 said:
    Rave- my mom has been amazing she had helped with the house work and showed me alot of things I had no clue about also hubby's dad and step mom have been amazing bringing food and watching little one so we could shower and nap

    Rant- my hubby's mother and step dad and half sister who has partially something wrong with her come over and they are super loud and they upset the baby passing him around and I literally freak our and panic on the inside watching them try to let b his sister hold the baby bc she can't grasp the hold the head thing.. I literally freak out and panic on the inside. .. which is a situation that will be addressed asap bc I can't deal with that! 
    I know exactly how you feel. It can be so stressful watching others manhandle your child. I hope things are resolved for you sooner rather than later! That is wonderful tho that you have some super helpful people that have made your life a wee bit easier, if only for a short time.

    I had to politely correct my in laws when they initially started holding our son. My FiL pretty much ignored me and let him drape over his beer belly (back arched and head below his heart basically). Needless to say, he didn't hold him often.
    Report Reply
  • ashkee05ashkee05 member
    Here is my rant and rave mixed in go one: no one came to visit us and our baby at all. Everyone's excuse was we thought you'd have too many visitors. While this was nice it also kind of hurt. Oh well 
    nws
    Report Reply
  • rlbrooks84rlbrooks84 member
    @ashkee05 sorry that sucks that you didn't have visitors, I know if my family didn't come to visit I'd be bummed out. I wouldn't mind if my in laws didn't show up since they are useless and don't do anything to help but that's a rant for another time. Is any of your family planning on coming out? You could always tell your friends that you'd like to get together and then if they are invited over they won't feel like they are intruding. I'm not very social so some of my friends gave me a bit of time before coming over and I only had one friend visit us in the hospital. I was totally okay with that but I know it would have hurt if no one came to see us. Try not to let this get you down, you had a beautiful little boy! 
    Report Reply
  • ashleygray89ashleygray89 member
    It is stressful watching other people hold your baby like that.. it was everything I had not to snatch him up... i hate to be rude. But I guess I will be If I need to be from here on out bc the image of his sister trying to hold him is stuck in my head.. just can't get over it! 
    Report Reply
  • adiaz132003adiaz132003 member
    Our first week was insane. We were getting zero sleep and people were here every day.  My mom still comes all he time but it's to watch him while I shower or for my many appointments I have to go to. Assuming he gets a good nap in tomorrow will be the first chance I get to "sleep when baby sleeps" besides nighttime.  
    Report Reply
  • AOliveira11AOliveira11 member
    Hated having so many people visit. I feel very blessed to have wonderful people in my life, but more than an hour stay was a bit overwhelming when i had to have my hubby help me in and out of the bathroom cuz of the pain from the c-section. My best friend and his fiance came to visit and my bestie is also her godfather. His fiance would not stop taling photos and when she finally did just kept singing to my baby. This really bothered me bc so far that is something she and i do special for bedtime and while this girl did not kno that...i still was a bit put off. I enjoy my bonding time with my daughter in our special way so i don't want other people doing it. 
    ~* Met Husband: July 26, 2009 <3Said Yes: July 26, 2010 <3Married:  September 10, 2011 <3Baby Due: June 17, 2016 *~


    Report Reply
  • vintagevix2016vintagevix2016 member
    My parents arrived yesterday and brought dinner with them when they came over at 6:30pm. They also only stayed for about an hour and a half, which was really nice so we were able to keep to our new routines. Today they're doing a big grocery run for us and cooking dinner tonight as well. It's total night/day compared to the visit from the in laws last week, who camped out for hours at our place and weren't helpful at all.
    Report Reply
  • AmberLiz99AmberLiz99 member
    Friends popping in this afternoon. At first they said they would bring dinner, than they said they "might bring something", and now it's just "we'll text you when we are on our way" and they are bring all three of their uncontrollable kids. Ugh 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  
     

    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • vintagevix2016vintagevix2016 member
    AmberLiz99 said:
    Friends popping in this afternoon. At first they said they would bring dinner, than they said they "might bring something", and now it's just "we'll text you when we are on our way" and they are bring all three of their uncontrollable kids. Ugh 
    We had 4 friends drop by altogether the other day, luckily they only stayed for about an hour so it wasn't too bad. They didn't bring anything either tho. It feels kinda wrong to expect people to bring something buuuut at the same, it's just good manners and a nice gesture as well. 
    Report Reply
  • AmberLiz99AmberLiz99 member
    vintagevix86 said:
    AmberLiz99 said:
    Friends popping in this afternoon. At first they said they would bring dinner, than they said they "might bring something", and now it's just "we'll text you when we are on our way" and they are bring all three of their uncontrollable kids. Ugh 
    We had 4 friends drop by altogether the other day, luckily they only stayed for about an hour so it wasn't too bad. They didn't bring anything either tho. It feels kinda wrong to expect people to bring something buuuut at the same, it's just good manners and a nice gesture as well. 
    I would never expect people to bring something, it's just that they started out offering it because they are coming at dinner time, and now it's clear they don't intent to (which means they will want to eat here still since they don't like to eat out). That's all I meant about the offer. Dint really feel like feeding people and their picky kids today
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  
     

    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • vintagevix2016vintagevix2016 member
    AmberLiz99 said:
    vintagevix86 said:
    AmberLiz99 said:
    Friends popping in this afternoon. At first they said they would bring dinner, than they said they "might bring something", and now it's just "we'll text you when we are on our way" and they are bring all three of their uncontrollable kids. Ugh 
    We had 4 friends drop by altogether the other day, luckily they only stayed for about an hour so it wasn't too bad. They didn't bring anything either tho. It feels kinda wrong to expect people to bring something buuuut at the same, it's just good manners and a nice gesture as well. 
    I would never expect people to bring something, it's just that they started out offering it because they are coming at dinner time, and now it's clear they don't intent to (which means they will want to eat here still since they don't like to eat out). That's all I meant about the offer. Dint really feel like feeding people and their picky kids today
    That's very true, to go from "we will bring something" to having to feed the guests is a lot to handle when you have a newborn and kids in tow already. I hope it goes smoothly! 
    Report Reply
  • NLewis1NLewis1 member
    My parents planned their month long vacation really poorly. Thy were leaving a week after my due date - because my dad was adamant that I would go early. Ummmm not how that works. I ended up being induced at 40+4 and they left two days later. And they are out of the country with no phone service, so I can't even call my mom. My in laws then had to go to another state to move my husbands grandma into assisted living, and of course while everyone was gone is when literally everyone in my house but the baby comes down with a horrible cold and ear infections. I also took my son out of daycare this week for vacation - which I had to schedule 2 weeks ahead of time - obviously didn't realize we would all be so sick this week! So I'm juggling two kids by myself while I'm sick and my husband is at work. It's awesome.

    my one sister is no help - she can't even keep her own poop in a group so it's useless to ask her for help with mine. The kids and I are making the 4 hour drive to my oldest sisters this weekend though and she and her girls (15, 12 and 9) are all super helpful, especially with my 2 year old. 

    All of my friends that have even bothered to visit have been ones I took dinner to when they had babies - I know I shouldn't have expected them to return that kindness so I'm working on letting that irritation go. 

    And then there are my cousins who all live literally down the street from me and pass my house multiple times a day who haven't even bothered to call or stop and see the baby. I should know by now they don't give a shit about us but it still kinda hurts my feelings, especially since they went and saw my sisters baby while they were still in the hospital. 
    Mrs. H
    Crohn's Dx: August 2008
    Endometriosis Dx: May 2010
    Married: 05/19/2012
    TTC #1: June 2013
    BFP: December 2013
    DS: Born 08/29/2014
    TTC #2: July 2015

    BFP #2: September 25, 2015

    Report Reply
  • yoshi1230yoshi1230 member
    Most of out visitors have been very helpful and I am very thankful for everything they have done. My MIL cleaned all the floors in my house and has been keeping up with the dishes. My mother was around for 5 days teaching me the ropes and how to do things. My only rant (and it seems petty) is my MIL is well meaning but cannot change a diaper without getting poop on everything. Despite having had 3 children and 2 other grandchildren she manages to get poop on the changing pad cover, and the baby's clothes every single time. Then she will bring me the baby and ask me to change her clothes since there is poop. I have done sooooo much extra laundry because of this but I know she is well meaning. At this point I have told my husband not to let her change diapers and keep insisting that he needs the practice so let him do it. I don't want to hurt her feelings either. 
    Report Reply
  • Jgar2u2Jgar2u2 member
    My mom has been amazing. She watched our kids while we were in the hospital. She took them to an amusement park the day I was in labor to keep them occupied. She bought us food for the house/dinner for the day we came home. When she brought the kids to visit at the hospital she brought a gift, which is not necessary especially since she has done so much but gift giving a new grand baby is generally something a grand parent does, right? She bought some diapers awhile ago for us and an outfit with some other random things our other kids helped pick out for their new baby brother. 

    THEN my in-laws visited the hospital. They had no gift for the baby and have yet to get us anything, even a card. I really dont expect gifts but do find it odd that they dont get something for the arrival of a grand baby. Also, while at the hospital my FIL held the baby for about 5 minutes then passed him to MIL. He then went to the couch in my hospital room and slept for an hour or two. He was snoring. We had to wake him up and then they went home. Who sleeps the day they meet their grandkid? Geez... Might as well have stayed home. He did that once at our daughter's bday party. He likes to complain that we dont bring the kids over enough but then falls asleep when we do visit or he visits us. 
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Report Reply
  • vintagevix2016vintagevix2016 member
    After an awesome visit from my parents, I think my husband was even moreso annoyed with his parents and how unhelpful they were during their visit. I don't think it's the fact that they didn't offer to run errands, cook, or whatever that bothered him the most though. I think he felt they monopolized our son and robbed my husband of bonding time.

    He spoke with his Dad this week, who lamented not being here to hold our son "so you don't have to." The response was, "That's the opposite of what I wanted from you guys during your visit. Hogging my son for hours as you camped on our couch during the first week he was home while we entertained you wasn't helpful at all. I just wanted to bond with him and I didn't get that chance." I'm glad he said something but it was also a "too little, too late" thing and I think he only hurt his Dad's feelings more than anything else.

    Report Reply
  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    ashleygray89 said:

    Rant- my hubby's mother and step dad and half sister who has partially something wrong with her come over and they are super loud and they upset the baby passing him around and I literally freak our and panic on the inside watching them try to let b his sister hold the baby bc she can't grasp the hold the head thing.. I literally freak out and panic on the inside. .. which is a situation that will be addressed asap bc I can't deal with that! 
    "Partially something wrong with her". I'm not even sure what this means. 
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"