AMA moms

Teach123 · June 2016

Looking for those AMA moms to lean on.

Today at work, a coworker was talking about her daughter who has recently announced she is pregnant. She's in her 20s. Her due date is actually just a couple of days different than mine. I haven't told anyone my news yet. She was talking about how she's happy about this surprise because her daughter is the kind of person who would just never get around to having children and would be 35 before she thought about it.

I jumped in and jokingly said hey now that's hitting close to home. We all laughed because I have a 3 year old and was close to 34 when I had him. Then she said, think about it now, 45 with a 10-year-old. I was like yeah, yeah I know.

Now, I'm worried about telling them I'm pregnant even though I obviously will need to say something in the next few weeks because I'll start to show. I know it was in joking, but deep down they really were saying that's too old to have a kid. I'm worried about being judged, which is crazy because I know they'll be happy for me but I also worry what they'll be thinking deep down.

Anyone else have negative feedback about your age and being pregnant?

cjs260 · June 2016

I'm not AMA, but seriously. How rude. People need to keep their noses out of other people's uteruses. I'm sorry you've had to hear that. You are not too old to have a kid. Do people expect you to be incapable of caring for a child at 45 or above? Ugh. How ridiculous. Hugs your way.

LCartee2016 · June 2016

I'm also not AMA but my aunt had my cousin (miracle baby!) when she was 40 and is really self conscious because of her age. I think comments like that are absolutely rude and show a blatant disregard for someone who might be in that situation.

katesmama0706 · June 2016

I'm not AMA, in fact just the opposite, I had my first at 21, and I'll be just barely 23 when this baby is born. But I have gotten lots of negatice reactions about having babies at my age. Despite that I've been married for 3 years, people seem to think I need to be "busy doing young people things". Drives me nuts. My family planning is none of your business people!

LoneStar21416 · June 2016

They should be ashamed and embarrassed after you announce. Try not to internalize their stupidity. I wouldn't give another thought to what they think about your age; it has no bearing on you and your family. It is hurtful though and I'm sorry you had to go through that!

I haven't had any comments about my age, but I feel like people constantly wonder, and ask, when me and my husband will have children, as we are approaching our 6 year wedding anniversary. I personally don't think that's weird at all, but apparently a lot of people do. Someone always has something to say. I ignore and move on.

Becid24 · June 2016

I am 37 will turn 38 just weeks before my baby is due. I've had some not great reactions to my pregnancy but really I don't care. I had talked with my dr after a surprise pregnancy last year that ended in Mmc and asked if my age played a factor. He said absolutely not, I'm healthy and active and nothing should stop me from trying again. I had my first child an hour before my 21st birthday and then my 2nd at 30 my 3rd at 32 and now last one at 38. I will have a 17 your old, 7 yr old & 5 yr old & newborn . I take care of all of them with my spouse so I don't care what other people really have to say about it.

EH112212 · June 2016

I will be AMA (by a whole month :-) ). But really it's no one's business but yours. One of my co-workers has three kids and she was AMA for all three. They are wonderful kids and the oldest is now ten. Another co-worker had an almost two years old, she was AMA then and I know they are trying for number 2 as well. People need to mind their own biz.

Vivi20 · June 2016

That's completely absurd. I don't think you, or any one else here, is too old to have a baby. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having babies well into your 30's. I might even venture to say it's better to wait, for a variety of reasons, but even still there are younger mothers who ARE ready, too, and that's all good. I'm 33 now, and I didn't have my first till I was 30. I'm sure we'll go for a third, God willing, and if so I will be at least 36-37 when that happens.
Don't let their comments get to you.

susykat77 · June 2016

AMA here. I'll be 39 when the babe is born. Fortunately, I haven't gotten any negative comments but I have freaked out about my age. I am so sorry that your co-worker said those things. I feel like it is more common these day to be an older mom than to be a younger mom - but that just might the a location thing too because back home in Mississippi, plenty of my high school friends have teenage kids. So I don't know. To each their own. Either way, I hear ya. Hang in there mama.

canavara · June 2016

Not AMA either, but that is damn rude of your coworker. It weirds me out that AMA is even a discussion outside for anyone to have outside of the doctor's office. It's easy to reframe things positively for having a child in your 30s instead of 20s just as much as it's easy to put a positive spin on having a child in your 20s. I'll be 32 when this baby, my first, is born--but I don't really care. You're only as old as you feel like you are, and for me at least, I think having a LO in my 30s will actually keep me young and active.

Teach123 · June 2016

Thanks ladies. Having children well into your 30s isn't uncommon in my area and definitely not to my generation. This coworker is old enough to be my mom, and i just think she's thinking about the ages her group of friends was when they started having kids. I also think it shows just how shocked she's going to be when I tell her because it's obvious she has no idea, or she wouldn't have said that out loud in front of me.

I had said that I we were probably done. It had been two years with no luck, so we really weren't expecting this to happen. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it, hence why we haven't told anyone. I know that God has a plan though, and this child is part of it for my little family.

Although I'm not one to care what other people think, I guess part of it bothered me a little because it's true. I was the person who focused on my education, career and then continued my education for a career change that would be more family friendly. Then, I got around to marriage and children. It's just the course my life has taken, and I wouldn't change any of it. It's made me who I am and prepared me to be the mother I am. That's a great mother who loves my little boy with all my heart, and I'll love this one the same. Even if I am old.

Vivi20 · June 2016

@Teach123 I think it's FANTASTIC that you finished your education, established your career, then married and are now having a child. That sounds like a pretty ideal set up, to me. I'm going to encourage my own daughter to go about it the same way, too. She may not want to be a career woman (I didn't want to, either), BUT having an education and work experience under her belt before she starts a family is my goal for her.
And you're not old.

Edited because it's early and words are hard.

Smiley-1980 · June 2016

I'm 35 and will be 36 when this one is born, I had my daughter at 32. I sometimes still feel so young and can't even believe people consider this to be "old" to have kids. I really can't imagine having kids when I was 10 yrs younger.

julianna88-2 · June 2016

I'm not an AMA. People can be so damn RUDE! For me I had my first child at the age of 20,23, 26 and people are like your crazy. So young with three kids. I just tell them thank god you don't pay my bills or take care of my kids.

LastMango · June 2016

Smiley-1980 said:

I'm 35 and will be 36 when this one is born, I had my daughter at 32. I sometimes still feel so young and can't even believe people consider this to be "old" to have kids. I really can't imagine having kids when I was 10 yrs younger.

This! I was 32 when I had my daughter and will be 35 when this one is born. I absolutely was not ready for kids 10 years ago and was too busy living it up to think about it. I still feel young and feel like this is the right time for me to be a mother. Everyone's got an opinion. Don't let it get to you.

ChaoticWolf · June 2016

I'm not an AMA mom, but I feel you on the rudeness of some people. All my family has been super supportive but anyone outside my little circle has been really condescending about how young I am, even though I'm 23 (24 by my due date). They're telling me stuff like I should've been born in an earlier generation to have kids this young and that they're surprised any millennials even want kids. I even got one lady who told me I needed to finish high school before moving on to kids (lady I'm married and in my 20's!).... I wish people would just stay out of our uterus's!

sldp123 · June 2016

Agreeing with everyone else.

45 with a 10yo sounds like the norm to me. I will be 35 when these babies are born. I was 26 when I had my son. He just turned 8 and I feel like I'm one of the youngest moms among his classmates' and sports friends' parents. So I'm assuming I'll fit right in when these babies are older, haha. Don't let it get you down, it's a different time now than it was when your coworker had kids.

curlysue22 · June 2016

The "45 with a 10 year old" comment is really throwing me for a loop. I don't see how that is even remotely an issue? 45 is not an old lady! Geez, my mom is 62 and takes care of my DD all day long without any issues. Your coworker has a skewed perspective in my opinion. Maybe this is making her feel old herself and she's having a weird reaction to that.
I did have a coworker once gasp and say "wow, child bride!" when she found out I was married. I was 27 at the time. People are weird.

ChaoticWolf · June 2016

@curlysue22 Lmao at the "child bride" comment. One of my friends was 21 when she got married and everyone said things like that to her. I was like... "Uh, what? She is legally an adult and can do all the "adult" things that you all can, including legally drinking alcohol."

Vivi20 · June 2016

Wouldn't having a baby later in life help to keep you young? The 45 year old women I've known who have grown or nearly grown children always seem older to me, but the same aged women with 8, 9, 10 year olds always seem much younger (looks and attitude). Meh, I don't know. Just an observation I've made.

sagoon · June 2016

People are so rude. I notice that no one ever gives men shit about this. Donald Trump fathers a child at age 60, Hugh Hefner at age 65, and no one is wondering where they will be when the kid is 10.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · June 2016

Just chiming in to agree with the others. It's none of their business and they are out of line. You shouldn't be worried what they think, they should be worried what you think and embarrassed once you announce.

Goodkarma72 · June 2016

The universe has given me a surprise pregnancy at 44. If I'm lucky, I'll be *54* with a 10 year old!

Knottie1443924966 · June 2016

Here's what you should focus on. Because what we focus on is what becomes our perception.

Be grateful that you experienced your life. Walked your path and lived out your twenties. Established a career, found a mate, got married and settled down.

You are in a secure mental state with the capabilities to teach and guide your child through your personal experiences.

You have developed patience, empathy and understanding that everyone is just trying to do their best.

Yes, it is a wonderful gift to have children in your twenties but it is also a wonderful gift to have a child in your thirties. Both experiences are different and both are wonderful.

I will be midway through 31 once our baby arrives and I wouldn't change the timing for the world.

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