Induced labor or D&E

JustLilOMe · May 2016

Please forgive me if I am posting in the wrong place, but I am looking for some guidance from other moms who have gone through this. Most moms in the miscarrige board have gone though early miscarriges. I'm here in between early and late losses.

I am sad to find myself here. It was difficult to come to term that my husband and I will have to terminate this pregnancy due congenital diaphragmatic hernia. By the time I terminate this pregnancy, I should be about 18 weeks (not too early, yet not too far into pregnancy). My doctor have given us the option of induced labor or d&e. After hearing details about procedure, I just don't know what to do. Induced labor will take 24-36 hours. I will get to see and hold baby. D&E I will be asleep and it will be over quickly and be home same night. However, I will not see her as I've been told her body will not be in whole, which makes me sick thinking about it. I honestly don't know what to do. Part of me wants this done and over with quickly, yet another part of me wants to see her, then again I'm not sure if I can handle emotionally going through labor. I'm scared and heartbroken.

Deepoet · May 2016

Hi! I am sorry that you have to join our quiet little group!
I just went through something similar a few months ago. On March 1st I had the D&E done and our Princess became an Angel because my water broke at almost 17 weeks and there was no hope to save her.

This is a very personal choice. You have to be able to live with the decision. Would you regret not holding her? When DH and I had to make this very same decision, i knew that emotionally I would not be able to deal with labor and delivery, and holding her would hurt more than anything! We had the D&E done, and in a few short days I was physically back to normal and emotionally starting to heal.
We had her remains cremated and I keep her in a frame with her ultrasounds and stuff by my bed.
I do not regret my decision. If you have time to speak to a therapist or someone like that, I did. It helps especially to talk through your choices.

Message me if you need to talk!

msunshine123 · June 2016

I am so sorry for all that you are experiencing. So many hugs to you. My experience is different because I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and a loss at 39 weeks. I am forever grateful to have met my son at 39 weeks. I was able to hold and kiss him. We have his pictures, foot prints and a lock of his hair... However I do agree with the previous poster that in the end it is a very personal choice and whatever you choose is best for you and your family. There is no right or wrong.

kwrightnb · June 2016

Im so sorry your going through this. That is a very hard decision to make, and ultimately it is your decision but ill share my story as it might help.
Last year in may my first child lillian's heart stopped beating at 28 weeks along. I was induced and it was obviously not a good experience. My DH and i decided we did not want to see or hold her.. because she passed away weeks before we were told she might not look so cute and human like a full term healthy baby.. we were offered pictures to look at later in life if we were ever ready to see but we turned that down also.
Sometimes i regret it, but im glad we didnt see. I have a beautiful image of my daughter lillian in my head, and nothing takes that away. When i dream of her i see a beautiful little girl.
Ultimately do what you think you can handle. Im pretty weak, and seeing her like that would have had an extremely negative impact on me.
I know some people find peace in holding and loving their little baby. So if you feel it will help you find closure then maybe that's best.
Good luck And ill be thinking of you and your family.

JustLilOMe · June 2016

Thank you all for sharing your personal experience and advice. I really appreciate all the support. I'm just really sad and numb. This feeling of emptiness is just awful. I know in time things will be better, but I hate the fact that this is my reality. I still can't believe it.

Deepoet · June 2016

@JustLilOMe
I understand that feeling of emptiness. I hate that I get so angry looking at other women who are pregnant. It also annoys me when people who dont know start asking about her! Its been quite rough! But we are strong resilient women and we can get through this! Like a bunch of really smart people on this site keep telling me, take it easy on yourself! and take care of you!!!

prayingforbabyh · June 2016

I'm really sorry you are going through this. It is a very personal decision, and no matter what you choose, please know there is no wrong choice. There is only the right choice for you.

I had a D&E April 21st and our baby girl went to heaven at 21 weeks. I know myself, and I could not handle labor and delivery. When going through everything, we asked ourselves if labor and delivery was something we wanted. We knew it wasn't for the both of us.My husband asked me that if I held her, would I be able to let her go? If I saw her, and she didn't look like what I pictured in my mind, would I be ok? I decided, that no, I wouldn't ever be able to let her go, and I don't think I would have my sanity after I had to. I do have what I picture her in my mind to look like, my skin color and her daddies eyes. Our baby girl had triploidy, and was only measuring at 17 weeks even though she was 21 weeks, so my dr said she wouldn't look how I expected her to look. It's a tough choice to make, one that we should never have to make. I had a caring staff and an amazing doctor, and that also with having my D&E, they took care of me as soon as they took me back. I was able to get her foot prints, so if you go the route of D&E, that is something you may want to ask that they can do for you, if you would like them. We also had our baby girl cremated at a local funeral home, and picked out a pink baby Urn that her ashes are in, so she is at home with us. What my doctor told us is they normally cremate the babies at the hospital and dispose of their ashes, but we wanted her ashes, and they worked with us and we made it happen. I just wanted to share my experience with you, although I kept this very short.
Please let me know if you have any questions or want to talk. Don't hesitate to pm me.

gfgrump · June 2016

I also did the D and E a little before 22 weeks.my water broke right around 21. We tried to stay pregnant but within 4 days I passed the biggest clot I'd ever seen and we knew it was over.
I knew that I did not want to go through labor. That just seemed like cruel and unusual punishment to me, but I fully respect everyones choices and what's right for them.
The whole thing is really awful and you should do whatever is right for you. I was physically healed in a few days and could focus on the emotional.
My husband was great and told me it was my body and he would support whatever decision was right for me, but he really didn't want to go through a delivery either. To us, it was a way of taking out a baby that had already passed.
I know it was the right decision for me, and I'm completely at peace with my decision. The image I have in my.mind is what I saw on the ultrasounds when he was still healthy.
We had a small ceremony a week after and I think taht helped a lot. We got to honor him in a way that felt right to us.
Best of luck with your decision and the hard road ahead. So sorry you are here.
Hugs

Induced labor or D&E

Re: Induced labor or D&amp;E

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Induced labor or D&amp;E

Re: Induced labor or D&amp;amp;E

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Induced labor or D&E

Re: Induced labor or D&E