Nervous after miscarriages

haj1213 · May 2016

Last year I miscarried twice, back to back. The last one was pretty brutal, physically and emotionally and my husband was especially devastated. I told my husband last night that I took a few pregnancy tests that all came back positive. He smiled and hugged me but I could feel some hesitation from him. He expressed to me that he is scared to get his hopes up and nervous of the outcome (which I totally understand). At the same time though, I want to stay positive and this is something I feel we should able to be happy and excited about. I'm trying to think of ways to make him feel better about things and happy. Anyone have any ideas on how I can do that or been through anything similar?

ceclarlinetlo · May 2016

Lurking from Jan 2017 - I am also pregnant again for the 3rd time after 2 missed miscarriages back to back last year so I completely understand the difficulty of allowing yourself to be excited. If I start feeling anxious (which has happened a good number of times in the last 2.5 weeks) then I acknowledge that I have a good reason to feel anxious but then I counter it by telling myself that staying detached and not being excited now will not make it one bit easier if God forbid something sad happen again. It's better to enjoy what time you have. After a little while I am able to feel excited again (it's not an immediate "all better" thing)

Fx this is your double rainbow and you and your DH are able to enjoy this time.

chickyclg · May 2016

I have had several losses and I was able to get answers after a RPL panel was ran.

Some me doctors make you wait until your 3rd loss, but you can push for it. I found out that I have a couple reasons that I miscarry and need to be on blood thinners during pregnancy.

sunshine2417 · May 2016

@hiljordan I think your post is great perspective for me! My husband and I are flipped, where he is super optimistic that we are going to get pregnant this month after our MC and that there aren't any major concerns, while I'm the more apprehensive one attempting not to get my hopes up too high. I would not take it as your husband not being excited about it, because I'm sure deep inside, he wants this more than anything in the world--and that's what is so terrifying to him. He doesn't have much control in the situation and often times when we can't control something and are afraid of it ripping our hearts out, again, we try to push it away (think like high school dating problems?!?! haha) If you are faithful at all, maybe it's an area where you both choose to write a prayer together for your little one, and pray it together every night. Or maybe take him out for a walk or a hike or something where you get away from daily-life and out into nature and try to start up a small conversation about your fears along with your hopes and dreams. Thank him for being so strong with you during the MCs in the past and maybe discuss how you will proceed from here. Maybe take him to a doctor's appointment with you or to get a blood test. Or even if you think the conversation with him might be hard, you can write him a letter, seal it up, and give it to him before one of you leaves to go somewhere so that he can have some alone time reading your hopes and feelings. By no means do I believe he's not excited, I'm sure he's just trying to guard his heart because he loves you and wants to have this little baby so much that the pain is too hard. Be gentle as you work to break down his walls.

snarky14jd · May 2016

Today I found out I'm pregnant again after a loss and I'm scared out if my mind.
Big hugs momma

blush64 · May 2016

I have had losses as well but my husband didn't feel as nervous as I did when we found out I was having my daughter. It just affected him differently, he didn't seem nervous or excited. I think you certainly should be able to feel excited and happy but I really understand where he is coming from. For me there wasn't much anyone could do to help me feel better. I kept reminding myself that worrying won't do anything to help and that I should try to be thankful for each day that get. It was hard. I hope as time goes on he is able to relax a little.

With this pregnancy it is different for him because we are in a different situation. (I am a surrogate)

Edit Time might help as well. I would be understanding and try not to push him to look more excited while still being open about your feelings and that you have different needs. I know for me there wasn't much my husband could have said or done to make me feel differently, I had to deal with it.

sunshine2417 · May 2016

Hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs!!!

WorkingOnMyNightCheese · May 2016

This is my third bfp after two miscarriages in a row. I'm thinking all I can really do is stay as relaxed as possible and think positive. If I've learned anything from the other two it's that I ant control any of it...

Good luck to you!

alexandra3733 · May 2016

Such a nerve wracking experience being pregnant after loss. I'm just trying to stay as optimistic as I can over here (not working out so great)!

My first two pregnancies ended in miscarriages at 6 weeks. Third pregnancy a miscarriage at 13 weeks. My fourth pregnancy ended with my son being born still at 28 weeks.

Pregnancy #5 in less than two years, ack! EDD February 8, 2017. Prayers for all of you.

Yailani23 · May 2016

Sending good thoughts your way. I know it can be very difficult to get excited after a loss. I've had 2 miscarriages back to back as well and it doesn't get any easier. My DH is happy but you can tell he's not going to be excited until he sees the pregnancy progressing. I hope you both can get some sort of piece of mind soon.

natmhecht · May 2016

Hi everyone! Just got a BFP today almost two months to the day after my D&C for MMC on 3/29. Baby stopped developing at 6 weeks. EDD says 2/3/17 based on LMP but I'm sure my ovulation was off since it was my first full cycle after MMC so probably a week or two later.

I feel happy but anxious. What do you all do to help with the anxiety? I'm thinking I ride my bike, go for a walk, do some excercise? Something to take my mind off of it!

scifichick09 · May 2016

It's comforting to know there are others going through the same thing (and also so sad, HUGS TO EVERYONE). I'm pregnant with my first after a MC at 10 weeks back in February. I'm optimistic, but DH is so nervous he won't even tell his family until we pass the 10 week mark....to put that in perspective, we called family the morning of BFP last time around. I can tell he's on edge, he doesn't want to talk about it or do any planning until we've reached 10 weeks. I understand. But it makes me a little sad too, because all I want to do is rejoice in this little miracle, even if it doesn't pan out. Plus, if things do go south again, I want everyone to know the reason why we're such a mess....

Also, I'm super nervous about my pregnancy symptoms now. I'm worried if I have the same symptoms as last time, that means something is wrong again....like I hope my symptoms are TERRIBLE, because then I'll know things are going ok in there.

Jamiemitchell85 · May 2016

I'm a nervous wreck also. I had a MC in Janurary. Baby had no heart beat at 6/7 weeks. I am terrified every time I go to the bathroom. But we have went ahead and told ppl. My MC is my story and it's apart of me and my hubby.

WorkingOnMyNightCheese · May 2016

@alexandra3733 I can't even imagine what you've been through. You must be such a strong person!

@natmhecht I've been doing a lot of relaxing breathing (recommended by my therapist). She said any time you have a few seconds (at a stop light, before bed, taking a shower) take a moment to breathe in, hold for five seconds, and exhale...I also like to add in a little self reminder that "Today, I am pregnant." Sounds cheezy, but it works for me!

txjrog · June 2016

I know all these feelings well.
Maybe we can start a weekly PGAL checkin? Would that be something anyone else would be interested in?

WorkingOnMyNightCheese · June 2016

txjrog said:

I know all these feelings well.
Maybe we can start a weekly PGAL checkin? Would that be something anyone else would be interested in?

YES! They did this in the December 16 BMB and it was really helpful. I'd be willing to start it if it's something others want.

alexandra3733 · June 2016

I had a private Facebook group for moms having rainbow babies my last pregnancy which was super helpful and easy to comment!

sunshine2417 · June 2016

I feel like I'm going in daily anxious waves. For part of the day, I feel so confident that everything is going great and I'm pregnant with a healthy and growing baby! Then I start feeling nervous--my boobs don't feel as sore or my BBT went down .1 degree or I just don't 'feel' pregnant... Once I get in for my first ultrasound and see a little heartbeat, I'm sure I'll feel better! I know the anxiety can't be good for the baby, so I need to just take deep breaths and remain calm!

Jamiemitchell85 · June 2016

@lferretti89 I have been feeling the same way. I'm trying not to over think or over analyze. I feeling a popping sensation earlier. But nothing has happened. Hoping & prayering everything is ok.

sunshine2417 · June 2016

Ahhhh @Jamiemitchell85 yessss!!! Like little popping bubbles!?!?!? I heard that those are normal too, but it is such bizarre and crazy feeling! I haven't had anything abnormal--no spotting or major cramping or anything, but minor cramping, occasionally tender breasts, definitely some fatigue... when is your first appointment? Mine is June 27th! 25 more days to know for sure...

Jamiemitchell85 · June 2016

@lferretti89 very similar symptoms as you. And no major cramping, bleeding are tissue loss. My first appoint is June 9th. Just to confirm then I have to do ob intake and then US. So my doc office starts early.

FreeTheElf · June 2016

Hugs and high hopes for all!! We are in the same boat. We had one miscarriage this past January at 9 weeks and it was such a devastating time that we really don't want to get our hopes up. But at the same time, we don't want to be downers and to not be happy about the BFP. We are going to monitor everything super carefully and hope for the best...I will be hoping for everyone else, too.

haj1213 · June 2016

Things have been going so well and moving so quickly that actually forgot for a bit that I even created this discussion. All I have to say is Wow. I am in awe of what amazing and strong women you all are. All of your words were just what i needed today. I can't thank you ladies enough. I'll be praying for all of you. hugs hugs hugs

thehappyphotog · June 2016

We had 3 losses last year, the last one late first tri. I keep telling myself daily, faith over fear. I also want this baby to only feel my joy and love for however long he or she is with me, 2 days or 20 years. It's so hard, but this is what's helping me through.

Howardbae2015 · June 2016

thehappyphotog said:

We had 3 losses last year, the last one late first tri. I keep telling myself daily, faith over fear. I also want this baby to only feel my joy and love for however long he or she is with me, 2 days or 20 years. It's so hard, but this is what's helping me through.

What you said was really beautiful honestly! Your story is mine... 3 MC last year, but 1st one was late first tri. FAITH OVER FEAR!

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