Naming the baby!

Riley0106 · June 2016

I definitely understand that naming a baby is important, so here is where I'm stuck.
My boyfriend and I having only been dating a few months before we got pregnant, he truly is an amazing man. When it comes time to think about naming the baby his family is really REALLY pushing for his last name...but my family is looking out for me and saying the baby should be my last name until marriage, and then we can change the name over when I change mine (if we get that far)

So how do I choose. I see it from both views. I'm so scared to even talk about the baby because this seems to ve a huge debate. It's very upsetting.
Please help...

Bringmemylongswordho · June 2016

Riley0106 said:

I definitely understand that naming a baby is important, so here is where I'm stuck.
My boyfriend and I having only been dating a few months before we got pregnant, he truly is an amazing man. When it comes time to think about naming the baby his family is really REALLY pushing for his last name...but my family is looking out for me and saying the baby should be my last name until marriage, and then we can change the name over when I change mine (if we get that far)

So how do I choose. I see it from both views. I'm so scared to even talk about the baby because this seems to ve a huge debate. It's very upsetting.
Please help...

So first, you've got time to consider this, there isn't a rush to decide. (Seriously, so much shit could happen that decides this for you in between now and your child's birth) Secondly, you really have to discuss this with your boyfriend. Your families really have no say in this, if they bring it up just say you're not discussing it at the moment.

MrsBigTime · June 2016

I may be old fashioned, but if you know the father and he is going to be a dad no matter where your relationship goes, the baby should get his last name (my opinion). I do agree with the poster above though, that is it your and your BF's decision, not your family's. I would probably personally do my last name as a middle name and then his as the last.

erinlin25 · June 2016

Agree to leave the families opinions out of it. This is up to you and BF. My traditional side says baby gets the father's last name either way, but there is no right or wrong answer. My brother and his ex had a baby and did not make it for the long haul, but the baby has my brother's last name. They luckily are great co-parents even though they did not work out themselves and the name was not an issue as far as I know.

atcwag · June 2016

Do you have reason to doubt, even if your relationship doesn't work out, that he would not have a relationship with his child? Is he/will he be supportive during your pregnancy. These are the only reasons I would consider giving baby your last name. For the record, it's a pain in the ass to do a child name change.

Greencows4812 · June 2016

I agree about leaving the families out if it. Are you guys willing to hyphenate? If I was in a similar situation, I would want my baby to have my last name. I imagine as mom you will be doing a lot if the doctor appointments and signing up for school/activities and it seems easier to share a name.

princesslockness · June 2016

If something were to happen and you and your bf split, who would have primary care? My DH had a different last name than his mother and she had to take his birth certificate every time she wanted to register him for school, dentist trips, doctors, anything that used his full name. Just something to consider in the long haul of this decision.

manabearursa · June 2016

I think hyphenation is a fair option. It is both of ya'll's baby and could have both of ya'll's last name. If it were me personally, I'd give the baby his name unless he was a deadbeat.

MrsBigTime · June 2016

Kate08Young said:

If something were to happen and you and your bf split, who would have primary care? My DH had a different last name than his mother and she had to take his birth certificate every time she wanted to register him for school, dentist trips, doctors, anything that used his full name. Just something to consider in the long haul of this decision.

My mom and I had different last names and this was never an issue for us, but my dad was in the picture.

Seattleite86 · June 2016

My vote is for you to give baby your last name, if that is what makes you feel comfortable and if your boyfriend also thinks its a good idea. I have a feeling he would understand since as you said you havent been in a relationship very long. Just do and say what feels right for you despite what the family thinks. Ive been married 6+ years and never took my husbands name. Baby will get only his name and in the future if it starts to be difficult for me and baby to have different names i will change mine. But i honestly dont think taking husbands name should be "the rule" anymore as everything else around us has been changing as well. Make your own rule. No right or wrong.

talkthewholetime · June 2016

My opinion was that I would always give baby my last name, and if/when we got married we would both change.

Try to leave his family out of it - it's really not their choice.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · June 2016

Agree with the others. Leave the families out of it. Your kid, your guys' decision, and it's a good idea to get used to boundary-making now.

My husband took my last name, so the kids all have my family name and we all have the same family name anyway.

forevertired · June 2016

I would hyphenate if it were me. He's going to be the biological father even if you break up, so I understand him wanting to give the baby his last name. Unless you think he'd be out of the child's life completely if you broke up, I like the tradition of giving kids the fathers last name. That being said, as other have pointed out it may be easier for you to be the primary caregiver if you share a last name. I think hyphenation is kind of a win-win.

2amgoodbyes · June 2016

My mother and father were only dating a short time when I was conceived. They broke up by the time I was born, so I got my mom's last name, and I'm so glad. Because, well, he sucks.

If you are truly a committed couple and see no other future than to be together, raising the baby together, I think his name would be fine. Whatever you two (and not other family) want is obviously the best thing though.

cjt121413 · June 2016

I'd give the baby your last name or at least hyphenate. This was my situation with DS's dad, and I gave him his dad's last name. It did not work out. I wish I had given DS my last name because I constantly get called "Mrs. DS's dad's name" and I'm constantly having to explain my unique co-parenting situation. DS's dad is a great guy and very involved, but the reality is I do most of the school stuff, doctor's appointments, etc. where name is relevant.

If you end up getting married, child name changes are pretty easy legally, at least in my state (sorry, @atcwag I have to disagree with you here). Honestly, most relationships don't work out. Hopefully yours is different, but babies are a challenge even for couples who have been together a long time. I'm not trying to be mean, just realistic.

Either way, I wouldn't decide this until your baby is born. You will learn a lot about how the relationship is going to go during your pregnancy. Your family and his family should have no say in this.

Thewizardofrhythm · June 2016

Do you live together? If not, who will the baby live with? Who will primarily take the baby to the doctor? Who will register the baby in daycare or be responsible for child care? Who will claim the baby as a dependent on your taxes? In other words, who will be the primary caretaker? Whoever that is should deem the last name of the baby. Its just logistically easier. If you remain together, then you can figure out as a family who's name you will all use then.

JBing131 · June 2016

My fiancee and I discussed this at great length. We're committed to each other, engaged, and getting married....but the baby will have my last name because of personal reasons and background. (PM me and I'd go into greater detail but it's not something I broadcast) That being said, it is 100% up to you and your boyfriend. I echo previous comments to keep the family out of it. As tough as that is, don't discuss it until after the baby is born and a birth certificate filed. Hopefully both families will be so overjoyed with their new grand baby they won't realize.

TwandaFTG · June 2016

So my friend got pregnant by a guy while he had a girlfriend. She gave their son her last name. Fast forward 8 or 10 years later and she marries baby daddy. So everyone in their family (dad had 2 kids with his girlfriend in the meantime) has dad's last name except the first kid.

So you never know what will happen down the road so go with the name you are most comfortable with.

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