2nd-, 3rd-, 4th-, Whatever-Time Mom Check-In

SPurp13 · June 2016

How many kids ya got? Any tips to share with those of us who only have one right now and are freaking out just a tad?

I KNOW the stock answer to this, but I can't IMAGINE loving another being as much as I love my kid. I just can't. And I feel sad that she won't be the center of my universe anymore.

kerris713 · June 2016

I feel the exact same way. I know that it will be ok and I will be amazed at how much I will love #2 but all I keep imagining is life with a newborn and my DD at her age right now and it freaks me out. It's hard to see her as an almost 2 yr old by the time the baby is born

SSCmomma · June 2016

I'm with you. I just said to dh last night that I can't imagine feeling this way again. I think I keep reminding myself that every child is a different unique person so you can love them differently but equally. My first will always be my first aand my baby will be my baby.

grapeskittles4lyfe · June 2016

Yup. My first will always be my first. When this baby comes along, she will never have the 3 years undivided attention (well, when she was home from DC) that DD had. I mean, she will also have a built-in playmate from birth, so there's that. But kind of hoping that structured special mommy/daddy time with each of the kids separately will head off too much conflict/strife.

silvercamaro77 · June 2016

I'm pregnant with #3 and I felt the exact same way when I was pregnant with #2. I stressed out about it so much, but when he came our little girl was just as captivated by him as we were and we were even more captivated by her love of him. I think it's similar to when you have your first and you know you're going to love them like crazy, and then you have the baby and really feel that love.

My best tip is to engage the big kid mentality of the older one. They love having important jobs to do with the new baby even if it's just asking them to sing to the baby while you change a diaper.

cantalopes24 · June 2016

This will be baby number 3 for us. We spaced our kids out because I can't do toddlers and pregnancy or toddlers and baby at the same time. It's still hard at first. Take all the help anyone is willing to offer. Get your SO to take the baby and take your older kid out for some alone time with you. It's hard to leave the baby but it's good to get a break too.

Babies are scary and freaking out is normal haha

MerryCakes5 · June 2016

I feel the same way expecting#2. My DH said something that really made sense to me, that we are giving our daughter a friend forever and that's an amazing gift.

SweetT · June 2016

I have such a hard time picturing us as a family of 4. My daughter has been the center of my universe for nearly 4 years! I'm so glad I had so much time with just her but I'm so anxious about how this baby will change her life. In so many great ways but also some hard things.
I remember in my BMB for my daughter that one of the moms gave the advice to a new second time mom to always pay attention to the toddler when you can and don't ignore them for the baby. Your toddler will feel hurt for being ignored while your baby won't and will likely be fine crying for an extra minute or two. That has stuck with me ever since she said it.

fourPsinapod · June 2016

This will be baby #2 for us and I'm more afraid of my own sanity! DD will be 3 when the baby is born and she's in a terrible 2's stage right now. I may not survive.

Munchie2.0 · June 2016

We have been trying for #2 for 2yrs, so I have had plenty of time to think about being a family of 4, but now that I am preggo I keep thinking how am I going to do this. DD has been clingy like, kola status! She just cries and says "mama hold me" She will be 3 in January, so I hope she will be a little bit better by the time baby2.0 gets here.

Oh and I NEED to get her potty trained this summer.

emilypanthel · June 2016

My daughter is 7 and I am so thankful that I got to know her as an individual for 7 years. I'm worried about her feeling like I will pay attention to baby more, but ultimately I think she will just be excited to have a sister or brother. I was the oldest of 3 and loved having siblings and never thought that my parents didn't love us the same, well not until I was in my 20s and could see the divide lol.

Gingersnap · June 2016

I've been feeling mixed emotions about this too.
DD is just turned 3, but is bright and easy to explain things to. Except the "why"s. One of these days I'm gonna lose my shit over the "why".
Anyhow, I'm just enjoying the alone time now with her and as PPs have said, plan to make special "big girl dates" when baby gets here.
Anyone else find 3 much more challenging than 2?
Omg threenager to the extreme.

CallMeLauraJane · June 2016

This will be our third child so I know a little bit about going from one baby to two.

I'm not going to sugar coat this part - it's hard as hell. Probably one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Emotionally, physically (sleep deprivation, y'all), mentally, etc. DS1 was 3.5 when we had DS2. He was freshly potty trained, still taking naps and an absolute PEACH. He was great when we brought baby home. Loved to fetch diapers and wipes - that was his number one helper chore for me. He did start to act out a bit around age 4, but DS2 was becoming mobile and needed more hands on time from me and DH so I am 100% sure that contributed. But, the sleep deprivation along with keeping your attention split between two when you have no experience with it was difficult.

But, you will do it! And you will survive it! And you'll find a routine and a system that works well for you. I always made sure that baby's nap #2 (b/c I slept during nap #1) I spent time playing or reading with DS1. He came to look forward to that time of day. Naps adjust throughout the weeks, but because of the general routine (and not schedule) it worked well for us. Start now and work on getting your child to play quietly by themselves. That is SO important that they can learn to do so. I did the whole "Pinteresty" thing with busy boxes and it WORKS. I got some dollar store storage boxes with lids and put different themed toys in them and would get a different one out every day. He loved it and learned to play by himself with my just in the room and not actively playing with him.

Try as hard as you can to get your kiddos potty trained but don't push them if they're not ready or you'll see nasty regression. It does make things easier.

And schedule dates with your kids after baby gets here. Have someone watch baby (DH, sitter, family, etc) and go out to lunch and a movie or pick out a toy at the store, etc. Those little moments will make a WORLD of difference to your firstborn.

cinderin · June 2016

I have a son turning 3 soon, hopefully this baby will be our take home baby #2. I m/c earlier this year.

I am a little worried about taking care of two at once but I am not worried about loving two at once. I am sure I will love them both :-)

scottipino · June 2016

This is baby #4 for us. I vividly remember the night my water broke with #2- thinking WTF did we do with our perfect life with one kid. And then it didn't matter anymore because it was great having 2. We always keep their routines as normal as possible after the birth. We have a full time nanny so her schedule never changes. I know people who keep their older in daycare even on maternity leave just so they keep schedules the same. Obviously this doesn't work financially for everyone though. It really helped the older ones transition along the way.

poofwok · June 2016

DS will be 2 and a half yrs old when baby #2 arrives. I'm actually so scared, lol. DS is a little tornado and is just starting that terrible two's stage. I'm beyond exhausted at the end of the day as it is, I can't imagine how it'll be when we have 2.
i guess I'll be praying lots....

BumpasaurusRex · June 2016

This will be #2 for us and I am scared of all the changes that will come with having 2. DS is such a love and will be 3.5 when LO arrives. My fears mostly lie in the attention split and my relationship with DS changing. I know it's inevitable and it will all work out but I almost feel like I'm...grieving? That might not be the right word to use but it's a sadness that I can't describe very well.

My hormones may or may not be heightening my emotions.

poofwok · June 2016

@BumpasaurusRex I know exactly what you mean. I read a great article once on how a mom does grieve the time when she goes from 1 to 2 babies. It's a real thing and I know that in the last week before baby #2 comes I'll be very emotional about the impending change. It's both sad yet so exciting!

CallMeLauraJane · June 2016

I know it seems like spreading your love will be so hard... I am constantly amazed at how different my two boys are from each other. They have different emotional needs and love languages and completely opposite personalities. Once you realize how unique each child is you will easily be able to love them the same. I might have gone through the "grieving" period with DS1, but it was when PPD and hormones were at an all time high in the first month home. I actually feel like my relationship with DS1 was strengthened after we had DS2.

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot · June 2016

I agree with all of the above. But I'm also holding out hope that #2 will be different from #1 in certain areas. I could really use better sleeper, more independent, and less stubborn personality this go around. Ahhh who am I kidding? Any moms with 2 want to help me daydream that it's a possibility?

SPurp13 · June 2016

My MIL watches my kid 3 days a week (most of the time), and a sitter (also a family member) watches her the rest of the time. I'm certain we can continue that routine after the baby is born, but I'm also wanting to spend time with her while I'm on maternity leave. I'm thinking she'll need to keep going to her "day care" situations for at least the first 2-4 weeks while I heal and get in some sort of stride with the new baby...

She's always been easy. She plays by herself, goes from room to room while I get things done (laundry, cleaning, whatever). When she wants a snack, she comes and asks for it (I mean, sort of, she's 20 months, so she sort of says what she wants either with a word/grunt/sign). When she wants attention, she comes for a snuggle, and we take some time out and snuggle together while we draw or do a puzzle. But, she's not turned 2 yet, and I fear the terrible 2s, and even worse, the 3s.

The babysitter just had a baby in March, so she's actually getting some "practice" with a baby right now, even if the babysitter doesn't know it yet! The sitter says she's mostly good, but sometimes gets jealous. She's very gentle with the baby (so far).

The advice above kind of solidifies what I was thinking--that it's important to pay attention to the older child, because newborns cry just because they're assholes, and they can hang on for a second. Plus, newborns sleep a lot. Hopefully this baby is as chill as the last (but I know better than to expect it), and she can chill out, eat, sleep, poop. Seriously the only bad things about my maternity leave was the "witching hour" of around 6-8 for the first few months, recovering from the section, and me having PPD. Hopefully I'm heading that last one off at the pass this time.

And I just don't think I can get her potty trained before the baby. I know it's been done, but she will only be turning 2 in October. The babysitter's been putting her on the potty, because she wants to copy everything the sitter's older girls do, but I mean. She has no clue what the point is.

L Jane · June 2016

This will be #4 for us. When the baby arrives my kids will be 3, 5, and 6. We had the first 3 fairly close together (first two were Irish twins) and I wouldn't change it for anything! None of my kids know what it's like not to be siblings, lol. For us, going from 0 to 1 child was the most difficult! I think this time around I'll have a big "little helper" in my oldest daughter.

thehappyphotog · June 2016

This is #5 for us. #4 eased right in and the other kids absolutely adore him. I'm hoping #5 will be the same. I do remember feeling worried when we had our second and it was intense as my due date approached. But that worry truly does melt away. And the best part is not just experiencing love for another child, it's also seeing your children love each other. I wasn't prepared for that and it's amazing!

cantalopes24 · June 2016

I will also say about the crying thing, if you're busy ask the older to kid to show the baby a toy or something. It may not make the baby stop crying but it reinforces to the older kid the baby is crying because they need something and they can be helpful. If I had to attend to the baby I would also talk to my older child and say that baby needs xyz but as soon as I'm done I will be there. If I needed to attend to my son I would say the same type of thing to the baby even though she didn't understand, my son did and it made him feel good that I was "picking" him. After awhile he started talking to her the same way I did and would tell her that I would pick her up as soon as I helped him with xyz. He even started distracting her when she was crying on her own and when she got bigger would get in her crib and "read" to her when she woke up in the morning.

kswiger06 · June 2016

I completely agree with @silvercamaro77 I'm on #3 also but actually cried for several months while pregnant with #2. My mil didn't get it she thought I didn't want another (she's something else) then my mom eased my fears. She has 5 kids (we are all grown now) but she said she felt this way everytime. And once the baby comes you won't even remember what it was like before. And when I had #2 it all just fell into place and seemed perfect. Our first 2 are 2 1/2 years apart and it was pretty crazy at times like pictures with Santa. #1 was ok with sitting on Santa but #2 started crying and soon they were both crying lol but those are memories I cherish. My 2 are older now (9 & 7) I've had that weird guilty worried feeling of change for only a couple days right after BFP but not since. I think it helps a lot to let the older kids feel like an important role in a new baby's life. They could start thinking about acting like "big" kids to show the new baby how it's done. They like feeling like they are good role models. And to keep jealousy down, I had my son (#1) help out with things like getting lotion or a diaper or a toy for his new baby sister. He loved being involved and helping mommy.

SPurp13 · June 2016

kswiger06 said:

I completely agree with @silvercamaro77 I'm on #3 also but actually cried for several months while pregnant with #2. My mil didn't get it she thought I didn't want another (she's something else) then my mom eased my fears. She has 5 kids (we are all grown now) but she said she felt this way everytime. And once the baby comes you won't even remember what it was like before. And when I had #2 it all just fell into place and seemed perfect. Our first 2 are 2 1/2 years apart and it was pretty crazy at times like pictures with Santa. #1 was ok with sitting on Santa but #2 started crying and soon they were both crying lol but those are memories I cherish. My 2 are older now (9 & 7) I've had that weird guilty worried feeling of change for only a couple days right after BFP but not since. I think it helps a lot to let the older kids feel like an important role in a new baby's life. They could start thinking about acting like "big" kids to show the new baby how it's done. They like feeling like they are good role models. And to keep jealousy down, I had my son (#1) help out with things like getting lotion or a diaper or a toy for his new baby sister. He loved being involved and helping mommy.

Mine will be 2.5 when this baby comes, so I will be picking your brain for sure!

hispenguin · June 2016

We have one daughter that is 5 years old. This baby will be born about a month before her sixth birthday. It's crazy thinking that my "baby" is already five!!
I am worried too about the return to the newborn phase, diapers and the general lack of freedom. Most of all worried about sharing my time between two children. Emilie is such a Mama's girl and (please no flaming) still ends up in my bed most nights. I know that it will be hard, but at the same time know that in the end we will find some routine that works. She is also SOOO excited about being a big sister and being a helper.

blush64 · June 2016

I have 3 but this one isn't mine so it won't disrupt too much, hopefully. Each time I would start to feel guilty just before the birth, feeling sad that the dynamic would forever change. My two older children are closer I age, my third is quite a bit younger. I think I felt worse adding the third than the second. We were set in our lives for so long before she came along but we have gotten used to things again. (I had losses before my daughter but the age gaps still would have been large)

Knowing my daughter will not grow up with siblings in the home for that long I am considering having another after this one is born even though that would make them 5 years apart. I guess it worries us to add more and sometimes not to add more.

kswiger06 · June 2016

@blush64 I have thought about the possibility of having another after this one also. My current youngest will be turning 8 only a couple weeks after I'm due, so I've thought a little about the youngest feeling left out, but I think the baby will be spoiled by the older kids as they all grow. Who knows we will see what happens

@SPurp13 feel free to pick away lol... I really have enjoyed the age gap between my kids for so many reasons. They are close enough in age to play together and be "friends" but when I had #2 my son was at the age where he was talking a bit and could ask for drinks or snacks without all the crying to communicate, like a younger child might still do.

@hispenguin my husband has worked from 7 pm to 7 am (getting home around 7:40 am) for 4 years now. My daughter is 7 now, so since she was 3 she has been occasionally sleeping in bed with me. I only let her occasionally on nights he's working, but I love it. I feel like when she gets older she'll remember sleeping with mom and think it's special

my 9 year old son however I don't let sleep in bed but a couple times a month the kids and I make a "tent" out of our dining room table and sheets and camp out in the dining room. These are the things that the kids will look back on when they are older so I think it's sweet having these kinds of special memories.

tishb · June 2016

DS1 was 17 months old when DS2 was born. DH and I kind of tag teamed and play man to man defense. Now with #3 coming, I'm a little freaked out about how that will go! Luckily, DS1 and DS2 are 5 and 7 now, so I'm hoping that makes things easier!

angeltennis3 · June 2016

I can only pray for a baby as easy as my first. She was waking up once at night by 3 weeks old. By 5 months she slept through the night. She goes to bed at 8 and only wakes up before 8 if we wake her. Otherwise, she sleeps in til 9, sometimes as late as 11. She rarely cries (even as a newborn she hardly ever cried). We seriously got the jackpot when it came to an easy baby.

I can only hope this baby is like his/her big sister!

Starfish113 · June 2016

I'm not too worried about the transition because my daughter is 6 so she's definitely old enough to help me if I need it, and entertain herself. My step kids are 8 & 11 so they will be helpful too. I am more worried about having a baby like my daughter was! All she did was cry!!!!! Colic is the worst. So as long as this baby isn't colicky I think I will be able to handle it! I'm definitely looking forward to having a baby in the family though

L Jane · June 2016

angeltennis3 said:

I can only pray for a baby as easy as my first. She was waking up once at night by 3 weeks old. By 5 months she slept through the night. She goes to bed at 8 and only wakes up before 8 if we wake her. Otherwise, she sleeps in til 9, sometimes as late as 11. She rarely cries (even as a newborn she hardly ever cried). We seriously got the jackpot when it came to an easy baby.

I can only hope this baby is like his/her big sister!

I'm jealous just reading this! None of my three kids were anything like that, lol. My nearly 3 year old is STILL getting up at night.

SPurp13 · June 2016

L Jane said:

angeltennis3 said:

I can only pray for a baby as easy as my first. She was waking up once at night by 3 weeks old. By 5 months she slept through the night. She goes to bed at 8 and only wakes up before 8 if we wake her. Otherwise, she sleeps in til 9, sometimes as late as 11. She rarely cries (even as a newborn she hardly ever cried). We seriously got the jackpot when it came to an easy baby.

I can only hope this baby is like his/her big sister!

I'm jealous just reading this! None of my three kids were anything like that, lol. My nearly 3 year old is STILL getting up at night.

I think angeltennis and I have the same kid. My story's the same, so I'm sure this baby will be an asshole.

tclayton53 · June 2016

This will be #2 for us. DD will be 2.5 when the baby arrives. I'm also nervous on how we will handle it. She's been very clingy lately, and loves to be held, which will be hard once #2 arrives. We plan to leave her in Montessori while I'm on leave so her schedule can remain normal, she'll have dedicated time with friends her age each day and I'll be able to give #2 some 1:1 attention.

annewheeler2 · June 2016

My DD will be a little over 2.5 when this baby comes. She has soon to be 6 cousins close in age so I think that might help with a new baby. She is always around them so she is used to us being around other kids. I'm hoping H will be on day shifts by then so I can help at night.

Knottie1456178787 · June 2016

same here DD will be 2 1/2 when the baby gets here. the terrible two are in full effect, she's super clingy and these past two weeks with her temper tantrums have been trying. Idk how I'm going to remain sane once I have the baby

phlox728 · June 2016

This is number 4 for us. My oldest should be just turning 6 or almost 6 when this LO is born. I loved having mine close together. I thought going from 1 to 2 was easy- she just naturally fell into her big sister's schedule. She was a decent sleeper and they took naps at the same time in the afternoon. It was hardest when they were both mobile toddlers but honestly they are the best of friends now!

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