Should I change my last name?

PaigeSF · June 2016

I never changed my last name to my husband's after we were married. I'm not extremely opposed to it, just don't feel like it's necessary and seems like more of a hassle than anything. The baby however will have my husband's last name. Does anyone have experience with having a different last name than their child? Does that cause issues that would make it worth me changing my last name?

Chcaggie1 · June 2016

I don't have experience with different last name than my child but I have several friends that I have heard complain about it over the years. It does cause confusion until the teachers/coachs etc get to know you. I personally would want my entire family to have the same last name but it is quite common these days for that not to be the case so it wouldn't be that out of the norm. My primary reason for responding was to say that although changing your name is indeed a hassle, it isn't hard at all, just time consuming contacting all the appropriate agencies. That being said, I took one day off work and visited all the most important places and got it done in one day. Then I just had to tie up loose ends (like the bank which ended up being the biggest headache for me). If you don't have a strong reason for keeping your maiden name, I wouldn't let the hassle of a few days work prevent you from changing it.

edit: typos

leighry · June 2016

I changed mine literally 2 months before our first child was born.. and that was just for me because I wanted us all to have the same name on the birth certificate. If we planned on never having kids I'd probably still be dragging my feet about it 6 years later. Some of my loans and stuff are still in my maiden name but legally I have his last name now.

I think it's not a big deal though especially these days! I have a few friends who either weren't married when they had kids or didn't change their name and I never heard them ever talk about how it was an issue.. but I haven't asked either. If it's important for you to keep your name and you don't mind them having a different last name I don't think you need to run out and change it.

Seattleite86 · June 2016

Ive been married 6+ years and took my husbands name in the country where we got married but never changed it in the US. I considered changing it now so i could also match the baby, but we're also in the middle of an immigration process and i dont want to change anyones name with SS until after that is all over. So i might change my name later on afyer baby is born...hopefully it wont make things hard at the doctors for us with different last names.

Knottie1458416769 · June 2016

Are you set on your baby's last name? I never changed mine cause I did a PhD when we got married, and all my publications were under my maiden name. So for our baby, we are doing a hyphenated combo.
We are debating the order and that might depend on the first and middle names. Theoretically I could just change my last name and baby would have a shorter last name, but by doing the hyphenated combo I feel like I'm honoring my ancestors, too. Our families are very traditional and all about honoring legacies, but we are mixing it up just a little to suit our needs.

MrsMaryK2016 · June 2016

Chcaggie1 said:

I don't have experience with different last name than my child but I have several friends that I have heard complain about it over the years. It does cause confusion until the teachers/coachs etc get to know you. I personally would want my entire family to have the same last name but it is quite common these days for that not to be the case so it wouldn't be that out of the norm. My primary reason for responding was to say that although changing your name is indeed a hassle, it isn't hard at all, just time consuming contacting all the appropriate agencies. That being said, I took one day off work and visited all the most important places and got it done in one day. Then I just had to tie up loose ends (like the bank which ended up being the biggest headache for me). If you don't have a strong reason for keeping your maiden name, I wouldn't let the hassle of a few days work prevent you from changing it.
edit: typos

I don't really have a strong opinion about this either way but I wanted to point out that where I live I didn't even have to go in person to change anything, I did almost everything online or via fax. It was pretty simple actually. I would just carry around a copy of your marriage certificate with you for 6 months or so afterwards because you're bound to find somewhere that you forgot to change it. Good luck with whatever you decide!

PaigeSF · June 2016

Knottie1458416769 said:

Are you set on your baby's last name? I never changed mine cause I did a PhD when we got married, and all my publications were under my maiden name. So for our baby, we are doing a hyphenated combo.
We are debating the order and that might depend on the first and middle names. Theoretically I could just change my last name and baby would have a shorter last name, but by doing the hyphenated combo I feel like I'm honoring my ancestors, too. Our families are very traditional and all about honoring legacies, but we are mixing it up just a little to suit our needs.

My husband's last name is currently hyphenated, his parents combined their last names when they got married. We've been talking about changing his last name and dropping his mother's maiden name so technically we could then combine our names for the baby but I think he would be opposed to it. He's always disliked having a hyphenated name because all his official documents (passport, ID, SS) are under the hyphenated name, but casually he uses only his father's last name.

I do like the idea of having my maiden name as part of the baby's name. My family is very close and my husband's family dynamic is not ideal to me. They just don't seem to enjoy each other's company that much and part of not wanting to take his last name is because I still want to be part of my family. I know that sound silly because I'll always be part of my family but it feels weird to change my last name and become part of that family. I've suggested creating a whole new last name but the husband is not on board

kristah2 · June 2016

I grew up with a different last name than my mom and the rest of my family. When she remarried she took my step dads name and his son obviously has his name so it left me. The biggest issue I found was travel. Going through customs having different last names they allowed them to go through as a family but not me. I swore I would never do that again and I will always share a common name with my kids and husband. Just another perspective

shevaCC · June 2016

It was very popular among the moms of the kids I used to teach dance to. Which was temporarily confusing to me, but not really a big deal. Personally I think about "family" primarily as my immediate family (DH, me, and our kids) so I like us all having the same last name. It doesn't bother me that that name came from DH's family. I feel bad for the kids with a hyphenated name. Having grown up with a long, hard to spell name, theirs is even more of a mouthful.

TwandaFTG · June 2016

I much prefer my maiden name of my married name but I dropped it and have the same last name as DH and my son. It wasn't a big hassle to change it. My father had two sons so his legacy will live on through at least one of them.

Do what is best for your family.

ArtlessIbex · June 2016

My daughter has my husband's last name and I have my own last name. It hasn't ever been an issue.

whaat · June 2016

No. It's 2016. So many people have different last names than others in their families and nobody really minds. I grew up with a different last name than my mom and brother, and nobody was confused. I'm sure my mom was called Mrs. J instead of Mrs. O occasionally by people like my ballet teacher, but who cares?
I love my name and kept it when we got married. My kid will have husbabd's last name because he wants it to and I don't mind either way, but there's no way I'm changing my name. As others have mentioned, I have a few academic accomplishments under my name and I'd like to stay connected to them without feeling like I'm starting over, plus I just feel like my name is mine and I kind of resent the fact that I'm the only one expected to change it.
Also, UO: hyphenated names are so not my style.

NatashaSprout · June 2016

My boys and I have had different last names for almost 12 years. Never once had a problem.

Thewizardofrhythm · June 2016

You certianly dont have to change your name. In fact, the baby can have your last name.

2amgoodbyes · June 2016

I changed my name to my husband's right away, since I like the idea of having my whole immediately family with the same. I have no pride to my maiden name, so it was no big deal for me. But that's me.

I think there's no problem in keeping your name. But I'm with some of the other ladies on here, hyphenating seems like a pain.

hellopartyof5 · June 2016

I'd say I'm fine with whatever you do except for the hyphenating. My mom wanted her maiden name in my name so it's my middle name, I think that's probably a good solution if you LOVE your maiden name.

CecilTheBear · June 2016

I'm keeping my name even though it will be different. I seem to know a lot of people who do this and have never had issues. I'm curious about the customs comment someone made - how is going through customs more difficult with a different last name?

DunkinDecaf · June 2016

I took my husband's name because it's shorter and easier to spell than my maiden name. Also I was previously the only one in the world with my name and I prefer the anonymity of a more common last name. My mom kept her maiden name though and it has never once caused an issue that she has a different name than her husband and kids. It's totally your call. Choose whichever name you prefer.

whaat · June 2016

CecilTheBear said:

I'm keeping my name even though it will be different. I seem to know a lot of people who do this and have never had issues. I'm curious about the customs comment someone made - how is going through customs more difficult with a different last name?

The customs comment made no sense, especially since there are other countries/cultures where families have different last names. Why would it be their policy to split families based on last name?

kristah2 · June 2016

I have no idea but it was my experience. I was only 12 and my mom, step dad and step brother got to go through as a family because their name matched on their passport. I had to go through on my own and meet them on the orher side. This was entering into the US from Canada. Never had any issue travelling with my dad as same last name.
So it does happen where they treat "family" by family name. To me that's a deal breaker but you need to do what's best for you.

whaat · June 2016

kristah2 said:

I have no idea but it was my experience. I was only 12 and my mom, step dad and step brother got to go through as a family because their name matched on their passport. I had to go through on my own and meet them on the orher side. This was entering into the US from Canada. Never had any issue travelling with my dad as same last name.
So it does happen where they treat "family" by family name. To me that's a deal breaker but you need to do what's best for you.

Not saying I don't believe you - I do. It just doesn't make sense.
However, having a 12 year old stand in a different line than me for a few minutes (which I've also done in customs as an adolescent) isn't a huge deal to me and definitely not a deal breaker.

kristah2 · June 2016

as a mom it wouldn't bother me having my 12 year old alone but as that kid it felt shitty so I've decided to never have to stand in a different line than my family again. Especially as my children are really young. Just my personal preference.

Seattleite86 · June 2016

Good news is that US airport immigration is no longer like that! You wouldnt have a problem going through US immigration today (customs is after immigration when you declare special crap like animals or hand over a nothing to declare slip.) Now you can enter with family members with different last names- even family members with different citizenship you can all enter the same line and be seen simultaneously by the same immigration officer. In other countries i have experienced thay they will separate you if you dont hold the same citizenship even if youre family (us does separate citizenship but they let you stay together if youre family). Sorry you had a bad experience as a kid.

kristah2 · June 2016

It wasn't horrible I felt important at 12 haha I just decided as an adult I no longer want to be an "outsider" in my family while dh and children share a last name while I'm my own family name. I want to be a unit. Just my preference.

CecilTheBear · June 2016

Seattleite86 said:

Good news is that US airport immigration is no longer like that! You wouldnt have a problem going through US immigration today (customs is after immigration when you declare special crap like animals or hand over a nothing to declare slip.) Now you can enter with family members with different last names- even family members with different citizenship you can all enter the same line and be seen simultaneously by the same immigration officer. In other countries i have experienced thay they will separate you if you dont hold the same citizenship even if youre family (us does separate citizenship but they let you stay together if youre family). Sorry you had a bad experience as a kid.

Thanks! Glad to hear it's not like that anymore. H and I have traveled a fair amount with different last names and I'd never remembered being asked to go through customs or immigration separately, but given that I've usually been getting off a 12+ hour flight, I wasn't sure if I'd ever really paid attention.

JaneAll · November 2016

**Removed for TOU violation**

RhodaMorgenstern · November 2016

I grew up with a last name than my mom and I never felt "defective". That's a pretty sweeping and unfair generalization there.

hollowway · November 2016

I personally feel defective not having the same last name as DD and soon DS, as their mother. But growing up I had a different last name as my mom and never felt defective. I've never judged anyone based off their last name.

RhodaMorgenstern · November 2016

MaMaBear1323 said:

I personally feel defective not having the same last name as DD and soon DS, as their mother. But growing up I had a different last name as my mom and never felt defective. I've never judged anyone based off their last name.

I'm sorry you feel that way but I think it's unfair and harmful that the poster I was responding to, stated that having a different last name from your child causes psychological problems for children. Theres enough mommy shaming and mommy guilting out there, let's not add to it, especially over something a lot of people can't control.

PrettyPalomino · November 2016

I'm with @mamabear1323, SO and I aren't married and it bums me out to have a different last name than the human I'm growing. We will eventually tie the knot and I will be taking his name, not for travel/passport reasons but just so we can be a family unit ❤️

ETA my mother kept her maiden name and it never phased me that I didn't have the same name as her.

erniebernie1 · November 2016

I never took my husbands last name as I am a doctor and that would involve way too much in terms of changing my liscense. I think it's common these days for moms to keep their maiden names because of reasons like this for example

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