When personal and professional collide...

TeamJyler · June 2016

I have been looking for work since October of last year, quite unsuccessfully. I live in a very rural area and employment opportunities are limited here. I have interviewed for 2 positions prior to my interview today, one of which was basically my dream job, and at each one I disclosed my pregnancy. Obviously, I did not get either job. Today, I chose not to disclose my pregnancy and feel very optimistic about the interview and my odds....the problem is that I am having major guilt over my silence. I don't want the stress of guilt, but I also don't want to lose the opportunity for financial stability just because my uterus is currently occupied with a little person. I'm 18 weeks and don't show for the most part, and the chance to mention it never really came up. Then again, I can't really see the oh BTW moment when I'm almost halfway through. Has anyone else experienced this issue? If so, how did you handle it?

Kittens22 · June 2016

Yes! My situation is similar- i had accepted another job 1 month out and put in my notice when found out we were pregnant (surprise!). I had worked at that company 6 years and was letting go 400 hours of accrued paid sick time, not to mention taking a pay cut of $10/hr... definitely freaked out that I was doing the wrong thing. But I had to remember the reason I was doing it was because i needed to get out of the insane position I was in and find work life balance, which I DID find tenfold at this new job, which is a fast better position to be in for a new baby coming into the world.
I'm a FTM but started showing FAST. like about 2 weeks after I started there, someone told me I looked like I was pregnant and trying to hide it. Of course it was actually cause none of my clothes fit, but I was waiting until I was sure I was comfortable there and had established myself for my work ethic a bit before saying anything. I ended up telling them about a month in when I was 17 weeks. The following week my bump rounded out and now you can REALLY tell that I'm knocked up, so timing worked out. I'm glad i waited though, because they are very happy with me in the position. You mentioned you aren't really showing yet, so I would also wait a little if you can. Be confident in your work ability and it might take a little extra effort to prove yourself in those first weeks before telling them, but hopefully by then they will have become comfortable with their hiring decision and you'll be looked at as a long term asset. I'm sure you will!! Good luck.

TheBorg7of9 · June 2016

It is no one's business that you are pregnant, even if you are applying for a job with them. You did the right thing. Do not feel guilty. If they hire you for the job, you are qualified whether or not you need to take a little bit of time off in a few months. It will work out. You can tell them when you get the job -- or after a few weeks -- and discuss your leave at that time. Good luck!

jenesiso · June 2016

It's illegal to not employ and/or discriminate someone based on race, creed, disability, and pregnancy. The equal opportunity employment act of title VII of the 1964 Civil Rights Act is enforced by the EEOC (equal employee opportunity commission.) You can sue if you can prove that you weren't hired due to being pregnant.)

Additionally, it's also illegal to not hire if a previous employer gives a bad review or says anything bad about you. All they can give is dates of employment.

lajoliedreamer · June 2016

One of my coworkers got hired a month after me in March 2013 and when the HR manager called her to offer the job, she just said "by the way, I'm pregnant and due in July" and at that point if the HR director had reneged the offer it would have been illegal. I think the way she did it made it seem more sneaky, but she has been a great fit for our agency (I work for a nonprofit) so it didn't matter.

I think you did the right thing by not mentioning it and have nothing to feel guilty about. If you're the right person for the job, that doesn't change because of the condition of your uterus. Good luck!

TeamJyler · June 2016

Thanks for the answers, ladies! I appreciate the support and feel better about my decision.

Although I'm well aware of the legalities surrounding it, let me be frank in saying that I haven't the time nor energy/finances to support suing anyone. Plus, in a community of ~1000 people, it's rarely going to have a positive outcome. If you win, you will still lose in the long run. That isn't an option, regardless of how unfair it may be.

I'm confident in my abilities to perform the job, so if I do get it (fingers crossed) I'll take it one step at a time and hopefully everything will work out just fine!

Knottie1458416769 · June 2016

Good luck with the job search! When you get the offer, you might also want to think about disclosing right away versus waiting - depending on the field, some jobs have a 3month trial where they can fire employees at will, or even if they don't have that period, some careers are more prone to mommy-track someone if they're pregnant from the start. Not legally kosher doesn't mean you'd win a lawsuit. I've been telling recruiters I'm not interested in a new job until January - they ask if it's bc I don't want to lose out on year end bonus and I go along with that - in reality it's bc I don't want to lose my maternity leave and get mommy tracked, both of which i'm fairly sure would happen where your new coworkers never heard of maternity leave. Just saying I don't think you owe anyone every disclosure right from the start.

TeamJyler · June 2016

Update: I didn't get the job, but at least this time I know that it has nothing to do with my pregnancy. Stress and anxiety are in full swing, but I'm realizing there is just nothing more that I can do. Whatever happens, happens...I should have stayed in the city lol

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