How do you navigate the work of parenthood along with chasing your own non-baby goals? — The Bump
Working Moms

How do you navigate the work of parenthood along with chasing your own non-baby goals?

Hi All,

I'm a 35+ FTM at 16-17 weeks with EDD in early October.   I did not think I would ever want to have a child. And now I am so grateful and so happy that this little one found its way to us despite my terrible indecision, PCOS, and 1000000 reservations about motherhood and what it means to be ready for or "good" at anything. But I'm also very anxious about what it means for my non-baby life. A PG teenager couldn't be more anxious/nervous/afraid than I'm feeling. Thank you in advance for any insight you can offer me.

After many years and just as many 1-bedroom rentals we were thrilled to be able to purchase our first house. Then we had to move abroad for my husband's work. Now with baby on the way we have plans to finally move into our home this summer and commence the joyful nesting.  Of course, with baby making its way to us, the 3-story 2 bed / 2 bath townhouse in the center of our city and near everything we love seems just a little less PERFECT.

I'm a student of writing, fiction, nonfiction, translation, etc.. I would like to pursue it "seriously." Where should I put my writing desk?  The first floor guest/library/eventual toddler's room?  The main living space in the second floor with the kitchen, dining and living combo? Or the master bedroom which makes up the third floor and is where I'll set up a small nursery?  

I AM asking about the practical side of things: what room/floor do you think I should anticipate being the most in once baby comes and thus the room where the desk should be? The third floor/master bedroom with the nursery, or the main living space on the second floor?  BUT, I am ALSO asking where does the Desk go once baby comes? Where is yours going, or where did it go when your baby(ies) came?  How do you safeguard what makes you you against the work and wear and tear of all the new responsibilities that come with parenthood?  (We're going to try my being a SAHM for the first year, tightening our budget as we figure out this parenting thing.)

Thank you in advance to any moms and moms-to-be who can spare a moment in your busy, busy, busy lives to share a bit of yours.

(I wasn't sure where to put this so also just posted this in the SAHM board.)

Re: How do you navigate the work of parenthood along with chasing your own non-baby goals?

  • I would say since my son arrived 14 months ago most time is spend in the living room area. Only in the last few months since we bought a home and he JUST started walking/playing more independently do we spend more time in his room playing with toys or walking in circles around the house, ha ha.

    Since we are new to the home we are currently turning our 3rd room into an office/library/work space. The door is pretty much always closed so he doesn't get into anything unsafe. Making time for what makes me me and my bf him is more challenging and a constant re-balancing act. We used to be able to do more when he was more portable and would pass out in his car seat on errands. Now nap time is crucial for us to rest or do what isn't baby safe (crochet, paint, read, etc), we utilize our parents for breaks, we do our own thing when he goes down for bed (7pm) and we also divide and conquer (we can't do nearly as much stuff together).

    For your desk placement, the first that comes to mind is how to do you like to work? If you like quiet you want to pick a spot where you can have your solitude. Would you want to be near the baby to hear them or have a monitor? If you don't mind distractions you can put it wherever makes the most sense for the time being.

    My second thought is, the desk is going to move. For a bit the baby will sleep a lot and will not be mobile. So for awhile you could have the desk wherever you like. Later the baby will be moving around so you will want to work nearby to where they play. 

    Long response, but I hope that is helpful. My biggest bit of advise would be to be flexible. You get used to one thing and then their nap schedule changes, or they're teething, or something else. It's important to roll with the punches. :) 
  • I'm a working freelance writer and social media consultant and just work on my laptop. I move around the house a lot so don't have much advice on where to work. I prefer a comfortable armcharit o anything else. 

    As far as your other question - that's tough. I've been a Mom for 5-years and there are so many ups and downs - it's such a hug roller coaster you just never get off of. On one hand - you do lose yourself and become someone new. You may find you have no time or energy to write at first. I've gone through many identity crisis over the course of my 2 kids being born. It's tough, but you keep pushing and growing and find all the wonderful rewards. But what I've found? I'm more driven, more ambitious, more focused to get my work done now that I'm past the sleep deprivation for the second time around. I want to succeed, want to get every ounce out of my private time and down time I can and have never been more hyper-aware of how to maximize my time. 

    You'll sort it out. It may take time, and you may stumble, but you'll get there. Once you get your feet under you, get a nanny a few hours a week or ask a relative to babysit and use the time for you. The more you show up for yourself and make your dreams a priority - the more momentum you'll gain.
    Get $2,000 More in Your Budget Every Month with a Creative Earning & Savings System :-)
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