December 2016 Moms

Connecting

ttma your connection with this pregnancy. Did you feel an immediate connection? Have you felt disconnected from it? 

I dont one know if it's because my energy has been focused on willing myself to not vomit and keep my toddler alive, but I just don't feel the warm and fuzzies yet. I think my H kind of feels the same way. It's weird and brings the inevitable mom-guilt. This will change, right? 

Re: Connecting

  • There are days (usually when I spend some time looking at the ultrasound pictures) where I feel overwhelmed with love for baby, but on most days I don't really think about it because I'm busy. DH is in love, love, love (which I am so grateful for!)

    I am so thankful that I am pregnant! But because I am a FTM I guess, I can't really comprehend yet how much this baby will change our lives or how much we will love him or her. But in a great pregnancy book I have, it says it's normal not to feel a connection until the baby gets here, although it's also normal to have a deep connection to baby during pregnancy.

    So I would say you are normal and there's nothing to feel guilty about. <3
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  • With my first I didn't have that connection until I started feeling kicks at 18 weeks. This one I felt it from the beginning...like before the bfp. But some days I'm just like "meh" and other days I totally feel it. Kinda depends on my mood, DHs mood, and my toddlers behavior. 
    DD1 5/23/14, DD2 12/5/16   Baby #3 on the way!


  • I don't feel connected yet.  I'm PGAL so also sort of afraid to connect in case something goes wrong.  I think once we know the sex and pick a name and I start feeling baby move maybe that will make a difference.
  • I really haven't felt a connection yet either. It's probably because how I perceive pregnancy. I feel like the baby is not really alive, rather has the potential for life because they cannot live outside of the womb right now. I think I'll get that connection as I progress through the pregnancy. 
    Married 4/12/13
    Anniversary
    TTC since 6/13
    Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
    BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
    Pregnancy Ticker




  • @dmontgo thanks girl. I think at the heart of it I know I have no reason to feel guilty, but the mom guilt struggle is a real and fierce force!

    @penelope4612 totally understandable. I'm not PGAL but was told last year I wouldn't be able to get pregnant again and if I did, it would likely be ectopic. We got the clear before trying, but there's still that thought lurking that some horrible news is just around the bend, ya know? But more importantly, yay for rainbow babies❤️❤️
  • I don't feel connected yet.  I'm PGAL so also sort of afraid to connect in case something goes wrong.  I think once we know the sex and pick a name and I start feeling baby move maybe that will make a difference.
    This is me. It's taking me a little while to start feeling a connection. I had an appointment on the 10th and got to see the baby move and strech and that helped make it a little more real. I think once I start to feel baby move and we know if it's a boy or girl that will help too.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I'm feeling more connected everyday, but I will not let myself get excited until baby reaches the point where he (or she) can survive outside of my body. I got a notification saying that it's possible for baby to hear my voice now and I thought "oh fu*k I gotta watch my mouth now. Damn you tiny baby ears."


    Me:27   H:30
    Till death do us part: 7.2.2011
    Trying to conceive since 01.2014
    Low AFC and azoospermia
    IVF #1 03.2016 - BFP 03.28.2016
    Due: 12.05.2016

    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • I'm also PGAL, so I have tried not to get too attached. Once we found out the baby's sex, I started to feel more connected. Also, our NT scan helped both DH and I feel more connected because she is starting to look more like a "real baby."

    I think feeling movement helps a lot with the connection. I'm so excited for that.

    FWIW, I didn't feel connected with DS until he was born, and then there was an instant connection. Many moms don't feel connected until some time after birth, and that's okay too. Mommy guilt is so real but I feel like we have to give ourselves a break, too.

    Me: 33     H: 36

    Married: 12/14/13   DS: 1/29/09

    BFP2: 10/9/15  MMC: 11/12/15

    BFP3: 4/6/16   DD: 12/12/16


  • @laura311hart - that is a roller coaster of emotions during a scary time.  I'm happy all is well with you health wise.  

    There are are some days I'm pumped and some I'm overwhelmed so my connection ebbs and flows. I think it's harder to connect to two babies.  Especially when the sex is unknown.  I feel bad because I was instantly in love and connected when PG with DS.  I feel like the twins are growing on me.  It's a lot to adjust to.  I also struggle with having two and it changing my professional
    goals, so I'm still learning to cope with my 'new normal' before they even get here.  

    I think once you have at least one child, you spend a lot more time concerned about how another baby impacts your current child/children.  It can be cause of additional stress, I think.  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker     


  • I have my moments when I am so overwhelmed with love and wonder, and there are days that I forget that this is a new pregnancy as exactly 1 year ago I was 7 months preg with L. I try to get excited and do the same things like Doppler, dream hair/eyes/personality but I just don't have the time with an active little boy.


    Formerly known as Kate08young
    August '18 Siggy April Showers:






    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017  BFP 11/27/2017. 
    Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well. 


  • It's not that I don't feel connected but honestly I really don't feel pregnant. Other than being sick all the time, it's not like I have a constant reminder that I'm pregnant and with the nausea and throwing up, I know it because I'm pregnant but I don't always think about being pregnant when I'm thinking about how crappy I feel. Plus with my two boys, I feel like my mind is elsewhere most of the time. I think I'll start to feel different once I feel her moving around in there and when we start to get the nursery ready and the boys rooms switched around. I do have to say though, during my NT scan when we saw her moving her arms and legs and looking like a baby, it seemed a lot more real, especially for my husband. 
  • I would say I am connected to the idea of the baby but I don't feel a lot of connection to the baby that is physically inside me right now, if that makes sense.  I'm very excited and I think about what she might be like/look like etc but those are just ideas right now.
  • karmbakarmba member
    I don't feel connected yet.  I feel weird telling people, and I'm not posting it on Facebook etc.  I'm PGAL and it definitely effects the way I view this pregnancy.  However, I do think it will change as I get further along and we know the second pick a name.  For some reason in my brain name = real person.  Also I think feeling the baby will help with connecting, but that's just my two cents as a FTM.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Me: 34 DH: 36
    Married 10/15/11
    M/C October 2014
    BFP #2 4/3/16  EDD 12/8/16  DS 11/19/16


  • I agree the connection is hard since I just don't *feel* pregnant. Guess I was expecting some flip to switch when I saw that BFP. Now I'm thinking the switch will be visible bump/feeling movement. Some times are stronger than others, like when FI talks to baby at night. But "not connected" definitely doesn't mean not excited or not invested, so I don't feel too guilty. 
  • I'm so glad you started this, @Christinaruth74. I've been a little worried about how unattached I feel to this baby, but it sounds like I'm definitely not in the minority. I mean, H and I tried really hard for it, and I'm super excited for the pregnancy, but it just doesn't feel real to me. Hearing the heartbeat made it a little more real, but I didn't feel overwhelmed by love when I did hear it--I just laughed, because there it was, a growing fetus, alive inside me. I couldn't believe it!

    In general I'm a pretty unemotional (repressed? even-keeled?) person though. I haven't been a crazy emotional mess through this pregnancy, and so maybe my love for the baby will reflect that. And I haven't gotten a peek at my baby with an ultrasound yet--that's on Tuesday! I'm super excited about that. 
    Me: 31 | DH: 31
    Together since 2003 | Married 2010
    TTC #1 January 2016
    BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
    Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017

    TTC#2 March 2018
    BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
  • FTM here, and I felt a little more connected once we saw the baby in our u/s a couple weeks ago. I got our Harmony results back for gender yesterday, and feel a little more connected knowing the gender (and hoping it's correct). But, I don't think I will feel more until I start feeling the baby. Hopefully.

    At least seeing the baby in the u/s moving around made it feel much more real. Like, holy crap... there IS a baby in there!
    Me: 37 years old
    DH: 39 years old
    Married: October 17, 2014
    TTC Since: November 2015
    BFP: March 31, 2016
    DS: November 21, 2016

    December'16 December Siggy Challenge: Elf on the Shelf Fails **winner**





    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • beff12beff12 member
    I'll echo the other PGAL ladies and say that I'm guarding myself I guess and don't feel super connected yet. I've been crampy today and feel less connected because of my anxiety. On days where I feel more pregnant, I feel more connected. I can't wait until I can feel him/her move. I think that will ease a lot of my fears and also help me feel more connected! 

    June Siggy Challenge: Dad Fails

    Married 7.28.2012
    DD born 7.27.2014
    BFP 09.2015 - m/c 10.21.2015
    BFP 4.12.2016...EDD: Christmas Eve 2016!




  • This post is making me feel so much better!

    I don't have a strong connection yet, some days are better than others for sure, but I'm just not feeling what I expected I would.  I think I've been struggling a lot with my emotional state, everything triggers me and work is a major stress right now.  I'm normally a positive, easy-going person so this is completely throwing me for a loop.  I'm hoping my moodiness will diminish as I move into the 2nd trimester, and maybe then I'll start to really connect.  

    The worst part is I think my emotions are making it hard for my BF to connect as well, so I have that guilt too.  I always had this grand idea of what pregnancy would be like, all rainbows and sunshine (naive, I know) and now I'm trying to accept and respond to what reality is.  It'll take time, but I know I'll get there!  I'm still so thankful for this little miracle!

    Me: 39 DH: 36
    Married: Sept 2018
    DS: December 2016
    #2 EDD Feb 2020

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • TollerToller member
    I don't feel connected yet.  I'm PGAL so also sort of afraid to connect in case something goes wrong.  I think once we know the sex and pick a name and I start feeling baby move maybe that will make a difference.
    This!! Though, even after DD came out, I was like "..where did you come from!?!"

    Confidence in the pregnancy has a big part in it for me, I'm waiting to see these babies one more time (last saw them at 9 weeks, then will be 12+4) before I'll actually feel like I can embrace....
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • cgss11cgss11 member
    I don't have a strong connection either, even with knowing the sex and the name decided. I think it's a few things.

    Most days I feel good now, so I don't feel pregnant much, and am not showing much. I always have the idea of something going wrong in the back of my head. We're in the process of trying to get approved to buy a home and that process has consumed my thoughts with all the what ifs of moving/not moving/being homeless (I never said I was rational). 

    I definitely think about her a lot, and read a lot of pregnancy and baby info, but that's about as deep as my connection goes. 
  • I'm so glad there are others in this boat. As weird as that sounds. 
    Also, so many hugs to all you PGALs. i can only imagine all the feels... Especially coming through the first tri. 

    @laura311hart wow. That's so much to process. Sending so many positive thoughts and prayers your way. I know it's easier said than done, but you have nothing to feel guilty for right now. What a physical and emotional toll all of this must take on you... You are incredibly strong. 
  • Last time I felt connected when DS flopped out of my body. I'm feeling nothing yet and don't expect to til this creature GTFOs
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Mother of an April '15 baby
    Due December 16
  • @slartybartfast it's hard to feel all warm and fuzzy over a little person thats being an a-hole right now. 
  • I don't feel warm fuzzies yet. But it's funny because I often wake up at night and find my hand resting on my little bump... Which is not my hands normal resting spot. 
    My 3rd pregancy was full of fear and fretting and not "connected" to my baby...
    But the moment she arrived my fear went away and she's been one of my greatest delights and biggest blessings in life! 
    Just let it be what it is. 

    Due December 27th with baby #7




  • FTM here too, and I feel the same way a lot of you ladies do!  Sometimes it's hard to believe that I am actually pregnant (not having much morning sickness may have contributed to that.)  My DH has actually asked me on occasion why I'm not more excited about the pregnancy and I've explained to him it's because I'm busy processing everything that's happening.  I know he doesn't really understand and I do feel bad that he is more excited than I am about all of this.  He's wanted to be a dad for a really long time so this is a big thing for him.  (I was the one who wanted to wait to have kids because I didn't feel ready, and I know that bothered him too.)  Hoping a stronger connection will come with Bean once I start to feel her moving around!  But I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who's been having these feelings.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers




  • I haven't connected to this one yet either.  I think once I start looking pregnant and feeling kicks, but maybe not, I don't remember "connecting" to DD1 during the pregnancy, and because of her surgical birth, it also took me awhile to connect with her once she was outside. I felt a huge amount of guilt over that.  DD2, maybe I connected while pregnant, I don't remember for sure, but if I did it most certainly was because I already had a child.  I do remember feeling an instant bond with her once she was out, much different than DD1. 
    so however you feel, connected or not, I think it's normal.  we all get there eventually.
  • I'm pretty detached, but I was the same way with DD. DH would get annoyed at me because I kept telling him that I'd decide if I liked her once she came out. I believe I said, "You don't know, we might get a dick kid." ;) Once DD was out, though, I was attached. I feel the same way with this baby. It's there, but I don't know it yet. I'm not worried. This is just how I emotionally manage pregnancy apparently.
    December '16 BMB

    Baby #1                                                            

    ~BFP 03/22/14 EDD 12/05/14~                       
    ~Baby Z born 11/28/14~
                           
    Baby #2
    ~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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  • I am a FTM and high risk, so especially during the first trimester I was trying like hell to avoid getting too attached. Doctors I saw initially kept telling me how my diabetes was going to cause miscarriage, deformities, stillbirth, etc., (yeah, not trying to help with any constructive advice, but instead trying to scare me!) Thank goodness I now found a doctor who gives me constructive criticism and is trying to help me better my chances of a healthy pregnancy....

    I am still freaked out by all the risks and such, but I am very attached. I was one of those people, who, for the first 25 years of life (I'm 29 now), did not want kids too! But once it happened, especially once I saw that positive test, I got very attached. Such a strange thing, really... :)
    Type 1 Diabetic (high risk)

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Being a PGAL FTM, I haven't been as attached as I was with our first pregnancy. I've also had really terrible symptoms, I know I'm not the only one, but it's hard to get excited when I can't keep food down and I'm having horrible stomach cramps. I love this baby already so it has nothing to do with that; I just don't want to get too attached in case something does happen.
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