Father's Day

nmd9168 · June 2016

I guess I'm writing this as a reminder to all of us who use/read this board and also for some advice too. Sunday is Father's Day and it's going to be rough. I know it will be for me, thinking about how my dh should've been getting a card from me and my adorable baby bump that would've been forming

but it will be rough for our dh's/ partners too. Men usually internalize until they explode or have a nervous breakdown. We have two houses to go to that day. How can I tell if it is bothering my dh? How can I make it an easy day for him? I feel bad because I know the discussion of pregnancy and babies and miscarriage depresses him. How do I make this at least a tolerable day?

BrightenMySky · June 2016

I don't really have any suggestions, but I feel like Father's Day is hitting me a bit harder than Mother's Day. I was able to pick out cards for my mom and grandmas, but then Father's Day card shopping was too overwhelming.

AliciaGoose · June 2016

BrightenMySky said:

I don't really have any suggestions, but I feel like Father's Day is hitting me a bit harder than Mother's Day. I was able to pick out cards for my mom and grandmas, but then Father's Day card shopping was too overwhelming.

@BrightenMySky I'm having the same feelings. On Mother's Day I was still pregnant, but very early, and DHs dad made a comment about not being able to wish me a happy Mother's Day unless we were keeping something from them. I'm having anxiety that he's going to say the same thing to DH on Father's Day and I don't think either of us would be able to handle that. I wanted to be able to celebrate DH but now it's just a reminder of what we lost.

I'm sorry you're struggling the same way. Hugs.

AliciaGoose · June 2016

@nmd9168 I also have no suggestions because I feel like I'm having the same anxiety. Fingers crossed we're just over analyzing and worrying about things that won't actually be an issue.

Sugargirl1019 · June 2016

A crazy part of me wants to put a picture of the ultrasound in with a little card from "baby" saying how much baby loves him and will get to meet him one day and happy Father's day..

Aannnd now I'm crying. I can't do that to him what would he actually think??

AliciaGoose · June 2016

Sugargirl1019 said:

A crazy partner me wants to put a picture of the ultrasound in with a little card from "baby" saying how much baby loves him and will get to meet him one day and happy Father's day..

Aannnd now I'm crying. I can't do that to him what would he actually think??

@Sugargirl1019 I know what you mean because part of me wants to honor him still. Just like the idea that loss moms are still moms, it's really the same thing for fathers who've experienced a loss as well (though it doesn't get talked about as much). I know my DH wouldn't be able to handle it so I'm not going to acknowledge it at all. But I do have the desire to.

AliciaGoose · June 2016

Update: Father's Day is apparently hitting me harder than it is my DH because I haven't been able to stop myself from crying since I woke up. Ugh.

chloe97 · June 2016

@AliciaGoose I'm sorry that you are having a rough day. Sending hugs to you.

DH made the decision to stay off Facebook today and so I can tell he's hurting too. I did get him a card from our puppy. I didn't even think to get him a card from our angel babies. I think that probably would have been more painful. Focusing on the good things in our life is helpful right now. Im lucky enough to still have my father, but he battles so many health conditions. I tried to focus on celebrating him today knowing that once we get our baby whether it be in a year or 5 years, I will have plenty of time to celebrate DH, but I can't get these years with my dad back.

I was pregnant on Mother's Day and my first pregnancy due date was 6 weeks later, so I didn't feel nearly as sad that day as I do today.

BrightenMySky · June 2016

Just dropping in to extend some hugs all around today. We were with family Friday and Saturday, but left early this morning to come home and beat traffic, so no official father's day celebrations, for which I am grateful. I gave my dad a gift & card yesterday.

@Sugargirl1019 a few months after our loss, we were at my BIL's and his wife's for a christening, and they had ultrasound photos on their fridge. It occurred to me that maybe I should put our u/s pict on our fridge from when our baby still had a strong hb. I hear you.

roxgibbons · June 2016

Hi all- sounds like is been a rough day emotionally all around- for me as well. @AliciaGoose it's been a tearful day for me too. I've been having a hard time these last few days and today it hit me especially hard. We honored DH for being a great step-dad and as soon as my kids left to be with their father I just started crying and let it all out. I don't know if it's my higher dosage of letrozole or what but I've been an emotional wreck and re-living the day we found out about our loss. It's like playing in my head like a broken record. I should be well in my third trimester and here I am less than a month away from turning 38, going into IUI # 4 and it's such an unknown I haven't had a rough day like this in a while. We're supposed to drive up to my in laws but all I want to do is lay on my couch and binge watch Netflix. I'm sorry for the long vent but I figured if anyone understood it would be you ladies.

AliciaGoose · June 2016

@chloe97 I'm glad you and DH seemed to make a decision that tamed the sadness today. It was a cute idea to do the card from your puppy! I love that.

@roxgibbons Sorry your day isn't going well ether. Major hugs to you. I really didn't think it would hit me this hard since it's not 'my' holiday, but I think it actually hit me worse because I want so badly to be able to celebrate my DH and feel almost like I let him down. In reality I know I didn't. But it sucks. Bingewatching Netflix sounds way better than in laws especially since our trip to the in laws made things worse. There was a lot of conversation about my SIL and her fiancé having kids after they get married and I think DH and I were both struggling through it since they don't know we were TTC let alone that we had a loss. My SIL does but she doesn't seem to understand how difficult it is for me to talk about things like that right now.

Sugargirl1019 · June 2016

Uh I cried today!

A friend on fb announced she is due the same day I was due. I didn't expect it and started crying to my mom. I have done a really good job of not crying and being okay, but it got me! Plus DH is being really sweet and loving, so emotions.

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