Connecting

Christinaruth74 · June 2016

ttma your connection with this pregnancy. Did you feel an immediate connection? Have you felt disconnected from it?

I dont one know if it's because my energy has been focused on willing myself to not vomit and keep my toddler alive, but I just don't feel the warm and fuzzies yet. I think my H kind of feels the same way. It's weird and brings the inevitable mom-guilt. This will change, right?

dmontgo · June 2016

There are days (usually when I spend some time looking at the ultrasound pictures) where I feel overwhelmed with love for baby, but on most days I don't really think about it because I'm busy. DH is in love, love, love (which I am so grateful for!)

I am so thankful that I am pregnant! But because I am a FTM I guess, I can't really comprehend yet how much this baby will change our lives or how much we will love him or her. But in a great pregnancy book I have, it says it's normal not to feel a connection until the baby gets here, although it's also normal to have a deep connection to baby during pregnancy.

So I would say you are normal and there's nothing to feel guilty about.

sourlemon · June 2016

With my first I didn't have that connection until I started feeling kicks at 18 weeks. This one I felt it from the beginning...like before the bfp. But some days I'm just like "meh" and other days I totally feel it. Kinda depends on my mood, DHs mood, and my toddlers behavior.

penelope4612 · June 2016

I don't feel connected yet. I'm PGAL so also sort of afraid to connect in case something goes wrong. I think once we know the sex and pick a name and I start feeling baby move maybe that will make a difference.

phoenix870509 · June 2016

I really haven't felt a connection yet either. It's probably because how I perceive pregnancy. I feel like the baby is not really alive, rather has the potential for life because they cannot live outside of the womb right now. I think I'll get that connection as I progress through the pregnancy.

Christinaruth74 · June 2016

@dmontgo thanks girl. I think at the heart of it I know I have no reason to feel guilty, but the mom guilt struggle is a real and fierce force!

@penelope4612 totally understandable. I'm not PGAL but was told last year I wouldn't be able to get pregnant again and if I did, it would likely be ectopic. We got the clear before trying, but there's still that thought lurking that some horrible news is just around the bend, ya know? But more importantly, yay for rainbow babies❤️❤️

ErikandAfton · June 2016

penelope4612 said:

I don't feel connected yet. I'm PGAL so also sort of afraid to connect in case something goes wrong. I think once we know the sex and pick a name and I start feeling baby move maybe that will make a difference.

This is me. It's taking me a little while to start feeling a connection. I had an appointment on the 10th and got to see the baby move and strech and that helped make it a little more real. I think once I start to feel baby move and we know if it's a boy or girl that will help too.

cayaylonglegs · June 2016

I'm feeling more connected everyday, but I will not let myself get excited until baby reaches the point where he (or she) can survive outside of my body. I got a notification saying that it's possible for baby to hear my voice now and I thought "oh fu*k I gotta watch my mouth now. Damn you tiny baby ears."

laura311hart · June 2016

At first, I felt no connection and I was actually angry that it happened at the time it did. I've been going through testing for a possible cancer recurrence and at first my husband and I were terrified to get attached, fearing that I wouldn't be able to keep the baby because of a need for cancer treatment. Then, my oncologist basically reassured us everything would be OK and that we should be happy about our first baby. Since then, I have felt extremely connected and everything in my life, to me, has centered around being pregnant and I put cancer out of my mind. This week, I had to have a biopsy on some lymph nodes that showed abnormal in a scan. Baby was just fine after anesthesia but now I'm feeling tremendous guilt for having to do all of this while pregnant. It's making me more attached but completely messing with my mind because I'm over joyed one minute and then feeling guilty and like I'm doing the wrong thing the next.
Mom-guilt is very real and sets in right away!

But, I do think it's normal for the connection to not really set in until you really feel the baby. Most of the time I don't FEEL like what I expected to feel like while pregnant!

cjt121413 · June 2016

I'm also PGAL, so I have tried not to get too attached. Once we found out the baby's sex, I started to feel more connected. Also, our NT scan helped both DH and I feel more connected because she is starting to look more like a "real baby."

I think feeling movement helps a lot with the connection. I'm so excited for that.

FWIW, I didn't feel connected with DS until he was born, and then there was an instant connection. Many moms don't feel connected until some time after birth, and that's okay too. Mommy guilt is so real but I feel like we have to give ourselves a break, too.

DiFazette · June 2016

@laura311hart - that is a roller coaster of emotions during a scary time. I'm happy all is well with you health wise.

There are are some days I'm pumped and some I'm overwhelmed so my connection ebbs and flows. I think it's harder to connect to two babies. Especially when the sex is unknown. I feel bad because I was instantly in love and connected when PG with DS. I feel like the twins are growing on me. It's a lot to adjust to. I also struggle with having two and it changing my professional
goals, so I'm still learning to cope with my 'new normal' before they even get here.

I think once you have at least one child, you spend a lot more time concerned about how another baby impacts your current child/children. It can be cause of additional stress, I think.

princesslockness · June 2016

I have my moments when I am so overwhelmed with love and wonder, and there are days that I forget that this is a new pregnancy as exactly 1 year ago I was 7 months preg with L. I try to get excited and do the same things like Doppler, dream hair/eyes/personality but I just don't have the time with an active little boy.

mimi603107 · June 2016

It's not that I don't feel connected but honestly I really don't feel pregnant. Other than being sick all the time, it's not like I have a constant reminder that I'm pregnant and with the nausea and throwing up, I know it because I'm pregnant but I don't always think about being pregnant when I'm thinking about how crappy I feel. Plus with my two boys, I feel like my mind is elsewhere most of the time. I think I'll start to feel different once I feel her moving around in there and when we start to get the nursery ready and the boys rooms switched around. I do have to say though, during my NT scan when we saw her moving her arms and legs and looking like a baby, it seemed a lot more real, especially for my husband.

KatieJo1205 · June 2016

I would say I am connected to the idea of the baby but I don't feel a lot of connection to the baby that is physically inside me right now, if that makes sense. I'm very excited and I think about what she might be like/look like etc but those are just ideas right now.

karmba · June 2016

I don't feel connected yet. I feel weird telling people, and I'm not posting it on Facebook etc. I'm PGAL and it definitely effects the way I view this pregnancy. However, I do think it will change as I get further along and we know the second pick a name. For some reason in my brain name = real person. Also I think feeling the baby will help with connecting, but that's just my two cents as a FTM.

tinattt23 · June 2016

I agree the connection is hard since I just don't *feel* pregnant. Guess I was expecting some flip to switch when I saw that BFP. Now I'm thinking the switch will be visible bump/feeling movement. Some times are stronger than others, like when FI talks to baby at night. But "not connected" definitely doesn't mean not excited or not invested, so I don't feel too guilty.

PensiveCrayon · June 2016

I'm so glad you started this, @Christinaruth74. I've been a little worried about how unattached I feel to this baby, but it sounds like I'm definitely not in the minority. I mean, H and I tried really hard for it, and I'm super excited for the pregnancy, but it just doesn't feel real to me. Hearing the heartbeat made it a little more real, but I didn't feel overwhelmed by love when I did hear it--I just laughed, because there it was, a growing fetus, alive inside me. I couldn't believe it!

In general I'm a pretty unemotional (repressed? even-keeled?) person though. I haven't been a crazy emotional mess through this pregnancy, and so maybe my love for the baby will reflect that. And I haven't gotten a peek at my baby with an ultrasound yet--that's on Tuesday! I'm super excited about that.

Kacie209 · June 2016

FTM here, and I felt a little more connected once we saw the baby in our u/s a couple weeks ago. I got our Harmony results back for gender yesterday, and feel a little more connected knowing the gender (and hoping it's correct). But, I don't think I will feel more until I start feeling the baby. Hopefully.

At least seeing the baby in the u/s moving around made it feel much more real. Like, holy crap... there IS a baby in there!

beff12 · June 2016

I'll echo the other PGAL ladies and say that I'm guarding myself I guess and don't feel super connected yet. I've been crampy today and feel less connected because of my anxiety. On days where I feel more pregnant, I feel more connected. I can't wait until I can feel him/her move. I think that will ease a lot of my fears and also help me feel more connected!

Pgh_Kel · June 2016

This post is making me feel so much better!

I don't have a strong connection yet, some days are better than others for sure, but I'm just not feeling what I expected I would. I think I've been struggling a lot with my emotional state, everything triggers me and work is a major stress right now. I'm normally a positive, easy-going person so this is completely throwing me for a loop. I'm hoping my moodiness will diminish as I move into the 2nd trimester, and maybe then I'll start to really connect.

The worst part is I think my emotions are making it hard for my BF to connect as well, so I have that guilt too. I always had this grand idea of what pregnancy would be like, all rainbows and sunshine (naive, I know) and now I'm trying to accept and respond to what reality is. It'll take time, but I know I'll get there! I'm still so thankful for this little miracle!

Toller · June 2016

penelope4612 said:

I don't feel connected yet. I'm PGAL so also sort of afraid to connect in case something goes wrong. I think once we know the sex and pick a name and I start feeling baby move maybe that will make a difference.

This!! Though, even after DD came out, I was like "..where did you come from!?!"

Confidence in the pregnancy has a big part in it for me, I'm waiting to see these babies one more time (last saw them at 9 weeks, then will be 12+4) before I'll actually feel like I can embrace....

cgss11 · June 2016

I don't have a strong connection either, even with knowing the sex and the name decided. I think it's a few things.

Most days I feel good now, so I don't feel pregnant much, and am not showing much. I always have the idea of something going wrong in the back of my head. We're in the process of trying to get approved to buy a home and that process has consumed my thoughts with all the what ifs of moving/not moving/being homeless (I never said I was rational).

I definitely think about her a lot, and read a lot of pregnancy and baby info, but that's about as deep as my connection goes.

Christinaruth74 · June 2016

I'm so glad there are others in this boat. As weird as that sounds.
Also, so many hugs to all you PGALs. i can only imagine all the feels... Especially coming through the first tri.

@laura311hart wow. That's so much to process. Sending so many positive thoughts and prayers your way. I know it's easier said than done, but you have nothing to feel guilty for right now. What a physical and emotional toll all of this must take on you... You are incredibly strong.

slartybartfast · June 2016

Last time I felt connected when DS flopped out of my body. I'm feeling nothing yet and don't expect to til this creature GTFOs

Christinaruth74 · June 2016

@slartybartfast it's hard to feel all warm and fuzzy over a little person thats being an a-hole right now.

maamawaabangi · June 2016

I don't feel warm fuzzies yet. But it's funny because I often wake up at night and find my hand resting on my little bump... Which is not my hands normal resting spot.
My 3rd pregancy was full of fear and fretting and not "connected" to my baby...
But the moment she arrived my fear went away and she's been one of my greatest delights and biggest blessings in life!
Just let it be what it is.

squiddy224 · June 2016

FTM here too, and I feel the same way a lot of you ladies do! Sometimes it's hard to believe that I am actually pregnant (not having much morning sickness may have contributed to that.) My DH has actually asked me on occasion why I'm not more excited about the pregnancy and I've explained to him it's because I'm busy processing everything that's happening. I know he doesn't really understand and I do feel bad that he is more excited than I am about all of this. He's wanted to be a dad for a really long time so this is a big thing for him. (I was the one who wanted to wait to have kids because I didn't feel ready, and I know that bothered him too.) Hoping a stronger connection will come with Bean once I start to feel her moving around! But I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who's been having these feelings.

zubenescamali · June 2016

I haven't connected to this one yet either. I think once I start looking pregnant and feeling kicks, but maybe not, I don't remember "connecting" to DD1 during the pregnancy, and because of her surgical birth, it also took me awhile to connect with her once she was outside. I felt a huge amount of guilt over that. DD2, maybe I connected while pregnant, I don't remember for sure, but if I did it most certainly was because I already had a child. I do remember feeling an instant bond with her once she was out, much different than DD1.
so however you feel, connected or not, I think it's normal. we all get there eventually.

LinziLoo09 · June 2016

I'm pretty detached, but I was the same way with DD. DH would get annoyed at me because I kept telling him that I'd decide if I liked her once she came out. I believe I said, "You don't know, we might get a dick kid."

Once DD was out, though, I was attached. I feel the same way with this baby. It's there, but I don't know it yet. I'm not worried. This is just how I emotionally manage pregnancy apparently.

silverfrost · June 2016

I am a FTM and high risk, so especially during the first trimester I was trying like hell to avoid getting too attached. Doctors I saw initially kept telling me how my diabetes was going to cause miscarriage, deformities, stillbirth, etc., (yeah, not trying to help with any constructive advice, but instead trying to scare me!) Thank goodness I now found a doctor who gives me constructive criticism and is trying to help me better my chances of a healthy pregnancy....

I am still freaked out by all the risks and such, but I am very attached. I was one of those people, who, for the first 25 years of life (I'm 29 now), did not want kids too! But once it happened, especially once I saw that positive test, I got very attached. Such a strange thing, really...

ashleaf2018 · June 2016

Being a PGAL FTM, I haven't been as attached as I was with our first pregnancy. I've also had really terrible symptoms, I know I'm not the only one, but it's hard to get excited when I can't keep food down and I'm having horrible stomach cramps. I love this baby already so it has nothing to do with that; I just don't want to get too attached in case something does happen.

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