@groovylocks I am wondering how it's going with that difficult husband of yours?
& there were a few other ladies a while back talking about slacking, rude and difficult husbands. Now that I'm struggling with mine I'm wondering how everyone else is doing?
My husband was horrible with the new changes that our LO brought (as was I), but just recently in these past 3 weeks he has made a turnaround. He gives me breaks with the baby when asked or he just steps up and asks for her now (never used to do that), he takes the kids out more often, if we are both home he will cook, he has taken the role of cleaning one half of the house and gave me the responsibility for the other half so it isn't so overwhelming on one person.
Most importantly... we stopped criticizing each other when things weren't getting done. We both realized that having a new baby all over again with a toddler is not easy and have decided that if we don't get to it today that there is always tomorrow. We have also said to ourselves if things get too overwhelming that we would just ask a relative or pay the babysitter to watch kids for a few hours instead of taking it out on the other person. My dad always said that there is nothing wrong with taking breaks or asking for help when you have kids as long as you are being responsible. I have always had this guilty feeling for asking for help at times
The changes we made was that I decided to go find a job in my career field and have just recently started which made my DH quit his second job that he had so that I could be a SAHM. It just ended up being too much for DH. He had told me he didn't feel like a "dad" that it was like waking up, going to work, coming home, eat, shower, sleep and repeat. And he is right...it was like that. I felt the same way about myself, except I couldn't financially support my family. So the whole both parents working just works for us.
Just 2 days ago DH mentioned having a third child. If anyone remembers me... I went through some crazy PPD after DD was born and really wanted a third baby within a year. Of course, I told my DH my feelings and he was totally against the idea of having another baby. I just left it as my hormones being out of whack that I probably didn't know what I was talking about and never mentioned it again, not only that but deep down inside I really thought that H was happy with just 2 kids -- so having him mention a third child was a complete shocker. I would of never thought I'd hear those words again: third baby. LOL
Needless to say, it was me this time that said "not right now". I just got into a routine....exercising, working, spend time with kids and my body is back in shape. I want to enjoy my body right now - I feel great. And I want to spend time with my other LOs. DS is starting to write his ABCs. DD is starting to roll over on her own and sit up unsupported which means I'll be busy making baby foods real soon! I cannot possibly think of another baby right now.
@groovylocks was taking a break from the Facebook group for a bit, I'm not sure if that meant here too or not. But if she doesn't respond, that's probably why.
@groovylocks was taking a break from the Facebook group for a bit, I'm not sure if that meant here too or not. But if she doesn't respond, that's probably why.
Not to try to speak on her behalf, but their situation is very fragile to say the least. She will come back and talk if/when she is ready. Keep her and sweet Olive in your thoughts.
Keeping them in my thoughts for sure. Was also wanting to check in with others who I remember were struggling. Man, I just never realized what kind of stress a baby can put on a marriage. I love my baby girl but it's definitely made for some fights and disagreements with the husband..
It's hard on a marriage for sure. Im not surprised at how many couples split up in the first year of first baby. I feel like it's so tense and when we are sleep deprived we are so unhappy.
DH and I get snippy with eachother, but he was stepped up again after slumping with LO's care. He was super good for the first few weeks, definitely slacked the next couple, and has sky rocketed again. He gets up in the morning to feed baby, even though he works til midnight. He finally accepts that taking care of Carlos is more than a full time job, and giving me an hour extra sleep in the morning means the world.
Of course, we have our arguments, but we resolve them quickly.
My husband has been my rock throughout our pregnancy but lately as we're nearing the 7 month mark, he's becoming increasingly withdrawn, a bit moody, distracted and maybe a bit immature.t's our first baby, and we've been married less than a year. He also has been golfing a lot and has driven home a few times after a few drinks. I wouldn't say he has a drinking problem, but he has a problem when he drinks liquor - he gets super annoying and verbally confrontational, and that happened a few weeks ago after he spent the day golfing. I'm concerned because we're the best of friends and for the most part, he has been very supportive and has done everything - he has taken me to appointments, feeds our cats/changes their boxes, makes dinner, cleans the house, drives me to work, got us a house when I was so emotionally fragile I couldn't take it anymore. I think he's excited about the baby, but it's also something he initially didn't want to happen so soon in our marriage. I feel like I took something away from him. Given, we're 30 and 35, respectively, but I feel like a.) he might be resentful of me, or b.) that he might be acting out as he will be a dad in a little over two months.
Has anyone ever had a situation like this? I think it will pass, but it concerns me that he is acting kind of childish when I think he's pretty afraid of fatherhood (he told me so).
My husband has been my rock throughout our pregnancy but lately as we're nearing the 7 month mark, he's becoming increasingly withdrawn, a bit moody, distracted and maybe a bit immature.t's our first baby, and we've been married less than a year. He also has been golfing a lot and has driven home a few times after a few drinks. I wouldn't say he has a drinking problem, but he has a problem when he drinks liquor - he gets super annoying and verbally confrontational, and that happened a few weeks ago after he spent the day golfing. I'm concerned because we're the best of friends and for the most part, he has been very supportive and has done everything - he has taken me to appointments, feeds our cats/changes their boxes, makes dinner, cleans the house, drives me to work, got us a house when I was so emotionally fragile I couldn't take it anymore. I think he's excited about the baby, but it's also something he initially didn't want to happen so soon in our marriage. I feel like I took something away from him. Given, we're 30 and 35, respectively, but I feel like a.) he might be resentful of me, or b.) that he might be acting out as he will be a dad in a little over two months.
Has anyone ever had a situation like this? I think it will pass, but it concerns me that he is acting kind of childish when I think he's pretty afraid of fatherhood (he told me so).
You said he is verbally confrontational. How so? Elaborate on that.
@Knottie21991615 just clarifying... Your 7 months pregnant? (We all have 6 month olds so I'm not sure why you chose this particular board to post this) Your mad at your husband because he got drunk and confrontational?
It it sounds to me (without knowing too much about your particular situation) that he is just now realizing he is going to be a dad and is scared. Not knowing him I not anyone else can't say if it's only temporary or more permanent. It sounds to me like you need to talk to HIM and not a random Internet forum
I won't rehash everything, but essentially, he told me that he loved me but wasn't attracted to me. We agreed to try counseling - we went twice, but it just wasn't a good fit. I think we need to go separately, and THEN together, but I only have 3 free sessions left. The first time was just answering questions, and the second time, more questions and the counselor spending half the time on my DH's ADHD and anxiety issues, and completely ignoring my frustrations about not having my time to myself, about having to handle 95% of the kid and house related stuff, and having my confidence and self-worth completely decimated.
Anyway, we had a HUGE blow up a few weeks ago - my DH failed his first attempt at a licensing exam, and that plus all of these other frustrations made things blow up, and he said some mean things (which were actually more about him than me) and said wanted to get a divorce - not because he didn't love me, but because he said he felt like things would be better for everyone if he wasn't around, because he's on a self destructive path - a crappy husband, subpar dad, spends all of our money on stupid stuff, doesn't have a job (he does now), and just (emotionally) hurts me all of the time, plus our intimacy issues. We stepped back from that ledge, (and he passed his exam on the next attempt), and things are better sometimes, but not really.
My mom was there when this happened, which didn't really help, except that she was there to get my DD off the bus and take her on a walk. But of course she had her two cents. After I told her the abridge version of what happened and that we were going to try to work on things, she says - "Ok, but usually when a man says he wants a divorce because 'you deserve better,' and he 'still loves you but..' it usually means that they have already made up their mind to leave but don't want to be the bad guy." and my favorite "Men don't usually leave unless they have someone else to go to. A man will stay in an unhappy marriage for years, but they won't leave until they meet someone else."
Thanks, Mom.
So even though we are working on things, his seemingly unwillingness to try to put his family before his social life and my mom's words of encouragement have left me just feeling dread 75% of the time.
@NellieHarringtonCarter sorry for that of course no one has a crystal ball but I can't imagine mom's words were very helpful. If you want to save your marriage then go for it. Is it 3 sessions each or total? What did you guys enjoy doing pre-kid/house stuff? Can you go do that together sometime? Sometimes all you need is one good day/night. Quick story: my hubs & I were in the edge....I left with ds to get some space, we were in a bad way. Well, we agreed to work on things but the spark was def missing. One day we went to his buddy's place & he took me for a ride on his snowmobile (my first time) and something just clicked- it was like I was looking at him with new eyes & vice versa. That was 3 years ago. You never know
Hi guys I'm sorry. I'm here and really touched that you're thinking of me. I am doing well and INS/immigration are being very understanding and if abuse is confirmed by our marriage counselor, they will remove my condition of marriage from my green card and I can stay in the US with or without him at that point. So right now we are at the spot in the journey where the marriage counselor is building a picture of our relationship and dynamics.
Olive is amazing. She's smart, funny, says "mama" looking right at me. I'm so happy outside of my marriage situation. I love being a mother.
Ugh mine is struggling! Our baby has been a great sleeper from the start but of course there are nights she wakes up and who is the one to get up with her?! Me! He's probably only done it maybe twice!! I'm so frustrated. I feel like I'm the only parent! Sure I understand he is the only one with a job and he just bought us a nice house while I get to be a SAHM but I didn't ask to be a SAHM. Sometimes I just need a break!! But I never ask him for one because I feel guilty that I'm not providing any income to our family. Ugh! Sorry for the rant! It's 4am and my baby has been awake for a hour! Hopefully she'll pass out soon!
Re: Bad Husbands.
My husband was horrible with the new changes that our LO brought (as was I), but just recently in these past 3 weeks he has made a turnaround. He gives me breaks with the baby when asked or he just steps up and asks for her now (never used to do that), he takes the kids out more often, if we are both home he will cook, he has taken the role of cleaning one half of the house and gave me the responsibility for the other half so it isn't so overwhelming on one person.
Most importantly... we stopped criticizing each other when things weren't getting done. We both realized that having a new baby all over again with a toddler is not easy and have decided that if we don't get to it today that there is always tomorrow. We have also said to ourselves if things get too overwhelming that we would just ask a relative or pay the babysitter to watch kids for a few hours instead of taking it out on the other person. My dad always said that there is nothing wrong with taking breaks or asking for help when you have kids as long as you are being responsible. I have always had this guilty feeling for asking for help at times
The changes we made was that I decided to go find a job in my career field and have just recently started which made my DH quit his second job that he had so that I could be a SAHM. It just ended up being too much for DH. He had told me he didn't feel like a "dad" that it was like waking up, going to work, coming home, eat, shower, sleep and repeat. And he is right...it was like that. I felt the same way about myself, except I couldn't financially support my family. So the whole both parents working just works for us.
Just 2 days ago DH mentioned having a third child. If anyone remembers me... I went through some crazy PPD after DD was born and really wanted a third baby within a year. Of course, I told my DH my feelings and he was totally against the idea of having another baby. I just left it as my hormones being out of whack that I probably didn't know what I was talking about and never mentioned it again, not only that but deep down inside I really thought that H was happy with just 2 kids -- so having him mention a third child was a complete shocker. I would of never thought I'd hear those words again: third baby. LOL
Needless to say, it was me this time that said "not right now". I just got into a routine....exercising, working, spend time with kids and my body is back in shape. I want to enjoy my body right now - I feel great. And I want to spend time with my other LOs. DS is starting to write his ABCs. DD is starting to roll over on her own and sit up unsupported which means I'll be busy making baby foods real soon! I cannot possibly think of another baby right now.
DS#1 born 02/19/2013
itll get better. In time. Then it will get worse again then better then worse....
not surprised at how many couples split up in the first year of first baby. I feel like it's so tense and when we are sleep deprived we are so unhappy.
Of course, we have our arguments, but we resolve them quickly.
Has anyone ever had a situation like this? I think it will pass, but it concerns me that he is acting kind of childish when I think he's pretty afraid of fatherhood (he told me so).
Your 7 months pregnant? (We all have 6 month olds so I'm not sure why you chose this particular board to post this)
Your mad at your husband because he got drunk and confrontational?
It it sounds to me (without knowing too much about your particular situation) that he is just now realizing he is going to be a dad and is scared. Not knowing him I not anyone else can't say if it's only temporary or more permanent. It sounds to me like you need to talk to HIM and not a random Internet forum
I won't rehash everything, but essentially, he told me that he loved me but wasn't attracted to me. We agreed to try counseling - we went twice, but it just wasn't a good fit. I think we need to go separately, and THEN together, but I only have 3 free sessions left. The first time was just answering questions, and the second time, more questions and the counselor spending half the time on my DH's ADHD and anxiety issues, and completely ignoring my frustrations about not having my time to myself, about having to handle 95% of the kid and house related stuff, and having my confidence and self-worth completely decimated.
Anyway, we had a HUGE blow up a few weeks ago - my DH failed his first attempt at a licensing exam, and that plus all of these other frustrations made things blow up, and he said some mean things (which were actually more about him than me) and said wanted to get a divorce - not because he didn't love me, but because he said he felt like things would be better for everyone if he wasn't around, because he's on a self destructive path - a crappy husband, subpar dad, spends all of our money on stupid stuff, doesn't have a job (he does now), and just (emotionally) hurts me all of the time, plus our intimacy issues. We stepped back from that ledge, (and he passed his exam on the next attempt), and things are better sometimes, but not really.
My mom was there when this happened, which didn't really help, except that she was there to get my DD off the bus and take her on a walk. But of course she had her two cents. After I told her the abridge version of what happened and that we were going to try to work on things, she says - "Ok, but usually when a man says he wants a divorce because 'you deserve better,' and he 'still loves you but..' it usually means that they have already made up their mind to leave but don't want to be the bad guy." and my favorite "Men don't usually leave unless they have someone else to go to. A man will stay in an unhappy marriage for years, but they won't leave until they meet someone else."
Thanks, Mom.
So even though we are working on things, his seemingly unwillingness to try to put his family before his social life and my mom's words of encouragement have left me just feeling dread 75% of the time.
of course no one has a crystal ball but I can't imagine mom's words were very helpful. If you want to save your marriage then go for it. Is it 3 sessions each or total? What did you guys enjoy doing pre-kid/house stuff? Can you go do that together sometime? Sometimes all you need is one good day/night.
Quick story: my hubs & I were in the edge....I left with ds to get some space, we were in a bad way. Well, we agreed to work on things but the spark was def missing. One day we went to his buddy's place & he took me for a ride on his snowmobile (my first time) and something just clicked- it was like I was looking at him with new eyes & vice versa. That was 3 years ago. You never know
Olive is amazing. She's smart, funny, says "mama" looking right at me. I'm so happy outside of my marriage situation. I love being a mother.