Nerves about adding #3

16isourluckynumber · June 2016

I'm a 37 yo working (lawyer - in-house) mom of 2 little firecrackers. Husband also has a stressful job although mine brings home much more bacon (which I only say because it makes it so that I don't have the option to stay at home right now, at least without drastically overhauling our lives, moving, not saving anything for the future, etc.).

I had always said I wanted 3 kids because with me having only one sister who is disabled and him being an only child of an only child, our kids will really not have much family when they get older. Plus, our kids are the lights of our lives. But, I had come very close to resigning myself to sticking at 2 due to all of the existing responsibilities and stress we already have. But then he surprised me on my birthday this year by saying he wanted to go for it. Knocked me over with a feather, even though I had some nagging worries about it.

Anyway... Anyone else feeling some nerves about adding to the family? I know that we will love this baby to the moon and back, but there could be some serious challenges ahead as well. I am thinking maybe a full time nanny for the first year, even though that would be financially a big stretch when you add it to the preschool costs we would still have.

Babymakes5! · June 2016

We are also adding our 3rd. My kids are 4&2. Im a sahm, but I also have worries. Obviously its a different situation, but I think not being nervous would be weird. A new baby is a huge adjustment, and if you're not worrying, you're not recognizing the gravity of the situation. just try to remember the financial woes of child care are relatively short lived, and you do adjust. You have twice before. you've got this

BumpasaurusRex · June 2016

I'll speak honestly. Your concerns are our concerns and why we have decided to stop at two children.

Financially, we have thought past childcare costs and factored in extracurricular activities, vacations, college expenses, weddings, etc. For us, we feel it's worth it to not be strapped and be able to afford the little extras, rather than the other way around.

But it that's what we've decided works for our family and everyone is different. If we were to be blessed with a third baby by surprise, we'd be thrilled and would make it work.

Having concerns is normal and I think being aware of it is normal. You will always find a way to make it work because it's what you want for your family.

kswiger06 · June 2016

I am on the third also. I am a stay at home mother like @Babymakes5! Our children are 9 and 7. We have talked about expanding the family for years now but kept waiting until we felt it was time. We wanted my husband to be hired into his job full time (he had to start as a temp to get in) and I wanted to buy a house. He's been at his job for 3 yrs now and we've been in house for a year. I know we have a lot of expense coming our way but we are already keeping an eye out to be stocking baby supplies. Buying diapers and baby clothes that are real cheap at end of season. Of course making sure the sizes make sense for due date. For me I feel totally relaxed about what's coming. Having to work would make it a little more difficult but once the time comes everything will fall into place for you. Planning and organizing keeps me calm. I think it's normal though to worry, and I hope you can start feeling more relaxed about it soon!

MagicMikki · June 2016

YES!! I have two older children from a previous marriage (ages 7 and 9). My current husband does not have any biological children, and we really wanted to add to our family together. We did IVF and transferred two embryos... The anxiety of waiting to see if we have one or two in there is killing me!

We are nervous to (financially) add one baby, which we are totally prepared for, but adding two would just be so difficult!

I was most nervous about "starting over" since my kids will be nearly 8 and 10 by the time this baby is born. Diapers, breastfeeding, late-night feedings, crying, dependency, daycare... Here we go!! :-)

peachesnbean · June 2016

I am nervous about the family dynamic. My girls are CLOSE. In age and they are best friends. When this little beeb is born DD1 will be 5.5 and DD2 will be 3.5, so obviously not the biggest gap in the world, but more than my first two for sure! I know they will both momma bear the baby, but I don't want him/her to feel like a 3rd wheel.

kswiger06 · June 2016

@MagicMikki we have the same age gaps going! My son will be 10 and daughter will turn 8 Feb 22.

fourPsinapod · June 2016

I'm only on baby #2 but I'm experiencing mild heart palpitations about the cost of daycare. DD goes to daycare that is $1000 a month. Times that by two. It's going to be rough. It comes down to whether or not it will be worth it for me to work or not.

Babymakes5! · June 2016

fourPsinapod said:

I'm only on baby #2 but I'm experiencing mild heart palpitations about the cost of daycare. DD goes to daycare that is $1000 a month. Times that by two. It's going to be rough. It comes down to whether or not it will be worth it for me to work or not.

This was me last pregnancy. I LOVED my job, but just the beginning of this year we realized it wasn't making sense for me to work if we factored in our second vehicle, daycare, etc. I quit my job and stay home now. I miss my career a bit but it is the best decision we have made. As someone who has BTDT, it works out. Everything comes out in the wash.

CallMeLauraJane · June 2016

Baby #3 here, also! My boys are 3.5 years apart and little one will be 4 years apart. I'm absolutely a nervous wreck about adding another kiddo. This wasn't a planned pregnancy (though we are overjoyed!) and my 3 year old is an absolute BEAST toddler. Strong-willed, destructive, loud, stubborn, confident, and opinionated. He challenges us DAILY. I told my husband just last night that that little turkey will have to shape up before this new baby comes.

As far as daycare, my end game is to be a WAHM by the time baby #3 is born. Oldest is in school and Asher will start preschool in August 2017. My mom currently watches them when I work part time (2 days a week) and I don't think she will be able to handle three of them.

My husband is going back to school for his graduate degree this fall AND I'm launching a new business with a high investment in July. This isn't the best timing, little one! Praying that the LuLaRoe business will be lucrative and successful so I can officially stay home full time and WAH.

I'm also concerned physically about this pregnancy. It will be my 3rd c/s and I'm about 50lbs heavier than I was at my last one. BLECH. Pregnancy is going to be a bitch.

tishb · June 2016

CallMeLauraJane said:

Baby #3 here, also! My boys are 3.5 years apart and little one will be 4 years apart. I'm absolutely a nervous wreck about adding another kiddo. This wasn't a planned pregnancy (though we are overjoyed!) and my 3 year old is an absolute BEAST toddler. Strong-willed, destructive, loud, stubborn, confident, and opinionated. He challenges us DAILY. I told my husband just last night that that little turkey will have to shape up before this new baby comes.

As far as daycare, my end game is to be a WAHM by the time baby #3 is born. Oldest is in school and Asher will start preschool in August 2017. My mom currently watches them when I work part time (2 days a week) and I don't think she will be able to handle three of them.

My husband is going back to school for his graduate degree this fall AND I'm launching a new business with a high investment in July. This isn't the best timing, little one! Praying that the LuLaRoe business will be lucrative and successful so I can officially stay home full time and WAH.

I'm also concerned physically about this pregnancy. It will be my 3rd c/s and I'm about 50lbs heavier than I was at my last one. BLECH. Pregnancy is going to be a bitch.

My Asher is also my strong willed one! It's better
than it used to be for sure, though! Maybe that's why we are just now having #3 when the older ones are 7&5! Lol!
Its also my 3rd c-section and I'm about 40lbs more than last time! I'm already feeling the stings of pregnancy! Good luck to you! We can do this!

Runner313 · June 2016

Raises hand! Also a lawyer, 32, but now I work p/t from home (only 26 hrs a week). Husband is a high school principal, always stressed. We will also be sending our kids to private school so the expenses don't stop after day care. But, I feel like we will figure it out. I am hopeful. I am worried about finances but we have always wanted three. Vacations were rough with two. We will be doing local vacays until they are older.

L Jane · June 2016

CallMeLauraJane said:

Baby #3 here, also! My boys are 3.5 years apart and little one will be 4 years apart. I'm absolutely a nervous wreck about adding another kiddo. This wasn't a planned pregnancy (though we are overjoyed!) and my 3 year old is an absolute BEAST toddler. Strong-willed, destructive, loud, stubborn, confident, and opinionated. He challenges us DAILY. I told my husband just last night that that little turkey will have to shape up before this new baby comes.

As far as daycare, my end game is to be a WAHM by the time baby #3 is born. Oldest is in school and Asher will start preschool in August 2017. My mom currently watches them when I work part time (2 days a week) and I don't think she will be able to handle three of them.

My husband is going back to school for his graduate degree this fall AND I'm launching a new business with a high investment in July. This isn't the best timing, little one! Praying that the LuLaRoe business will be lucrative and successful so I can officially stay home full time and WAH.

I'm also concerned physically about this pregnancy. It will be my 3rd c/s and I'm about 50lbs heavier than I was at my last one. BLECH. Pregnancy is going to be a bitch.

Oh, I can relate to being concerned physically! This will be our 4th baby, (others are 2, 4, and 5). I'm not worried about adding a 4th child to the equation- things are already CRAZY! However, this will be my 4th c-section. My OB told me after my third that it would be okay for me to have a 4th...but it still makes me very nervous.

scottipino · June 2016

This is baby #4 for us. The transition from 2-3 was very smooth for us. The only difference is that you no longer have the one-to-one defense with them. We both work full time jobs and have a full time nanny to compensate at home. It might be worth calculating the cost of nanny versus daycare in your area. I really wanted a 4th and my DH was on the fence. We had lots of discussions about college expenses and such before jumping into this one.

atlvahi · June 2016

I was pretty nervous about adding #2. It was important to me I could still do my freelance writing and social media consulting from home and travel as a family. The first year as tough, but our world is opening up again and am so glad I did it. Two was a little bit of a stretch - 3 would be hard. I'm good with our lives being manageable.

laurenmichael725 · June 2016

This will be #3 for us as well. We want 3 or 4 kids total, so we have been planning this one for a while. I am mostly nervous about our housing situation. We will have definitely outgrown our current house by the time #3 arrives. We are currently going back and forth about moving versus knocking our house down and building- leaning towards building. A very stressful prospect, and we are moving at a snail's pace with the decision-making. The good news is my parents live within walking distance from us, and have plenty of room for our family of 5 if/when we need to stay with them during the move or build. It's just a LOT to think about with a 9 month time crunch! I am remaining optimistic that things will work out in the end because they have to.

Starfish113 · June 2016

I hear you!! This will be #4 for us (my second, and DH's third, from our previous marriages)... and all of the logistics are so stressful! First off, this was a surprise and I just recently got rid of all my baby stuff! And second, we have a 4 bedroom house. So I guess we will have to covert the playroom into a bedroom? Nevermind maternity leave and daycare and all that. AHHH!! But at the end of the day, I'm over the moon happy

MalyJ · June 2016

Yes! I was so nervous about adding #2. Would DS1 still feel important, loved, special, etc? They're now 5 and 2 and DS1 couldn't survive without his little brother to pester, boss, cuddle with, teach.

I think that nervousness and anxieties are normal no matter what number kid you're adding. It changes up everyone's everything. But very quickly we all figure out our new normal!

edit: words are hard

kirstynikole · June 2016

Adding in a new member to the family is always stressful- there's financial concerns, time concerns and of course health concerns for a happy healthy baby. If you think bringing in a nanny to help the first year will be beneficial then do it! I know sometimes we stretch our budget and worry but at the end of the day most kids don't realize money issues and just remember you!
It may be a rough adjustment at first but I'm sure you'll do great! Sending you good vibes to ease the anxiety!!

gingerbest · July 2016

Totally understand. Both hubby and I work full time and then some, I'm a petroleum engineer for one of the majors- very stressful times right now, and my DH is going back to school at night (after working a full time job all day)....
any whooooo - That said, I could not be more excited to be adding #3.

This past year I hired a college student to help me after work (since DH was in night school) with our other two loves (4 yrs & 2 yrs old)- that really helped. She helped me cook dinner, feed kids, watched them on the 3 occasions I attempted this thing called "jogging"; and cleaned up kitchen- all in all, I could have a "clean-ish" house and kids in bed by 8pm with me right behind them.

That said, at this point a full time nanny would make much more sense because the other two are starting "Big girl school"

(sad face): we love our daycare. Open 7:30-5:30 and only closed 8 days a year.
Big girl school: 9am-3pm and only open 8 full weeks a semester (if that). Full time nanny can watch #3 and the other two when real school is off for: fall break/winter break/spring break/teacher break/break for break/random break/and just-bc-we-can break.

Yeah for #3!!!

PeytonEliMama · July 2016

My husband and I are both lawyers, and we currently have a nanny 3 days a week for our 4 and 2 year old with my parents watching them the other two days a week. With #3, I am not sure my parents will be able to handle all of them at once, so we need to assess our childcare options for after the baby is born. I am hoping our nanny will consider 4 days a week, although that will be a big jump in childcare costs since Chicago has a relatively high hourly rate for nannies. That will leave one day a week to figure out. The only "good" thing is that once my maternity leave ends there will only be about 3 months before my daughter will be in kindergarten full time, which means only 2 kids that will need childcare for the majority of the day. It will still be pricey, which is a concern, but that should reduce the cost somewhat. I also worry about juggling my workload with 3 kids. My work is pretty flexible, but it is still stressful at times. I am also trying to figure out how to accommodate another car seat. I'd prefer to put off buying a new car right now, so it may mean replacing current car seats with different ones that will work with three across. Lots to think about, for sure, but there is no going back now and I am excited to add one more (and our last) to the family.

Mary Gaffney · July 2016

I definitely understand. I'm 27 years old, a SAHM, and we got pregnant at 10 months PP with #3 (we have a 3 year old DD and an almost 1 year old DS). I was just starting to feel normal again and BAM, pregnant. It was a surprise and one that was tough to swallow at first. I'm thankful to my husband for his reaction of excitement and happiness. We still live in a 2 bd/ 2 bath apartment and there are unknowns about him and his job (he's been applying for better positions with his company for the past 3 years). I'd love to stick around this nice midwestern town (the nearest family is an hour and a half away), but I'd also love to move closer to my family and be in a house WITH A YARD! Anyways, my husband wants 5 kids and I'm just overwhelmed by the thought of having 3 that are 4years and younger. Okay, rambling over. It's just a stressful situation all around. BUT I can honestly say that I'm very excited to welcome another member to my beautiful clan.

2beautifulboys · July 2016

Yes i understand your anxiety about number 3. I'm in a different situation in that i'm a SAHM. My eldest is almost 4 and youngest almost 2. I haven't worked since we moved from Ireland to the USA in 2011, i became pregnant soon after. We had another international move when he was 9 months. We had our second son then when he was 2 and then moved back to the USA last September. I can't work over here currently so i've no choice. My husband has a good job but we've only really started getting our act together financially again after the crash at home. We lost money on our old home and with all the moving (6 times in 5 years, 9 including temporary accommodation) life has just been a bit all over the place. We have just bought a home and are moving next month (last time for a number of years i hope).
We were undecided about a third and have been discussing it for the past 6 months. Thinking about the financial cost of a third child, me being a SAHM for a longer time, me coping with zero support as family and friends are 1000's of miles away and my husband works long hrs. Well we decided we would love a third child but were worried about cost and support but ultimately decided we would try again but not yet. I should also add we are not getting any younger, we are both 36.
So we had a positive surprise test in June, it was unplanned and we were in shock for a bit. We are now excited but this is the last baby. I'm worried about the age gap. There are 2 years between the boys which is fab but it was hard in the early days and i wanted at least 3 years between the second boy and a new baby. It will now be 2.5 years if all progresses with this pregnancy.
Anyway i think your anxiety is normal and most women feel it going from 2-3 kids.

shanyd · July 2016

Well ladies im on baby #4 and I feel and actually already look 6 months pregnant eeek everyone jokes im having twins.. my first ultrasound is july 25th ( im 7 weeks 3 days) anyway im a stay at home mom we have a 4 bedroom house and currently my car is a Ford escape my 3 sugars are sardines in the back but weve made it work... even if baby #4 wasnt in the works a new car is definitely happening and our choice is a suburban ( used) still so expensive!!! And then i may sound selfish but i also had a hard time with having kids share a room.. but i already have 3 and ill tell you your gonna be fine!! My kids are close in age just had one turn 5 ,3 , and then a 1.5 yr old! Life is crazy busy over here but my personality wouldnt want it any other way. Just remeber evrything is a phase and changes at some point usually for the better.. sleeping through the night, no more bottles, no more diapers, sleeping in a big kid bed, ♡

Runner313 · July 2016

We recently bought a minivan so now I feel a little bit better (I love it, highly recommend). I am still freaked out about tuition since we will send them to Catholic school. I think 3 is gonna be all we can handle financially (and maybe emotionally and physically too? Time will tell), but I would love to have a fourth.

16isourluckynumber · July 2016

I would have loved a 4th too but I think 3 will be all we can handle and probably more than we can handle sometimes! Plus I will be 38 at delivery and just for me personally I would not want to be pregnant again after this.

LaurenAshley04 · July 2016

I have this fear with #2! Part of my hesitation was the toll that pregnancy took on my body. I have an autoimmune disorder of the Thyroid and pregnancy made it completely unravel. Pregnancy was hard on me and my recovery was worse. Although we had decided to go for #2 I never imagined it would happen this fast! I'm feeling great this time and I have a specialist and a OB/midwife team that are more versed in Thyroid issues. We are definitely done after this though!

As far as working I'm currently struggling with the idea of leaving my FT job. Hubby and I make about the same amount but he just got a promotion so he's definitely staying where he is. I'm in IT (although currently in a bit of a dead end job). Looking to WaHM or go part time. It's an internal struggle but I already feel so pulled as it is right now!

whatever happens it will work out momma!

tentacular · July 2016

Only on my second, but I'm totally with you on the nerves. Our little family has been working so great, I'm in mourning about the change in our dynamic. I know it's a good change and will be great in the end, but I'm not good with change and the whole thing makes me nervous. Not to mention I'm a bit of a hot mess of a mom as it is. What new levels of hot-messness will I reach with two? I imagine it'll be pretty impressive.

edited for idiot typos

jab3-2 · July 2016

I'm worried about adding a third kid too (financially, mentally, physically) but I'm excited too so I just keep telling myself it's going to be fun, very overwhelming at times, but also a lot of fun!

gingerbest · July 2016

funny thing happened last week-

we went in for our first US for baby#3 and got to see #3 & #4 (officially "baby A" and "baby B")

meiko · July 2016

Honestly, I was you at 37! I too was/am a lawyer, bread winner but have a husband who has a demanding job. I too had 2 kids (at that time 3 and 6) and we added a 3rd. It is totally doable and the older kids are a great help with him. Heck! I am now 42 and 8 weeks with our 4th!

16isourluckynumber · July 2016

@meiko what's your secret? Did you get a full time nanny?

meiko · July 2016

We do. It is honestly cheaper than 1 kid in full-time care and 2 kids in afternoon/ morning care at school. Also, I do have flexibility in my schedule so i can usually get home 3 days a week by 4:30 (I go in early) and have become a master of working anywhere. If I am laying on the couch, at a game, waiting till they get done with tutoring, I review and respond to emails. I also have an amazing assitant at work who helps me so, so much.

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