September 2015 Moms
CRooney89
member
NBR: Drug Addicted Father/Visitation
CRooney89
member
I haven't posted on here in a while but I really need some opinions.
I shared my story on here when my son was first born: I am a single mom, I work part time and spend all my free time studying to get my teaching license. I had to move back in with my parents while pregnant, and my son's father doesn't contribute financially and would constantly blow off his visitation schedule we had worked out between us.
Fastforward to a few weeks ago, I was looking over one of my credit card statements and came to find out he got a hold of my credit card number when we lived together and charged thousands of dollars. A week later he admitted to me his is addicted to drugs and has spent all his money on pills instead of his son.
I told him he needed to get help (like rehab or some type of drug treatment program) and then I would let him see his son, supervised visits of course. He made 1 appointment with a behavioral therapist for "anxiety" and expected to be able to take his son alone that weekend following. I told him since he is taking steps in right direction (very very small steps) I would meet up with him for an hour at the local park to see his son. He showed up with nothing for the baby but had a new cellphone.
I really don't want to be around him because he stole from me and he is just a crappy person in general, so my parents have graciously offered to being the baby to the park for an hour on Saturday mornings to see him. I don't think I should have to let him see his son at all since he is not getting help and has admitted to being addicted to drugs, But I have settled on this park visit once a week. His family and some of our mutual friends have reached out to me telling me that it's unfair I am keeping the baby from him and I should let him visit more with his son. I don't think I am being unreasonable at all, seeing as this person can not pay child support but meanwhile has been stealing from me, and also is admittedly a drug addict who refuses to get help. Am I wrong here? What would you do? Honestly just looking for opinions. Sorry this is so long.
I shared my story on here when my son was first born: I am a single mom, I work part time and spend all my free time studying to get my teaching license. I had to move back in with my parents while pregnant, and my son's father doesn't contribute financially and would constantly blow off his visitation schedule we had worked out between us.
Fastforward to a few weeks ago, I was looking over one of my credit card statements and came to find out he got a hold of my credit card number when we lived together and charged thousands of dollars. A week later he admitted to me his is addicted to drugs and has spent all his money on pills instead of his son.
I told him he needed to get help (like rehab or some type of drug treatment program) and then I would let him see his son, supervised visits of course. He made 1 appointment with a behavioral therapist for "anxiety" and expected to be able to take his son alone that weekend following. I told him since he is taking steps in right direction (very very small steps) I would meet up with him for an hour at the local park to see his son. He showed up with nothing for the baby but had a new cellphone.
I really don't want to be around him because he stole from me and he is just a crappy person in general, so my parents have graciously offered to being the baby to the park for an hour on Saturday mornings to see him. I don't think I should have to let him see his son at all since he is not getting help and has admitted to being addicted to drugs, But I have settled on this park visit once a week. His family and some of our mutual friends have reached out to me telling me that it's unfair I am keeping the baby from him and I should let him visit more with his son. I don't think I am being unreasonable at all, seeing as this person can not pay child support but meanwhile has been stealing from me, and also is admittedly a drug addict who refuses to get help. Am I wrong here? What would you do? Honestly just looking for opinions. Sorry this is so long.
Re: NBR: Drug Addicted Father/Visitation
The baby comes first, not your ex and not his family who thinks he should be able to see his son. You are protecting your son by keeping him away
If you continue to be gracious and kind and allow visits I 100% agree they need to be in public places, supervised, for a limited timespan and you shouldn't be there. He needs to come to see his baby because he wants to see his baby, not because he's hoping to chat with you. I would not, at all, ever, let him see the baby unsupervised.
As far as child support is concerned if you can get it, I would, but I wouldn't deny a child time with their father based on him not paying child support. Cause it's not the baby's fault daddy's a deadbeat. I most certainly would though deny a drug addict access to my child cause he could very well be dangerous.
@JenLovesDesign I have thought about pursuing charges, luckily the fraudulent charges were refunded to me pretty quickly, but you're right if he went to jail it would (hopefully) force him to get clean since he doesn't have the desire to right now.
If if you're comfortable with the visits, good on ya. But when baby gets older, I'd be more careful . Ie- if his grandparents say bad things about you when he's around and can understand.
Good luck
Addiction is a horrible, awful disease that hurts entire families. It is found in all socioeconomic status levels. I'm so sorry this is happening. I would absolutely stand your ground on zero supervised visits until he can be clean and pass drug tests. Until then, he will just have to love LO from a far, safe distance. Hugs to you, Momma!!!!