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Go To Coworker's Baby Shower Or Not?

Galaxygurl84Galaxygurl84 member
in 1st Trimester
Ok, I find myself in a little bit of an awkward situation. There is a coworker of mine that has hardly said 10 words to me in her many years of working with me. When I try to converse with her, her replies have always been one word answers that don't invite conversation and she avoids eye contact.  She got married, I was not invited. I took it as a sign that I was not in her social circle. Well, this coworker is now pregnant. I didn't know until I heard my Manager talking to a coworker of mine. Then, my pregnant coworker walks up to my desk says "This is for you." (So now we are at 14 words she has spoken to me in total). I open it and find it is a baby shower invite. I didn't even hear from HER that she was pregnant( guess this was her way of telling me?) Usually this is the kind of thing you tell your friends, etc  that you intend to invite right? So I feel pretty far removed from this whole situation. Also,  I don't know if the baby is a boy or girl or if she knows the sex or even what they are possibly naming the baby.

There are restrictions on her baby shower gifts: No regular diapers as gifts and do not give a baby shower card, a book for the child is requested instead.

So, what do I do? Should I decline? Should I go? If I don't go do I still buy a baby gift? Help! 
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Re: Go To Coworker's Baby Shower Or Not?

  • BringmemylongswordhoBringmemylongswordho member
    Decline. Entirely up to you if you want to send a gift or not, but I personally wouldn't. 
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  • BecauseBabyIamAPugBecauseBabyIamAPug member
    Don't go. 
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  • rissa06rissa06 member
    is it at the office or is it one that it getting thrown outside of the office?

    For me, if it is at the office, then I would probably go for the politics of it all.  However, outside of the office, Totally decline.
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  • mjolkmjolk member
    @mcborthmomma
    There is nothing wrong with throwing your own shower. It's your baby so why not?
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  • allthingscozyallthingscozy member
    @KonaCoffeeBean my thoughts exactly otherwise this thread is about to get real interesting really fast 
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  • mjolkmjolk member
    Uh, no, I really don't see the issue.
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  • BecauseBabyIamAPugBecauseBabyIamAPug member
    https://emilypost.com/advice/baby-showers-welcoming-the-new-baby/
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  • nanner26nanner26 member
    If it is a shower thrown at work I would probably go and try to go in on a gift with some other people.

    But if you really feel uncomfortable or don't want to go, then don't. You shouldn't feel obligated especially if it's a shower outside of work. If it is outside work, I wouldn't go. 
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  • mjolkmjolk member
    BecauseBabyIamAPug said:
    mjolk said:
    Uh, no, I really don't see the issue.
    I think Emily Post just rolled around in her grave.

    The issue is that 1) it's tacky.
    2) because showers are a gift 3) to welcome women in to motherhood. 4)not to celebrate the baby.

    You must be new here.
    This site isn't a massive clique where everyone agrees or gets thrown out. I don't agree with you at all. No need for smug comments.
    -----
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  • mjolkmjolk member
    Which social etiquette? The world is more than Britain (despite them trying really hard for it to be).

    Take a look at an older English Etiquette book and tell me how much of it you adhere to.
    -----
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  • mrszoessmrszoess member
    oh yes this got good
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  • mcborthmommamcborthmomma member
    I was out today, but thank you ladies for bringing the logic to this thread after I was called out. :)
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  • BumpasaurusRexBumpasaurusRex member
    edited June 2016
    To answer your question, that would be a fast and hard 'No' from me.  

    However, if it's being thrown at work and she invited you, she may have done so as to not exclude you.  That being said, it may be worth going just to keep the peace.  Or if you're stubborn like me and don't give a flip, don't go and if she gets pissy, she can pull on her big girl panties and deal.

    As for throwing your own shower, that's also a hard and fast 'No.'  A shower is a gift itself and to throw your own is basically giving yourself a gift and then asking for more gifts on top of that.  I don't care what set of etiquette standards you follow, it's never polite to ask someone for a gift.  





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  • karabearrrkarabearrr member
    Hard pass. Unless it's at your work and during work hours, I wouldn't go.

    I've had people invite me to weddings before that I only know through friends, and I felt like it was an invite because they felt I was just one more person that would give them a gift.
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  • cjt121413cjt121413 member
    If it's a work thing during work hours, I'd consider going. Otherwise, hell to the no. 

    And throwing your own shower is a huge no no. So rude.

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  • lmctanlmctan member
    I wouldn't go. It seems like she either wants more.gifts or felt.pressured to invite every person she works with. Either way you don't have a relationship so why fake it?
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  • Knottie1462564267Knottie1462564267 member
    Speaking up for the British: Of all the people I've know have babies (24 in the last year), five of them had showers.
    Two of them knew in advance, one found out the day before, and two had no clue.

    This is not a British thing. Etiquette is not a British thing.
    Etiquette is a decent-human-thing.
    Etiquette means not demanding/requesting/hinting at people to provide you with stuff.

    I don't understand why this is such a difficult concept, I really don't.

    The entitlement gives me sadface.
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    OP, I would not attend the shower. I would send a card with my best wishes (because that's polite).

    On the throwing your own shower issue: nope, nada. Its rude to ask others to buy you things and attend a party. Its rude and tacky to throw your own shower. That's not restricted to just an American thing. The British have really nothing to do with it.


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