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October 2015 Moms
ravenbird007
member
I need some advice, and rant a little.
ravenbird007
member
I have a wedding coming up next month on the 23rd, and I'm a bridesmaid. I'm a childhood friend of the groom's (our mom's were bestfriends and basically raised us together since we were born. We're not close anymore, but he's still like a cousin to me. Plus, I think his soon-to-be wife is a little psycotic) The thing is, this entire process has been stressing me out. Planning didn't even start till February (of this year), and I've basically been holding the bride's hand through everything. Up until about a week ago, the Maid of Honor has been useless. I helped the bride buy supplies for invitations, designed the invite template, printed them, cut them out, and put them together for her back in April. I discovered last week they were never sent out, and the invite was a facebook status that she tagged people in. I took her to a bridal expo to get ideas for everything, and have been sending her ideas for cheap ways to make decorations/cake/food, etc since it's an extremely low budget wedding. I even got her a wedding planner. None of the groomsmen or groom have suits. I'm making a decent amount of the food (it's going to be an "I do BBQ")
The MoH FINALLY started planning a bachelorette party last week. Unfortunately, it is going to be a bbq/ bonfire, drenched in alcohol. I'm still breastfeeding, and it's 45 minutes away. I can be gone for, max, 4 hours. On top of that I don't drink, never have, and don't like being around people who can't handle it reasonably. ON TOP OF THAT, out of 6 bridesmaids (myself included), only 2 are old enough to legally drink. The youngest two are 16 and 17, and I can guarantee they will be drinking, too, which is not okay with me. Originally it was going to be pizza and bowling, which has a bar for the of-age people, and is close to my house so I could swing home, feed LO, and leave to spend more time with everybody.
Oh, and the wedding also is happening during a festival where SO and I re-met, and became friends at. We've religiously been attending our whole lives, and what to continue the tradition with LO. It's no biggie, since we can leave, attend the wedding and come back since it's a block from our house. Originally, the wedding started at 5, which was perfect since we wouldn't be missing any of our favorite bands. Yesterday, the bride changed the time to 2, which means we'll miss one band we like, no biggie, just one band. Annoying that it changed, but whatever.
Then today is when the real conflict comes in. I realized that July 23rd is mine and SO's 3 year anniversary. I don't know why I didn't remember sooner. We both forget every until one of us remembers a month before, but it's still a big deal to us. Last year, I was pregnant, and the year before I was helping a friend move across the country.
Neither of us really want to be part of the wedding party, and that was before I remembered. Would it be rude to step down from bridesmaid, but still help where I can?
The MoH FINALLY started planning a bachelorette party last week. Unfortunately, it is going to be a bbq/ bonfire, drenched in alcohol. I'm still breastfeeding, and it's 45 minutes away. I can be gone for, max, 4 hours. On top of that I don't drink, never have, and don't like being around people who can't handle it reasonably. ON TOP OF THAT, out of 6 bridesmaids (myself included), only 2 are old enough to legally drink. The youngest two are 16 and 17, and I can guarantee they will be drinking, too, which is not okay with me. Originally it was going to be pizza and bowling, which has a bar for the of-age people, and is close to my house so I could swing home, feed LO, and leave to spend more time with everybody.
Oh, and the wedding also is happening during a festival where SO and I re-met, and became friends at. We've religiously been attending our whole lives, and what to continue the tradition with LO. It's no biggie, since we can leave, attend the wedding and come back since it's a block from our house. Originally, the wedding started at 5, which was perfect since we wouldn't be missing any of our favorite bands. Yesterday, the bride changed the time to 2, which means we'll miss one band we like, no biggie, just one band. Annoying that it changed, but whatever.
Then today is when the real conflict comes in. I realized that July 23rd is mine and SO's 3 year anniversary. I don't know why I didn't remember sooner. We both forget every until one of us remembers a month before, but it's still a big deal to us. Last year, I was pregnant, and the year before I was helping a friend move across the country.
Neither of us really want to be part of the wedding party, and that was before I remembered. Would it be rude to step down from bridesmaid, but still help where I can?
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Re: I need some advice, and rant a little.
Stop planning her wedding for her. It sounds like you care more than she does. Let things fall apart if they fall apart. The whole thing sounds ridiculous. Who changes their wedding time one more before the event? Put your foot down on your mom hosting a wine tour.
Set parameters for the bachelorette party. "I will be there for three hours and then I'm leaving. The baby needs me and I'm not comfortable with underage drinking." Then stick to it.
Most festivals run an entire weekend. If the wedding is Saturday, then plan on spending Sunday at the festival with your husband. Hope it turns out okay!
Her expectations from you at this point ,especially u having a new baby ... Are unrealistic. Don't feel guilty at all. Do what make YOU happy , u have been helpful enough.
Your mom doesn't have to host a wine tour either, I agree with @SweetnSassy23
I would attend the bachelorette party for an hour or two if possible, but head home when you need to. Maybe ask her out to lunch and pedicures since you won't be able to stay the whole time.
Dropping out as a bridesmaid at this point would likely be a friendship ending move. So if you'd like to end the friendship anyway then that works, but if not you really should live up to your commitment.
Only help with things that you enjoy working on. Don't accept any "assignments" that you don't want to do.
If I was in that situation, I wouldn't drop out but I wouldn't lift a damn finger to help out with anything else
In the mean time, I'll be crossing my fingers hoping they realize that having a wedding with a grand total of no more than $500 and 5 months of planning is ludacris, and pushing the date back is best for everyone. They literally wouldn't lose a penny either since the flowers are fake, there hasn't been any arrangements for a cake to be made, and someone else paid for the venue and dress.