Worst Nightmare: MC at 41. Afraid I will NEVER have a baby :-(

new_ivf · June 2016

I went in for a 2nd ultrasound at 10 weeks and my worst fear came true: No more heartbeat and baby only measured 7 weeks. A "Missed Miscarriage" with no symptoms at all! I can't get over that I had been carrying a dead fetus for 3 weeks with no symptoms....! We had just announced the pregnancy to family and close friends the prior weekend.

Doctor recommended D&C and gave me a suppository pill the night before to start to the process. She said it would cause "light cramping" Boy was she wrong!!! I was so upset. Woke up at 3am that evening with the worst pain I've ever been in (like stabbing pains surrounding my entire midsection and contractions) All I had was Paracetamol and Ibuprofen (which did absolutely NOTHING for the pain!!) I passed a large clot and vomited, then practically passed out sobbing, I was so sick with fever. I am so angry the doctor didn't tell me this could happen and I hadn't done any research on the medication.

Next morning (last Friday, 2 days ago) I went in for the D&C procedure, which they said was successful. I then was in severe pain all the following day taking Codeine. Again, the doctor said I should just expect "light menstrual cramps and some bleeding" I couldn't even get out of bed yesterday!! Every time I changed positions, it was stabbing pain!! Every time I pee, have gas, sit down, cough....It's awful!!!!

The pain is a tiny bit better today, but I am a mess, Can't stop crying and I don't have any family nearby (except husband) to console me. The worst is, this would've been our FIRST baby. I am now 41 years old and I am sooooooo afraid that we either won't get pregnant again OR it won't be viable bc of some random Chromosome issue that the doctor can't even test for!!

Someone PLEASE tell me something HOPEFUL...like we could get pregnant on the next try or on the next cycle it is possible to get pregnant again...OR that multiple MC is rare??? I am so devastated. ALL OF MY FRIENDS GET PREGNANT BY BREATHING!!!! They simply just stop Birth Control and get pregnant in one cycle! WTF?? It makes me SO ANGRY. I know MC is supposedly "so common" - but why is it literally EVERYONE I KNOW, EVERYONE I'M CONNECTED TO ON FB is PREGNANT with like their 3rd baby!!! Everytime I see babies i burst into tears. Why is Life so cruel???

This is the only thing i want in life right now - a family! I feel completely crushed and depressed by this pain.

Hopefulmommy1980 · June 2016

I am so sorry for you loss. Hearing that my baby no longer had a heart beat was one of the hardest things I have been experienced. I am sorry you had so much pain with your d&c. A lot of what you have posted are thoughts that I have had too. be sure to take care of yourself.

chloe97 · June 2016

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a MMC at 10 weeks right after we announced, so I understand your situation. I also had a miscarriage at 13 weeks. I'm 37. The fact that you could get pregnant is a good sign. Both of of my MCs have been due to chromosomal abnormalities due my egg and I am coming to terms with the fact that if this keeps happening, we may need to use a donor egg. It's heartbreaking to think the baby won't share my genes, but I would still be able to give birth which is important to me.

Sending you hugs in this difficult time,

new_ivf · June 2016

Thank you both. Sorry to hear of your losses as well. It doesn't matter HOW much time you spend to mentally prepare for this sad possibility - it is just so incredibly heartbreaking to experience it yourself!!

@chloe97 I am too very afraid of having another miscarriage due to chromosome abnormalities (although I keep reading that the chance of having 2 is very low - like 14%) but this does not ease my mind!! We only became pregnant because of IVF. I did the hormone injections, then the clinic hand selected the sperm, they then inject the eggs to fertilize before implanting... A very expensive process! We were told it won't happen naturally for us (due to both MFI and low ovarian reserve/egg quality)

My husband and i have already somewhat discussed "other options" such as donor egg or adoption and he is completely opposed to doing either :-( This really hurts! I just want to be a mother. I really pray that we have a chance to have at least 1 Biological child. I really can't imagine going through the rest of my life without a child or family of my own.

BrightenMySky · June 2016

I am so sorry for your loss. Seems like there's this tendency to understate the potential physical aspects...not sure why there cannot be more honesty from doctors on this. Hugs.

AnonymousMom · June 2016

I'm really sorry about your loss. I presume your OB is going to send your baby for tissue/chromosome analysis so when you have those results you may have more information to go with. Additionally, if you're planning to do another IVF cycle you could consider preimplantation genetic screening of your embryos. There is data that this does reduce miscarriage rate (due to not transferring embryos with chromosomal abnormalities incompatible with a viable pregnancy) so that may help. This requires doing a frozen embryo transfer rather than a fresh cycle but from what I understand some clinics prefer frozen cycles because they have better success with that than putting embryos back in during a physiologically overstimulated cycle (and that can happen).

Best wishes to you and your husband.

new_ivf · June 2016

@AnonymousMom We were told it would cost about $800 (in Europe) to do post-tissue genetic analysis. And that this really doesn't help much. The doctor said she doesn't suggest paying for this unless you have more than 3 MC.

I don't know too much about pre-implantation genetic screening (apart from that it can maybe detect severe genetic disorders such as Down Syndrome, sickle cell anemia, cancer predisposition, or MS) In many countries in Europe, this testing is actually not legal (only in cases where a specific genetic disease runs in the family)

I will ask the doctor about it. I have heard that this testing cannot detect these random Chromosome defects or chromosome issues that happen during the cell division process. I've heard these are what cause the majority of early miscarriages (rather than genetic diseases).

KarmasMomma5409 · June 2016

So sorry for your loss

fiorip · June 2016

I am so so sorry about your loss. I completely understand your frustration. Miscarriages are supposed to be so common yet I don't know anyone personally who's ever been through it, no one in my family, or my friends, not even acquaintances and to top it off, literally all of my friends are either pregnant, or have small children and I've loss three pregnancies and don't have a child.

I can tell you two of my aunts struggled with fertility and had their first child after 40 so don't lose hope. Allow yourself time to process what has happened and get back up, I believe positivity helps, your state of mind is important. Best wishes.

Worst Nightmare: MC at 41. Afraid I will NEVER have a baby :-(

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