family negativity

AmberLiz99 · June 2016

At the beginning of this pregnancy my parents were super negative and weird about the baby. Didn't think we should have a third, the kids would be too close together, hated our names, etc. finally over the last two months my mom has become supportive and mostly posotive.

This week though it's like she's annoyed when I call her to talk, really negative about delivery and the baby coming, and HATES the name we chose (and didn't try to hide it). This is not what I need to deal with emotionally right now, so I guess I'll be taking a break from trying to talk to her. She lives a few hours away so it's not like I see them all the time anyway. It stinks though because I don't have a lot of close friends living near me right now and I kind of liked having someone to call/text about baby things.

So please forgive me if I'm coming on here more often to discuss our little Nadia Kate. Anyone else dealing with family negativity so close to baby coming?

cdnrunning · June 2016

Does she realize the impact it's having on you? I know it should seem obvious but maybe there's a way you could communicate with her to let her know that you need her support right now.

AmberLiz99 · June 2016

cdnrunning said:

Does she realize the impact it's having on you? I know it should seem obvious but maybe there's a way you could communicate with her to let her know that you need her support right now.

My mom is super passive aggressive when it comes to confrontation, and from past experiences I'm thinking it would make things worse rather than better. We normally get along well, but whenever something serious happens that we don't agree on she makes things very uncomfortable. As much as I understand that talking it out is the healthy suggestion, I don't have the emotional energy to deal with her subtle guilt trips right now.

annaf2011 · June 2016

@AmberLiz99 sorry you're having to deal with that. I can relate to the aspect of friends and family being far away. It sounds like taking a breather is probably a smart thing to do. No need to create extra stress for yourself, and I'm sure she'll be excited once there is a new baby. And I'm sure we'll all love hearing updates about Nadia!

Wepplo · June 2016

Oh man. I'm sorry you're going through this. My parents have passed away, but we live about 45 minutes from my husband's mom and she has become super negative in the last few weeks as well! I'm lucky to not have to directly deal with it, but my poor husband. Yesterday she came to help us organize our office (which also serves as a guest room and she clearly wants set up to suit her). Mind you, we didn't ask for any help. She just kind of... insists that we need her. She turned into the ultimate controlling MIL - telling us where to put the furniture, ignoring our pre-thought-out plan, judging us for wanting to get rid of a bulky piece of furniture that we don't have room for. The day ended with her yelling at my husband for being so mean to her and bringing up things from years ago that she is still upset about. Things that we don't even remember happening! After leaving, my husband literally cried.

Don't our parents realize that we are under tremendous stress right now and that picking fights or being negative literally weeks before their grand babies are due is not the best plan?! Ugh! I hope things get better for you. We are just taking a few days to cool down before talking to her again. Fingers crossed everything calms down before our births!

AmberLiz99 · June 2016

@Wepplo I'm sorry you're dealing with family stress too! I hope things get better for you soon

nightwitch · June 2016

Nadia Kate is a fabulous name!

AmberLiz99 · June 2016

nightwitch said:

Nadia Kate is a fabulous name!

Thanks

my moms reaction when I told her "oh...where did that come from?" Followed by many other less than flattering comments

alileecam · June 2016

AmberLiz99 said:

nightwitch said:

Nadia Kate is a fabulous name!

Thanks

my moms reaction when I told her "oh...where did that come from?" Followed by many other less than flattering comments

My mom has tried to rename most of my and my sisters' kids. She really thinks she is being helpful. That might not be the case with your mom (that she is trying to show interest/be helpful) but since you don't have the power to change anything but the impact her words have on you/how you take it, maybe try to focus on that: the most positive way her words and actions can be taken. I know this sucks, because you just want someone to express your excitement to!

FWIW, I love Nadia Kate. And all the names that my mom didn't approve of suit the child who is named that perfectly. Plus, I kind of feel like I am on the right track when my mom doesn't "get" my choices. It means I'm cool and rebellious.

Hope it gets better and she mellows. No matter how well you take these things, I know it's hard.

purplefan1 · June 2016

@AmberLiz99 come on here and chat whenever you want! Sorry she is being a douche canoe and hopefully she will come along once Nadia Kate is here. Until then you know you have a place to come where we love talking about babies!

lisa1625 · June 2016

That's a beautiful name!!!

nightwitch · June 2016

AmberLiz99 said:

nightwitch said:

Nadia Kate is a fabulous name!

Thanks

my moms reaction when I told her "oh...where did that come from?" Followed by many other less than flattering comments

My name judgement baseline is always "could a person named that be believable as a CEO?" Ms. Nadia Kate definitely could. Silly, I know, but I feel like some people don't take into account that these humans we're creating need to be successful independent adults, and girls especially are judged by their names. Noone is going to take an application from "Khaleesi Daenarys" seriously. And someone in my city did actually name her baby girl that name, poor thing

Boonhilde · June 2016

OHMIGOSH! I LOVE THE NAME YOU PICKED OUT! It's so classic and timeless! And beautiful! I'm sorry your mom is being a punk. Parents don't like to hide their name opinions, do they?

I'm in a similar "not living near friends" boat. No fun.

RMLandy · June 2016

I love the name! It's beautiful! I had to take a little break from sharing with my mom (for different reasons) and although I'm pretty sure she is STILL mad about it (she's also passive aggressive) I know it was the right call. It's hard but it may help you both to just take a little break. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I know how hurtful it is!!!!

aoliveira0726 · June 2016

Love the name Nadia. It reminds me of American Pie and its just a classy name. My mom hates our name too which is Zoey and once we announced the name to our family, called me at least twice a week with a new suggestion. It wasnt until she saw the nursery with a customized sign i made that says Zoey did she realize we werent changing our minds. Now she is already giving our daughter nicknames like "zo zol or "zoze" or "zowie bowie". Hopefully your mom comes around and gets over it soon.

Lyette1206 · June 2016

Sorry your mom is stressing you out. I feel like so many people don't realize how stressful this time is for a young family and just dump their sh*t on us. My mom has been great, but my dad and stepmom are clueless and don't understand why they can't just come visit like they normally do. They are extremely needy guests and don't do anything to help. Lesson learned after DD was born. But when I try to tell them this time that they can't stay here, my dad freaks out and goes into instant guilt trip mode (which pisses my husband off like nothing else).

I love the name Nadia, it's beautiful. And we'll all be here to listen/chat whenever you need to!!

xc1148 · June 2016

Not this pregnancy, but last pregnancy I got to endure 9 months of comments about how fat I was

Family can be the best and worst thing, my advice for you is to ignore negative people. It's a beautiful name, she will be beautiful and having a baby is one of the best things in life...don't let negative people ruin it for you!

kaitielynnrichardson · June 2016

I am so sorry to hear you are dealing with family negativity too!! My family has been amazing the entire pregnancy (some have been a PITA with the TDAP Shot, but all ended up getting it after I provided a note from my OB). DHs side though - a nightmare. I ended up blocking them all from texting, calling, and social media, just to get some peace. It's sad, but totally not worth the stress. I tried my hardest with them, but at this point its about me, my DH and our son. Families can be so difficult sometimes. I hope it gets better for you!!! And, btw, Nadia Kate is a beautiful name.

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