Weird and rude reactions to pregnancy announcement

cocoyusef · May 2016

I know I'm prob not alone in this- so anyone else having these experiences please let me know! I've been getting some rude and negative reactions from friends and family when we tell them that we're pregnant. It's been hard for me to take some of these reactions in stride. Part of myself really wants to not care, another part wants to flip out on the spot! I know that other people's reactions have nothing to do with me, and everything to do with their issues- but seriously, am i the last polite person on the planet. wtf!?

examples:

Told a close friend, her reaction..."I thought you didn't want kids?" In fact- a couple of people said that to me. Then i found myself explaining myself. wtf?

my younger sister- "whoa, are you keeping it?"

multiple friends: "are you happy about it?" (no, i'm not, im just smiling and telling you in a happy way for no good reason)

when i said the baby was healthy and larger than average, "oh well you'll be surprised how much you can stretch, i was tearing so they gave me an episiotomy" wtf? how about "that's great news! i'm happy to hear the baby is so healthy"?

FIL: "you turkeys..." What? like we goofed up on something? what does that even mean?

ALSO turning to the dad multiple people have talked to my husband like i'm not even there and said stuff like "now you be patient with her" (thanks grandpa in law- what about my patience for your grandson for 8 years of our relationship?)

friend: turns to hubby/dad to be, "you look like you have had your head bitten off a few times already" WTF?!!??!

Me and my hubby talked about this today: in general, people seem to make comments that treat him like a victim. as if pregnancy is a prison sentence that he has to endure. How about simply, "congrat's, i'm happy for you, i know you'll be a great dad..." or simply SAY NOTHING. Honestly, i'm starting to look at my friends and family and think, who are all these people?

splsmama2016 · May 2016

Unfortunately with the older generation, that's just how they are and how pregnancy was for them. Just try and let those ones go (yes, easier said than done.). As far as the others go, like your sister, I'd be completely honest with them and explain that their reaction and comments were extremely uncalled for, not to mention rude and hurtful. This is a time to celebrate life.

Maybe you didn't want kids initially, but changed your mind. It shouldn't matter, unless you still don't want kids and are still telling people that. Then I can see the reactions being valid.

As far as the episiotomy comment goes, that person is just warning you, but they also shouldn't have said anything. As much as it sucks to hear the shitty comments, they're going to happen regardless.

BecauseBabyIamAPug · May 2016

Just learn to smile, nod and wall away. People are stupid, you just never noticed it before.

canavara · May 2016

Agree with @sdLindenberg --- people in older generations can be very close-minded and awkward about pregnancy. Even though I've been with my SO for nearly 3 years now and it's literally the most stable relationship I've ever been in, when I told my mom that we were trying to conceive, her immediate reaction was: "But you're not married!" followed by "But what if he leaves you???" -- It really pissed me off because it felt like both an insult to me (implying that I'm not much of a catch or that I'm somehow dependent on a man to raise a child) and to my SO (implying that he's the type of person that would just "leave" me).

I calmly explained my position on both of those issues but at the end of the day I just had to swallow the emotion and understand that as soon as that little person was around, all these comments will be a thing of the past. Feel free to discuss them with people if you feel like there's some room for them to come around, but once you have, don't bring it up again. Just let people swallow their humble pie as they will.

suchaglencoco · May 2016

Unfortunately, it's something you need to get used to. If these family and friends and bad mouthing now, wait til your lo arrives. More than likely, everything you do will be wrong to them and they'll tell you how'd they do it and why your way is wrong.

Knottie1462564267 · May 2016

Sadly, the stereotypical expectation is that now you're pregnant, you're going to be a big hormonal ball of bonkers (hence the "head chewed off" stuff).

What gets forgotten is that once you're pregnant; your body, your relationship, any hint of personal life comes up for grabs, and "spectators" can and will make the most bizarre comments on private things in the strangest ways.

Look out for loads of comments about how big you have/n't got, how you look like crap, and how pregnancy/labour/newborn is the most horrific thing you've ever contemplated.

Once you figure out some good sarcastic comebacks, it gets quite fun.

blush64 · May 2016

sdLindenberg said:

Unfortunately with the older generation, that's just how they are and how pregnancy was for them. Just try and let those ones go (yes, easier said than done.).

I don't give anyone a pass when they are being rude. That being said, I have found many more unwanted comments and questions from younger people.

Comments and questions keep coming as a pregnancy gets more noticable and then once the baby comes, it never stops.

ArtlessIbex · May 2016

I have gotten some rudeness also, and I generally don't let it pass. A simple ""that's pretty rude" usually takes care of it.
Depending who it is and how comfortable I am calling them out directly, I might just ask calmly "what do you mean?" as if I didn't understand the statement. Usually while explaining they start to realize how dumb it sounds.

antarctica · May 2016

It sounds like a lot of the comments are coming from older people. As someone in her late 20s, I am 100000% guilty of giving poor reactions to others' happy news, and then continuing to be nasty to them.... and it was 100000% because I was jealous of them. Pregnancy and fertility, as all of us know, are touchy issues. Some of the reactions you get won't be good, but you have to remember that what you are seeing is likely more them than you!

enjoy your happiness and enjoy telling everyone!

Vastra · May 2016

So far I've only told H (obs) and BFF, who was super supportive. But recently someone at work announced to a small group of us, and someone actually said "ugh, better you than me." Well, based on that reaction, yeah! Plus, way to make this about you! @cocoyusef sorry you've had such dumb reactions. Hopefully they'll become more civil by the time the baby comes!

meganxena · May 2016

Same here. People commenting "But you just got married!" "Was it planned?" And the best ones "Wow, I was wondering why you got heavier." "Are you ok? You look terrible." ME: Oh, I feel great. THEM: "Oh, just you wait." Note: the four examples I just used were said to me TODAY! My nerves (or hormones) made me spit out "Are you serious? Who SAYS that?" I could have kept quiet I guess, but I was in disbelief. I tend to be sharp-tongued. Just wait til someone tries to touch my belly. I'll sucker punch them.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · May 2016

I hate to break it to you, but this is just the beginning. The filter from people's brains to their mouths seems to shut off when talking to a pregnant woman. So you gotta just let it roll off your back.

lmctan · June 2016

This is true. My good friend is going through it has been trying much longer than I have and when we made our announcement gave no reaction and changed the subject. Other friends said it was weird or rude but I knew it was just really hard for her and let it go. I can't imagine how much that must have hurt.

eryncameron · June 2016

My husband and I are 28 and 27. We were talking the other day about how we actually tried to get pregnant, and this wasn't an "oops" pregnancy. We are the only ones we know out of our several parent friends that were trying for a baby. It seems weird that we are both grown up enough to decide to make a family.
Maybe if you are younger, people are assuming it was an accidental pregnancy, which may be why they are commenting the way they are? It doesn't excuse the behavior. If you are excited, they should be happy for you.

HotSauceSwagBag · June 2016

It's even better when you're PGAL, at least when you have parents like mine. "Make sure this one doesn't run away!". Not even kidding.

Some of the comments like asking if it was planned I think just come when people are a little surprised and aren't sure whether you're happy about it or not. Still dumb, but I get it. I got it a bit since I was in nursing school still when I got pregnant both times.

suchaglencoco · June 2016

HotSauceSwagBag said:

It's even better when you're PGAL, at least when you have parents like mine. "Make sure this one doesn't run away!". Not even kidding.

Some of the comments like asking if it was planned I think just come when people are a little surprised and aren't sure whether you're happy about it or not. Still dumb, but I get it. I got it a bit since I was in nursing school still when I got pregnant both times.

That is one of the most hurtful things I have ever read! I cannot believe anyone in your life, especially your parents, would say that to you!
We suffered through losses and needed ivf to have our children. If anyone in our lives had said anything remotely close to that, we'd have cut ties with them immediately.
I hope you got or are in the process of growing your rainbow baby!

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