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Attn: STMs... Baby at wedding?

adiaz132003adiaz132003 member
in June 2016 Moms
Ok so today we went to my MIL for dinner where we found out we were supposed to be invited to DH's stepsister's wedding.  We didn't get a save the date and when DHs step dad heard that he was "ohhhh no no no you are invited. I'm fixing this, you're my kids too".  Considering he's paying for the whole wedding I think he has the right to let us attend. Honestly, while we were hoping to be invited, we weren't insulted when we didn't get the save the date cause we assumed it's because we don't talk with the step-siblings much. (They are much older and their mom was a wacko) and that it's a small wedding.   Anyway, the baby will be about 3 1/2 months and while at that age I did leave them with Grammie, she's obviously going to the wedding too and I don't trust my parents to babysit.  So do we go and bring the baby knowing my MIL will help out if needed or just skip the whole thing?  If we do bring the baby what are some tips?
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Re: Attn: STMs... Baby at wedding?

  • BettyRuBettyRu member
    Idk, but I'll be going to a wedding with a maybe 4wo.... ahhhh
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  • fishwife799fishwife799 member
    That's a tough one. I think it depends on the type of wedding, the type of people the step sibs are and what the demeanor of your baby is. When my daughter was 3-4 months old I likely would have stayed home. But my son was so easy going and would sleep anywhere I would probably go.
    Best suggestion I have if you do go is to wear baby. That way they are close to you and not being passed around a bunch. Plus then they can nap on the spot. 
    Good luck making your decision. 

    @BettyRu I took DD to my BIL's wedding when she was 5 weeks old. I wore her in the sling and she slept most of the time. It really was nbd at all. I would rather take a weeks old baby than a months old baby personally. 


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  • stisnd6stisnd6 member
    I'm following to see what people say. I don't have any advice unfortunately as I am a FTM. But I'll be going to a wedding in January. So little one will be about 7 months old. The father and I split, but we are both friends with the couple also we will both be attending. She was saying that we aren't allowed to bring dates lol (I think she doesn't want there to be tension between us) and I jokingly made the comment is it ok if I bring the love of my life (my son). I didn't realize that she had told her friends that have kids that they aren't allowed. But she said since he will be so little that he'll be in my arms the whole time so it'll be ok. I think it's because it's near the water and they don't want to have to watch the kids all night. I'm curious to see what STM say! 

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  • MynaBirdMynaBird member
    I agree with @fishwife799 -- the littler they are, the easier it is to take them places. I wore my baby to a funeral at about four weeks, and she was quiet and unobtrusive. I wouldn't have been able to pull it off when she was a few months older and more chatty, active, wanting to crawl, etc. 
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  • DSTtots4lyfeDSTtots4lyfe member
    What everyone else suggested + Sit in the back so if the baby begins to fuss during the ceremony you can quietly move out as needed. 
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    My sisters kid was 6 months old at our brothers wedding and was cute as a button. There were a lot of other kids at the wedding so it was NBD. My sister did have a pair of kid ear protectors so when the reception got loud he wouldn't get overwhelmed or upset and that kept him pretty content.

    The only thing my sister didn't take in to account is right before the wedding she stopped BF so her boobs went down a TON. She went to put her bridesmaids dress on the morning of the wedding and was swimming in the top. But all in all it turned out great and she stayed open to whatever plan was necessary to keep her kiddo happy.
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  • adiaz132003adiaz132003 member
    xc1148 said:
    3.5 months is fine. We had no kids at our wedding but my cousin brought her baby and they took shifts and I didn't even notice. Tips: sit in the back, if the baby is fussy leave the room! Don't interrupt speeches/vows etc. you'll be fine. 

    honestly the other dynamics seem more important...you weren't actually invited to the wedding! Your step-father in law says he is going to "fix" this, and you agree it's okay because he's paying for it. Nowhere do you say "I love them so much, I want to be a part of their day"; you admit you don't talk to them much and weren't insulted to not be invited. I'm not sure I'd go to a wedding I wasn't really invited to.


    It's a complicated situation. We'd mostly wanna go to support his step dad.  His daughter is gay and his other kids are messed up in the head so in he's told us that we are "the best kids". He loves his daughter of course, don't get me wrong and we think she's super great, it's just sad that he's so uncomfortable with her being gay that he feels to need to have us around for support.  We do love them but more like how you love a more distant cousin rather than a close friend or sibling.  It's hard to understand unless you know the whole family soap opera.  He's so excited to be a grandpa again and said he wants us around all the time "like a real family" ugh my heartstrings. 
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  • BlueJuiceBlueJuice member
    I just took my not-quite-three-week-old to my brother's wedding yesterday. It's not quite the same situation (he's a lot smaller and obviously I cared highly about making it to my brother's wedding if at all possible - the only way I would have skipped it was if I was literally in labor at the time), but I want to throw in my reassurances that it's not really that hard to manage. Even if it's a pretty formal wedding, a baby that small is going to be pretty portable and will likely sleep a lot. It is helpful to have at least one other dedicated person to trade off with, because you'll still mostly be holding or wearing the baby the entire time, and having a couple of other people around that are willing to help with this, like grandparents, is very useful. And I would have an egress plan in case the baby suddenly dissolves into a crying jag for no obvious reason - but honestly, I had a good time yesterday. Would do again.
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  • vintagevix2016vintagevix2016 member
    I guess I'd first ask if it's a kid-friendly event. It's up to the couple whether they want kids/babies at their wedding. I know of several weddings that were strictly "no kids" and everyone respected the couples' wishes (a lot of parents were thrilled to have an excuse to out without the kids in tow). I'll be attending a wedding in the Fall that isn't necessarily a "No Kids" wedding; however, the couple made it clear that there were zero accommodations for kids and babies so parents would need to bring everything (it's a weekend getaway; they rented a bunch of cabins and a lodge for it). Since we live abroad, my husband will be staying home with the kiddo rather than all of us trying to bring everything we'd need. We attended a wedding a couple of weekends ago and a woman brought her newborn. He pretty much slept the entire time and when he did start to fuss, she made sure she was in the back for easy/quick exits. There was no disruption to the event whatsoever and the couple had no issues with her bringing him.
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  • adiaz132003adiaz132003 member
    Thanks all, basically we'll let him know that if we were welcome then we will gladly attend but if there was a reason we weren't invited and it's gonna cause a problem and they don't want kids, We'd rather not cause more issues between him and his daughter and we just won't go. Not a big deal for us.  If they want us to go I have a wrap I can carry the baby in and my MIL will gladly help out and hold the baby as a welcome distraction from her in-laws. Lol. 
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  • lm45678lm45678 member
    Following because we are bringing our LO to a family wedding at 6 weeks :/
    Me (31) & DH (32)
    Married 9/27/2014
    DD Born 6/23/16
    Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
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  • adiaz132003adiaz132003 member
    WinniethePoohsPants said:
    DSTtots4lyfe said:
    adiaz132003 said:
    xc1148 said:
    3.5 months is fine. We had no kids at our wedding but my cousin brought her baby and they took shifts and I didn't even notice. Tips: sit in the back, if the baby is fussy leave the room! Don't interrupt speeches/vows etc. you'll be fine. 

    honestly the other dynamics seem more important...you weren't actually invited to the wedding! Your step-father in law says he is going to "fix" this, and you agree it's okay because he's paying for it. Nowhere do you say "I love them so much, I want to be a part of their day"; you admit you don't talk to them much and weren't insulted to not be invited. I'm not sure I'd go to a wedding I wasn't really invited to.


    It's a complicated situation. We'd mostly wanna go to support his step dad.  His daughter is gay and his other kids are messed up in the head so in he's told us that we are "the best kids". He loves his daughter of course, don't get me wrong and we think she's super great, it's just sad that he's so uncomfortable with her being gay that he feels to need to have us around for support.  We do love them but more like how you love a more distant cousin rather than a close friend or sibling.  It's hard to understand unless you know the whole family soap opera.  He's so excited to be a grandpa again and said he wants us around all the time "like a real family" ugh my heartstrings. 
    Wait, what? If you aren't going to support the couple getting married, don't go. Especially don't go to support someone who isn't comfortable with their union or doesn't view his biological daughter as an equally valued child due to her sexual orientation (or any other factor). The presence or not of your infant is a total non-issue here. 

    I'm just.....wow. Smdh.
    All of this.
    If you weren't invited you shouldn't be pushing the bride/ step father to include you. Whether or not to bring a baby to a wedding you weren't invited to isn't the real problem here.
     Like I said before, he loves her and her sexual orientation does lessen his love, it just makes him uncomfortable.  He's never approved of gay marriage but he says"whatever makes her happy". And when I say he said we are "the best kids" he meant best behaved because his oldest is a hardcore addict and his son has a whole other mess of problems I won't go into.  And him wanting a real family has a lot to do with his wife keeping his kids away from him cause she's flat out nuts.  We at no point asked to be invited, he just found out we didn't get a save the date and got upset.  If it's gonna cause them issues and they don't want us there then I won't go cause I don't wanna ruin their day, but if they invite us (and hopefully not because they were forced, we plan to make sure step dad knows not to make then do something they don't want to) we will go for the support.  
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    I think I worry that he will focus on the new baby instead of the new bride. I would want to make sure that the bride and her love get to stay center focus and that he doesn't use the new baby as a distraction or tries to take the focus off what he doesn't "approve of". Sounds like you are working on figuring out the best course of action and should talk directly to your stepsister about her thoughts and feelings.
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  • adiaz132003adiaz132003 member
    June2016BabyW said:
    I think I worry that he will focus on the new baby instead of the new bride. I would want to make sure that the bride and her love get to stay center focus and that he doesn't use the new baby as a distraction or tries to take the focus off what he doesn't "approve of". Sounds like you are working on figuring out the best course of action and should talk directly to your stepsister about her thoughts and feelings.


    I thought the same thing too.  I really want him to enjoy the day even if his daughter is wearing a tux.  If we do get an invite maybe it is a good idea to contact her and make sure that A they are happy with us going and B if kids would even be allowed cause, I mean, what if it's a kid free wedding? Then all this is pointless cause I wouldn't be able to go anyways. I just hate family drama and don't want us to be the reason they get into something.  It's funny cause we always hear stories from brides to be how they argue with their parents over who should attend the wedding, I've just never been that person they are discussing.  
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  • BoonhildeBoonhilde member
    My brother brought his 2 week old daughter and his 2 week postpartum wife to my wedding. They didn't stay long, but I was so glad they came. 
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