STM fears

manders803 · June 2016

So last night I had a mini break down about my fear of having two kids. I'm terrified about the transition to two and how it will impact DD. Recovering while trying to take care of two kids. We're also moving not long after the baby is born so there's a lot of anxiety about that transition too. Words of advice or anyone feeling the same?

cjt121413 · June 2016

I feel similarly. DS is 7, so he is pretty self-sufficient and helpful. My big concern is that he'll have trouble adjusting because he really enjoys being the only child. I think jealousy might be a big issue, but I'm hoping that he'll love being a big brother so much that it would be an issue. I have no idea how he'll react yet, because he doesn't even know I'm KU! We're waiting until we get the genetic testing results (next week) to tell him.

I don't have much advice other than reach out for help from family and friends if you can. I know if DS was any younger I would be calling in the troops. Actually, I will anyway.

doodleoodle · June 2016

I am stressing as well. DD is 7 months old. I have no idea how I'm going to make it work, but I do know that I will make it work. Just remind yourself that humans are very adaptable. You and your DD will both adapt, you'll have to, and then it will be fine, because everything always is.

LinziLoo09 · June 2016

Yea I'm having periodic freakouts as well. But I also didn't know how I was going to take care of one kid...and that happened. So I just figure I'll figure it out. And I agree with others - definitely call in reinforcements! I'm going to have my mom and MIL on standby, and DH is always as involved as I am.

mattanda2011 · June 2016

I definitely got really nervous when we were about to add #2, even though I knew that it was something we wanted and we wanted our kids close in age it still seemed scary. Our 2 are 15 months apart, and honestly it is the best thing in the world. The most important thing for me with them so young was to make sure that we were on a schedule and things could be predictable for my oldest.

I do schedules with my babies from pretty early on, so starting with knowing they will eat every 2.5-3 hours I would write out and think about my day and what that meant my oldest could be doing during those times. I would wake my youngest up in the morning before my oldest got up and feed and put back to sleep. 3 hours later, I would maybe do a show for my oldest while I nursed the youngest. Then was our time to get out of the house. We would come home, I would sit at the table and nurse the baby while the oldest ate lunch and then I put the whole family down for a nap! I would set my alarm and wake up the youngest about 20 minutes before I knew my oldest would wake up so I could nurse the baby, and then oldest would get up. Then we could all go for a walk, play, watch a show and COUNT THE MINUTES TILL DADDY GETS HOME!

But seriously, the only thing that saved me was a schedule and being strict to it, and making sure that I had any sleep issues with my oldest dealt with before the baby came. Those were my life savers.

Now we are 2 years in and I have a 2yo and a 3.5 yo, and while its still hard sometimes to get them places or they are both running around being crazy, I know they are making memories and a friendship that will last them a lifetime. Again it also helps that they are really used to our routine and how things work. They know where to get their clothes from in the morning and then come to me to help get dresses. They know to go stand at their door at the car with their hand on the handle and wait for me to come put them in the car. They know at the end of the day they get their vitamins, and then they literally walk up stairs singing "hut 2, 3, 4" to the bathroom to brush teeth. We make it fun, but it helps us survive!

It will feel messy, but you will find the little things that work for you and your family - and there is literally nothing better in the world than seeing your children love each other and play together

Christinaruth74 · June 2016

I'll sit on this bench. Just last night my H and I were talking about how DDs world is going to come crashing down once this baby is born.
I just have to remember the fears I had as a FTM. I was terrified of how changing our lives to focus on another little human was going to ruin us. I feared the exhaustion and the way it would shift our dynamic... Now I can't imagine life any other way. I'm holding out hope that we will feel the same way after this one is born. It will be hard and it will be different, but at some point I won't be able to imagine our lives any other way.

slartybartfast · June 2016

I wasn't really until we were with my parents on Saturday. My mom asked if we were pregnant. We were planning to tell them after the 12 week ultrasound but while watching DS one time I accidentally left the 8 week ultrasound pics in the diaper bag and she saw them.

Anyways... they seemed to think this was an accident because no way would we plan to have two so close. They kept saying things like... we'll be here... we're here to help... with a tone of like... you have no idea what you're getting into. It really surprised me.

I think we'll be all over it but now I also have this voice in the back of my head that's wondering what the heck to expect...

DiFazette · June 2016

You're in good company @manders803. I was stressing over the transition from 1 to 2, until we learned it was twins. Now I stress over the transition of 1 to 3... But I often find myself laughing. It's my coping mechanism. It's absurd that we're having twins. It's going to be survival mode around here when all the extra hands go home so I keep telling myself that we can handle anything. It will become our new normal and it will be amazing. Mommy might drink more wine than I did with DS. That's okay. I'll have two babies on my boob and one awesome toddler competing for attention. Wine sounds like a winning choice to cope with life ;-). I'm kind of kidding. Maybe.

manders803 · June 2016

So glad to know I'm not alone. Logically I know that things will quickly adjust and that it will all work out. The hormones make things feel so much worse!

doodleoodle · June 2016

@DiFazette

JEM525 · June 2016

My melt down is happening right now. I am so happy this is one of the posts I came across tonight. Extremely worried about the first couple of weeks home. Trying to recover, nursing, and a two and half year old wanting full attention. I'm freaking out and I'm glad to see I'm not alone. My husband calmly told me everything will work out and not to worry. I'm in tears just thinking about it. I just looked at our family vacation plans this summer and if DH takes the days off he was planning he will only have 4 days left of personal time once the baby is born. I don't know how I'm going to do this all alone when I get home from the hospital.

bailando.bebe · June 2016

I have these moments usually when I am leaving the house (always late and in a rush) and it's all I can do to get myself and baby out the door dressed and fed and in one piece. Often with hands full of the baby carrier and diaper bag etc. Is when I wonder how the heck I will do this with a 1 year old and a newborn... I do have small freak outs but I also trust I will adapt and learn new tricks and patterns. That, and just give myself the grace to be late everywhere I go, and realize I don't need to make it to every social gathering.

FitTris · June 2016

This is completely normal! Everyone will adjust. A new family member just means more love. I will say that I had many freak outs when I had an infant and a potty training toddler, but it taught me to let go of control and perfection! Lol. My oldest didn't really acknowledge his either for quite some time, and I was devastated, but now at 5 and 2.5, they are best buddies. It will be ok! And these are all normal thoughts. Hugs!

Toller · June 2016

I've definitely been snuggling DD more! Well...trying to...... she's in "daddy" phase right now......which is usually awesome for me, but not with a due date looming!!

I just keep thinking what happened to our poor dog when we had DD- she went from #1 to practically a second class citizen in our household (we do our best but....)! Obviously it wont be as bad for DD, but it's the only experience close to it so it doesnt sit well!

princesslockness · June 2016

bailando.bebe said:

I have these moments usually when I am leaving the house (always late and in a rush) and it's all I can do to get myself and baby out the door dressed and fed and in one piece. Often with hands full of the baby carrier and diaper bag etc. Is when I wonder how the heck I will do this with a 1 year old and a newborn... I do have small freak outs but I also trust I will adapt and learn new tricks and patterns. That, and just give myself the grace to be late everywhere I go, and realize I don't need to make it to every social gathering.

I have about 3 diaper bags. I always have one packed in the car, then one packed by the door. I can then switch them whenever I need, so I don't have to remember to grab one.

doodleoodle · June 2016

Kate08Young said:

bailando.bebe said:

I have these moments usually when I am leaving the house (always late and in a rush) and it's all I can do to get myself and baby out the door dressed and fed and in one piece. Often with hands full of the baby carrier and diaper bag etc. Is when I wonder how the heck I will do this with a 1 year old and a newborn... I do have small freak outs but I also trust I will adapt and learn new tricks and patterns. That, and just give myself the grace to be late everywhere I go, and realize I don't need to make it to every social gathering.

I have about 3 diaper bags. I always have one packed in the car, then one packed by the door. I can then switch them whenever I need, so I don't have to remember to grab one.

I have a backpack style diaper bag and it's amazing. I also keep our carrier in the car.

bailando.bebe · June 2016

doodleoodle said:

Kate08Young
I have about 3 diaper bags. I always have one packed in the car, then one packed by the door. I can then switch them whenever I need, so I don't have to remember to grab one.

I have a backpack style diaper bag and it's amazing. I also keep our carrier in the car.

As do I! The JJ COLE backpack and it's GREAT for freeing up hands. My only complaint is that if it is too full the straps pull on the latch when you wear it and it constantly pops open. I just need to learn how to pack light..
and I don't know why at this stage (6mos) I always take in her carrier! That is a good idea to leave it in the car..

DiFazette · June 2016

Jumping in to say backpack diaper bags are the f-ing jam! I wish I had bought one earlier than I did. Hands free and often bigger.

jenlynne0624 · June 2016

I am worrying more about money than balancing two kids. Ds will be jealous and probably potty training, but I am just accepting that as a typical toddler. I don't plan on going back to work full time until the kids are in school, but working part time definitely. I took 7 months of with DS and my husband is still working 5-7 days a week depending on the week. I think he's starting to resent that a bit, but MIL cannot handle watching one kid three days a week without being exhausted, let alone a newb and a toddler. I'm going to try and get a work from home job so I can still make money and stay at home with the kids full time, but every time I mention this, my husband thinks I am never working again and he's just going to work until he dies or some crap. Drama queen.

aframe77 · June 2016

I'm not going to lie. As much as I'm looking forward to meeting baby#2 I am not looking forward to those first months of no sleep and no downtime. My first is 14 months old. I'm kind of looking at it like getting my college degree, just keep moving and power through it. The rewards are worth the sacrifice (until they turn into teenagers), enjoy the little moments, be kind to yourself and someday... There will be sleep;)

jennbaylor12 · June 2016

I've been having more and more thoughts/concerns/sadness about the changes to come with my relationship with my 2yo as time is going by. We are really close and as excited as I am about a new little one and especially about the relationship they (hopefully) will have, there is a part of me sad to lose the 1:1 with him. I'm just focusing on the here and now, planning on having lots of fun this summer and putting a lot of thought into how to best handle the entire transition to make it as smooth as possible

slartybartfast · June 2016

My little guy is so freaking excited by every new thing in life that I feel like this is going to be the best thing ever. In reality I know he'll have some angst in the adjustment but I guess just knowing in the long run, giving him a close sibling feels like such a gift, I'm not even worried about it. Which probably means I'm going to get all the feels handed to me when he is feeling left out as I nurse and snuggle new baby.

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