October 2015 Moms
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My 6 month old nursing daughter isnt welcome at my brother's wedding...

The title pretty much says it... I was just informed that my 6 month old nursing daughter is not welcome at my brother's wedding. Every time I have seen him in the past year he never mentioned anything about this, and even on the invite there is NO indication of 'no kids allowed'.  There is even an option for a kids meal on the RSVP card!  Idk about most people, but to me that means that kids are welcome.  But he told me that actually, just me and my husband are invited and that he hopes I understand.  She is still nursing and I am not going to be able to have a sitter watch her for 10+ hours and be able to pump enough milk for that long in such short notice and not to mention bringing my pump to the wedding.  I very, very nicely explained this to him and then followed it up with telling him that because of that, I will not be staying long after the dinner.  He told me he hopes I can find a sitter.  So he clearly doesn't understand, or maybe just didn't take the time to read my text. I mean I have pumped in my car before, and its not the worst thing in the world I guess, but I am not going to do it 3-4 times.  I tried doing it in the ladies room before (in a stall) and that just raised so many questions with the noise that it was not worth the annoyance of people rudely trying to talk to me through the stall and ask me what was going on in there or if i needed help with something.  My daughter is also teething and she's just so dependent on mom.  And it just kind of breaks my heart that he wouldn't want his niece there.  I have heard of the no kids thing, but for a nursing baby can't they make an exception?  Especially for immediate family?  When I asked him why, he said 'We just couldn't budget for a lot of kids there'.  So wait a second, my daughter doesn't count as a seat and doesn't eat the food... so she costs nothing.  You cant budget for the cost of $0? I thought it was a terrible, terrible excuse and actually hurt my feelings more and my brain can't stop thinking that he and/or his fiance only invited us because they felt like they had to. I didn't say that of course, but I nicely said that I am dissapointed, but I understand.  i told him that it is a bit deceiving on his invitation, since there is an option for a kids meal on the RSVP card.  His response was, "We had to have that as an option for my fiance's family and their kids."  So... WTF?!  Her family's kids can come?  I was trying my best to be OK with the no kids thing, as I hear that is becoming more common, but having a wedding where some kids can come and some can't....? good luck. I don't even want to go anymore.  And I know that people are going to show up with their babies/kids thinking they were welcome, since no where on the invite did it say they weren't, and then they are going to be upset.  If I walk in and see a bunch of babies, i am going to leave.  Might seem rude, but that's just not OK with me. Either have no kids or all kids. 

Anyone else have any opinions or have experienced a situation like this before?
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Re: My 6 month old nursing daughter isnt welcome at my brother's wedding...

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    That's so stupid. F it and take your kid. You can't be selective on which kids can or cannot go. Your future SIL wins etiquette of the year award.
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    agreed with @ammnam14 100%. 

    Im so sorry you're even having to deal with this, that is so beyond hurtful. 
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    Good, so its not me over reacting.  I just feel kind of dumb now for getting them presents and hand making them a wedding gift that kind of took a lot of time. My husband is pissed and wants us to say we cant go.  But when i told him that we have to, he said that he is going to drink up so much of their free beer that its not even funny.  Gotta get our money back for our gift he says ;) lol
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    AiramJAiramJ member
    OMG, what's his problem? Quite frankly, I wouldn't go. Screw him and his wedding, he is being horrible about your baby. 
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    Sounds like a direct attack against you. I would take the baby. What's he going to do? Ask his sister to leave in front of everyone? F them. I would return their gift either way. 
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    You are the sister of the groom. Take your baby. I think any baby under 1 year old does not count as a separate seat. You told him you understood but clearly you dont, and I dont either. Talk to him. Sometimes people dont think twice about something and can say stupid stuff. If he tells you no again I would tell him that you hope HE understands that you can't come.
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    Lurking from A15....I just wanted to give you my sympathies in such a shitty situation. Clearly a terrible way for someone to join your family. I have a little bit of experience with my BIL's wedding, but the reverse. Their invitation states no children under 7, but they want us to bring our 9 month old even though the wedding starts at her bedtime. No option to leave early either because they're having it on a boat. We told them our baby would be miserable so we'd happily attend, but LO would be staying behind. Similarly, I would say attend the ceremony since it is your brother and not going may cause a rift between you. But I would leave after the ceremony, not even staying for the reception. You have to do what's best for your baby, especially since she's breastfed and is so young. Some people are just idiots. If you truly don't want to go, send the gift in your absence and cite the above reason (about your baby being BF, not your bro being an idiot lol). Maybe one day when they have children of their own they'll understand. Good luck!
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    I understand your frustration. He obviously doesn't understand what it's like to have a baby. Is part of this that he wants you fully present at his wedding and not consumed with caring for LO?

    It might be a fun night without baby! Do you have any stock of milk? Do you supplement with formula?
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    Oh my goodness you have to call him. For one something is very off and you need to get it resolved. Another factor if you miss a feeding or pumping it is so hard on the body and at that age (6 plus months) babies can detach. It happened to my sister. No idea if this is normal, but she was devastated that time away can be that much of a factor. 
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    We had a "no kids wedding" and DH's cousin brought their infant baby, who obviously did not apply to the rule. It was more for the chaos of having kids running around and being on the dance floor, etc (my dad's friend brought their 7 year olds who were pretty much my nightmare, but that's beside the point! Lol).  Point is, a baby doesn't apply to a no kids policy and especially if he's allowing kids, that makes no sense.  I'd just tell him you'll be bringing her.  Too bad.

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    Also- the baby detaching is ridiculous.  Working nursing mothers leave their kids that long every day practically and it's fine.  I nursed my first for over a year and my second is 7 months in.  

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    @Littlehummingbird Thank you. My stock of milk is getting rather low and it has been stressful lately to be able to pump 20 oz a day to keep up with my hungry hippo of a daughter.  And we do not supplement with formula, but she does eat pureed veggies now which has helped with the amount of milk consumption a little, but not enough to build up an awesome stock pile like I had before returning to work.  It is a very solid plan/goal/preference for me to want to only supply natural foods/milk to my daughter.  I am pretty stubborn, which I am sure doesnt help.  But every mom is entitled to that when it comes to their kiddos, right? ;)  I will see how much I can stock up until the wedding.  I hope to stay for dinner, but not much past that.  Thanks for the advice!
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    I would go, but I wouldn't stay long. I think you'll regret what it might do to your relationship if you don't go or if your go against his wishes and bring the baby. He is being rude and unsympathetic and you have every right to be upset, but in this situation I'd probably be the bigger person and show up for a few hours, be polite, and then bolt and not feel bad about it.
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    @omgladypirate agreed :smile: As much as I am against this whole thing, i dont want to ruin my relationship with my brother. Thanks!
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    I would go with the baby but stay briefly. I get not wanting to ruin a relationship but he has already put it on its hinges allowing children who will cost him money but not allowing a child who will not. He is choosing his future in laws over his blood family and while he shouldn't choose sides at all he has drawn the line in the sand. As long as the baby stays calm during the ceremony there isn't a reason for him to not allow her there. 
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    dAsch14dAsch14 member
    Sorry to play devil's advocate but....
    They are not required to invite your baby.
    They have every right to invite some children and not others.
    They do not need to justify their reason.
    You are responsible for making child care arrangements so that you can attend events or telling the groom that you cannot go and dealing with the consequences. 

    I would expect that they do not want to hear a baby crying/jabbering during their vows. And would like you (and probably your parents??) to be present during their special day and not distracted the whole time. Or in another room with a crying baby.

    Don't make the bride and groom feel uncomfortable on their day because you don't want to plan ahead.

    Ask a friend or relative of your DH if they could help you babysit that day. Have them watch the baby in another location during the ceremony and then nurse the baby when you can during the day. Your babysitter can bring the baby to you and take her away as needed.
    Feel free to leave the reception when you see fit, but don't spitefully try to rack them up a huge bar tab. That's just immature behavior in my opinion.

    Unpopular opinion I know.
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    FatPonyFatPony member
    What is it about weddings that just brings out the drama?? Idk what I'd do, but keep in mind that ppl without kids can be kind of clueless. I hope your husband drinks them dry 
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    dAsch14 said:
    Sorry to play devil's advocate but....
    They are not required to invite your baby.
    They have every right to invite some children and not others.
    They do not need to justify their reason.
    You are responsible for making child care arrangements so that you can attend events or telling the groom that you cannot go and dealing with the consequences. 

    I would expect that they do not want to hear a baby crying/jabbering during their vows. And would like you (and probably your parents??) to be present during their special day and not distracted the whole time. Or in another room with a crying baby.

    Don't make the bride and groom feel uncomfortable on their day because you don't want to plan ahead.

    Ask a friend or relative of your DH if they could help you babysit that day. Have them watch the baby in another location during the ceremony and then nurse the baby when you can during the day. Your babysitter can bring the baby to you and take her away as needed.
    Feel free to leave the reception when you see fit, but don't spitefully try to rack them up a huge bar tab. That's just immature behavior in my opinion.

    Unpopular opinion I know.
    But he did try to justify it by saying they did not budget for a lot of kids. You are right, they are not required to invite a baby, but don't give a bs excuse as to why. And this isn't just any groom, it's her brother. I would hope if it was an issue of the baby being noisy during the ceremony that he would have the decency to say that, and ask her to come up with an alternate plan for the ceremony.
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    With baby depending on you so much right now with teething and nursing, I would personally either bring her or not go, unless there's an option to just go to the ceremony. Maybe you could sit down and talk with him
    about your reasoning behind whatever decision you make so he is able to pay attention and listen to what you're saying rather than skipping over it via text! Good for you for handling the situation with grace, though! That would have really upset me too. I hope the day goes well for your brother, you and baby! 
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    J1DJ1D member
    dAsch14 said:

    Don't make the bride and groom feel uncomfortable on their day because you don't want to plan ahead.


    But she never said anything that I saw to indicate she didn't want to plan ahead. She has a baby who is still nursing, and I don't think it's strange or unreasonable to want keep your young, still nursing baby with you.

    About the only compromise that I think is reasonable would be to have it arranged for the baby to be in another room or area away from the ceremony, just during the ceremony, so there is no risk of baby crying or babbling during the vows. I don't think that would be too much to ask at all.

    I can't think of a single reason a baby couldn't be at the dinner/reception part of the evening though if there are going to be other children in attendance.
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    dAsch14dAsch14 member
    J1D said:
    dAsch14 said:

    Don't make the bride and groom feel uncomfortable on their day because you don't want to plan ahead.


    But she never said anything that I saw to indicate she didn't want to plan ahead. She has a baby who is still nursing, and I don't think it's strange or unreasonable to want keep your young, still nursing baby with you.

    About the only compromise that I think is reasonable would be to have it arranged for the baby to be in another room or area away from the ceremony, just during the ceremony, so there is no risk of baby crying or babbling during the vows. I don't think that would be too much to ask at all.

    I can't think of a single reason a baby couldn't be at the dinner/reception part of the evening though if there are going to be other children in attendance.
    She mentioned not having time to build up a stash of pumped milk. Plus, it seems like she just wants to keep her regular, everyday schedule instead of putting together an alternative schedule for that day/weekend. 

    That's what lead me to believe she doesn't want to have to plan ahead.
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    My best friend got married in February and I was a bridesmaid. LO was only 3 months at the time. She had a no kid wedding to keep costs down, ok fine. My LO would have been the only baby at the wedding and she wouldn't let me bring her-both sets of grandparents were there and would've kept her when I would've had to do my bridesmaid duties. It absolutely sucked having to leave her all day as we were gone from her from 7am to midnight. I personally don't understand why people don't make exceptions for babies (especially nursing ones). I'm sure if your LO would get fussy you would be considerate enough to take her out. 
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    J1DJ1D member
    edited May 2016
    dAsch14 said:
    J1D said:
    dAsch14 said:

    Don't make the bride and groom feel uncomfortable on their day because you don't want to plan ahead.


    But she never said anything that I saw to indicate she didn't want to plan ahead. She has a baby who is still nursing, and I don't think it's strange or unreasonable to want keep your young, still nursing baby with you.

    About the only compromise that I think is reasonable would be to have it arranged for the baby to be in another room or area away from the ceremony, just during the ceremony, so there is no risk of baby crying or babbling during the vows. I don't think that would be too much to ask at all.

    I can't think of a single reason a baby couldn't be at the dinner/reception part of the evening though if there are going to be other children in attendance.
    She mentioned not having time to build up a stash of pumped milk. Plus, it seems like she just wants to keep her regular, everyday schedule instead of putting together an alternative schedule for that day/weekend. 

    That's what lead me to believe she doesn't want to have to plan ahead.
    But not having time to build up a stash is different from being unwilling to. I have no idea what her pumping capabilities are but mine were next to non existent and I could have put all the effort in the world into pumping and not been able to have enough in time.

    I also still don't see, like genuinely don't see as opposed to just being argumentative, how wanting to stick to her daily schedule with her baby is the same as not wanting to plan ahead. My kiddo is very sensitive and not sticking to our regular routine would cause all kinds of problems. 

    Eta: I just reread everything to see if I missed something, but I don't see any references to not wanting to change her schedule. The only thing I see that maybe- maybe- could be interpreted that way is not wanting to give her baby formula and not wanting to pump in the car which both seem like very normal, very reasonable things for an EBF (and pumping) mom to not want to do. What are you seeing that makes you think she's unwilling to change her regular, everyday schedule?


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    BHern87BHern87 member
    In my experience communicating via text almost always ends poorly. There are no non verbal cues and missing punctuation can change the way a statement is interpreted. Plus, if you're texting at work, there's a good chance you aren't devoting full attention to content. I would recommend speaking with your brother directly, maybe even in person. I get the impression that he doesn't have kids and most likely doesn't understand the logistics that go into BF'ing and pumping. If you can't build up a supply by then, your baby still has to eat. With that said, I know that formula is an option but I also know that if your baby has never had formula, that may not be something that you would like to do. My guess is that something else is going on with your brother if other children are allowed and maybe if you clear the air, you both can come to a reasonable agreement and understanding.
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    Is it awful that my first thought was to get a babysitter for the ceremony and then not go to the recpetion. Then they just paid for 2 dinners that didn't get eaten. Just claim a problem with the sitter so you had to leave! Ha, no dont really do that!  That was just the revenge fantasy in my head but that would be bad! 
    In reality, I would confront him about his lack of sold reason and contradictory answers. I understand that people have the right to have no kids weddings or invite just certain kids. I'm attending a no kids destination wedding and we are planning to try for baby #2 afterwards because I don't to be pregnant at it or to have to leave a tiny baby for a long weekend. But I also think that it shouldn't apply to immediate family. If the issue is noise during the ceremony or distraction during the pictures, you could have someone watch the baby during that time (it would only be a few hours I'm sure at most) and then bring baby to the reception. I see no reason why a baby couldn't attend a reception. It's not dead quiet, easy to take them out, and they don't take a seat or dinner. You need to get a straight answer! 
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    I'd probably either not go or just go for the ceremony, depending on my relationship with that family member. From your description of your brother's actions (inviting some kids and not others), I'd probably not go. But, that's me. Good luck with whatever you decide!
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    JennKempenJennKempen member
    edited May 2016
    J1D said:
    dAsch14 said:
    J1D said:
    dAsch14 said:

    Don't make the bride and groom feel uncomfortable on their day because you don't want to plan ahead.


    But she never said anything that I saw to indicate she didn't want to plan ahead. She has a baby who is still nursing, and I don't think it's strange or unreasonable to want keep your young, still nursing baby with you.

    About the only compromise that I think is reasonable would be to have it arranged for the baby to be in another room or area away from the ceremony, just during the ceremony, so there is no risk of baby crying or babbling during the vows. I don't think that would be too much to ask at all.

    I can't think of a single reason a baby couldn't be at the dinner/reception part of the evening though if there are going to be other children in attendance.
    She mentioned not having time to build up a stash of pumped milk. Plus, it seems like she just wants to keep her regular, everyday schedule instead of putting together an alternative schedule for that day/weekend. 

    That's what lead me to believe she doesn't want to have to plan ahead.
    But not having time to build up a stash is different from being unwilling to. I have no idea what her pumping capabilities are but mine were next to non existent and I could have put all the effort in the world into pumping and not been able to have enough in time.

    I also still don't see, like genuinely don't see as opposed to just being argumentative, how wanting to stick to her daily schedule with her baby is the same as not wanting to plan ahead. My kiddo is very sensitive and not sticking to our regular routine would cause all kinds of problems. 

    Eta: I just reread everything to see if I missed something, but I don't see any references to not wanting to change her schedule. The only thing I see that maybe- maybe- could be interpreted that way is not wanting to give her baby formula and not wanting to pump in the car which both seem like very normal, very reasonable things for an EBF (and pumping) mom to not want to do. What are you seeing that makes you think she's unwilling to change her regular, everyday schedule?


    @dAsch14, I don't agree with a lot that you have said, but this is an open post, so all comments are welcome.  I apologize that you saw this post to be a negative reflection on my character.  I am thinking maybe you might have skimmed through the post and made assumptions.  But, I appreciate a different view on the post. Please read the below paragraph for more justification, if you would like.

    If i were physically capable to build up a stash like that, I would without hesitation.  Unfortunately, that is very, very difficult.  I am not incapable of planning ahead for things that are attainable, but my physical abilities to supply that much milk for my daughter is not going to be attainable. If my husband's parents lived close to the ceremony (that will be who is watching her), and I could have them be in the other room so I could nurse her after, then I would.  But that unfortunately is not an option as they live out of town. I don't find it to be quite reasonable to ask someone to be taking my daughter in and out of a ceremony, dinner and reception all night.  That's not good for anyone and seems to be asking too much of whoever is watching her.  And I don't have a problem with changing my schedule ( @J1D , i agree with you and I'm still not sure where that came from), but I am not OK with sacrificing my child's growth, development, sleep schedule, health and my own health (mastitis, clogged ducts, etc.) for a poor excuse of not allowing her to be present at a wedding. I also am not going to completely change her nutrition in giving her formula just for one night of possible fun. Every parent has their own thoughts on what they give their child, and my thoughts and actions are to not give my daughter formula.  If this were just a distant friends' wedding, then it wouldn't be as much of a concern, but it's my brother...

    Thanks all for your responses.  Just wanted to follow up! Have a good day!



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    J1DJ1D member
    J1D said:
    dAsch14 said:
    J1D said:
    dAsch14 said:

    Don't make the bride and groom feel uncomfortable on their day because you don't want to plan ahead.


    But she never said anything that I saw to indicate she didn't want to plan ahead. She has a baby who is still nursing, and I don't think it's strange or unreasonable to want keep your young, still nursing baby with you.

    About the only compromise that I think is reasonable would be to have it arranged for the baby to be in another room or area away from the ceremony, just during the ceremony, so there is no risk of baby crying or babbling during the vows. I don't think that would be too much to ask at all.

    I can't think of a single reason a baby couldn't be at the dinner/reception part of the evening though if there are going to be other children in attendance.
    She mentioned not having time to build up a stash of pumped milk. Plus, it seems like she just wants to keep her regular, everyday schedule instead of putting together an alternative schedule for that day/weekend. 

    That's what lead me to believe she doesn't want to have to plan ahead.
    But not having time to build up a stash is different from being unwilling to. I have no idea what her pumping capabilities are but mine were next to non existent and I could have put all the effort in the world into pumping and not been able to have enough in time.

    I also still don't see, like genuinely don't see as opposed to just being argumentative, how wanting to stick to her daily schedule with her baby is the same as not wanting to plan ahead. My kiddo is very sensitive and not sticking to our regular routine would cause all kinds of problems. 

    Eta: I just reread everything to see if I missed something, but I don't see any references to not wanting to change her schedule. The only thing I see that maybe- maybe- could be interpreted that way is not wanting to give her baby formula and not wanting to pump in the car which both seem like very normal, very reasonable things for an EBF (and pumping) mom to not want to do. What are you seeing that makes you think she's unwilling to change her regular, everyday schedule?


    @J1D , I don't agree with a lot that you have said, but this is an open post, so all comments are welcome.  I apologize that you saw this post to be a negative reflection on my character.  I am thinking maybe you might have skimmed through the post and made assumptions.  But, I appreciate a different view on the post. Please read the below paragraph for more justification, if you would like.

    If i were physically capable to build up a stash like that, I would without hesitation.  Unfortunately, that is very, very difficult.  I am not incapable of planning ahead for things that are attainable, but my physical abilities to supply that much milk for my daughter is not going to be attainable. If my husband's parents lived close to the ceremony (that will be who is watching her), and I could have them be in the other room so I could nurse her after, then I would.  But that unfortunately is not an option as they live out of town. I don't find it to be quite reasonable to ask someone to be taking my daughter in and out of a ceremony, dinner and reception all night.  That's not good for anyone and seems to be asking too much of whoever is watching her.  And I don't have a problem with changing my schedule ( @dAsch14 , i agree with you and I'm still not sure where that came from), but I am not OK with sacrificing my child's growth, development, sleep schedule, health and my own health (mastitis, clogged ducts, etc.) for a poor excuse of not allowing her to be present at a wedding. I also am not going to completely change her nutrition in giving her formula just for one night of possible fun. Every parent has their own thoughts on what they give their child, and my thoughts and actions are to not give my daughter formula.  If this were just a distant friends' wedding, then it wouldn't be as much of a concern, but it's my brother...

    Thanks all for your responses.  Just wanted to follow up! Have a good day!



    Ummmm....I was the one that defended you and the other gal is the one that ripped you apart...
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    J1D said:
    J1D said:
    dAsch14 said:
    J1D said:
    dAsch14 said:

    Don't make the bride and groom feel uncomfortable on their day because you don't want to plan ahead.


    But she never said anything that I saw to indicate she didn't want to plan ahead. She has a baby who is still nursing, and I don't think it's strange or unreasonable to want keep your young, still nursing baby with you.

    About the only compromise that I think is reasonable would be to have it arranged for the baby to be in another room or area away from the ceremony, just during the ceremony, so there is no risk of baby crying or babbling during the vows. I don't think that would be too much to ask at all.

    I can't think of a single reason a baby couldn't be at the dinner/reception part of the evening though if there are going to be other children in attendance.
    She mentioned not having time to build up a stash of pumped milk. Plus, it seems like she just wants to keep her regular, everyday schedule instead of putting together an alternative schedule for that day/weekend. 

    That's what lead me to believe she doesn't want to have to plan ahead.
    But not having time to build up a stash is different from being unwilling to. I have no idea what her pumping capabilities are but mine were next to non existent and I could have put all the effort in the world into pumping and not been able to have enough in time.

    I also still don't see, like genuinely don't see as opposed to just being argumentative, how wanting to stick to her daily schedule with her baby is the same as not wanting to plan ahead. My kiddo is very sensitive and not sticking to our regular routine would cause all kinds of problems. 

    Eta: I just reread everything to see if I missed something, but I don't see any references to not wanting to change her schedule. The only thing I see that maybe- maybe- could be interpreted that way is not wanting to give her baby formula and not wanting to pump in the car which both seem like very normal, very reasonable things for an EBF (and pumping) mom to not want to do. What are you seeing that makes you think she's unwilling to change her regular, everyday schedule?


    @J1D , I don't agree with a lot that you have said, but this is an open post, so all comments are welcome.  I apologize that you saw this post to be a negative reflection on my character.  I am thinking maybe you might have skimmed through the post and made assumptions.  But, I appreciate a different view on the post. Please read the below paragraph for more justification, if you would like.

    If i were physically capable to build up a stash like that, I would without hesitation.  Unfortunately, that is very, very difficult.  I am not incapable of planning ahead for things that are attainable, but my physical abilities to supply that much milk for my daughter is not going to be attainable. If my husband's parents lived close to the ceremony (that will be who is watching her), and I could have them be in the other room so I could nurse her after, then I would.  But that unfortunately is not an option as they live out of town. I don't find it to be quite reasonable to ask someone to be taking my daughter in and out of a ceremony, dinner and reception all night.  That's not good for anyone and seems to be asking too much of whoever is watching her.  And I don't have a problem with changing my schedule ( @dAsch14 , i agree with you and I'm still not sure where that came from), but I am not OK with sacrificing my child's growth, development, sleep schedule, health and my own health (mastitis, clogged ducts, etc.) for a poor excuse of not allowing her to be present at a wedding. I also am not going to completely change her nutrition in giving her formula just for one night of possible fun. Every parent has their own thoughts on what they give their child, and my thoughts and actions are to not give my daughter formula.  If this were just a distant friends' wedding, then it wouldn't be as much of a concern, but it's my brother...

    Thanks all for your responses.  Just wanted to follow up! Have a good day!



    Ummmm....I was the one that defended you and the other gal is the one that ripped you apart...
    I'm confused as well. @J1D was totally the one supporting you the whole time. I think maybe you are getting your people mixed up. 
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    @J1D Shit... you are right, I got my people mixed up!  I apologize... there were so many levels of quotations that I mixed up.  I am editing that response!  Sorry about that.  You were the supportive one, thank you! :)
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    Lolo427Lolo427 member
    Lurking from N15 (but my daughter was born 10/39 FWIW)- curious as I have a similarish situation- what was/is your decision?
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    I just had this situation with my DHs niece and I flat out said sorry but if my nursing daughter is not welcome then we will not be attending. There are no hard feelings either way to me, I totally understand the choice of no babies/kids but I don't accept someone looking badly on me if I choose to be with my child rather than a party. 

    Persoanlly if I where you I would be saying that to my brother, i would wish him he best at his wedding and say that it's either the three of you or none of you because as a breastfeeding mom to a baby who won't accept a bottle I totally get it.
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