Baby Shower drama

fowlerbaby2016 · June 2016

My mom and sister are planning my shower. I'm trying so hard to just be grateful and let go, but by nature I love planning and have a very specific vision of any event I'm involved in. I had all these ideas of how my shower would be, wanting it to be unique from the other 40 baby showers my group of friends have all hosted or gone to. It's my first baby, took a long time to conceive and it just feels really special and important that it be a memorable occasion.

But my mom has only been to a couple showers in her life and my sister maybe only one, and I feel like they just don't understand how they're done...at first they weren't even planning to have any games. So then I told them traditionally there are a couple games. But then they were suggesting the same old games you've played at every shower you've ever been to.

I'm really struggling here. I want it to be different and fun, but they don't know what that is. But when I try to explain how I feel, they act like I'm being a preggozilla and they just don't get it.

ballofmeat · June 2016

I think you should just take a step back and let your mom and sister plan your shower. A shower is a party someone else throws in your honor, not an event you dictate. Much beyond picking a date that works and giving them a guest list, you don't really need to be involved.

If they want to plan the same games you have played at other showers, who cares? No one goes to a shower as a guest and hopes it is the most unique shower ever. I think you should focus on the reason behind the shower, you are bringing a new baby into your life and your family wants to celebrate that with you.

kiwico14 · June 2016

I'm a planner too, so I get that it can be hard to let go. However, you have to remember that they're the hosts of the party. If you absolutely must have a say, maybe you could make a Pinterest board or something to collect your ideas, then share it with them.

I've hosted a few baby showers, but in one, the mother to be was over-involved to the point that we all wanted to tell her she could just host it herself. She wanted input on the games, schedule, invitations, food--everything. It wasn't much fun to host. If you have a very specific vision for a party, do a meet the baby party that you host yourself after the baby is born. Otherwise, I say trust that those hosting the party in your honor will do the best they know how to do, and their intentions (whatever the outcome) are to show their love and excitement.

tresamigos · June 2016

^ What she said.

SkiChic626 · June 2016

I co-hosted a bridal shower once where the bride was way too involved and frankly we couldn't afford what she wanted. It was not enjoyable whatsoever and we ended up resenting her for it.

satto_takai · June 2016

That is a sticky spot to be in.

I think each family is different. My MIL, Mamma, and sister are planning mine. They asked my input on dates/basic idea. I was told if there is something I really really feel strongly about to let them know, but otherwise expect surprises. I am also trying to stay (mostly) out of the planning process because it is family tradition - others do the planning. I find it a bit tough.

Perhaps suggest looking on places like Pinterest for additional games? That is where we got some new games for my sisters' recent showers (I helped plan those). Or show them things that catch your eye (hey, I saw this and thought it was neat, what do you think)? I suggest finding a way that is supportive of their planning, and not likely to cause excess drama (because preggo really doesn't need that), but still gives them an idea of what you are wanting/hoping for.

Good luck!

the_other_mother · June 2016

I agree with @skelly70 . My sister made a Pinterest board that we could both pin ideas to so that she would have a feel for my style. But ultimately I'm not the host so it's totally up to her what she going to do. I'm sure you will have a great time no matter what and in the end you'll appreciate everything that was done.

kristynmac · June 2016

Maybe everyone is a little nicer than I am and I do see that this is your first post, but you have been a bump member for over 2 months and I am guessing you have lurked around a bit. For someone who is into planning and specifics, it looks as though you disregarded any board organization we have been attempting to have for the last several months. Thank you for your "look at me post" a simple search would have shown you that there is a randoms thread and a baby shower thread.

Regarding your question, you seem to have a very "I totally deserve for people to spend money on me and my baby and the shower has to be my way!" No, just no. You get a baby in the end and that's the best gift--any shower you get is at the discretion of the people throwing it for you. Post ideas to Pinterest and talk it out, but be grateful.

ballofmeat · June 2016

fowlerbaby2016 said:

My mom and sister are planning my shower. I'm trying so hard to just be grateful and let go, but by nature I love planning and have a very specific vision of any event I'm involved in. I had all these ideas of how my shower would be, wanting it to be unique from the other 40 baby showers my group of friends have all hosted or gone to. It's my first baby, took a long time to conceive and it just feels really special and important that it be a memorable occasion.

But my mom has only been to a couple showers in her life and my sister maybe only one, and I feel like they just don't understand how they're done...at first they weren't even planning to have any games. So then I told them traditionally there are a couple games. But then they were suggesting the same old games you've played at every shower you've ever been to.

I'm really struggling here. I want it to be different and fun, but they don't know what that is. But when I try to explain how I feel, they act like I'm being a preggozilla and they just don't get it.

QFP

I just wanted to add, with a title like "baby shower drama." I was expecting something juicier. So disappointing

AliKay20 · June 2016

Stephanie7693 · June 2016

Yea, you don't get to plan your own shower. Give them a few ideas, and leave it at that. They will do their best, and I'm sure it will be great, even if it's not your dream shower. It's a baby shower, not your wedding. Don't expect anything above a "normal" shower, and just enjoy yourself and the people who come to celebrate with you.

nanner26 · June 2016

I agree with previous PPs. While I also understand the need for wanting control over things, they have offered to do something very generous for you. While you may not agree with everything that they decide, ultimately if you make a fuss over things, that is what they will remember. My mom chose invites for my shower, were they something that I absolutely adored? No. But, it's just invitations. I agree with sending them ideas through Pinterest but only as, "Hey these are some cute things I saw and if you needed any ideas here are some." But then leaving it at that.

texasmama2014 · June 2016

I would say "thanks for doing this thing for me that you don't have to do." Then I would play the crappy games and eat the crappy food I didn't necessarily want. Then I would thank everyone for the gifts they gave me, which they spent their hard earned money on, while giving me their most valuable asset- time, to come to the party I'm not being grateful for.

beenabee · June 2016

Nikkoli98 · June 2016

Uhmmm, nobody goes to a baby shower for the games.

mmclark10 · June 2016

Games are the worst part of a baby shower. With DS, I respectfully requested my friends not have any but let my cousin that threw my family shower do what she wanted.

WinnieLou82 · June 2016

Image: https://38.media.tumblr.com/174580c55113d175b85fdcb32ffe01ab/tumblr_niqnb4Hklm1smcbm7o1_500.gif

SkiChic626 · June 2016

mmclark10 said:

Games are the worst part of a baby shower. With DS, I respectfully requested my friends not have any but let my cousin that threw my family shower do what she wanted.

Yup, me too. My sister insisted on doing the one where they measured my belly and of course the girft bingo one....uuuugh, but I sucked it up and had a fun time anyway, it really didn't make any difference once all was said an done.

tresamigos · June 2016

@texasmama2014

lilpinky7878 · June 2016

My best friend is hosting mine she did ask for my input on ideas...if I wanted games what food ect. I did make her a binder of my family address hubs and friends. At the end of the binder I had my must haves with pics and then things that would be nice but not necessarily have to get done.
I did pick the date and spot and figure out who was making what, other then that I got told stay away till the date and time...lol
Ps my shower is this Saturday happy we are having it early due to the summer heat!!!!!

Bookhousegirl · June 2016

@midwestbaby ugh I totally thought this would be better drama too... Some fighting between family and in-laws, or maybe a grandmother baby shower like July's... This was a total let down.

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