Leaving without her

ChristinaMichelucci · May 2016

So my baby girl was born Thursday May 26th at 6:13pm. I was 26 weeks +1 but she was only 3lbs 12oz. I was dealing with high blood pressure and unfortunately she stopped growing and we had an unexpected delivery date and c-section. But she is doing great and the love of my life.

I should be discharged from the hospital tomorrow but she is not coming home for a few days still. Today it finally hit me and I am miserable. How am I supposed to leave her. Of course I had a break down already and the tears are welting up in my eyes as I write this. I am heart broken that I have to go home without her and I can't drive so I have to depend on other ppl to get to the hospital.

Any mom's out there go through this? How did you get through the days and nights without your baby home? I'm open to any and all advice. Thanks everyone.

Oo and of course as a proud mommy I'm adding a bragging picture! Sorry

WaitingMay14 · May 2016

First congratulations she is beautiful. I'm sorry you are feeling that way it is only natural. If she's in nicu I'm sure you can ask if you can stay extended periods of time which should make the time go by quicker. I'm very happy to hear your daughter is ok and healthy. Hang in there. I can't offer first hand advice but I am thinking of you and your family.

ChristinaMichelucci · May 2016

@WaitingMay14 thank you so much! I can go anytime and stay as long as I would like. But it def sucks

ashkee05 · May 2016

Congrats momma and hang in there! I have personally not gone through this but I had two friends who did. They both said the nurses in the nicu made them feel much better about leaving their babies. So maybe talk to them as much as you can. Just know you're doing what's best for her and it will be worth it when she does come home. Just get everything you need to get done at home in case you weren't able to before she came. Im sure you're able to spend lots of time with her too so take advantage of that!! She is beautiful!

alileecam · May 2016

I went through this with my first, and the leaving was definitely the worst part. The actual NICU time was not that bad (obviously I would prefer to not have gone through it at all) because of course I was happy to see him every day and he was in very good hands. But the actual leaving him there when I was discharged, even though we returned in 2 hours, was terrible. And then, on the day he came home, I was so unbelievably happy! You have so much to look forward to--let that carry you through this rough time.

ChristinaMichelucci · May 2016

@ashkee05 thank you very much. I haven't spoken to the nurses about it yet but thanks for the advice. They have been great so hopefully they have some good advice!

meggyme · May 2016

Your hospital may also have a NICU support group, which could be helpful for meeting moms going through the same emotions.

huskypuppy14 · May 2016

Do you mean you were 36 weeks? Because 26 weeks I'm sure she would stay for much more than a few days.

Congratulations and I'm sure she is in good hands.

ChristinaMichelucci · May 2016

huskypuppy14 said:

Do you mean you were 36 weeks? Because 26 weeks I'm sure she would stay for much more than a few days.

Congratulations and I'm sure she is in good hands.

Omg @huskypuppy14 yes 36 weeks whoops. That was a bad typo thank you for that.

yoshi1230 · May 2016

Some hospitals have really good deals for hotels in the area for family of people needing long term care at the hospital. It might be something worth asking about, that way you wouldn't have to worry about finding rides back and forth. Some hospitals even have condos or houses for rent - often very reasonably priced within walking distance to hospital.

june2016baby · May 2016

Oh! I'm so glad she's 36 and not 26 weeks! I'm sorry you're going through this.

NLewis1 · May 2016

My son was life flighted to a bigger hospital 3 hours away from where we live (he was born on his due date but the nurse who bagged him when he was born blue collapsed both his lungs). We were there for a week and I didn't get to hold him or feed him until he was 12 hours old. Then leaving every night (we stayed all day every day) was the hardest thing I've ever done. Pumping after every feed during the day so the nurses had BM to give him at night then waking up to pump every 2 hours at night to keep up my supply was hard, but I felt like if I couldn't be with him all the time the least I could do was make sure he had my milk to eat. The entire situation was just REALLY HARD.

My honest advice is to just do what you have to do to get through the days - if that means calling the nurses and checking on baby throughout the night, then do that. Whatever it is that helps, do it.

And then once you get home and into a routine, get in to see a therapist. I had PTSD from my traumatic delivery, the NICU stay, bringing my baby home on oxygen and dealing with monitoring for a month. I finally got help when he was 6 months old when I seriously considered selling my house and moving because we live right under life flights path to the hospital and the sound of the helicopter (which I rarely noticed before) would literally tear me apart every time it went over my house (I listened to his helicopter take off while in my post partum room listening to other women's babies cry - and I felt like dying).

It was the best thing I did for myself and wish I had done it sooner. I owe the fact that we are having another baby to my counselor. I was absolutely convinced I wasn't going to have another even though my husband desperately wanted two kids because I couldn't even imagine having a similar (or worse, heaven forbid) experience.

HeartLikeMine3 · May 2016

She's beautiful. I know it must be the hardest thing you have ever done praying she will just be a couple days behind you.

xc1148 · May 2016

My best friend went through this...it's so hard. Do whatever you need to do. People will offer to help and let them....let them bring you food in the hospital, drive you around, clean your house, whatever. And it's absolutely fine to just sit in the waiting room at the hospital too. Just get through it and you'll be reunited soon!

ChristinaMichelucci · May 2016

NLewis1 said:

My son was life flighted to a bigger hospital 3 hours away from where we live (he was born on his due date but the nurse who bagged him when he was born blue collapsed both his lungs). We were there for a week and I didn't get to hold him or feed him until he was 12 hours old. Then leaving every night (we stayed all day every day) was the hardest thing I've ever done. Pumping after every feed during the day so the nurses had BM to give him at night then waking up to pump every 2 hours at night to keep up my supply was hard, but I felt like if I couldn't be with him all the time the least I could do was make sure he had my milk to eat. The entire situation was just REALLY HARD.

My honest advice is to just do what you have to do to get through the days - if that means calling the nurses and checking on baby throughout the night, then do that. Whatever it is that helps, do it.

And then once you get home and into a routine, get in to see a therapist. I had PTSD from my traumatic delivery, the NICU stay, bringing my baby home on oxygen and dealing with monitoring for a month. I finally got help when he was 6 months old when I seriously considered selling my house and moving because we live right under life flights path to the hospital and the sound of the helicopter (which I rarely noticed before) would literally tear me apart every time it went over my house (I listened to his helicopter take off while in my post partum room listening to other women's babies cry - and I felt like dying).

It was the best thing I did for myself and wish I had done it sooner. I owe the fact that we are having another baby to my counselor. I was absolutely convinced I wasn't going to have another even though my husband desperately wanted two kids because I couldn't even imagine having a similar (or worse, heaven forbid) experience.

Omg I am so sorry for your experience but glad you got through it and your having number 2.

I am going to have to pump at home as well and thanks for the talking to someone when home. I had foggy brain and didn't think of using a support group or therapist or nurse on site to talk to.

meggyme said:

Your hospital may also have a NICU support group,

ChristinaMichelucci · May 2016

Thank you so much @HeartLikeMine3 & @xc1148

newbabymakes4 · May 2016

I'm very sorry you have to go through this. DS spent his first week in the NICU so I had 4-5 days at home without him. For me, leaving the hospital/walking into the house for the first time was the hardest part of the whole thing. Once I got past that point, I just focused really hard on pumping so I could feed him when I went back for visits. I called the hospital a lot when I was at home, and they would send me daily emails about his progress (usually they were waiting for me when I woke up to tell me how he did overnight). They had him on a feeding schedule, so I would get up at night to pump when I knew they were feeding him, and I spent the majority of the day visiting him. I hope your beautiful baby has a short stay and you can put this behind you soon.

vintagevix2016 · May 2016

So glad to hear she's doing well and thank you for sharing pictures, she is a beauty! Sending good vibes your way, I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

CourtJack · May 2016

So sorry you're going through this. I don't have experience but I hope your LO has a short stay in the NICU and you guys are home together soon!

lm45678 · May 2016

Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this.

NICU nurses are generally phenomenal and very accommodating- ask about a recliner in the room, I've seen it happen. And whatever you do, don't hesitate to ask for help (aka rides to the hospital) now is the time to advocate for yourself and be selfish! I would drop everything for a girlfriend/family member of mine to drive them to the hospital to see their baby, and I'm sure your friends & family would too!

ChristinaMichelucci · May 2016

I want to say thank you to all of you mommas. I can't express how much I appreciate your love, kinda words and support. I really needed it.

She has been doing great hopefully she isn't in as long as the predicted!

NLewis1 · May 2016

I can say this much about our stay in the NICU - I came home feeling SO IN CHARGE AND PREPARED with how to care for my baby. Those nurses taught me things I never would have learned with a standard hospital stay. For instance - you need to get your baby to swallow medicine? Blow in their face (lightly, obviously) - it triggers the swallow reflux. It's also helpful if your baby or child is crying so hard they aren't taking a breath in - it will trigger that response to breathe. They showed me the fastest/easiest way to do basically everything - changing diapers, baths, etc - plus I had a whole Team of lactation consultants on hand at every hour of the day and they made sure breastfeeding was a success for us. So remember to take the good with the bad!

ChristinaMichelucci · May 2016

@NLewis1 I will say the lactation nurse that is there is absolutely amazing and helpful

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Leaving without her

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Mrs. H

Crohn's Dx: August 2008

Endometriosis Dx: May 2010

Married: 05/19/2012

TTC #1: June 2013

BFP: December 2013

DS: Born 08/29/2014

TTC #2: July 2015