kids at RE appts.... I get it now

MelD17011 · May 2016

Just needing to vent for a second…..

We to my RE today for follow up bloodwork. Just last week I found out I had an ectopic pregnancy. Luckily I was able to take meds vs surgery, but they are monitoring me closely this week to make sure they are working….

When I first went to my RE 6 months ago, they gave me a whole packet of information. The entire one sheet was about being respectful to where you were at and not bringing your children to appointments. I didn’t really get this at the time. But here I am waiting for my bloodwork that will confirm if the meds worked to stop my pregnancy and there was a mother there with a toddler who was running all over the place. It bothered me so much! It was all I could do not to say something to her or to my nurse. I understand there are times when you can’t get someone to watch your kid (I know how many appts we go thru) but at least try to make them behave (or wait in the hallway)…… ugh…… venting over

chicandbubbly · May 2016

@MelD17011 I am so sorry for your loss.

I totally agree with you. I have had kids running around at my appointments a few times and I hate to say but it makes me feel badly. It is really disrespectful for people to bring kids. Obviously we see people with kids on a daily basis but it is different when you are in the drs getting fertility treatment and possibly bad news about your diagnoses/treatment. I really wish that the RE office would actually enforce the rule and tell them they can't bring their children in.

susykat77 · May 2016

So sorry @MelD17011 I remember feeling the same way after my MC at my RE's office. Big hugs to you.

lilmissslp · May 2016

I get it completely! I'm happy to be with an RE now instead of my OBGYN. I hated going there and sitting in the waiting room surrounded by infants and pregnant bellies.

BornReady · May 2016

I'm sorry. That's terrible My RE actually has a separate waiting area for people who bring their children with them. Someone comes and gets them for their appointment and escorts them to and from. I found it to be well done.

I deal with secondary infertility and it has definitely been challenging finding care for frequent ultrasounds/bloodwork etc., but the thought of contributing to the trauma of infertility anymore is good motivation. I usually bring a friend or family member and have them wait in the car or somewhere nearby while I run to the appointment.

chickyclg · May 2016

****** trigger/ children*****

I used to look at this and seriously wonder how people didn't realize how this could be insensitive but now I'm on the other side of things. My RE loves seeing my twins (he brags about having a helping hand in making them), and asks about them if I leave them with my mom. I honestly try not to bring them because I know it's a trigger for some but there have been times I don't have a choice.

When I do bring them though they are not alowed to run around and must stay in a stroller. They are only 16 months so they still don't have the greatest listening skills.

Rachnan · May 2016

***child mentioned***

I too am on the other side of this. I really only bring my 2 year old to weekend appointments when he's not in school, but I definitely don't give him the freedom to run around (my husband is usually with me). To be honest, those are the only times my husband can come to appointments so we make it work!

hispenguin · May 2016

***child mentioned***

Like @Rachnan I have brought my 5 year old to weekend appointments. My husband works crazy hours and this is the only time he can come to appointments. We always bring an activity for her, and if she is getting impatient my husband will take her out to the car.

There are a ton of couples that bring their children to appointments at my clinic. There are toys in the waiting room, each ultrasound/procedure room and in the doctors office.

BrightenMySky · May 2016

**loss mentioned**

I totally agree. I don't mind a kid every now and then, but the patients who bring their kids to appointments at my RE's office seem very self-aware and do a lot to keep their kids on extra good behavior. Since my loss, I find newborns & pregnant bellies more triggering that toddlers or older kids, so I also don't mind as much since the kids tend to be a little older at my doctor's office. But I did all my post-loss monitoring at my RE's, not my OB's, to avoid waiting around with all the pregnant women (plus I hated my OB, so there's that).

KLake42 · May 2016

If I see a kid at my RE's office, I'd kind of prefer to see really a obnoxious one, over an angelic sweet one. That way, while it's a still a sharp reminder that I'm not a mom, it's also a little reminder that it's kind of nice that I can go home and have an evening without screaming, at least for tonight.

(I mean, I'll be delighted when I get to have evenings of whining and screaming and toddlers throwing temper tantrums-- that's why I'm here. But still, for now, I hold on to whatever gets me through.)

But my RE has the same policy, and I appreciate it.

mskeenan · May 2016

**loss mentioned **Ugh you are not alone ! I remember after my chemical pregnancy I was at the REs and this woman was in the waiting area with me for 30+ min with her obnoxious toddler . It really bothered me . I was already on edge and it just made things worse . It's so hard bc it is hard to understand the other perspective when we are going through so much pain .

wifeinraleigh28 · May 2016

This really spoke me to just now because I'm currently having a really hard time emotionally since our 3rd IUI fail. This past week has been complete hell and I find myself breaking down if I see kids anywhere, let alone at the RE's office. I want that to be a safe place for me emotionally, but I know there's not a whole lot I can do about it.

I work with kids by the way, so I have had to completely turn off my emotions all week since my BFN on Sunday, which leads to complete break downs when I get home. This shit is so hard

I'm so sorry for your loss by the way!

Toby102008 · May 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely agree with you. My RE clinic also asks that you make other arrangements if you have children. I actually got into it with my best friend about this. She was saying how that's not right and how impractical it is. I get it. It's hard to find child care sometimes, but this is an extremely hard time for us and we don't need to be reminded every time we go to the clinic that we don't have what others do. I told her that due to th sensitive nature of the clinic that's it's out of respect for their patients that you make other arrangenments. We had to agree to disagree. It was so hard when I was just seeing my OBGYN and everyone in there either had kids or were pregnant. And I kept hoping one day that would be me, but it never came. The one appointment I went to at my REs office I didn't see any children but my DH did. And it was the receptionist at the clinics kids! I couldn't believe that of all people a worker would bring her children in. I almost said something to my doctor about it but finally just let it go. I don't think people do it to be hurtful, but they just don't understand how upsetting it is to us.

omarismyhomeboy · May 2016

Yup. When I was at my OBGYN, just as @Toby102008 said, I used to see kids all the time and it drove me nuts. But I've been at my RE for about 6 months now and I had never seen kids- I was so thankful. It felt like a little safe haven. UNTIL about 2 weeks ago when there was a couple with a kid in there. The girl was running around and very loud and I sat with my back to the couple trying to ignore it. It seemed like they were totally unaware that this was a little insensitive? Seems strange since there were in there for some sort of infertility! I was really really bummed out about it.

I'm also really sorry for your loss.

PauPau77 · May 2016

**loss mentioned**

@MelD17011 I feel your pain! When I found out I lost my baby I was at the RE and in between hearing the news and being scheduled for my D&C I had to use the bathroom and to do so I had to walk into a waiting room full of babies. The worst thing in the world is feeling dead inside and looking at a tiny smiling face and not knowing how to react. But, this office was insane, women would bring children of all ages to their appointments and it was horrible. One woman brought in a full family (2 kids over 10 and a husband) and was saying how she wanted another - and here I am not able to have one. Although I didn't have to sign anything saying to not bring children in, I think it would be common sense to not bring children to an appointment - and if there was no way around it to control your child.

And to vent on top of your venting, why are you still trying when you already have a full family? That would be when I would get mad. I had a conversation with one woman in an elevator who said she had 5 children but wanted another. You have FIVE children! Thanks for making me feel worse that my insides never worked!

RainbowUnicornBaby · June 2016

@PauPau77
I know the feeling. The girl next to me during my ER got out of her procedure and proceeded to have a hysterical screaming fit for the entire recovery room to hear. The anesthesia im sure didn't help things either but she was screaming and crying that she wanted to kill herself and that her son was going to grow up to be a werido because she can't make him a sibling.All because they told her she would have to wait for implantation because they saw fluid in her. I'm next to her like, "damn, I haven't even been able to make one." DH got me the hell out of there ASAP. It was too much.

PerraSucia · June 2016

*child mentioned*

I have only brought my son to an appointment once and I felt like a super a-hole about it, but had zero choice. Sometimes there just aren't options.

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