Mental health check in 5/23

ballofmeat · May 2016

I was thinking it might be nice to have one just start at the beginning of the week and we can add to it as the week progresses. Kind of like a new weekly random thread. It seems that more and more ladies might be interested.

How was your weekend?

Any big challenges this week.

Share a recent victory!

ballofmeat · May 2016

My weekend was spent working, but I'm looking forward to my three day memorial weekend!

My biggest challenge this week will be keeping positive at work. I work in a fast paced, on your feet, no excuses kind of place. So even though I am having a harder time getting around, it is still expected that I get patient results out in an acceptable turn around time. And boy let me tell you, managing 8-9 chemistry analyzers at once, or getting trauma blood ready, or the /up down/up down/, motion of scope work is getting to me. I can't believe I have three more months of this to endure.

I have two victories this week. My prenatal chiropractor may have helped relieve my pubic bone pain. I HIGHLY recommend seeing a prenatal chiropractor for any hip, back, pubic pain while pregnant.

My second victory is that my OB is starting me on Zoloft this week to help with anxiety and my growing worry of postpartum depression. It definitely makes me feel relieved that I will have some help soon.

jamiesc58 · May 2016

How was your weekend? My weekend went really well. Dh, myself, and our kiddos went camping all weekend. It was so nice just to relax and not have to think about anything. Also, TMI, dh and I "did the deed" twice over the weekend. It has been MAYBE once every week or two for so long now that this was quite the surprise.

Any big challenges this week? Motivation...I have none. I have been slacking so hard at work. I have certain things that need to be done (none of which are hard tasks) and I am having to literally force myself to do them. It has not been this bad before.

Share a recent victory! I have been doing really well keeping my heartburn under control and am super excited!

JournoGrl23 · May 2016

How was your weekend? It was actually a really tough weekend for me. I was really looking forward to DH's birthday, which was today. He was supposed to work today but have yesterday off so we could celebrate. Well, they convinced him to work yesterday in exchange for today off, but called him in today anyway. So we never got a chance to celebrate or see each other this week. To top it off, the hotel he's working for is merging with another company and they did away with his sales position. He just got promoted to it a few months ago, which came with a raise we desperately need, so we're a little devastated right now. But, the good news is, they really value him for the work he does so instead of letting him go completely they're just demoting him back to front desk, which he used to work. So we're trying to look on the bright side that he'll still have a paycheck.

Any big challenges this week? Work wise tomorrow is local elections so it'll be a long night at the newspaper where I work. But we always have pizza on election nights so that's something to look forward to! My personal challenge this week is to not let the things DH and I are going through affect me that much. I want to be positive and not let these things get me down. We're still planning to move back to our home town near family in November and we'll both have better job opportunities there because it's a bigger city. So I just have to hang in there until then!

Share a recent victory! Made it to the third trimester! I'm really happy with that. And the fetal movement I'm feeling is getting so strong it actually hurts. But I'm thankful for it because I'm assuming that means LO is nice and healthy!

Just a quick update regarding the work situation I talked about last week: my bosses aren't really willing to do anything about the guy who was emailing me. But all my male coworkers agreed to take turns walking me to my car at night (I get off around 1ish a.m.). I couldn't be more thankful for them caring enough about me and that situation to make sure I feel safe.

I realize I've been a bit of a downer the past couple weeks. Hopefully next week I have more positive things to talk about!

kristynmac · May 2016

@JournoGrl23 that sounds really frustrating with your husbands job, but I bet looking froward to a move closer to family will help with the future outlook

It's frustrating that your bosses are not going to do anything about the email guy, but really sweet of your male co-workers to walk you to your car!

ballofmeat · May 2016

@JournoGrl23 You aren't being a downer at all. I feel for you! I think looking forward to moving is a great way to stay positive about everything that has been thrown your way. I'd be really bummed out too if DH and I had plans for his birthday and then had to work.

As for the guy at work who has been harassing you, it makes me really mad that your bosses won't even talk to him. I would just document everything about the whole situation and keep it handy in case this guy really oversteps and needs to be let go. How nice that you have male co-workers walking you out each night. Is there a way you could bring all this to HR? If you physically feel unsafe at work and your bosses aren't willing to do anything, thats not right.

Car0liiine · May 2016

How was your weekend? DH had this weekend saved to start the project of restoring his old Bronco with his dad. I'm super glad he's finally doing it and that it is not sitting in our back yard anymore. Also important for him to get to spend time with his daddy who is one of his best friends but frequently gets blown off for one thing or another. However, this meant I was alone all weekend which I think got to me more than I expected.

Any big challenges this week? I think my challenges this week will be the same ones I've had since leaving work. Like @jamiesc58 , I am having such a hard time getting motivated! When I first came home, I was checking at least one or two things off our to do list every day, getting the house ready. But lately I sleep in really late (just got up around 2 today), and then I literally sit on my ass and surf the web all day long. I make lists of all the things that need to be done, but just can't seem to make myself get started. I feel really guilty about it because DH goes to work all day and I am not doing my part. He knows these are the same "symptoms" of depression I frequently deal with and always says "you don't do nothing, you are making a baby!" So sweet. I need to figure out how to break the cycle and snap out of it. It's crazy to have anxiety so you're up all night worrying about everything that needs to be done, and depression which makes you have no energy or motivation to do anything about it. Quite the one-two punch.

Share a recent victory! Umm not feeling too victorious at the moment, give me a few days and if I vacuum or wash the dishes, I will update! Lol

I also wanted to share about my loneliness. I cried myself to sleep last night because I just feel so incredibly lonely most of the time. I see DH at night and weekends, but otherwise have no interaction with other humans most of the time. None of my friends are even engaged or married so I have no mommy resources except SIL who lives far away. My best friend, the only one who lives nearby, has a really horrible chronic migraine condition that means she is incapacitated about 5/7 days a week. And she has not been reaching out even on the days she's feeling okay so we have only seen each other 2 or 3 times since I got pregnant and rarely even talk on the phone.
I desperately wish I had some friends in town. Just someone to go grab a cup of coffee once a month would be wonderful. I have been researching ways to meet other moms, but with my anxiety I don't know that I will be able to make myself reach out. I'm just imagining once baby gets here, the two of us just being little hermit women holed up in our house with the cat all the time!

haboobjob · May 2016

@Car0liiine I so relate to your post in a million different ways. I was always so busy when I was working that when we decided that I would stay home and just had to care for my newborn (or even now taking care of a toddler/house), I felt sort of useless. My husband is super supportive and is always telling me how much I do for our family but sometimes it's hard to view as I'm not bringing in a paycheck. Occasionally, I'll take advantage of days DH is home and succumb to the pure exhaustion of growing a baby by not doing anything... just lurk on the bump, nap, check out facebook, pinterest. After a day of that, I feel depressed and defensive that DH thinks less of me (totally not the case) and express my frustration towards him. I guess I just put unnecessary pressure on what I think a SAHM should be and feel annoyed/guilty when I don't hit my unrealistic goals for the day.

I also understand the loneliness. DH works long days so we spend only nights and weekends together. He also has a pretty heavy travel schedule right now so it means spending even less time with him. I have had to force myself to try and be social. I recently reached out to a local MOPS group to join. It says they are a Christian/faith-based mommy group but it's not a heavy focus, at least in my chapter. I would recommend looking into one. It's terrifying putting yourself out there but they are the sweetest ladies going through similar situations. I'm looking forward to getting more involved when they reconnect at the end of summer.

haboobjob · May 2016

@JournoGrl23 Could you get a restraining order against the guy? I couldn't remember if he was threatening or just kind of stalker-ish. Not cool that your bosses won't take some action to protect you.

Bookhousegirl · May 2016

@JournoGrl23 I'm sorry about your husband's job, I would definitely be disappointed by that too! It's so good your coworkers are going to help make sure your safe... I can't believe your bosses won't do more!

@car0liine I can definitely relate to a lot of what you're talking about. On the days I'm home with DS, it can be really hard to get motivated to do anything above the minimum. I've found that having at least one outing is really helpful. We'll go to the park, library and/or store. It helps me so much to get out of the house and see other people. I'm not great about reaching out to friends, but just seeing other people helps to keep me from feeling totally isolated.

My weekend was pretty good. I worked for a bit on Saturday, then went shopping with DS and DH. I found the mobile and sheets for LO's crib and the knobs for the dresser I'm redoing, all were on great sales, so it was a successful trip! Sundays are my favorite day because we have a nice family routine - swim lessons and out to brunch, and it's really comforting for me to have that predictability. We also ended up going out to dinner and running into friends which was really nice.

One big challenge is DH really wants me to go with him to a work outing tomorrow night. None of our usual family members are available to babysit so he wants his dad/stepmom to watch DS. I know they'll be fine, but they don't know his routine well, and it just makes me anxious. I keep hoping for them to cancel, which is awful since DH just wants to have a nice night out with me.

A recent victory... Hmm probably the fact that I'm not totally shooting down DH's plan for tomorrow - even though I really want to

ballofmeat · May 2016

@Car0liiine I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I can't remember if you were on any medication or not. If not, could you talk to your OB about some anxiety/depression meds? I am just starting Zoloft this week which can help with both and my OB said its one of the safest and most studied out there in pregnant women. Also my OB directed me to a mom depression group here given by he hospital. I can't go because it meets when I'm working, but we are looking into other options for me. Maybe there is something available like that in your area, so that you can meet other moms. I can totally relate to the lonely part of depression you are going through.

ballofmeat · May 2016

@Bookhousegirl your Sunday sounds perfect. And what a nice score on dresser knobs and the mobile. I changed out the knobs on our nursery dresser too and it made such a difference with little cost.

Car0liiine · May 2016

@justaudrey Maybe I will look into the local MOPS chapter. I wasn't sure about it because we are not religious. Being in SC, there's a good chance they will be hardcore Southern Baptists, but I should still see for myself.
@Bookhousegirl I also find that if I can get myself out of the house, even just to run some errands, it helps immensely.
@JournoGrl23 My OB has me on Zoloft and it has been a huge help. For whatever reason though, my depression seems to be getting stronger lately. So my husband and I have decided I should talk to the doctor about increasing my dosage during my appointment this Friday. I wouldn't except that I'm at a point where I'm not taking care of myself and my baby. I can't make myself do simple things like take a shower, brush my teeth, eat, drink. Several times this week DH well come home from work and I won't have had anything to eat or drink all day.
Geeze just typing that makes me realize how bad it's gotten. It's embarrassing to admit, especially to people who don't have depression or don't understand it. Just sounds like I'm gross and lazy. Really how the doctor takes me seriously. And I should probably look into therapy again so I can have a regular check in with a professional who can recognize when it's getting out of hand.

ballofmeat · May 2016

@Car0liiine It definitely sounds like you might need an adjustment on the medication. But don't beat yourself up about any of it. Depression is such a roller coaster, and then adding pregnancy on top of it creates a whole new ride to learn from. I think you are doing a great job recognizing that something doesn't feel right. That's half the battle in my opinion. Hang in there and we are always here to listen.

haboobjob · May 2016

@Car0liiine I did some research on the different chapters and found one with a website, FB and Instagram. They seemed pretty low-key and the posts were not heavily religious, more of a motherhood sorority vibe with lots of fun activities. Activities were key for me because it is an automatic ice breaker and puts me at ease. The group I went with is technically connected to a baptist church but only a very small percentage of the ladies belong to the church. I think I lucked out!

other groups you can check out:
stroller strides (or another workout mommy group)
babywearers group (tons of meet ups)
MOMS club
City Moms Blog Network - look up your area/largest nearby city and they usually have a listing of mommy groups in the area. They also host lots of events and seminars where you can mingle with other moms.

Bookhousegirl · May 2016

@car0liine I definitely recommend adding in therapy. It can be so helpful to have an objective perspective who understands and doesn't judge. Like you said, it's hard to admit out-loud some of the things that depression and anxiety can cause, and having someone who has heard it all (and probably worse) makes it easier to open up (at least for me).

jamiesc58 · May 2016

@Car0liiine in our area there are more groups than just MOPS. Our local library does infant reading groups twice a week and that is a fun way to meet other moms. Also, there is a school in the area that holds Play & Learn Literacy Playgroups and Parents as Teachers which gives out a calendar of all the free playgroups in the area. Most of them are for children from birth to age 5.

JournoGrl23 · May 2016

Thank you everyone! This guy doesn't work for the company. He's a longtime subscriber to the newspaper and writes letters to the editor constantly. He has a history of being really rude through email to a lot more people than just me. But he took it too far with me when I refused his friend request on Facebook and after editing his letter for grammatical and spelling errors (which I'm supposed to do). I doubt he'll physically do anything, but he sent threatening emails so I'm just really uneasy, especially going out in the parking lot late at night. I think the reason my bosses won't do anything is because a subscriber to the newspaper is more important to them than losing a replaceable employee. That's how it feels anyway. But that's why I'm trying to get out of this industry!

@Car0liiine I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely and depressed. I'm not a SAHM so I can't fully relate, but I do get really lonely as well. I do get to spend 8-10 hours at work a day where I get social interaction with coworkers, but I don't have any friends in this city. DH and I rarely see each other and working nights has made it to where I haven't met anyone in the almost five years I've lived here. I definitely think finding a mom group like everyone else has suggested is a good idea. I hope you find one you really like and meet some new friends you can relate too.

ballofmeat · May 2016

@JournoGrl23 what the heck is with your employer? Your safety should matter more than one customer. I would get a restraining order then for sure. I'm so happy you only have to put up with this place for a few more months!

Car0liiine · May 2016

Just wanted to say thanks for all the support and advice y'all! xoxo Today has been a better day, but I still need to get set up so I won't have too many more bad days.

cepricco · May 2016

I have been avoiding the bump boards for the past several weeks. I am so happy to see there is a mental health thread.

I had been on zoloft prior to this pregnancy, but went off just before we started trying because I wanted to be off any meds. I had been doing really well and then, bam, at 20 weeks my anxiety and depression just skyrocketed and I was totally defeated by it for quite some time. I went back on zoloft, which apparently is the only safe depression med out there. I was starting to get a handle on things and then we found out at 26 weeks that my umbilical blood flow was not good. This lead to me getting steroid shots to prep the baby's lungs, getting an amnio to check some other issues, and being monitored 3 times per week because if the blood flow started to reverse they would have to take the baby out immediately. It has been a roller coaster of a pregnancy so far and I am a FTM!

How was your weekend? We have continued to get good news (the blood flow in the umbilical arteries has improved and the amnio results were all normal). I was so happy to get to go to a cousin's wedding in MKE this weekend, because a week or two ago I thought we would have already delivered a baby and would be stationed in the NICU. I am still dealing with anxiety, but it is much improved and it was really fun to dress up:)

Any big challenges this week. Just trying to take the best care of myself as possible and try not to worry.

Share a recent victory! I have now made it to 29W 2D. This is huge. I am finally feeling excited about this pregnancy again.

JournoGrl23 · May 2016

@midwestbaby I've been saving all emails he sends me and sending them to my main boss, as well as saving all the emails she sent to me in response. I plan to write corporate a letter asking them to do something about it and I'll keep a paper trail of their responses too. I figure that'll help if something does happen. I'm just trying to hang in there until birth, enjoy my maternity leave, then come back and work here for 30 more days like my leave contract dictates and then I'm gone! A lot of my coworkers are looking to leave too. No one is happy here anymore for a lot of reasons. We're just all happy we have each other because I do have a great group of people I work with each night.

@cepricco I'm so glad you've made it to 29 weeks and are now getting some good news. I'm sorry you've had a rough pregnancy so far, but I hope the good news continues for you and your baby.

ballofmeat · May 2016

Welcome! @cepricco

I am also glad you made it to 29 weeks! And I can really relate to avoiding the boards when you have a hard time enjoying a pregnancy. I was scared to death my first trimester and rarely posted here because I wasn't enjoying my pregnancy. I also went back on Zoloft because I started feeling more off around the 20 week mark too. I will be saying an extra prayer for your little one that they get to stay put for a while longer! And for a safe delivery! Keep us updated!

Car0liiine · May 2016

@cepricco Glad you found our thread! That sounds like enough to worry anyone and I definitely see how it would put a damper on things. I'm glad things are looking up and I hope that will allow you to let yourself relax and enjoy the pregnancy a little more. We're all getting close and the day we meet our little babes is just around the corner!

jamiesc58 · May 2016

@cepricco I am so glad things seem to be going well for you! I take prozac for anxiety and have through 3 of my pregnancies. It seems to work the best for me and is supposed to be safe to take. You and your little one will be in my thoughts and prayers! Keep your head up momma!

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