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Postpartum Depression / Anxiety

rebelonerebelone member
in April 2016 Moms
I wanted to start a thread for those who may be suffering from PPD / PPA to discuss and support each other. Feel free to discuss anything here.
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Re: Postpartum Depression / Anxiety

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  • abpl2014abpl2014 member
    I will be watching this thread for other moms dealing with postpartum depression/anxiety closely. Having had my baby boy at just 28 weeks I am having a difficult time adjusting to everything happening all at once.i'm very emotional at this point, lots of tears and guilt. We can support each other and get through this moms! 
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  • wildtotwildtot member
    I'm just past 1 wk pp and I've been crying since day 1 of being home. I felt so in love with LO at the hospital but things felt different once we got home. I felt horrible that I couldn't breastfeed due to my nipples being so cut up and bleeding. I felt disconnected. I felt like I had taken home a different baby. That has been slightly resolved but the pressure of being mommy and being favored over daddy or others I find it hard to recover from a c section. Yes walking is good for recovery but I eventually need to just lay down. DH has been helpful for the most part but even the slightest comment with any type of attitude or anger gets to me. I hate it when LO cries and I hate it even more that more than half the time I'm the one to have to resolve it. Sometimes I look at DH at night as he sleeps and can't help but be so upset and sad that he can calmly sleep. I have to wake him up for diaper duty or to get me stuff so I can feed LO. It takes forever to wake him plus he'll say "ok" or "give me a sec" which just takes another 10 mins of him waking up. In the meantime LO is getting fussier by the second. As usual I get up to do it - then he finally gets up. He'll ask me what's wrong and to talk to him but hard to say all this without making it sound like I blame him. I've been thinking of my mc baby that would of been born just a few months ago and I feel horrible. I love my baby regardless and I am so happy to have been blessed with him. I know that hormones are changing and babies will always be challenging. Right now I am sitting in my dark living room crying while DH is cluelessly sleeping. I hope things get better soon. 
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  • myla14myla14 member
    Aw, 1 week is still very early days. I hope things do get better for you!  Your hormones will probably still even out some, but if it lasts longer than a few weeks, talk to someone! I had lots of anxiety after LO1, mainly anxiety about being separated from him, and so far I've felt much less anxious this time. 
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  • redseligredselig member
    @Knottie2891384 I feel for you :hugs:

    this is sounds very much like me one week PP. I think it's overwhelming that you have to be responsible for a baby despite being injured in so many different ways. I think I teeter tottered between full rage and profound sadness. I'm still all over the place now but less so. It always helped to talk to a good friend when I was feeling particularly vulnerable. Reading about other people's experiences on here has also been reassuring. Take care of yourself during this challenging time. 
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  • rebelonerebelone member

    I had a C Section on 4/15 and had a 10 pound baby boy. Every day it gets better but it's still a struggle. I'm suffering from moderate PPA / PPD. I seen my doctor today and though I'm just getting my appetite back and I'm already down to my pre-pregnancy weight. She said I still have some fluid in my legs so I'm not done losing weight yet. My nerves have been shot, and because of the medical scare last week I have regular panic attacks daily. However, it's getting better as we get further on. I am currently taking medication for it and I am seeing a counselor. I've diarrhea for the last week and my appetite was gone that whole time. I've had constant tunnel vision and in the past week and a half and I sometimes feel so weak. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking through waves in an ocean, that's how I'm off balance.

    They've done so many lab tests in the past couple of weeks to confirm everything is okay. I've been in the doctor office for myself, Grayson, or Evelyn every single day since Wednesday. We have went so often that Evelyn asks to go see the doctor. Last week Wednesday I've had a bad reaction off of some medication they gave me when I was discharged from the hospital that day and I had to go back to the ER via ambulance. Now whenever Clinton reads Evelyn a book of medical professionals and she sees the gurney she always says, "Look, mama bed!" Today is better than yesterday and I do see a light at the end of the tunnel, finally. Before I felt like I was being swallowed. I never thought I would have it this bad.

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  • JayeSkylarJayeSkylar member
    I cried for the first week after we brought Roo home. I love him to death but the never sleeping at night and having no help was wearing on me. There were nights I had to walk away because I was at my breaking point and feared I might to do something to him or me. I finally go some help during the night after he was a week old and we finally got him sleeping most of the night. But there are still days when I feel so disconnected from him. Where I feel so angry at bf because he gets to sleep at night. He doesn't have to get up and do night feedings. He can sleep through the crying. I get so upset because I spend all day home by myself in this routine while bf is at work and he comes home at the end of the night and plays on his Playstation for a few hours and I rarely luck out if he does one feeding before he goes to bed. But because I'm home all day he expects me to clean when I'm so busy doing for Roo that I don't even get a chance to shower myself. Especially since Roo seems to have allergies and isn't sleeping comfortably anywhere but on my chest. I feel like I'm holding so much anger that I'm pushing bf away slowly and he doesn't even know it. And I'm trying so hard to convince myself that everything is alright. But I know in about four or five weeks I'm going to go back to work. And I'm still going to be the only person doing everything for the baby. Since bf already told me he isn't going to bother picking Roo up from the babysitter after he gets off even though he'll get off four to five hours before me.
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  • redseligredselig member
    @rebelone @JayeSkylar how are you? Are things looking up? 
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  • rebelonerebelone member
    redselig said:
    @rebelone @JayeSkylar how are you? Are things looking up? 
    So much better than before. Each day as I got further and further away from the delivery my body and hormones started stabilizing. I'm still taking my medication and I have a counseling appointment this week.
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  • JayeSkylarJayeSkylar member
    redselig said:
    @rebelone @JayeSkylar how are you? Are things looking up? 
    Things are slowly getting there. I'm going to have to set an appointment with my therapist and hope that helps a lot more.
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  • Dmurphy10Dmurphy10 member
    I was happy to come across this thread. I will be one week postpartum and will have times thru out my day where I cry for no reason. Today I only cried once when saying good night to my baby. My husband and I are splitting shifts with me going to be at 8 and him coming up after her 10:30 feeding. This was in the hopes that I would get some sleep but I am unable to sleep most of the night. I find myself sitting there worrying about everything I could do wrong and is my baby happy. Blah blah blah and I know it's all just me in my head. Hoping my hormones her straightened out because I really enjoy being a mom. 
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  • korpatchkorpatch member
    Dmurphy10 said:
    I was happy to come across this thread. I will be one week postpartum and will have times thru out my day where I cry for no reason. Today I only cried once when saying good night to my baby. My husband and I are splitting shifts with me going to be at 8 and him coming up after her 10:30 feeding. This was in the hopes that I would get some sleep but I am unable to sleep most of the night. I find myself sitting there worrying about everything I could do wrong and is my baby happy. Blah blah blah and I know it's all just me in my head. Hoping my hormones her straightened out because I really enjoy being a mom. 
    I remember that first week getting so angry ( breastfeeding wasn't going well) I handed the baby to my husband and proceeded to go around our bedroom throwing things ( Unbreakable things like bending and dirty clothes) and then colapsing on the bed in a hysterical fit of tears. I totally wasn't being overly dramatic either. I just wanted it all to end. Things got better once I started getting sleep.
     Hang in there! They say it gets easier... I didn't believe them at that point and wanted to b-slap the next person who said it to me, but the were right about everything but breastfeeding... Still struggling with that.
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  • LjljljlLjljljl member
    One week pp today, and I've cried at least four times a day since he was born... Sometimes more. I have no appetite. I just feel drained and awful.
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  • JayeSkylarJayeSkylar member
    edited May 2016
    AmadorRose said:
    JayeSkylar said:
    I cried for the first week after we brought Roo home. I love him to death but the never sleeping at night and having no help was wearing on me. There were nights I had to walk away because I was at my breaking point and feared I might to do something to him or me. I finally go some help during the night after he was a week old and we finally got him sleeping most of the night. But there are still days when I feel so disconnected from him. Where I feel so angry at bf because he gets to sleep at night. He doesn't have to get up and do night feedings. He can sleep through the crying. I get so upset because I spend all day home by myself in this routine while bf is at work and he comes home at the end of the night and plays on his Playstation for a few hours and I rarely luck out if he does one feeding before he goes to bed. But because I'm home all day he expects me to clean when I'm so busy doing for Roo that I don't even get a chance to shower myself. Especially since Roo seems to have allergies and isn't sleeping comfortably anywhere but on my chest. I feel like I'm holding so much anger that I'm pushing bf away slowly and he doesn't even know it. And I'm trying so hard to convince myself that everything is alright. But I know in about four or five weeks I'm going to go back to work. And I'm still going to be the only person doing everything for the baby. Since bf already told me he isn't going to bother picking Roo up from the babysitter after he gets off even though he'll get off four to five hours before me.
    I'm sorry and I don't say this to be judgemental, but your BF's behavior is completely unacceptable. He had an equal share in creating a life and if he thinks that taking care of a child all day and all night is not work, I would strongly encourage you to leave him with the baby for 24-36 hours. My blood is boiling for you. I don't know what would help get through to him, but I strongly suggest having a sit-down, 100% honest conversation with him to let him know that he is making your life even more difficult by being absent even in his presence. Not only does your son need his father, but you also need a partner. It's not healthy to sit at home and be literally nothing but a food source and comforting arms for a tiny person who can't do much to stimulate you and you will all suffer in the long run if he can't learn to be a team player. I really hope something gives and life gets a little easier for you. Being a mom is so much harder than anyone who isn't a mom realizes. 
    It took me completely breaking down and yelling at him for it to finally click. He helps out more on his off days. He pointed out that most Tuesdays through Fridays he's off and can take of the baby once I go back to work. So we're getting better at it. It just took some time. I forget that he's not very good at reading a lot of situations and I have to break it down.

    Edited because I'm tired and dealing with a screaming three year old hell bent on breaking everything in my house.
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  • wildtotwildtot member
    For the past week I've been getting this weird anxious feeling especially when I'm pump (weird). This anxiety is hard to explain but I feel almost nauseous, wanting to cry, and just feeling out of place. I am 4 wks pp and I feel a bit better than my earlier post a few weeks ago but I can't seem to shake this off. Anyone else feel this way? DH and I continue to have issues on the feeding/changing shifts (I seem to do most of it) and having to pump is very frustrating. I feel like I'm no longer a fun person. Pp bonding with LO and DH is not how I imagined.
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  • korpatchkorpatch member
    I feel the same way. I just want to curl up in a ball all day and cry, not talk to anyone and not eat... I don't, but I want to... Last night at 3:30 I contemplated dashing out of the apartment and driving to a hotel without my cellphone.( there is plenty of frozen breast milk and we have about 4 different kinds of formula sent to us by different companies... So baby wouldn't have starved) obviously I didn't.
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  • redseligredselig member
    Knottie2891384 said:
    For the past week I've been getting this weird anxious feeling especially when I'm pump (weird). This anxiety is hard to explain but I feel almost nauseous, wanting to cry, and just feeling out of place. I am 4 wks pp and I feel a bit better than my earlier post a few weeks ago but I can't seem to shake this off. Anyone else feel this way? DH and I continue to have issues on the feeding/changing shifts (I seem to do most of it) and having to pump is very frustrating. I feel like I'm no longer a fun person. Pp bonding with LO and DH is not how I imagined.
    A friend told me that she quit breastfeeding because of the same anxiety you describe. There are times when I breastfeed and oI feel a sentimental sadness. It's a weird feeling but I just shake it off and attribute it to hormones. 
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  • WBORDERSWBORDERS member
    I get a similar feeling when pumping. I notice that I feel nauseous and I'm clenching my jaw. It's got to be hormones. 
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  • myla14myla14 member
    I don't have this, but from Kelly mom:
    https://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mother/d-mer/
    (Anxiety/depression during milk letdown)
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  • wildtotwildtot member
    @myla14 thank you for the link! Here is another for the other ladies. Crazy to think that this is a real thing. I hate these feelings. Stupid hormones!

    https://d-mer.org/Home_Page.html
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  • RebekahA83RebekahA83 member
    redselig said:
    Knottie2891384 said:
    For the past week I've been getting this weird anxious feeling especially when I'm pump (weird). This anxiety is hard to explain but I feel almost nauseous, wanting to cry, and just feeling out of place. I am 4 wks pp and I feel a bit better than my earlier post a few weeks ago but I can't seem to shake this off. Anyone else feel this way? DH and I continue to have issues on the feeding/changing shifts (I seem to do most of it) and having to pump is very frustrating. I feel like I'm no longer a fun person. Pp bonding with LO and DH is not how I imagined.
    A friend told me that she quit breastfeeding because of the same anxiety you describe. There are times when I breastfeed and oI feel a sentimental sadness. It's a weird feeling but I just shake it off and attribute it to hormones. 
    I thought I was crazy for this feeling! So glad that its apparently a real thing, and I am not alone.
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  • claudiae77claudiae77 member
    My BG was born may 2nd so I'm just over 3 weeks PP. Considering I've had a history of depression, my entire family and doctors where all worried I've suffer from PPD. Things have been going great for me and my family and I have been very happy and healthy. The one thing no one actually warned me about was PPA. I literally never heard of it until I had a severe panic attack the other night and did research online and came across it. I don't really feel anxious or scared about day to day things, I just keep having random, painful, chest crushing, cant breath, elephant on my chest, panic attacks. The only things I'm scared of now is when the next one will happen. Anyone else?
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  • wildtotwildtot member
    I feel anxious when I pump which is apparently a thing too. 
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  • JayeSkylarJayeSkylar member
    I thought I was getting better. Bf helps out a lot more. I can get up and get out the house when I need it or if I want to. And don't get me wrong but I'm losing it. Roo absolutely hates the car seat. Cries bloody murder from the moment you put him in it until the moment you start moving and he has his pacifier or until you get where you're going. And if I'm alone and serving is usually until you get where you're going. I can't deal with it. I can't handle listening to him scream. A lot of the time I think if I just speed up and hit this whatever it may be then I don't have to hear him scream anymore. My thoughts are becoming alarming worse. I haven't self-harmed in almost two years. And those thoughts, those urges are getting worse. And Bf doesn't know how to deal so he kinda ignores. My therapist thinks I need to start anti-depressants but can only tell me to talk to my doctor. My doctors office is a teaching office and the doctor I saw for my 6 wk was in and out so quick it was pointless. I don't know what to do I've reached the end of my rope. I just need a break...
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  • elasticheart13 elasticheart13 member
    @JayeSkylar I second what @kalanieileen said, you need to make an appointment with your doctor asap mama! I am really sorry that you're feeling this way and that your BF is not being more understanding. Do you have family you could reach out to who would be able to help you out right now? You should not be left alone right now. If you have past experience with self harm then your bf would probably know about this and know that it could happen again, so he needs to support you. So I repeat what has already been said: don't be ashamed of asking for help. We all need it or we'd go crazy. Don't let it bottle up inside. <3 


        

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  • wildtotwildtot member
    @JayeSkylar sorry your feeling this way! I second what the other ladies have said but I want to add (and forgive me if you have said this before) but could your BF attend therapy with you at least once? I thought I was getting better too but just last week I had such a bad day alone with non stop crying and baby vomitting that when DH got home I simply said I didn't want him any more. I knew then it was time for me to seek help. I too have had self harming thoughts when I was younger but I have not reached that point yet and I hope I can avoid it. I understand those feelings. My DH attended my first therapy session and it helped him understand a bit more or at least listen better without argument. I keep telling myself and him that this is not the real me but I need help to get back to my real ways and connect with LO. Hang in there mama. We'll get through this. *Creepy internet hugs*
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  • WBORDERSWBORDERS member
    @jayeskylar I hope that you can find someone to talk to & help you through this. You deserve to feel better! 
    Sometimes when LO won't stop crying in the car & I feel overwhelmed I just have to remind myself that I know he's safe & nothing is really wrong with him and then I turn the radio up a little louder. Maybe if you can try that? Or pull over to a safe space and get out of the car for a few minutes. They are suprisingly  good at Dulling sound. 
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  • runningwildrunningwild member
    edited May 2016
    Anyone else feel incredibly sad/lonely when your H is at work or away? 

    I've never felt so lonely as I do right now, despite being at home all day with our 3 kids. I've been a stay at home mom for almost years so I don't know why I feel this way now.

    eta-- that was supposed to say 8 years! Pregnancy brain is still in force.
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  • bean_2016bean_2016 member
    @runningwild I feel this exact same way. I miss my husband the minute he steps out the door for work in the morning and literally cannot wait for him to get home. I have lots of people who would come over or help but it's not the same...
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  • runningwildrunningwild member
    @beccamccan Totally agree... it's not the same. My Mom came over and went for walks with us 2 days this week and played with older DDs, but I still felt just as lonely. 

    I hope this passes soon. 
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