Can I be selfish for a few minutes?

KRMcD · May 2016

I want a baby shower.

My first baby was a preemie. He was born 4 days before my shower was supposed to be. Perhaps if the shower had been scheduled for the following weekend we still could have had it, but no way was I physically and emotionally up for dealing with people 4 days after unexpectedly giving birth and with my baby in the hospital still.

So I never had a shower. We kind of considered having a sip and see or something, but honestly I didn't want very many people anywhere near him the first 2 months of his life.

I've always been opposed to showers or even really "sprinkles" for a second baby but...I wish I could have one. I'm sad I missed out. The first baby shower I went to after my son was born made me extra sad I didn't get one. Especially because my sister had planned all sorts of awesome decorations and stuff for my shower.

So, I'm bummed that it's an experience that I'm missing out on and just needed to get this off of my chest.

jarethinafrock · May 2016

Aw that is really sad.

maybe you should talk to your sister and see if she can put together a little sprinkle for you.

AmandaR417 · May 2016

You're allowed to want things and to feel like you missed out on things when you legitimately did miss out on things.

That said, it sounds like what you really missed out on was the party and the experience (I'm just guessing here, but I imagine your guests didn't say, "well, shit, shower is canceled, so I'm just gonna return this pacifier/onesie/etc to BRU").... So have a party. Invite your friends and family, hang streamers, and celebrate your soon-to-be-new-addition. Nothing wrong with that.

Edited because I suck at typing.

KRMcD · May 2016

AmandaR417 said:

You're allowed to want things and to feel like you missed out on thing when you legitimately did miss out on things.

That said, it sounds like what you really missed out on was the party and the experience (I'm just guessing here, but I imagine your guests didn't say, "well, at shit, shower is canceled, so I'm just gonna return this pacifier/onsie/etc to BRU").... So have a party. Invite your friends an family, hang streamers, and celebrate your soon-to-be-new-addition. Nothing wrong with that.

Ha ha, yeah we just missed out on the party/experience. We got plenty of gifts still. What was interesting though, is that we didn't get the traditional "add-on" gifts. Like clothes, bath products, and diapers. Honestly I was pretty happy that I got to choose most of his clothes myself. We got all of the big things though.

I suppose we could have a celebrate this baby to be party if we can somehow make it clear we have all of the stuff we need already. Or we could do a sip and see this time. Hopefully we won't have another preemie so I'll probably be more comfortable with people being around him.

TwandaFTG · May 2016

You can always do a big gender reveal party. The etiquette gods don't side-eye those as hard it seems!

ficbot · May 2016

Just as a point of reference, I come from a culture that does not do baby showers at all, as a thing. We do a baby naming ceremony after, and people typically bring gifts to that. I say this only so that you know there are legitimate other options with some beautiful traditions behind them :-)

tigerfish227 · May 2016

I agree that you shouldn't feel bad for feeling like you missed out(cause really you did) I second what PP said about maybe still having a party of some kind but try to make it clear that you're not needing anything since you already have what you need from baby 1. I think the big reason it's poor etiquette to have a second shower is because MOST people do it for extra gifts/free stuff.

MrsMaryK2016 · May 2016

This exact same thing happened to my SIL except she still came to her first shower (and cried the entire time, it was terrible). And because of this I threw her a sprinkle when her second son was born and honestly, people were happy to come and happy to bring small gifts because they knew the situation and how horrible the first one was. I think if someone were to offer to do it for you you should accept. People understand the circumstances, this isn't like a normal situation.

desoky01 · May 2016

I don't know proper etiquette, but I think it's totally ok to want a party! Whoever sends out the invites could just say "no gifts needed" or something like that, or you don't have to share your registry if you have one/don't want to share it. Just some thoughts. I would want a party too!

LadyHook · May 2016

I think it makes perfect sense that you are feeling this way, and I second PP's that you could definitely have a party to celebrate you and your second baby without seeming gift-grabby or tacky. You can even have your sister decorate

Seattleite86 · May 2016

It's not selfish! I really want a shower but i know i wont have one even though im a ftm (only been in this city a year and my new friends are very busy with their babies) and all my family is far. But i love parties! Especially cakes...i am planning a sip and see (already designed invites) just so i can have cake and champagne to celebrate my baby. I didnt get a wedding or a bridal shower or any of that and instead of regretting im just telling myself that if i want a party i should just make one. So i am!

jenesiso · May 2016

I majorly pissed my family off last year and I'm slowly making my way into their good graces again...but the aunt who usually hosts all of the family get togethers and parties and holidays still hates my guts and has never mentioned to me or my mother that she wants to have a shower for me. I'm 36 FTM and I've been to so many years damn showers that I want one of my own too! Luckily my mom is being gracious and has offered to throw me one with the help of her best friend, who funny enough, threw her the shower they had for me when I was born...lol...pretty cool I think.

Anyway, don't feel selfish. If you do, I'm right there with you.

ellie8816 · May 2016

@ficbot we do babynamings too!!! Honestly I'd rather have a shower though - I get the whole "bad luck to acknowledge baby before it's born" thing but it would stress me out so much less to be able to get things we need from our registry before baby arrives

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