December 2016 Moms
saffronxjade
member
Options
A word of warning **loss mentioned**
saffronxjade
member
Hello everyone, I would like to tell you guys my story and hopefully help some of you in the process. Last week, I went for a scan, where I found that I my baby had died 3 weeks prior and that I had had a missed miscarriage where my body was still protecting the foetus. The scan was an early one scheduled by my midwife because I was bleeding a little and had pains (which I read was probably ligament/normal pain) I thought it was nothing and was not even going to go, my husband even stayed at work and my mother came with me instead.
The reason that I thought everything was fine was because of all the group community discussions between mums and mums to be. I read a lot of these ladies stories, who all had same symptoms as me, some saying they bled throughout and now have a healthy baby so don't worry, and had absent pregnancy symptoms but again it's normal and everything is good. If I hadn't have listened to my gut feeling and not gone to the early pregnancy scan I don't know where or when I would have miscarried but I do know what it would have done to my life/mental health. Having such pain and bleeding out of nowhere when I thought everything was fine, would have absolutely scarred me and I know that it would have happened either way but knowing that it was going to happen at all, it gave me control, mind and body in sync and I was able to make peace and accept it. I also think that if I hadn't gone to the scan that the process may have even been prolonged, causing infection and maybe damage done. I'm thankful that didn't happen.
So what I would like to tell women is if you have any doubts at all even if your boobies aren't hurting like they used to or anything as small as that to listen to YOURSELF because you're the only one that knows how you feel, there's no harm whatsoever being extra careful and calling your midwife about these things.
Please don't get me wrong, being on these groups have helped me through nights of worry and just given me loads of tips on pregnancy and I love them and all the people in them. I love hearing peoples stories on pregnancy after miscarriage and that really guides me through and gives me hope, and that is harmless but when it comes to your health and other important things, listen to you. I know that these bias opinionated success stories from other mamas who say that your symptoms are normal and everything is fine, I know that they truly believe that it is totally fine and they are trying to help you with love in the best way that they know how and that's so awesome and I know that they mean no harm at all but every single woman is different and our bodies react in different ways and unfortunately to say that not everyone gets a happy ending sometimes (but will one day)
I think that a lot of pregnant ladies don't want to even think about the concept of anything going wrong, I know I didn't, if I even read the word 'miscarriage' I would freak out. Some women actually might unintentionally use these groups to run away from and feel better about symptoms they may be getting and this is dangerous, so I can't stress enough ladies, be brave and call the midwife if you have any concerns, call a doctor, someone who is going to give you unbiased consultation to ensure yours and your babies health. Being on these groups does relieve unneeded stress and a lot of worrying can be spared when reading success stories but don't stray away from your gut feeling and definitely don't take anyone else's personal experiences as an excuse to not going for any appointments.
I'd like to thank everyone for reading and goodbye (for now), I wish you all the health and happiness through your pregnancies and motherhood! Love - Saffron x
The reason that I thought everything was fine was because of all the group community discussions between mums and mums to be. I read a lot of these ladies stories, who all had same symptoms as me, some saying they bled throughout and now have a healthy baby so don't worry, and had absent pregnancy symptoms but again it's normal and everything is good. If I hadn't have listened to my gut feeling and not gone to the early pregnancy scan I don't know where or when I would have miscarried but I do know what it would have done to my life/mental health. Having such pain and bleeding out of nowhere when I thought everything was fine, would have absolutely scarred me and I know that it would have happened either way but knowing that it was going to happen at all, it gave me control, mind and body in sync and I was able to make peace and accept it. I also think that if I hadn't gone to the scan that the process may have even been prolonged, causing infection and maybe damage done. I'm thankful that didn't happen.
So what I would like to tell women is if you have any doubts at all even if your boobies aren't hurting like they used to or anything as small as that to listen to YOURSELF because you're the only one that knows how you feel, there's no harm whatsoever being extra careful and calling your midwife about these things.
Please don't get me wrong, being on these groups have helped me through nights of worry and just given me loads of tips on pregnancy and I love them and all the people in them. I love hearing peoples stories on pregnancy after miscarriage and that really guides me through and gives me hope, and that is harmless but when it comes to your health and other important things, listen to you. I know that these bias opinionated success stories from other mamas who say that your symptoms are normal and everything is fine, I know that they truly believe that it is totally fine and they are trying to help you with love in the best way that they know how and that's so awesome and I know that they mean no harm at all but every single woman is different and our bodies react in different ways and unfortunately to say that not everyone gets a happy ending sometimes (but will one day)
I think that a lot of pregnant ladies don't want to even think about the concept of anything going wrong, I know I didn't, if I even read the word 'miscarriage' I would freak out. Some women actually might unintentionally use these groups to run away from and feel better about symptoms they may be getting and this is dangerous, so I can't stress enough ladies, be brave and call the midwife if you have any concerns, call a doctor, someone who is going to give you unbiased consultation to ensure yours and your babies health. Being on these groups does relieve unneeded stress and a lot of worrying can be spared when reading success stories but don't stray away from your gut feeling and definitely don't take anyone else's personal experiences as an excuse to not going for any appointments.
I'd like to thank everyone for reading and goodbye (for now), I wish you all the health and happiness through your pregnancies and motherhood! Love - Saffron x
Re: A word of warning **loss mentioned**
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
I think I understand what you are trying to say, though. Perhaps during your experiences you came to the Bump to hear words of comfort that everything would be ok, and upon reading that some women had normal bleeding throughout their pregnancies, you felt like you had overreacted to your own bleeding and didn't pursue doctoral care. Perhaps when you went to the scan and heard the news, you felt angry that you had read those threads and felt that if you had gone to a doctor sooner, this wouldn't have happened, and want to prevent others from seeing them and not taking their bleeding or worrisome symptoms seriously. If I am wrong in these assumptions, please feel free to clarify.
If I read your post correctly, I am sorry. Although I do think it is unfair to blame community threads for what happened, I can appreciate the feelings of shock, anger, sadness, and uncertainty. No one here meant to give you a false sense of security--we can only expound upon our experiences and hope that someone can find answers or be comforted. I will also say that threads that mentioned any bleeding, I always saw others suggest visiting the doctor to ease any worries. But that doesn't take away your experience of loss, and it doesn't make it feel better. You are within every right to feel all these emotions, although no one is at blame. What happened is not your fault, or the fault of those you leaned upon.
There are many more eloquent and experienced than I on this board, but I would recommend looking at the loss and grieving boards. Take time to process your emotions and be gentle with yourself. I am truly sorry for your experience, and I wish you peace and healing in the days to come.
My heart truly breaks for you, if the stories women shared had a more negative effect. Again I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. Please take care of yourself.
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
SaveSaveSaveSave
DD born 7.27.2014
BFP 09.2015 - m/c 10.21.2015
@cjt121413 @beff12 Thank you from my heart, I wish you all the luck with your beautiful pregnancies, take care.
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
SaveSaveSaveSave
@LinziLoo09 Hi there, thanks very much for your words and the advice on visiting the loss threads, I'll admit that I am quite hesitant on reading them as I wanted to deal with it on my own, I'm not at all a strong person but wanted face it head on and not dwell on the negative as we are trying again as soon as! Although I think I will visit to see what positives I can take from away it.
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
SaveSaveSaveSave
Edited: half of post got deleted.
I agree with everything @dmontgo said as well- I think most of the ladies on here share their experiences, good or bad, to help others gain another perspective on what they are feeling or going through. Your gut instinct and doctor always trump internet advice though and I'm glad you went with your gut.
I had brown spotting early on with a previous pregnancy and it ended up being the first sign of an ectopic pregnancy. If I hadn't called my doctor she would never have tested my hcg levels, which let us know that something was wrong with the pregnancy before I started bleeding and before anything was visible on my ultrasound. If she hadn't been following so closely, I would have assumed I was miscarrying and could have lost my Fallopian tube without the quick treatment that I got. Every time people on these boards tell others that "brown spotting is normal", I wince. Because sometimes it's not normal. So I appreciate what you're getting at.
Anyway, please take some time to heal. I'll be thinking of you.
Prayers for you as you heal.