MIL Doesn't Seem to Be Interested in Newest Grandchild

MrsKBP · May 2016

This is my first time posting to the site, but I was wondering if anyone else had this problem. I have been with my DH for over 8 years now and we are 21wks(almost 22!) with a baby girl! I have two stepsons who are older, so this is my first and his third. My problem is that my MIL doesn't seem very excited about our newest edition to the family. I've been told she's always assumed we weren't going to have a baby, nor did she really approve of us having another one. I have always been close to my MIL, but her reaction just keeps putting me off more and more. My BIL is getting married in 6 weeks and last night she told me she didn't want to start working on the baby shower until after the wedding so it wouldn't overshadow the wedding. My mom has already picked a date for the shower, which is 3 weeks after the wedding. To make matters worse, a cousin is getting married the day I'm due. Obviously, DH and I will not be making this wedding, but my MIL told me she was going because "the baby will still be there when we get back." I happen to know she was at the birth of both of my stepsons. My family is over the moon with this baby, but I still feel hurt about my MIL's lack of excitement. Am I just being overly emotional?

EverythingsBetterOutside · May 2016

Yep, you're being overly emotional. MIL has been through the baby thing at least twice before, and yet she still plans on working on your baby shower, which, by the way, is to celebrate YOU becoming a bio mom since her son has already has been a parent. That's really awesome! Waiting until after her other son's wedding is completely reasonable and gives her 3 fill weeks to plan. Also, planning to go to her niece/nephew's wedding even though there's a roughly 5% chance you'll deliver that day is the logical decision. Even on the small chance you deliver on your date , do you really think you'll want her there in the delivery room? I love my MIL, but personally I wouldn't even want my own mom there to watch. Come see the baby after he's born !

Wait until after the birth to judge. If you have the baby and MIL ignores him, gives her other grandkids presents but skips yours, etc., then you can take issue with her. At 21 weeks pregnant, there's nothing that she should be doing about the baby, but she's already gone beyond that and offered to help work on a shower. That sounds like a supportive MIL to me

izza2 · May 2016

MrsKBP said:

This is my first time posting to the site, but I was wondering if anyone else had this problem. I have been with my DH for over 8 years now and we are 21wks(almost 22!) with a baby girl! I have two stepsons who are older, so this is my first and his third. My problem is that my MIL doesn't seem very excited about our newest edition to the family. I've been told she's always assumed we weren't going to have a baby, nor did she really approve of us having another one. I have always been close to my MIL, but her reaction just keeps putting me off more and more. My BIL is getting married in 6 weeks and last night she told me she didn't want to start working on the baby shower until after the wedding so it wouldn't overshadow the wedding. My mom has already picked a date for the shower, which is 3 weeks after the wedding. To make matters worse, a cousin is getting married the day I'm due. Obviously, DH and I will not be making this wedding, but my MIL told me she was going because "the baby will still be there when we get back." I happen to know she was at the birth of both of my stepsons. My family is over the moon with this baby, but I still feel hurt about my MIL's lack of excitement. Am I just being overly emotional?

I disagree with PP on this: A MIL who doesn't "approve" of you having a child is not "supportive", regardless of whether she's helping with the baby shower or not.

Have you tried actually sitting her down and talking about how her reactions and statements are making you feel? I don't believe she's obligated to skip a wedding because you may deliver on that same day. I love my MIL, but I don't even want my own mother in the delivery room when we get pregnant, and I want time set aside post-delivery for just baby, daddy and I. So I wouldn't expect my MIL to skip another important day to sit in the waiting room for hours when she could share that special day and then come visit afterward. The first day will be hectic anyway; everyone wants to visit and hold the newborn. If she comes later, it would give her more opportunities to hold baby and actually visit without having to fight with the rest of the family for anyone's attention.
In that respect, yes, you are being over-sensitive.

However, if she's making statements or telling other people that she does not approve of you having more children, then that's something to address and talk to her about and get hashed out. That's not how any family member should be talking about you, regardless of whether that's how they feel.

TwizBeans · May 2016

izza2 said:

MrsKBP said:

This is my first time posting to the site, but I was wondering if anyone else had this problem. I have been with my DH for over 8 years now and we are 21wks(almost 22!) with a baby girl! I have two stepsons who are older, so this is my first and his third. My problem is that my MIL doesn't seem very excited about our newest edition to the family. I've been told she's always assumed we weren't going to have a baby, nor did she really approve of us having another one. I have always been close to my MIL, but her reaction just keeps putting me off more and more. My BIL is getting married in 6 weeks and last night she told me she didn't want to start working on the baby shower until after the wedding so it wouldn't overshadow the wedding. My mom has already picked a date for the shower, which is 3 weeks after the wedding. To make matters worse, a cousin is getting married the day I'm due. Obviously, DH and I will not be making this wedding, but my MIL told me she was going because "the baby will still be there when we get back." I happen to know she was at the birth of both of my stepsons. My family is over the moon with this baby, but I still feel hurt about my MIL's lack of excitement. Am I just being overly emotional?

I disagree with PP on this: A MIL who doesn't "approve" of you having a child is not "supportive", regardless of whether she's helping with the baby shower or not.

Have you tried actually sitting her down and talking about how her reactions and statements are making you feel? I don't believe she's obligated to skip a wedding because you may deliver on that same day. I love my MIL, but I don't even want my own mother in the delivery room when we get pregnant, and I want time set aside post-delivery for just baby, daddy and I. So I wouldn't expect my MIL to skip another important day to sit in the waiting room for hours when she could share that special day and then come visit afterward. The first day will be hectic anyway; everyone wants to visit and hold the newborn. If she comes later, it would give her more opportunities to hold baby and actually visit without having to fight with the rest of the family for anyone's attention.
In that respect, yes, you are being over-sensitive.

However, if she's making statements or telling other people that she does not approve of you having more children, then that's something to address and talk to her about and get hashed out. That's not how any family member should be talking about you, regardless of whether that's how they feel.

All of this. I agree 100%

mothernorth · May 2016

Well I think all three PPs covered this pretty well, I'll just be on my way then.

blended10 · May 2016

I'd like to share that my mil's were not supportive of us having a baby, and were def, ahem, surprised at our second (his fourth) but once the kids were here they have been amazing. I think bc my hubs had previously said he was "done" after the original 2 they were a little shocked.
So take heart, she may come around.

TwizBeans · May 2016

AllyTheKid said:

Well I think all three PPs covered this pretty well, I'll just be on my way then.

LOL

MIL Doesn't Seem to Be Interested in Newest Grandchild

Re: MIL Doesn't Seem to Be Interested in Newest Grandchild

Choose Another Board

Search Boards