Don't know what to do

Re: Don't know what to do

• TeacherMom210 member

  May 2016

  I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Could you talk to a therapist or a religious figure if you're so inclined (pastor, etc.)? They won't/can't tell anyone else and are often used to giving advice in situations like this.
  
  It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Is there any other family who can help with the grandmother to give you a break? Hang in there.

   

  
  

   
  

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• jwebbbber45678 member

  May 2016

  People who are cheating are usually the first to accuse the other spouse of cheating because of insecurity. You should definitely confront him. I know of couples that have dealt with cheating, went to counseling and have even come out stronger in the end. Or maybe you're better off without him. Regardless you'll have to confront him and move on from there. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, stay strong and advocate for yourself, you deserve better.

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• LoveLee85 member

  May 2016

  Take pictures and email yourself all the proof, and then contact a lawyer. But first change the locks on the house after the grandma and him are out running errands. Seriously. I am so sorry. Inviting strangers into the married bed off of Craig's list is something you do not have to put up with. 

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• laurapaine2003@yahoo.com member

  May 2016

  My husband also solicited others on Craigslist for sex. I found countless other things as well, he had been cheating on me from day 1. When I found out... I went into a dark place, something more severe than a depression. It broke me as a human. The entire thing changed me as a person, perhaps for the better. I may be more jaded and cynical but feel much wiser and prepared to handle about anything that comes my way. When I found the evidence of his cheating, I immediately went to a lawyer and developed a plan (and didn't say a word to my husband, just acted normal) - I spent two weeks building myself a safety net of money, shutting down joint accounts, getting my name off the lease, lining up a friends house to stay at, slowly packing and preparing my stuff (keeping it in my closet), building the evidence I needed to prove his infidelity, and getting all my family and friends updated on what was happening and what help I needed. My husband was served with divorce papers while he was at work, little did he know I was already long gone and had EVERYTHING set up and secured for myself. I emptied my accounts that he had access to as well. I suppose what I'm saying is this: take a moment, breathe, think. Plan what you will do next. It's hard to do when you're swimming in the pain, but you MUST protect yourself and your children. Leaving my husband was the hardest thing I have ever done, and also the greatest thing I've ever done for myself. If you choose that path it'll be extremely difficult but you CAN do it, you DESERVE faithfulness and honesty. I'm praying for you.
  
  

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• ElleMF728 member

  May 2016

  This isn't a mistake or a bad decision.  This is deliberate and dangerous.  These people are strangers who have sex with strangers that sounds like a recipe for unsafe practices that your husband is exposing you too.  
  
  If he had given you something while you were pregnant it could have been dangerous for your child as well.  He put her health at risk, he put your health at risk. Could you tell if he actually met up with any of the women or not? 

  

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• laurapaine2003@yahoo.com member

  May 2016

  ^^excellent point - and I'll add: one of the first things I did when I found my husband had cheated was immediately go get tested for the entire STD panel at Planned Parenthood - my lawyer actually insisted (and of course I wanted to) because when filing for divorce if he had given me any type of disease that would have altered how we filed and what the documents were asking for. For your safety, physically and legally, I would recommend getting checked out.

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• JenLovesDesign member

  May 2016

  I'm so sorry!  I agree with Laurapaine2003 protect yourself and get your ducks in order.  Use your anger to help you get what you deserve.  My best advice, from when I went through a divorce years ago, is to hang out with your family and friends.  I really enjoyed my friends from before I met my husband because they helped me remember who I was before our relationship.  It's hard to think of it now, but your life will be so much better without him.  I used to watch movies to escape from my own reality.  Now you can watch whole tv series.  Take care, and know that there is a great life on the other side of this dark period.  

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• ellenlroberts member

  May 2016 edited May 2016

  Thank you ladies so much. I am beside myself. I broke down and just cried for a while and then it just kind of stopped and I haven't cried since. The first thing I did when I found out (while ugly crying) was call my OBGYN and get the first appointment they had to STD  check me. The emails were from February and I got checked during my pregnancy but I can't stand the idea of not getting checked.
  To answer ElleMF728, I can't tell if he met up with them or not. It was only the emails that he sent, not any that he received so it's not even clear if the Craigslist people ever replied to meet him. 
  Edited because my phone changed STD to STOP 

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