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I think I'm done - child and loss mentioned

happyktmomhappyktmom member
in TTC after 35
I'm really overwhelmed right now.  After 2 years of convincing my husband that we needed to have another baby because I would resent him forever if he didn't go for it. And after 2 years of forcing him to have sex with me a minimum of once a month during my FW.  The last 4 months of bloodwork and new tests for a second RE and a new referral for genetic testing and a specialized hematologist, DH is done.  He is done asking me to take off for dr appointments and bloodwork, done hearing me cry about starting my period every month, done hearing me even talk about a possibility of our first and only go at an IUI.   I took all tracking apps off my phone months ago.  I took Bump App off my phone and only linger from time to time.  I just don't have the guts to say I'm done yet.  I just can't walk away from this yearning.  It just hurts so much to say we're done.  It doesn't mean my beautiful daughter isn't enough for me.  She is wonderful and she deserves a sibling.  DH refused my attempts last year at becoming foster parents on top of everything else.  He really is a wonderful man but we have been growing further and further apart recently and I think it's because of TTC pressures.  I have to choose my marriage and my family right now.  I'm sorry for venting here and maybe throwing off negativity that you all don't need to hear right now!  I've typed so many posts in the last few months and just chickened out. 
**child mentioned**
Me(38)PCOS/Hypothyroid   DH(43)Low T/ED
MMC at 10 weeks 03/2011 DD born 01/2012   TTC #2 since 04/2014
BFP 8/26/2016


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Re: I think I'm done - child and loss mentioned

  • Liss_37Liss_37 member
    I'm really sorry for what you're going through. TTC can be really tough. I know how you feel about wanting a sibling for your only child. It's a yearning that's deep and has nothing to do with how fulfilled you are by them. But, I think you're wise to put your marriage first. I hope everything works out for you.. 

    Me: 37
    DH: 36
    Married: 08-25-07
    DS: 11-20-09

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


    Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers

    Name change alert: Formerly Lisswastaken

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  • lickasticklickastick member
    *lurker*
    awe @happyktmom I'm so sorry that these past 2 years have been so incredible difficult for you. That must be gut-wrenching to have your DH be so resistant while you have a need in your heart for another baby. I wish so much for you that you can find peace no matter where your path takes you. Thank you for finally posting what you need to say and having the strength to speak up. I'm sending you so much love and internet hugs and please reach out if you need support even if you move on from TTC. T&P for your healing spirit right now. 
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  • lablover78lablover78 member
    Hi so sorry you are going through this. My DH and I went through a terrible period where the more upset I became the more distant and uninterested he became with ttc. We started going to marriage counseling in January for many reasons but it has helped so much. We weren't going specifically for the fertility issues but that has come up in sessions and I am so grateful. Things are night & day around here- DH is supportive, engaged and agreeable and he really wasn't any of those things before regarding ttc. Just a thought.  Hang in there!
    TTC since May 2013
    Mild PCOS, Compound Heterozygous MTHFR
    No Folic acid/pharmaceuticals/supplements (too many to list- private message me if interested), IVIL infusion
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  • jennh75bjennh75b member
    I am so sorry to read your post and hear how TTC has taken its toll on you and your family.  I can totally relate to your story on so many levels and it really does affect the marriage if everyone is not on the same page and it can easily build resentments and put a gray cloud over the whole journey.  It sounds like you are not ready to let go in your heart, but you know in your mind that to keep the peace you need to.  I hope that you find peace at some point (soon).  

    As @lablover78suggested counseling, I do think it might be a great option for you at this point, for either just yourself to allow you to heal and grieve, or as a couple to help you both get to the same page that you can both agree on.  Coming here to help you deal is totally fine, there are so many supportive women here that probably relate to your story and have found various ways to deal/overcome similar issues.  I don't know if there is some sort of specialty board here that focuses on when the TTC journey is over, but it sounds like it could be a good idea to have one.  Maybe it exists somewhere on the internet?

    Hugs to you!
    Me: 41
    Husband: 40
    TTC#1 since 9/2014
    Unexplained Infertility - Trying naturally
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  • PoeMasquePoeMasque member
    Im so sorry to hear this. I think the previous posts/suggestions are all very good ones as well. Everyone always talks about getting pregnant when you stop trying. Maybe your bodies and minds need the break? 
    Me: 39 SO: 36

    Dx: low progesterone, possible DOR - officially "unexplained"

    TTC#1 since November 2015
    9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN
    10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN
    1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN
    March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017

    TTC #2 since July 2018
    May 2019 IVF #2: BFP! (beta#1 346, beta#2 646) - vanishing twin at 8 weeks. Baby B still going strong - due 2/8/20!
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • MntnGirlMntnGirl member
    @happyktmom I hope you and your DH are able to find peace with your TTC journey, whether it's truly ending or just on hold, and heal any damage the stress and frustration have caused. 
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  • happyktmomhappyktmom member
    Thank you all so much!  I should've known I would've gotten the best support ever here.  Coming to terms with this has not been easy and this is the only place I can let it all out so thank you for hearing me!  I wish you all so much luck and joy!
    **child mentioned**
    Me(38)PCOS/Hypothyroid   DH(43)Low T/ED
    MMC at 10 weeks 03/2011 DD born 01/2012   TTC #2 since 04/2014
    BFP 8/26/2016


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  • thistle8677thistle8677 member
    @happyktmom I am sending you so much love. I'm gonna pm you too. I'm sorry I missed your post. I am incredibly behind on the boards. Xoxox
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • Hopefulmommy1980Hopefulmommy1980 member
    I am so sorry. :(
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