Give DH a pass or be pissed?

LoveLee85 · May 2016

I honestly don't know if this is 'normal' of a fathers behavior? My DH is bad with details. My DH just can't seem to care for our LO. I had the morning 'off' of baby. I cleaned, worked out with headphones on(yay!!) and then showered/shaved, blow dried my hair. Blah blah. I was feeling good! I told DH LO needs a diaper chance and his medicine prescribed from the doctor for his ear infection. HOURS goes by, I'm all done so I go to take over baby.

LO still had his night time diaper on?!?! No poop thank goodness but my DH never changed his diaper from when he woke up at 9AM. So, I asked if he gave him his medicine. Nope. Didn't do that either. Yes, baby was alive and breathing in his care but why can he seem to no take proper care of our son? He played with him and did fun stuff, but dang, change his diaper once every few hours. The medicine part pissed me off. I feel like I can't trust that my husband will take proper care of LO. This makes me never want to leave him in charge of LO because this happens every damn time.

So, would you keep giving passes or be pissed?!

sdheft619 · May 2016

Honestly, I'd be pissed. Let's let your husband sit in a wet diaper for hours and see how great that feels for him.

sdheft619 · May 2016

You deserve to have a break and not worry if your husband is doing what needs to be done for your son.

FatPony · May 2016

Oh man, I would be so mad!!

hmhierholzer · May 2016

I would have been livid!! I do not expect my husband to take care of our daughter in exactly the same way I do, but diaper changes and the correct timing of medication are what I would consider the lowest level of care

Growingapepper · May 2016

I would be pissed. Like PP poster said, it's ok to do things differently. But diaper changing, medications, and feedings are all things that MUST be taken care of no matter what.

dmbfan46835 · May 2016

Yeah. Pissed. Total dick move for him to just want to do the fun stuff and you get to do diaper duty and medicine and the un fun requisite stuff.

LoveLee85 · May 2016

I was so pissed that I just took my LO and ignored DH. Wth?! I would fire a nanny or a child care service if that happened...I can't fire my DH though! Ugh. I was so mad I didn't want to talk much. I just let him know it was NOT OKAY. I'm still pissed about it.

yellowbean15 · May 2016

I'll be the odd one out and say I'd just be slightly annoyed, not pissed. I'd definitely talk to him about it and ask him why he didn't. But I wouldn't make it a big issue yet. If it becomes a common reoccurence...then I'd be really upset and we'd be having a serious conversation. I guess I'm the only crap, forgetful mom here who's ever stopped and thought "Oh crap, when's the last time I changed your diaper?!" I don't think that constitutes as child neglect. But if he is intentionally choosing not to ignore these needs (or consistently forgetting) then I'd make a problem out of it.

ETA: ok, I just reread and see it happens everytime. I would be pretty frustrated and ask about why. I'd be pissed if he just didn't want to do it! If it's a forgetfulness issue then he needs to develop some strategies to help him remember the important things when he is looking after his kids. Alarms in his phone or something.

shelbydd · May 2016

I'd be pissed. Honestly, my DH isn't the greatest about taking initiative when it comes to caring for our LO. I do basically everything. That said, he wouldn't let him sit in a wet or dirty diaper. I feel like forgetting to give his medicine is forgivable, some guys are just forgetful or have one track minds. But changing diapers is literally the most basic part of caring for a baby.

AndieTessie · May 2016

Yeah I'd be really upset. It's one thing to forget small things but medicine is not something that should be forgotten and baby sitting in a wet diaper all morning is no fun. He gets to shower without worrying about the baby being cared for, you should be able to do the same.

J1D · May 2016

I'd be pissed.
I don't care about the pajamas more than casual annoyance, but the wet diaper for hours is ridiculously lazy and skipping meds is just straight up bad.

MouseMama817 · May 2016

Lurking from A15..
I wouldn't have a total all out fight over it but I'd definitely have a conversation. My DH is annoyingly forgetful when it comes to our daughter. Her schedule is literally typed up on the front of the fridge and he still can't remember when her feedings are. He remembers nap times but always asks me, "Oh she gets a bottle now?". He always forgets to give her her D drops because he "can't find them" (they're in the same place every time). He's usually pretty good about remembering to change her diaper. Like a PP said, I don't expect him to take care of her exactly like I do, but I do expect him to know the basic outline/timing of her schedule. Being able to maintain the same level of care for your baby while you take some time for yourself is a minimal expectation. It's not like he left her in the corner and totally neglected her though, which I why I say a conversation is needed, but an all out fight wouldn't be fair since he was paying attention to her.

blondehairblueeyeditalianbaby · May 2016

I would not be upset with my husband over the meds because honestly I forget sometimes too. It's just not our routine. My husband is very routine oriented. The diaper is a different story. That would have made me mad. That's pretty basic care. Does he change the baby's diaper on a normal day? I will say it seems basic to us but if he never does it then it may have just never crossed his mind.

chelseajeanene · May 2016

I'd be pissed. To let him sit in that diaper is just lazy, there's no other excuse. The medicine thing I'd be upset about but he may have forgotten? My hudband forgets to give our son his allergy medication when he takes the baby and let's me sleep in, but it's not on purpose

wannabeamongoose · May 2016

I'm going to join the minority here and say that I wouldn't be pissed. Maybe irritated, but not pissed. If baby wasn't fussy, it may not have even crossed his mind that baby was still in the same wet diaper. I know I'm not the only mom here who has let my baby sit in a wet diaper because he was perfectly happy and I didn't think to change him. And I forget to take my own medicine so I'm sure I'd forget baby's on occasion too, especially if it's not part of the regular routine. I'd say have a talk to remind him how important these things are, and how important it is for you to know you can have a stress free morning, but don't go into it being pissed, per se, because that will just escalate things.

LoveLee85 · May 2016

blondehairblueeyeditalianbaby said:

I would not be upset with my husband over the meds because honestly I forget sometimes too. It's just not our routine. My husband is very routine oriented. The diaper is a different story. That would have made me mad. That's pretty basic care. Does he change the baby's diaper on a normal day? I will say it seems basic to us but if he never does it then it may have just never crossed his mind.

No he doesn't really change his diaper. I just hop up when it needs done. He works a lot. I just hate worrying about basic crap not being taken care of.

Now even when I have a few hours 'off' I'll be 'on' still.

LoveLee85 · May 2016

chelseajeanene said:

I'd be pissed. To let him sit in that diaper is just lazy, there's no other excuse. The medicine thing I'd be upset about but he may have forgotten? My hudband forgets to give our son his allergy medication when he takes the baby and let's me sleep in, but it's not on purpose

That's the thing, my husband didn't do it on purpose. He's just horrible with details. I hate it!

mmd091909 · May 2016

I would be pissed. He should be more than capable of taking care of his child. He shouldn't have to be told to change a diaper. Medication I could understand since he may have forgtten.

yellowbean15 · May 2016

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. He forgot to change a wet diaper. He (and the rest of us) will make bigger parenting mistakes than this. Does it suck that he forgot? Yes. Does it warrant death by firing squad? I don't think so...but I'm beginning to question my judgement on this based on everyone's responses.

sdheft619 · May 2016

I'm saying Id be pissed about it because, it's the diaper he slept in all night, right? That's the first thing we do when we get our daughter up, and that diaper is FULL! That's why I'd be mad. If she was in it all night and how ever long the next day, heck yeah, I'd be mad.

laurapaine2003@yahoo.com · May 2016

Good grief, this isn't rocket science but my DH acts bewildered and confused/shocked that diapers need to be changed regularly. He has acts dumbfounded when I ask "has she eaten, been changed?" Mind you, this is a man who manages a large company, is extremely intelligent and detail oriented, but can't "remember" simple necessary things his own child needs regularly - bullshit. How dare we women hold men up to the same standard of BASIC care for our children... Ugh!! Sorry to vent so bad but this crap really grinds my gears. Other husbands may just forget I suppose but I know my husband isn't this chronically forgetful, if that were true we need to see a specialist for early onset dementia. One or two times, yeah, that's just forgetting or being busy. But constantly, that's a whole other story. LOL I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

mrsmctaggart6 · May 2016

I just give my husband step by step instructions of anything that might need to be covered and leave any/all supplies out and ready so that he has no excuse...

LoveLee85 · May 2016

heft619 said:

I'm saying Id be pissed about it because, it's the diaper he slept in all night, right? That's the first thing we do when we get our daughter up, and that diaper is FULL! That's why I'd be mad. If she was in it all night and how ever long the next day, heck yeah, I'd be mad.

I changed LO at 5:30AM when he had a bottle, but still..... It was around 3pm when I noticed it.

jen83mn · May 2016

I would be angry! My DH sucks at remembering the details, so if I'm gone for hours I have to write him a list with approximate times for feedings, naps, etc. (and if he needed medicine, that to). But the diaper thing he has covered, thank goodness ... I think that's why poop stinks so bad. If it didn't, babies would sit in their poop all day if it were up to their dads!

I also have DH write down the times he fed him, when his naps were and for how long, etc. The grandmas do the same when they're watching him. Then everyone is on the same page and I like having a record of the day so I know if baby got enough sleep, how he ate that day, etc. It also holds DH accountable since he has to write down the times, and then he doesn't forget. Sad that we have to go to those lengths, but I know my DH, and he has the worst memory ever! He would never intentionally not do it; he just gets so busy playing with him and totally forgets!

LoveLee85 · May 2016

I'm going to have to do exactly that! Write everything out and have him log what happens. @jen83mn

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