5/17 Mental Health Check In

ballofmeat · May 2016

How is everyone's week going?

What is one support system in your life you are grateful for?

Any vents for the week? Let's hear them!

ballofmeat · May 2016

This week is meh. I think I am in a slump and need to get out of it.

My greatest support in my life is my DH. He truly is the most patient person I know. Which is good because I am the least patient person I know. He is a better listener than I am as well. I think he came at just the right time in my life because I never would have truly appreciated him 6-10 years ago.

My vent I let rip on the Monday BF thread. I'm Hoping to have some more resolution by next week. Until then I'm just trying to take each day this week in stride.

AliKay20 · May 2016

How is everyone's week going?
It's been a shitshow so far but that's from work.

What is one support system in your life you are grateful for?
DH is a great support system but my mom's got a special place in my heart. The more I go through this, I realize how much my own mom has gone through all this and much more. I don't know if I can be half the mother she is to me and my brother. Yes, we have our moments of differing opinions but she's so strong and wise. How does she do it?! Ugh.

Any vents for the week? Let's hear them!
This week is already draining me out! I'm at a medical center that just went through a change in their IT system and today was their go-live. I helped the staff transition their workflows but dealing with cranky patients was more difficult today than ever ("Why do you need my insurance and ID cards again? I'm going to another doc!!")

Another full day tomorrow of transition support then to prep for a presentation by Thurs morning is just lovely as in I am fked. FML! I've had no time to pee today so imagine all those work emails that piled up?! I was trying to go through some when I got home but DH was getting annoyed that I kept him waiting to eat dessert. I just about lost it and said I don't need this shit from him right now and cried. It's so hard to help each other understand where we're coming from after a long ass day!

ballofmeat · May 2016

@AliKay20

It's so nice that your mom is understanding. It sounds like she has taught you a lot and that you will be able to take pieces of that and make it your own with your children. And I think that is what will make you a unique mom too.

My mom is not as supportive. She has her good days and bad days. She is in complete denial that my little brother and I suffer from depression. My little brother is worse. She tells us stuff like, you guys don't need medication and need to learn how to cope naturally like everyone else. It's frustrating.

Also IT program changes at a hospital are stressful as hell! Our lab went from a really old roll and scroll software to something called epic beaker two and a half years ago. Our live date was a clusterf**k. We had patients in the ER with no results, samples backed up, instruments (we have like 50 in the lab) weren't interfacing right. Ugh. I hope I'm not around for the next upgrade lol. I definitely feel your pain, especially since people have no patience even when you explain its not how things are normally run but that we are going through an IT change.

JournoGrl23 · May 2016

How is everyone's week going? It's going OK for me. I really hate my job so the workweek goes by really slow for me. I can't wait until this weekend though, because DH's birthday is on Monday. We'll be celebrating it on Sunday. I love the gift I got him and can't wait to give it to him. Plus, it'll be nice to spend the day together. I also happen to reach my third trimester on his birthday, so it's a big day for us!

What is one support system in your life you are grateful for? DH. He's known I have anxiety since I met him but has always been patient with me (for the most part). He tries really hard to make sure he's there for me and supports me during panic attacks, which I've been having a lot lately. I don't know what I would do without him.

Any vents for the week? Let's hear them! Yes! As I said, I hate my job. I work for a newspaper and they're always adding extra jobs to my long list of things to do, yet still expect me to get everything done in 40 hours because I'm hourly and they don't want to pay me OT. Well several months ago, our editorial editor had a stroke so he was out for a long time. I was asked to help with the letters to the editor while he was out, which I was perfectly fine with. I was told it would only be for a couple weeks. Well, he came back to work, but the couple weeks turned into 8 months. It took me 20 hours a week to deal with these things on top of my real job. During that time one of our crazy letter writers began emailing me daily and it's turned into borderline harassment. It's a long story of what he emails about, but it makes me really uncomfortable. I woke up this morning and he sought me out on Facebook and friend requested me! There's no way in hell I'm going to accept his friend request but I was so mad I cried for 10 minutes. I don't want him knowing anything about my personal life and my profile picture is one of me and my bump so now he'll know I'm pregnant. I'm just really upset and freaked out by this. I'm scared he'll either show up at my house or at the newspaper one day looking for me. Sorry for the long vent...

ballofmeat · May 2016

@JournoGrl23 Happy early bday to your DH!

And so sorry you have all that stress at work.

When I'm stressed about work I keep thinking about how nice it will be to take a break from that on maternity leave. Which I know will not be a "vacation," but just the thought of being able to change gears for a few months when that time comes gets me through a rough day.

And what the heck is with the guy from your work? If he is writing you inappropriate emails, I would report it.

Every once and a while I get into a hiatus of wanting to delete Facebook all together, but then I think about the pros outweighing the cons. I may do a big overhaul of deletion of people when my daughter is born though.

JournoGrl23 · May 2016

@midwestbaby I'm sorry about the stress at your work too! (From the other thread.) My mom is a nurse at a hospital and she gets upset a lot over the treatment she receives. Sounds like you're going through similar treatment so I know it has to be tough and it's not fair.

I, like you, am really looking forward to maternity leave just so I can be away from that place for awhile. But I also plan on quitting 30 days after I come back from leave. DH and I want to move closer to our families and I want out of the newspaper business. It's definitely not what it used to be. But in the meantime I am reporting this guy to my boss today when I go to work.

I don't want to delete my Facebook because it's how I keep up with friends and family that live further away. But I do go through and clean out people I don't talk to anymore at least once a year. I should probably do that before my daughter comes along too. And I really need to update my privacy settings.

Fremdschamen · May 2016

Hope no one minds if I join in.

@JournoGrl23 That facebook thing would be scary and upsetting to me, too. I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

I was excited for this week because my parents are here visiting (they live really far away so we only see them a few times a year). But, I have a bunch of meetings for a board that I am on and I can't really miss them, so I feel like I don't get to see them as much as I would like. I think I might take most of tomorrow off so that I can spend some time with them.

Right now, I think my best support system is actually my online mom friends from when DD was born! MH is under a decent amount of stress right now because he's in the final stretch of finishing his PhD. Most of our conversations revolve around his anxieties and it doesn't leave much room for mine. He doesn't ask about my emotional well-being unless I'm pretty obviously distraught. My mom is great, but doesn't like to talk about the hard emotional stuff. My BFF is the same (plus she has a newborn, so she has her own stuff to cope with right now). And my sister is a good support, but she lives on the other side of the country. I'm usually the support person for my social network, so I always feel a bit isolated when I'm the one who needs support.

tisunge602 · May 2016

@AliKay20 and @midwestbaby -- My husband works for Epic and sometimes does command center support for go-lives, though that's not his primary role. (I know he's not working on yours, FTR.

) I hope your go-live starts to smoothen out, @AliKay20. I know they can be rough.

haboobjob · May 2016

I really appreciate this thread! I haven't gotten around to participating before but I am always here as silent support lol It is seriously so reassuring to know that I'm not alone.

How is everyone's week going? My week has been filled with lots of anxious feelings, insomnia, and feelings of inadequacy. My dad came into town to visit our family and its super overwhelming for me. We have not been close since I was a child and have been trying to rebuild the past 2 years. He has changed religions and I'm overly cautious not to offend him, or his practices, so that added a lot of pressure to his visit. He left today and although the visit was definitely awkward at times, I chose to face it head on and that definitely helped.

I also had a falling out with my mom almost a year ago and, despite my best efforts to explain why I need space after all this time of trying to resolve things, she continues to find passive ways to reach out (none of them offer solutions so they just stress me out). Every passive action causes me to go completely insane. It feels like my head is a pinball machine and these thoughts are just pinging back and forth. Sometimes it feels like she doesn't even remember that we aren't talking. She said it's because talking to me, even though it's one-sided, helps with her mental health. It's frustrating because what helps her is hurting me. I have a hard time trying to put myself, and my own mental health, first when it comes to her.

What is one support system in your life you are grateful for? My husband! He's so patient, understanding and really tries to be here for me. He knows this week has been challenging for me with my parents and has picked up all the slack.

Any vents for the week? just the parent vents

haboobjob · May 2016

@midwestbaby I considered my maternity leave a "vacation". I never felt appreciated at my last job so my new role as a mom was a complete change. Even though it was difficult adjusting to mom life and a demanding new boss (aka the baby), I had a new set of rewards that surpassed any feeling of achievement I may have had in my old position due to an unhealthy work environment. I suddenly found a new peace and inner strength during my leave that allowed me the courage to quit my job.

@JournoGrl23 Ew. No with the creepy writer and not understanding boundaries. Hope that is worked out quickly!

AliKay20 · May 2016

Thanks you! @midwestbaby & @tisunge602

It was a disaster this morning! With lab orders not mapping into the EMR and checking patients in who have been told to fast yet due to series of system transition issues, they couldn't be seen in the lab right away...I had to walk pts over to the other side of the building to lessen this bottleneck of pts. crowding the waiting room. Aye caramba!!! My big preggo ass walked back and forth for couple of hours from one check in area to another lol. Glad you guys can relate to this chaos.

Btw, I liked Epic & on go lives, I would literally cling onto one of the Epic analysts bc I couldn't fix a thing in terms of system issues but as a mgr, I had to figure out this pt workflow ASAP. Kudos to those who work so hard on the backend to work out the kinks while I can at least be the punching bag to pts. Haha

It is oddly enjoyable though, fulfilling even if I'm not on the direct pt. care team.

Car0liiine · May 2016

Our hospital system's go live with Epic was last summer and it was rough for sure, so my heart goes out to you @AliKay20 !
@Journogrl23 the situation with that guy sounds super creepy! I hope your work takes it seriously and does what they can to remove any need for you to correspond with him!

This week has been okay so far I guess.

DH is far and away my biggest support. When we first started talking in college he had asked me out a bunch but I kept turning him down cuz I was too shy. And I remember him telling me that even if I never agreed to go out with him, he wanted to help me and take care of me and protect me because he could see my pain. He even wrote me a poem (English major) that is pretty depressing but means a lot to me. It is about a broken/cracked glass and wanting to repair it.

That being said, my vent would have to be that we had a fight last night due to him being uncharacteristically insensitive. (And if I'm being honest, with me being characteristically hypersensitive lol.) So I failed my 1 hr glucose screening so we were talking about how we need to change our diet. My relationship with food/weight is toxic to say the least, I would definitely define it as disordered. So I'm really dreading having to focus on it when I've been proud and happy that I've kept my weight gain under control so far without having to follow any exact diet.
Any way, we were deciding on dinner and I mentioned having a salad and he seemed to think I should have it with no dressing . . . That comment combined with some others gave me the impression that he didn't think I was going to take this change seriously and that he was going to be riding my ass and monitoring my every calorie. I pointed out how he was making me feel and he apologized, said no, he didn't mean it to come off that way.
But THEN at dinner when I ordered my salad with dressing, he gave me a look and made a comment on front of the waitress. I immediately started crying at the dinner table, feeling like a fatty who loves food more than her baby.
He tried to say it was a joke but I was so upset and felt such dread at the lack of sympathy I'm going to get during this difficult transition for me that I gave him the silent treatment for the next couple of hours then we had to hash it all out. Anyway, we're cool now. He just doesn't understand how things he says are interpreted sometimes. (Pretty sure he's on the spectrum right between add and aspergers so this happens sometimes)

Bookhousegirl · May 2016

I'm going to jump in if that's ok!
@JournoGrl23 that is really creepy! I hope your boss takes it seriously.

@Car0liiine I'm sorry about your husband's comments. I have also been hypersensitive lately, and DH has been especially short, so we've been having some similar disagreements.

How is everyone's week going?
My week has been pretty stressful with planning our move and then having some random cramping that I got checked today. Luckily, the cramping isn't causing any shortening of my cervix, but it is minor contracting so I'm on modified bed rest for the next couple of weeks.

What is one support system in your life you are grateful for?
DH has been trying, but my mom is definitely my biggest support. She's amazing at talking me down when my anxiety gets the best of me. She never escalates with me, she just listens and helps me talk my way through it. DH is more of a fix-it kind of guy, which I know is his way of trying to help, but it can be frustrating when I know there's nothing that's just going to make the anxiety go away.

Any vents for the week? Let's hear them!

Just the one about the contractions. I'm a little freaked that it might turn into something more serious. Thankfully I get another ultrasound on Monday, just to make sure there's no progression.

haboobjob · May 2016

@Car0liiine Guys are clueless sometimes. Are you doing the 3 hr test? I failed the 1 hr last time and passed the 3. My doctor did tell me I should cool it on the amount of bread/pasta I was consuming, which is sooo difficult as a carbaholic. Im sort of dreading my test in a few weeks but I'm hoping my change in water intake this pregnancy helps.

I don't know all the GD rules but I mean... You're having a salad. It's not like you're having a big ol' ciabatta sandwich with a side of chocolate cake and a soda. Plus, I always try and keep in mind that GD happens to people of all shapes and sizes. My OB explained that pregnancy does crazy things to our bodies and this is one of them. It doesn't mean you are fat or unhealthy. That gave me some reassurance that I wasn't doing something super wrong and just had to watch certain food groups more carefully.

Car0liiine · May 2016

@Bookhousegirl Yeah my patience is thin these days so there has been some bickering. Makes us nervous about when baby gets here, but we're trying to stay on top of it. We decided to come up with a little phrase we can say when things are tense that basically is code for "I know I'm being bitchy right now, I'm sorry and I love you but it's gonna take me a minute to stop being bitchy" lol
Hope your contractions calm down, take it easy!

Seeing all these posts about ladies going in for symptoms and needing intervention to prevent early labor has me paranoid! I have been having really bad discomfort in what I've been assuming is my bladder, but it also kind of includes pressure down into my vagina. Mostly it feels like I have a boulder in my bladder that hurts when I move or baby moves and the constant tickle in my urethra like I need to pee. (Sorry this isn't the right board for this but I didn't want to put it on the heavy vagina thread cuz it felt like stealing attention from OP)

Bookhousegirl · May 2016

@Car0liiine when DS was born, DH and I definitely had to find new ways to communicate (especially since we were both running on very little sleep) but we ended up in a better place than pre-baby. Being honest about moodiness is so important. I tell DH all the time, "I'm just in a pissy mood, and I'm going to snap, so give me a little space or I need you to be extra tolerant". It's still a work in progress, but this pregnancy (and hormones) is forcing us to work extra hard at it!

AliKay20 · May 2016

This thread is open for everyone to join in! Whatever we're going through, the depth and severity of emotions may vary but having a mental check in is good for the mind. We're all here to support one another, as much as this all sounds like unicorns and rainbows, it's true!! Sometimes we get to have the best of days or the complete opposite & that's quite frankly okay so post away.

JournoGrl23 · May 2016

@Car0liiine I'm sorry about what your DH said to you. That would have made me upset as well. I'm also really hypersensitive to everything DH says to me, especially now while pregnant. He's made me cry on several occasions and he feels so bad because never means it the way I take it. Also, I know how you feel being paranoid about women on this board needing intervention for early labor. I've been having those symptoms for weeks so I actually had a panic attack earlier today when I saw one of them gave birth. But hopefully we all hang in there!

@Bookhousegirl I hope everything goes well and your cramping doesn't progress to labor! I'm sure it's a really scary thing to go through.

Thank you, ladies, for all the support! I actually was greeted with a new email from the letter writer today that was pretty threatening to me. He told me that I should know what happens to people who don't treat him the way he wants to be treated and that he knows how to make karma pay us back for our actions. He said the editorial editor had his stroke because of karma from this guy and warned me to stay nice to him. I know realistically he didn't cause the stroke, but this really creeped me out. (And he's been treated with tremendous respect from this paper, but is just never happy with something, such as the day his letter was printed or if we had to trim it down to the word limit in order to fit it in.) I went to my boss and told her everything, forwarded her the emails and told her about the Facebook request. She helped me block him on Facebook and my work email and told me to never correspond with him again. Apparently I'm not the first person at this paper he's stalked. Since I don't usually deal with the public like the reporters do, I never thought something like this would happen to me. I'm so uncomfortable and scared of this situation.

ballofmeat · May 2016

@Car0liiine men really are clueless! Did your OB give you a meal
plan guide by chance? Maybe you and DH could go over one each week for meals? I have my 1 hour on Monday and I'm reeeeallly dreading it.

@justaudrey welcome to the thread

anyone can join in and start it each week.

@Bookhousegirl glad to hear that things are still going ok with baby!

After reading all these posts after my work shift it made me grin to myself and think that we all seem to have at least one great support system in our lives. Which is so important for our emotional well being.

Car0liiine · May 2016

@justaudrey @midwestbaby
I did my 3 hr test yesterday. Doctor hasn't discussed GD with me as I haven't had an appointment since failing the 1 hr.
I had to break it down into specific examples of how to be supportive for DH. He thought he was being supportive by keeping me accountable. So we are planning on reading up on the diet and then he agreed to help find recipes that we can try together. And he immediately volunteered to stick to the diet as well, so that will make it much easier.

haboobjob · May 2016

@Car0liiine my husband always says things like that too and I always need to remind him that I'm here too! I'm not just just a vessel... I'm a living, breathing person with feelings. It's good that he's going to do the diet with you!

jamiesc58 · May 2016

How is everyone's week going? This week pretty much sucks and I cannot wait for the weekend.

What is one support system in your life you are grateful for? My sister. I love her and don't know what i would do without her. She would drop everything in a second if I needed her. I would do the same for her. My dh is great also but sometimes I need another female that "gets"me.

Any vents for the week? Let's hear them! I got a written warning about tardiness/attendance even though I was told before that all of my appointments are covered under FMLA. Now I am being told I have to fill out a bunch of papers and that my other kids appointments or sick days aren't covered. Doesn't the "F" stand for FAMILY? Now I have to defend myself against the higher ups.

ballofmeat · May 2016

@jamiesc58

I totally feel you on the FMLA crap. I was told if I file for intermittent FMLA for sick days/appointments, it would affect my non-intermittent maternity leave. So I am in the lovely warning boat too. It sucks...especially working for a hospital you would think they understand more.

ballofmeat · May 2016

Just wanted to say I met with my counselor today and we are looking for a mom support group that meets in the community. Do any of you have something like that?

Bookhousegirl · May 2016

@midwestbaby I have been looking for something like that too! Unfortunately, I haven't found anything yet

ballofmeat · May 2016

@Bookhousegirl we have one through my insurance but it meets on a night I work

it sounded awesome, because it dealt with anxiety and depression in an all mother group setting, starting from pregnancy through postpartum. I'm hoping there is something else in the community that is available. I may ask my OB about if she knows of anything in the area too. She has been fairly resourceful. Maybe your OB would have options for you as well?

haboobjob · May 2016

@midwestbaby my hospital offers a couple postpartum "classes"/meetings. One is a Moms on the Move class that focuses on social interaction, support and practical information. The other one is new and is specifically designed for pregnancy and postpartum depression. I just noticed it and might go check it out! Facilitated by a licensed psychologist and discusses a variety of depression/anxiety issues.

ballofmeat · May 2016

justaudrey said:

@midwestbaby my hospital offers a couple postpartum "classes"/meetings. One is a Moms on the Move class that focuses on social interaction, support and practical information. The other one is new and is specifically designed for pregnancy and postpartum depression. I just noticed it and might go check it out! Facilitated by a licensed psychologist and discusses a variety of depression/anxiety issues.

This sounds very similar to the one I wanted to go to through my hospital, but it's Thursday nights. It used to be Saturday mornings which would have worked out perfect! I'm still hopeful there is one out there that will be a morning class. If you start going to this, I'd be curious to see how you like it with a group setting. I've only had one on one therapy, but a group might be a nice breath of fresh air.

kristynmac · May 2016

Sorry to jump in--haven't posted in this thread before! In my community there is a group called serene circle and it meets a couple times a month and the moms are grouped around due dates, kind of like BMB. A girl I work with loved her group. It was something her midwife recommended and it was not affiliated with the hospital. They talked about pregnancy, did some art project, gave support and advice and still meet with thier babies. Maybe you could reach out to a birth center or midwife and they may have some suggestions for your area?

haboobjob · May 2016

@midwestbaby I've never done any type of therapy in the past. I've just found my own coping mechanisms throughout the years. The idea of being super vulnerable in a session has always terrified me. I have been considering it for the past year so this might be a good first step to breaking down my preconceptions of therapy in general.

ballofmeat · May 2016

@kristynmac anyone is welcome to join in

@justaudrey I think therapy can be extremely beneficial. The most important thing for me is finding someone I trust and have a connection with and seems invested in helping me.

No more Miss! · May 2016

Thanks for the openness!

I stopped going to therapy in November after about 3.5 years. It's a strange transition, having someone for so long. Sometimes I think, omg, my therapist doesn't even know I'm pregnant.

My week is going ok. I really start my busy season with work (own my own business, with MH) and the summer is just a huge question mark for when baby will come and what I'll be able to do. So I'm trying not to stress with that. I also don't want to put too much on MH but he's going to have to do it all, soon.

My mom was my person to go to. But she passed 5 years ago. My BFF lives way way far away and although we text (daily...ok hourly) we haven't seen each IRL in a year or so. I'm excited that she's visiting next month, but of course I have like one day off from work obligations. My DH tries, but he has trouble dealing with (my) emotions and is a problem fixed, which is frustrating to me, as a lot of the time I just want a listener, not a fixer.

I'm stressed that I haven't been eating as well and my sugars are reflecting my bad choices. I'm just so hungry- for sugar and carbs. I do a lot of traveling and it's hard to plan and make good choices (all the time). I don't want to be in trouble at my growth scan next week...

Thanks again for for letting me join in!

kristynmac · May 2016

My check-in is more anxiety related. I hate saying I am bossy or need to be in control, but its true. We are moving into a town home in less than two weeks. The problem that I am having is that I thought it would be over memorial weekend and I would have time to organize, but it is looking like it will be the following weekend and DS has a hockey tournament 5 hours away. DH thinks I should take DS to the tournament because I really can't move furniture and my family will help him, but the control freak in me knows that my mom will try to "help" by putting things away and she is amazing, but thinks I go a little overboard. I have started making a list of what goes into each room and even put colored stickers on boxes that coordinate with that room and drew out where furniture should go in every room. The thing is that I went off my anxiety meds when we decided to try for this baby and I know that this all looks organized to me--on medication I would not be obsessing as much as I am.
I am just worried that even with all my prep I will still be a nervous wreck wondering how everything is going to look when I get home.
I also realize that I am not really asking anything here, but just being an AW and venting!

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