NPR - Mom's of Toddlers, Need Your Support!

SkiChic626 · May 2016

So something that's irrationally bothering me, and I need other mama input....on Saturday we went to a birthday party for a 2 year old, and the mom served the kids Happy Meals. She had asked me before the party if DD could eat fast food, and I graciously said I'd prefer her to not eat it yet. No problem. So we go to the party and DD is apparently the only one who isn't allowed the fast food, so the hostess had made her different chicken nuggets, and just put them in the box, which omg she did not have to do that, but so nice of her! Anyway, when the food came all the kids went to the table and took a box - and DD being the independent little thing that she is, followed suit and sat down. Well, of course, I said no sweetie, we have to wait, you're getting a special box. So she's sitting there, not getting upset or anything, but watching the other kids open their Happy Meals and eat their fast food, and her little face is just so confused and forlorn, I felt AWFUL, like my heart sunk over friggin' fast food. At that point the mom had gone inside to make the special nuggets for her, so I couldn't give in and just let her have the regular ones, we had to be polite and wait. After a few minutes, DD gave up and went to another table and just started playing with playdough and seemed fine. Idk why this is bothering me so much, it really shouldn't, but it is - DH is like she doesn't even remember anymore, so just forget about it, it's not a big deal. And I agree, it's not a big deal, but uuugh I can't stop thinking about it!!! I just need some reassurance in my parenting decision on this one and for other mamas to tell me to get it together and forget about it. I just....I couldn't let my not-even-2-year-old have fast food. I'm pretty lax and liberal about her eating (I mean, in Disney she basically lived off hot dogs and fruit snacks lol), but it's just not something I would personally eat, so I couldn't justify letting her eat it. All I keep thinking about is her little face looking so confused like where's mine?? Maybe it's just the pregnancy hormones.....

Stephanie7693 · May 2016

I don't think it's anything to worry about. Your daughter was ok with waiting, and the mom was super nice about it. I didn't let my first kid have fast food until she was at least 3. My second had occasional fast food fom the time he could eat real food, mainly because you can't give it to one and not the other. To this day fast food is a treat for them and they are 10 and 6. In the future I would consider just going with it, having it once in a while isn't the worst thing. I also figure if I shelter my kids too much from stuff like that, they will go crazy with it when they start making their own choices.

Sekerambo · May 2016

I would have made the same decision. We are very picky about where our dd eats and won't expose her to most fast food restaurants. If I won't eat from a restaurant, I definitely won't let my daughter. Honestly, I don't think your daughter should have had to wait for food. I do believe it was nice of the mom to put your daughter's food in a box but she should have waited to feed all of the children at once. I think your daughter did great in the circumstances. I'm afraid mine would not have been as patient.

bananers · May 2016

Stephanie7693 said:

I don't think it's anything to worry about. Your daughter was ok with waiting, and the mom was super nice about it. I didn't let my first kid have fast food until she was at least 3. My second had occasional fast food fom the time he could eat real food, mainly because you can't give it to one and not the other. To this day fast food is a treat for them and they are 10 and 6. In the future I would consider just going with it, having it once in a while isn't the worst thing. I also figure if I shelter my kids too much from stuff like that, they will go crazy with it when they start making their own choices.

Agree with all of this. In hindsight, maybe it would have been easier to just go with the flow. Fast food every now and then as a special treat isn't going to harm her, and chicken nuggets probably aren't any healthier anyway! But kids live in the moment and I guarantee you, she is over it already. Don't beat yourself up! You're a good mom.

Ceventa · May 2016

I understand why it upset you in the moment and even kind of stayed with you. Last thing we want as parents is to purposely make our kids feel like we are arbitrarily leaving them out of doing something fun, however your reason was a sound one in that you did not want your child eating that kind of food at this time. So I totally get it and I think it was great that the other mom was able to accommodate that wish. Your daughter reacted great to the whole situation so if anything that is so fantastic and I would let go of the fact that the whole food situation happened and just focus on how awesome your daughter reacted.

SkiChic626 · May 2016

Stephanie7693
bananers

I totally agree, everything in moderation - and I know the day will come when she drinks soda or something else I think is gross at a birthday party lol, and that's totally fine. Had she been a little older, I probably wouldn't have given it a second thought. But I think I was hung up on the fact that she's never had it before and she's not even 2 yet - she's still so little, I just couldn't do it! I myself wouldn't even consider feeding 2 year olds Happy Meals, so I think I was also taken back by that, too. I did let her taste a few fries, which she wasn't overly enthused with haha, and she was allowed the juice that was served, which she also doesn't get at home except some watered down OJ for Sunday morning breakfast.

jamiesc58 · May 2016

@SkiChic626 I am not super against the whole fast food thing but I get where you are coming from. We have a dd that turned a year old in April. I have been careful about what she eats so that she is getting all food groups and it is mostly healthy. My MIL took her for a few hours last week and got her chicken nuggets and french fries. To top it off, she shared a caramel frappe with her. Um...1 year old...sugar...coffee???

pelorunningmama · May 2016

Agree with pp. Your daughter handled it well. Personally, I think everything is moderation is ok, but I'm also ok with my daughter eating chick-fil-a (umm, delicious). She won't remember and seems like she did a great job handling it!

@jamiesc58 I feel you! The first time MIL watched DD at her house without me she fed her vienna sausages with tons of ketchup. I nearly died when I found out and made my husband tell her never again.

bearsandbeets7 · May 2016

We are pretty relaxed in what DD eats and she has the occasional fast food so I probably wouldn't have minded her having it. But, DD is also a great eater and will eat pretty much anything so I think if she was a picky eater and didn't like fruit/veggies I wouldn't let her have fast food just for the sake of a balanced diet.

I wouldn't feel bad about it, you're a good mom and you went with your gut! Like PP said she probably doesn't even remember.

blond1230 · May 2016

I don't eat fast food, but my two year old has big food issues so I would have been thrilled if he would have eaten chicken nuggets lol! You aren't wrong for not wanting her to eat it and it seems she handled it well. With a picky eater tho I tend to always bring things he will eat even to kiddie parties (yogurt, crackers, etc). Most kiddie parties we've been to have chicken fingers and pizza, neither of which he would eat, so I would rather have an option so I know he's fed rather than expect the host to cater to him. That was very nice of the mom to offer an additional meal! Maybe in the future bring some healthy things for her if you wouldn't want her eating the fast food type foods.

SkiChic626 · May 2016

jamiesc58 said:

@SkiChic626 I am not super against the whole fast food thing but I get where you are coming from. We have a dd that turned a year old in April. I have been careful about what she eats so that she is getting all food groups and it is mostly healthy. My MIL took her for a few hours last week and got her chicken nuggets and french fries. To top it off, she shared a caramel frappe with her. Um...1 year old...sugar...coffee???

WHAT???? LOL - ok, that's kinda hilarious in hindsight but omg!!! Maybe she wasn't thinking "coffee" since it's not called "coffee." Oy vey!

SkiChic626 · May 2016

blond1230 said:

I don't eat fast food, but my two year old has big food issues so I would have been thrilled if he would have eaten chicken nuggets lol! You aren't wrong for not wanting her to eat it and it seems she handled it well. With a picky eater tho I tend to always bring things he will eat even to kiddie parties (yogurt, crackers, etc). Most kiddie parties we've been to have chicken fingers and pizza, neither of which he would eat, so I would rather have an option so I know he's fed rather than expect the host to cater to him. That was very nice of the mom to offer an additional meal! Maybe in the future bring some healthy things for her if you wouldn't want her eating the fast food type foods.

Oh, we did. We had some fruit, a cup of milk, and a few other snacks we knew she would eat with us, as we always do. I have the picky eater who likes salmon and turkey tacos but won't eat mac n cheese or pizza lol....I guess that's not so bad. But we also knew ahead of time that the hostess was making the "special" nuggets, but initially she told me that DD wasn't the only one so she was making a bunch because other kids had some dietary restrictions, too. And she offered, I told her from the beginning to please not go out of her way, but she insisted. I guess plans changed and the other kids didn't end up coming or something...womp womp!

Bookhousegirl · May 2016

I've let DS have fast food on special occasions (long car trips, etc), because I'm big on "everything in moderation". With that said, I totally understand your hesitation and prior to DS being 18mnths or so, I was very picky about what he was allowed to eat. I'm sure your daughter did not feel left out, and if it really upset her, she would have shown it, toddlers are not ones for hiding their emotions

You were just being a good mom, and going with what you felt was right, that's what's most important!

Fremdschamen · May 2016

Happy Meals at a 2 year old party? So weird to me!! Anyways, I think she's fine and will get over it. My kid has a really good memory and really good verbal skills so she sometimes tells me later that something made her feel sad. (Not sure if your kid is at that stage yet?). Anyways, if you do think she is upset about it, I'd just acknowledge that it was hard for her to wait, tell her you're proud of her for waiting and explain that you wanted her to eat healthy food so she can grow big and strong.

(I appreciate that some people might think this kind of conversation is weird for a two year old, but we have found a lot of success through having respectful conversations with our toddler)

Mrsrundell · May 2016

You did the right thing!! I cannot believe they had McDonald's at a birthday party.. That ish would not fly here in LA- the last kids party I went to was - I kid you not- farm to table themed "vegan and veg friendly of course" with gluten free, sugar free cupcakes for dessert. Lolz

karlimonster · May 2016

Just want to chime in and say it probably wasn't a big deal, but also good for you for sticking to your guns. I'm not too strict, but my family often asks if my son can have ice cream, cookies, etc. as if I'm suddenly going to say yes. He's only 15 months so we aren't there yet. Trying to give the kid good eating habits early is important to me.

Stephanie7693 · May 2016

@SkiChic626 two is really young, was the birthday kid that young too?!
And the watered down juice, we still do that at home! Lol my son likes to remind me that it's healthy when he sees me add the water. And I remind him it's good for his teeth too

but when we're out they get full on sugar shit lol. Thankfully it's not often.
Today my daughter got an expander put in at the ortho, and she was told not to drink any pop or carbonated drinks in the first 24 hours. She laughed, looked at the woman, and said "my mom doesn't let me drink that crap at home" lol

SkiChic626 · May 2016

@Stephanie7693 YES!!! His birthday it's actually today, he turned 2! Even if he was 3 or 4 I might not have thought as much of it.

I don't even think it's the unhealthy factor that bothers me, but more the gross factor. I'm not super strict, like I said in Disney she lived off hot dogs and fruit snacks, no joke lol...oh and chocolate milk for the first time. But fast food to me just had an ick factor. I would have actually been ok with pizza, but we're in NJ, so we don't do crappy chain pizza, we have real Italians making that stuff from scratch

SkiChic626 · May 2016

Mrsrundell said:

You did the right thing!! I cannot believe they had McDonald's at a birthday party.. That ish would not fly here in LA- the last kids party I went to was - I kid you not- farm to table themed "vegan and veg friendly of course" with gluten free, sugar free cupcakes for dessert. Lolz

Omg!!!! Ok that might be a little too extreme Lol. If you're going to have cake, give me real buttercream topped sugary goodness lol

PJpeppercorn · May 2016

I think I'd have a bigger problem with the hot dogs vs. the fast food-- but I agree, everything in moderation is a great way to go. It sounds like you have a sweet little one who goes with the flow.

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