Monday Bitchfest 05-16-16

sportiegrl1213 · May 2016

Am I allowed to start this? Because I really need to vent right now. So let's here them!

sportiegrl1213 · May 2016

So one of my best friends has been trying for 3 yrs to have a baby. She's in her 40's, single and she really wants a baby. She never found Mr. Right so she's going for it on her own. I've been nothing but super supportive and there for her. I knew once I got pregnant it was going to be a very touchy subject with her. I met her out for dinner and told her face to face and then she started in on me giving me her opinions on midwives and how too many ultrasounds aren't needed and are unsafe and which books to read and on and on. I just sat there and just listened and didn't say much back. I don't like confrontation and I don't like arguing so most of the time I just take it and vent to my DH or someone later. My niece was with me when I told her and when we got it the car, she yelled at me for not saying anything to her. BUT we ended up having it out one day, a few weeks later, because she just got so bad with her snark and just not being nice about anything, that I couldn't take it anymore. She tells me she wants to be filled in and then gets snotty about everything I would say. Again, I have been careful on how much to share because I don't want to upset her. After I told her how I felt, she apologized and admitted that she was using snark and was a bit jealous. She said it's hard. Which I totally understand! We hashed things out, but then just last week she started in on me again with her opinions. Again, just told her thank you but I'm not interested. So today I IM'd her wishing her luck on her blood work results tomorrow for her first round of IVF. Told her I had a good feeling, its you're turn, it's all gonna work out... and so on. She was grateful and thanked me. Then she asked how things are with me and I said I can't wait for next weeks anatomy scan. And I get "ah" and I was like "I know you aren't about ultrasounds, but I'm really excited for this." She responds "I'm all about the safety of my baby!" I just let it go before I exploded, because it made me feel like I'm careless about my baby and I'm harming my baby. I don't understand why she is this way and I just need to take a BIG step back and let it go and stop initiating the conversations for my own sanity. I may be overreacting but its just not right and she's just too much to handle right now. Granted I know she's under a lot of pressure but no excuse to talk to me that way. Ugh so sorry this is lengthy. But I needed to vent so bad. Thanks girls

PS I really hope I didn't step on anyone's toes starting this new discussion.

TurtleMomma · May 2016

DS slept in this morning, which was glorious, and he would have slept longer except I had to sneak out from under him to pee.

ibabyloveb87 · May 2016

@sportiegrl1213 We have a good friend who could not get pregnant for over 4 years and during that time, she alienated and was overly rude to any of our friends who got pregnant...like it was their fault she wasn't. She even got a little bitter at me because I was friends with them still. Now she has her miracle baby after IVF and everything is fine again. I am truly very happy for her, but now he's the only important thing to talk about. She is still rather touchy about pregnancy. I just have learned that I cant really talk to her much about it even though it's hard because we are good friends. Even if I do, she just brings the conversation back to her new son. People react to things so differently!

Edited bc spelling is good.

sportiegrl1213 · May 2016

@ibabyloveb87 that's how I feel, like I'm at fault for getting pregnant. But I told her I won't allow her to take away my happiness. Getting pregnant wasn't easy for me either and she knows that. But some people are just the way they are. I'll be backing off.

missmaehurt · May 2016

My dad just called and said the couch we picked out doesn't fit into the house. Back to searching. Also we are dead at work and it's beautiful outside making it really hard to stay there.

CopperBoom86 · May 2016

@sportiegrl1213 - I was in a position similar to your friend's for a little while. Last summer, I told one of my good friends that we were going to start TTC in December. She basically said "that's great!" and we talked about it for a while, but nothing about her plans. Well, in October, they told us they were pregnant and it happened on the first try. She has always had a very competitive, "I'm better than you" kind of attitude and I'm fairly certain they purposely tried to get KU before we did. For the three months (four cycles, which I know is not very long, but it felt like an eternity to me) we spent TTC, I couldn't stand to even be around her, much less talk to her about baby stuff. When she would bring it up, I would try my absolute best to be supportive, but it was extremely difficult and I know I came off as snarky several times. Eventually, I think she got the idea and we took a bit of a hiatus from our friendship. It was definitely the best for both of us. We've talked about it since I got KU and she apologized for not being more sensitive to my needs and I apologized for my jealousy.

All that to say---- I think you should cease all baby related convos with your friend until she gets her BFP. Even if she brings it up, just be brief and factual and move on. Some people (like me) aren't great at suppressing jealously and/or frustration. We truly do want you to be happy, but as much as we would like to be that support, suffer-in-silence kind of person, we just can't do it.

sportiegrl1213 · May 2016

Couldn't agree more @CopperBoom86 . I'm happy I'm not alone in this. I could see if I was rubbing in her face and constantly talking about it to her, but I don't. Because she told me as much as she's happy for me, it kills her inside. So that only made me feel worse. I'm praying she gets her BFP tomorrow!

MRSCORKER · May 2016

@sportiegrl1213 I get what PPs have said about it being hard when you're jealous but it sounds like this goes beyond that. She's already judging your choices before you even have the baby. She's made it clear she prefers a MW to an OB and a hands off approach but from what you said, it doesn't sound like she understands or approves of there being other options/ways to go and it sounds like she is pretty uneducated about the process. I mean, you aren't getting a scan every other day. If US was so dangerous, they wouldn't do the NT scan or the AS or any of the screenings. All of that to say, I would be a little cautious about talking to her about ANY of your parenting choices. If she is this opinionated about your pre-natal care, she very well could be even more opinionated about how you decide to feed your baby, whether you BW or co-sleep or believe in CIO and so on. If it were me, all baby-related talk wouls cease from here on out. You've made it clear that you are rooting for her and support her but it doesn't sound like she's reciprocating that. Good luck. I know it's a hard situation.

sportiegrl1213 · May 2016

@mrscorker those are all my even bigger fears with her. I just hope she gets her wish and I think once she does she's gonna realize all her "plans" aren't going to go as planned. And hoping some of her opinions change. It'll definitely be touch and go from here on out. Especially if she doesn't get the results she's hoping for tomorrow. And yes it's a very hard situation because she's a big part of my life. But I guess some friends are only meant to be there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Not too sure where she fits in anymore. Sadly.

bosslady925 · May 2016

@sportiegrl1213 unfortunately I know that infertility is a nasty creature. It takes over normal thinking and feelings. I'm sure she is very happy for you, but is so unhappy for herself that it clouds her comments. The same thing happened when one of my best friends told me she was pregnant after we'd been trying for about 8 months and what sent me over was the "we weren't even trying". The good thing is I was able to distance myself a bit since we live several hours away from each other. For you, I think you're doing the right thing. Limiting baby talk, although it's not fair how she reacts. You're not doing anything wrong and just do what you need to do to be sane and happy for that baby that you so deserve!

CopperBoom86 · May 2016

sportiegrl1213 said:

@mrscorker those are all my even bigger fears with her. I just hope she gets her wish and I think once she does she's gonna realize all her "plans" aren't going to go as planned. And hoping some of her opinions change. It'll definitely be touch and go from here on out. Especially if she doesn't get the results she's hoping for tomorrow. And yes it's a very hard situation because she's a big part of my life. But I guess some friends are only meant to be there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Not too sure where she fits in anymore. Sadly.

I'm glad you realize this. I'm not saying your friendship is over, but it's very important to be able to recognize "toxic" friendships. When neither friends are happy with and benefiting from a friendship, it's usually not worth continuing. I'd try a break first and let that dictate what your next move is. Good luck, girl! I know how tough situations like that can be!

MRSCORKER · May 2016

CopperBoom86 said:

sportiegrl1213 said:

@mrscorker those are all my even bigger fears with her. I just hope she gets her wish and I think once she does she's gonna realize all her "plans" aren't going to go as planned. And hoping some of her opinions change. It'll definitely be touch and go from here on out. Especially if she doesn't get the results she's hoping for tomorrow. And yes it's a very hard situation because she's a big part of my life. But I guess some friends are only meant to be there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Not too sure where she fits in anymore. Sadly.

I'm glad you realize this. I'm not saying your friendship is over, but it's very important to be able to recognize "toxic" friendships. When neither friends are happy with and benefiting from a friendship, it's usually not worth continuing. I'd try a break first and let that dictate what your next move is. Good luck, girl! I know how tough situations like that can be!

I agree with this. Also, since she's doing IVF, if she does get her BFP, won't she have to have more monitoring and scans or is that only with a history of loss?

Michi1382 · May 2016

@sportiegrl1213

TW: Loss Mentioned: Others have stated what I was going to say--which is to cease baby talk with her until you feel comfortable talking to her about it again. I understand that it's a hard road for her but we all have our difficulties and if she were a true friend, I'm sorry, I think she should be happy for
you and concentrate on her own journey. I agree that some people are better at hiding their jealousy than others so no more baby talk for sure and know that you did nothing wrong. When I had my miscarriage last August, it also came at a time when one of my best friends, my SIL and a co-worker were also pregnant. We all happened to get pregnant at the same time, but I lost mine. I was in charge of throwing my friend a gender reveal party and I still did it. And when the 3 of them had their babies so close together this past March, I of course felt the pangs of jealousy and pain but I was also super happy for them because a life is a life and it should be celebrated. Especially for those who mean the most to you. If she's not able to do that for you, then I would take a step back as well and I hope that she does get her baby and, like you said, maybe she'll also then realize what a pain she was being

Michi1382 · May 2016

Last night DD threw up her dinner on her bed and her temp was 102.9. We called her ped and he said to give her Tylenol and take her to the ER because 103 is his cutoff. We gave her Tylenol and it went to 103.3 so we went in. They said that their cut off is 105. I guess we could have waited to see if the Tylenol helped bit they took her temp here and it was 102.6. My ped scared me so I went in. We got home at 4 am. She's okay, they gave a nausea medication and had her drink juice to see if she vomited but she didn't. So they gave me a prescription for it if she gets sick again. When we left the hospital her fever had gone down to 100.3 so that was good. It's higher now but when she wakes up I'm going to give her Tylenol. And she has pink eye from a mother who STILL brought her son into Gymboree even though he CLEARLY had it. Ugh.

LGW2015 · May 2016

@sportiegrl1213 everyone pretty much covered what I was going to say, but I did want to say that it really sucks what she's doing to you! I understand the jealousy and how difficult it can be, but at the same time, she's judging you left and right for the decisions you're making and pushing her opinions on you and giving you attitude which is not ok, regardless of where it comes from! I hope she gets the hint and tones it down for your relationship.

ibabyloveb87 · May 2016

This is kind of a tame one......but my allergies are a real biotch today. My eyes were burning so I took my contacts out. I've been working in a blur since 2:00. Not looking forward to putting them back in to run a billion errands after work. And I don't carry glasses around with me.

simcal18 · May 2016

I went to a coworker's wedding down in Florida this weekend. When we were not doing wedding-related stuff DH and I were chilling on the beach. We were under an umbrella the whole time both days, and Saturday we both got off completely unscathed, but yesterday I managed to sunburn my face and patches of my legs. So now, thanks to my sunglasses, I look like an achy racoon-eyed tomato, and people keep coming to my office to ask how the wedding was. Leave me alone people!!! I just want to be red-faced and achy in peace.

bamacoop · May 2016

I've got a big conference for work tomorrow through Thursday, I can't get the DMV on the phone to ask them some questions before going in, and DH's house in England didn't get closed on today like we were told multiple times it would be because of the buyer's horrible communication skills. Not really that big of a deal, but we really need this house money since DH isn't working yet.

Best vibes for everyone that y'all's Tuesdays go better than your Mondays!

ashleyp625 · May 2016

@sportiegrl1213 I'm sorry you are going through this with your friend :-/

I got a cold over the weekend, and it's making me whine about everything

I had to cancel my prenatal massage this afternoon and I'm salty about it. Thankfully, she had an opening for this Sunday morning so the new countdown is on.

annabenanna · May 2016

@sportiegrl1213 , your friend sounds like a piece of work! I think jealousy and insecurity is what's taking over in her head though. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

Not much bitching for me. Actually yes, in the same vein of friends who are jealous..... I have a friend who has been trying for a year + with no success. I've told her to look up temping, to read books, sent her a ton of recommendations, but they still want to do it "naturally." I know my pregnancy is hard on her, so I don't post much about it or talk about it in front of her... but last Saturday, she told me: "wow you look so big. It doesn't seem like you're only 4 1/2 months. You look huge."

Um, thanks.

nlane0723 · May 2016

sportiegrl1213 said:

So one of my best friends has been trying for 3 yrs to have a baby. She's in her 40's, single and she really wants a baby. She never found Mr. Right so she's going for it on her own. I've been nothing but super supportive and there for her. I knew once I got pregnant it was going to be a very touchy subject with her. I met her out for dinner and told her face to face and then she started in on me giving me her opinions on midwives and how too many ultrasounds aren't needed and are unsafe and which books to read and on and on. I just sat there and just listened and didn't say much back. I don't like confrontation and I don't like arguing so most of the time I just take it and vent to my DH or someone later. My niece was with me when I told her and when we got it the car, she yelled at me for not saying anything to her. BUT we ended up having it out one day, a few weeks later, because she just got so bad with her snark and just not being nice about anything, that I couldn't take it anymore. She tells me she wants to be filled in and then gets snotty about everything I would say. Again, I have been careful on how much to share because I don't want to upset her. After I told her how I felt, she apologized and admitted that she was using snark and was a bit jealous. She said it's hard. Which I totally understand! We hashed things out, but then just last week she started in on me again with her opinions. Again, just told her thank you but I'm not interested. So today I IM'd her wishing her luck on her blood work results tomorrow for her first round of IVF. Told her I had a good feeling, its you're turn, it's all gonna work out... and so on. She was grateful and thanked me. Then she asked how things are with me and I said I can't wait for next weeks anatomy scan. And I get "ah" and I was like "I know you aren't about ultrasounds, but I'm really excited for this." She responds "I'm all about the safety of my baby!" I just let it go before I exploded, because it made me feel like I'm careless about my baby and I'm harming my baby. I don't understand why she is this way and I just need to take a BIG step back and let it go and stop initiating the conversations for my own sanity. I may be overreacting but its just not right and she's just too much to handle right now. Granted I know she's under a lot of pressure but no excuse to talk to me that way. Ugh so sorry this is lengthy. But I needed to vent so bad. Thanks girls

PS I really hope I didn't step on anyone's toes starting this new discussion.

This makes me so stabby. Virtual taco kick. Also, since when are U/S not safe? Especially AN ANATOMY SCAN, which ensures that your baby is safely growing and is healthy.

MRSCORKER · May 2016

@nlane0723 I am now adopting "taco kick".

ball4768 · May 2016

My DD was recently diagnosed with asthma and I have to give her medicine every 6 hours. This means I have to set an alarm to wake up in the middle of the night to give her medicine. Well, last night I couldn't go back to sleep after waking up. At all.
But, I was excited because I had an ultrasound scheduled today and we were hoping to find out the sex of the baby. Everything looks great, but our Doctor could only give us a "guess" on the sex. Ugh.

TurtleMomma · May 2016

I haven't done shit today. Ds and I slept in, skipped class, watched movies, ate and napped. On his way home from work, DH said I should go get a hair cut and that he'd meet me there and take DS. DH gets to the shop first and it's a 40+ minute wait so he says to not bother. I was really excited to get a hair cut. "Desperately" doesn't even come close to describing how badly I need this hair cut.

Boo

mrszoess · May 2016

petty but my dh left 3 lemon halves in separate Tupperware over the last few days bc he's too lazy to see if we have a sliced one for my water already. and then he took my leftovers to work bc he thought they were his and didn't bother to look. don't mess w my freaking food.

oh oh and he turned it on me so somehow I'm being irrational when I'm pregnant and starving.

heatherperkins14 · May 2016

My lease is supposed to end at the end of June. When we extended our lease last time, our landlords asked us to give them thirty days notice and therefore we planned on telling them at the end of May. Well my landlord asked if we would be moving out because we need to give them notice, 30 days before the first day of the last month of our lease. (Of course hidden in the fine print of the lease but never verbalized to us) So basically 60 days. I was so baffled. First of all, if you want 60 days, just say so. Second, why wait until half way through May to ask when you could have easily asked May 1st if that was when our lease was up. Lastly, most people list the apartments 1 month before it's available. So now I have to give notice before I can even find a place. Thanks a bunch! I've never even heard of 60 days notice.

nlane0723 · May 2016

Also, just because you have a miracle baby, doesn't mean infertility goes away. It's a permanent fixture in your life. I have my DD and two boys swimming around in my belly and pregnancy announcements are still hard. That being said, I keep my emotions in check for the most part and I've made sure that friendships and relationships don't suffer because one of us gets pregnant just by looking at her husband and I have to shell out $50k. Your friend is still being a twat.

ashleymn-2 · May 2016

@sportiegrl1213, so sorry that you're going through this. I have a similar situation with a family member/friend who has been trying for a year and was incredibly rude. We hashed it out and ultimately she apologized and explained that it makes her feel better to talk down on people who are pregnant when she is not and she said we wouldn't hear any more rude comments or snarks; however, my SO and I decided we needed to distance our selves from her for a while. We are not angry at her but we decided TTC, for obvious reasons, is hard so it best for us to give her some time.

I don't have much to bitch about to be honest. So i'll just say I have been incredibly moody so if you gave me 5 more minutes i'm sure I could find something

lol

maysmiles · May 2016

My Monday rant is that my left ear has been full of fluid for the vast majority of this pregnancy and it is driving me nuts. It isnt infected but almost aches, my own voice echos in my head and I wonder if Im screaming at people. Someone at work today told me she got tubes put in her ear during pregnancy.........I may just look into that, October seems impossibly far away.

NoraAurora · May 2016

maysmiles said:

My Monday rant is that my left ear has been full of fluid for the vast majority of this pregnancy and it is driving me nuts. It isnt infected but almost aches, my own voice echos in my head and I wonder if Im screaming at people. Someone at work today told me she got tubes put in her ear during pregnancy.........I may just look into that, October seems impossibly far away.

Eustachian tube dysfunction/failure (or what I had a few years ago sounds like the same thing). It is HORRIBLE and I remember all too well. Actually I've been through it twice- the first time lasted 3 months, but the second time only a month because I'd learned some tricks.

What worked for me (besides time): popping my ears constantly, where you hold your nose and blow out- but ALSO TRY the opposite, sniffing in while holding your nose. Sudafed, mucinex & fluids (ask your OB of course). Neti pots. Exercise (might heat up anything sticky in there). And sleeping on the opposite (good) ear at night.

Good luck, it seriously is awful. You feel like you're in a fishbowl or under water, and if you're like me, I could never ignore it and it was always always bothering me on a conscious level.

NoraAurora · May 2016

@sportiegrl1213 - sorry about the friend. In my experience, there are some people who really never will be able to move past the pain of infertility (or miscarriage, or child loss) regardless of how things turn out. I hope for your friends' sake that she will get her baby. However to her, you will always be someone who just doesn't understand. I agree with PPs that all baby talk needs to be brief at best or ideally nonexistent.

I have to +1 all that @MRSCORKER said too. Mommy wars are real and they are divisive- she sounds like she's getting in on them early too. She has probably done lots of research and feels certain she knows what is best. To each their own.

Kudos also to those of you coming forward to explain the IF perspective. Everyone can get along so much better if we simply try to understand one another.

Michi1382 · May 2016

I have one more. It's the middle of the night and I haven't been able to properly breathe for weeks because my nose is super stuffy and bloody from this pregnancy. I just read that if you have this during pregnancy that it'll stay to the end and probably get worse so I'm not happy. I'm tired of being stuffy and bloody all day and night. I guess this belongs in the symptoms thread but I had to bitch about it.

Piperella · May 2016

@sportiegrl1213 I'm sorry your friend is treating you like she is, and I want to help clear up something in this discussion... Infertility and the struggles with infertility never go away, but they also have nothing to do with how many ultrasounds, tests, vaccines, etc. etc. are given to a future baby. Those are separate issues unto themselves. Supporting her through her battle with IF (and her going through IVF) is important, but her opinions on supporting a pregnancy (no ultrasounds) is really getting in the way.

As @nlane0723 put it so clearly, your friend is being a twat regardless of IF. After fighting through IF myself for over 6 years, it never goes away, even as I sit here typing and being 20 weeks pregnant. If I want another child, I'll have to go through one or more frozen embryo transfers (FETs) to be able to do so. Along with that, I've spent over $30K to do so. I've also had 6 long years to research and think of all the things I would and would not do if I finally was able to get pregnant. All that said, it doesn't give me permission to be a bitch and put my personal opinions down the throats of others. That's what she's doing and it's just rude and disrespectful.

Many of the pp were making the same correlation of IF being the same issue of her opinions. I hope people don't assume that all people going through IF have the same opinions as this lovely friend has. I hope you continue to support your friend as she tries to get pregnant, but I think it may have to be at a distance. I don't think the issues with your friend will clear up once she is hopefully able to get pregnant, but I hope she comes around to realizing that if she's dealing with IVF, she will be seen as high risk, and need more ultrasounds than most people early on. I don't know where she is in the IVF process, but you go almost every other day for ultrasounds in the week or two before the retrieval.. You can't escape ultrasounds when going through IVF as everything is timed perfectly.

Kaytee1087 · May 2016

Michi1382 I use Breathe Rite strips every single night so I can breathe while I sleep. They have been a lifesaver.

My bitch (even though I'm a day late) is petty but I don't care. On Memorial Day weekend my mom's sister hosts her kids and their families and my mom and us and our families out at their cabin on a man made lake. It has 2 bedrooms and a loft (4 full size beds, one twin, plus a futon), and there are usually around 15 or so people, so sleeping gets cramped. The past few years I have had the downstairs bedroom for my family of 3, my one cousin takes the loft for her family of 4, and my other cousin goes home (the others either camp in the yard or sleep in the car or on the futon).

Well this year my cousin who usually goes home has wrangled the bedroom because of his back problems, which means I have to put my 7 year old to sleep somewhere not behind a door which will be fun. Also DH has some chronic health issues including Fibromyalgia, plus I'm pregnant and I just got super upset that my bedroom with a bed and privacy was taken away. I know it isn't actually my bedroom, and of course my aunt's kid would take precedence over me, but I just wanted to scream at the family like "What about my problems? What about my husband's issues with sleeping and pain? Where in God's name am I supposed to put my kid to bed, because there's no way she'll go to bed early or sleep in if she's not in a bedroom. How can I change my clothes if someone is in the bathroom?" It made me so mad, for like an hour. I just HATE the loss of privacy.

I know I'm being petty, but I just couldn't help it.

sportiegrl1213 · May 2016

I just want to thank everyone for all the support. I just need to take a step back and let her come to me from now on. Which she doesn't do often anymore so I'll really see where this friendship goes. She has her opinions and thoughts on her pregnancy which is fine, but it doesn't mean it needs to be put on mine. I told her to just relax and see how you feel once you are pregnant, how you feel now may not be how you feel once you are pregnant. And as for the UO's and all that she told me that her dr said she only needs the 18/20 anatomy scan. After she said that I just kept my mouth shut. I can't put my energy into this anymore. And she can do want she wants. Hopefully it'll all work out for her either way in the end.

But thank you all again! I love this board and you girls are great! I may not know all of you personally but it's nice to know we are all in this together!

SpaceBurger · May 2016

This Monday bitchfest needs a Wednesday entry: I. can't. stand. my. coworkers.

Anyone else?Anyone? Okay I'll just get back to fuming in my office.

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