Weekly PGAL check in 5.9.16

ceclarlinetlo · May 2016

This is a weekly thread for those of us who are pregnant after experiencing loss to support one another.

I know now there are intros for everyone in the big intros thread but I thought it might be easier to have a small intro here too.

1. Tell us about yourself

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)

4. When is your first or next appointment?

5. Rants/raves/whatever

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy?

ceclarlinetlo · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself

DH and I are 28 yo high school sweethearts living in the south east. We have been together for 12 years and married for 7 on the 30th of this month. I work as a molecular biologist and DH is a few days away from graduating medical school and starts residency in June. We have two cats (beezus and finster) and we enjoy playing board games, eating food and watching Netflix. I also enjoy doing my nails, cross stitching, crocheting and just hanging out with small groups of friends talking.

We started ttc #1 in sept 2014, and had two missed miscarriages January 2015 and July 2015 (my D&Cs were 6 months to the day from each other). After my second loss we had some testing done that revealed a small uterine septum, PCOS and indeterminate anticardiolipin antibody levels (i.e. Too high to be negative but not high enough to for sure be a problem) I had the septum removed in December, I take myo-inositol and get regular excercise for the PCOS and take baby aspirin each day for the Anticardiolipin antibodies.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

I'm still really early - 4 weeks so not much going on wise other than my boobs have grown a lot in the 5 days since I got my BFP.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
I am actually doing ok right now. I had some cramping and dark brown spotting on Saturday that kind of freaked me out but I knew that my blood work looked great so I was able to just assume it was old blood from implantation and not freak out. But I know as I get closer to that first ultrasound the anxiety will creep back in. I have never had a good ultrasound and we have never seen a heartbeat.

4. When is your first or next appointment?

June 1! So approximately 1 eternity plus or minus 9 light-years away.

5. Rants/raves/whatever

I am totally digging the bigger boobs lol

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy?

probably a tie between my play kitchen and Super Nintendo.

GhanimaAtreides · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself I'm 35, been married 12.5 years, live in NW Denver, have been a SAHM since 2009, and I have 3 kids pretty far spaced apart. I just realized a long time ago I'm not built to have them any closer than 3+ years, I don't have the temperament, and I like them to have individualized attention; so they're nearly 15, 11, and 6. We started trying for #4 last year about the same time, made it to see the HB & on-track growth at 8w1d, then experienced a class 3 hemorrhage at 9w2d. I took a 6 month break via Paraguard and had it pulled in Jan. This was our 4th cycle.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) sore boobs, peeing more, could use a nap in the afternoons.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) I keep having nightmares of starting to bleed out in public places (during drop off for kindergarten is the worst). I feel like I'm having to weigh telling people earlier than I want (not before 16wks) and the odds they might be around if things were to go awry like last time. My SIL & her gf (who don't know) are temporarily living with us until their move in date for their new place, meanwhile H is heading out to a school for the Army for the next 3 weeks. I don't want to blindside anyone in an emergency situation (with uterine atony, bleed-outs always happen), but I've decided nobody needs to know as long as I'm progressing normally. Last time I had 3 weeks of spotting as a heads-up, so I'm like the T.P./pantiliner police, which isn't fun when you're used to peeing in the dark in the middle of the night and have to snap the bathroom light on for a hot second.

4. When is your first or next appointment? I'm going to set up a walk-in today with my family doc to confirm and maybe check progesterone and betas (never had done before).

5. Rants/raves/whatever

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy? Um, outside. Any wooded area. So many possibilities.

katiebartton · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself

HI, I'm Katie - I live outside of DC. I'm an outside sales for an IT company. I have one living child Henry who will be 2 in 2 weeks. ive had 5 miscarriages and this is my 7th pregnancy

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) I'm feeling ok just really tired

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) through the roof!!! i've been bleeding on and off since my BFP. bright red one day too. my HCG levels were ok so far

4. When is your first or next appointment? My ultrasound is tomorrow morning at 9am at the RE, I'm so anxious and terrified. I have had two blighted ovums so I'm so terrified of that happening again.

5. Rants/raves/whatever just trying to make it through the next 24 hours

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy? I had a favorite monkey stuffed animal with a music box in it. I also loved to play uno!

yolandamunoz · May 2016

Tell us about yourself!
I am a Peruvian architect living in Chile, where I met my American husband. He is a professional musician with the local orchestra. We will be 2 years married this June. We are the proud fur parents of a rescued mini poodle called Luke Skywalker.
This is my second pregnancy, but will (hopefully) be my first living child. I had been NTNP since October 2015 and got pregnant in December. Had a loss in the end of Jan (blighted ovum) and had to have a D&C in early feb. waited for 2 cycles to try again.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
I am feeling pretty good. Just have some sore boobs and gas (LOL). The biggest symptom were mood swings. That's when I suspected. I was so emotional and started crying about nothing... Same thing happened with my first pg.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
i am a little scared, of course. At first I was terrified. But I have decided to let myself be excited about this. Already told my parents and my sister, will tell close friends next Sunday as I will need their support anyway.

4. When is your first or next appointment?
Today I will have my first appointment. I only want the orders to get HGC levels (blood test) and an ultrasound. I don't want to get the US just yet. I would like to wait until I am 7w and it definetely should have a heartbeat, so that they don't leave me in limbo for a week.

5. Rants/raves/whatever
I wish my OBGYn treats me like pregnant from the beginning, not like last time.

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy?
transformers fire fighters truck!

LJ623 · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself
My name is LJ and I will be 29 in June. DH & I have been together for almost 11 years, married for almost 5 and TTC for over 3 years. We are currently the proud parents of 2 cats and 2 Cardigan Welsh Corgis.

After 6 months of no period when going off the pill, and then a 3-week period from Hell, I was diagnosed with PCOS. A year later I was also diagnosed with hypothyroidism and a septum in my uterus. After going on medication for my thyroid issues, I immediately started ovulating again and got pregnant right away in January 2015. Unfortunately, I had a MMC at 12 weeks (found out at 11 weeks that the baby had stopped growing, but it took a week for the miscarriage to happen naturally). Last summer, I had the uterine septum resected, but after a few months, I stopped ovulating regularly (it seemed some months I would and other months I wouldn't). I actually had an appointment with my RE on April 11th and she told me if I could lose 8 more pounds, she would start me on Clomid...4 days later I got a positive OPK and well, here we are. As of right now, I'm assuming an EDD on 1/6 based on my positive OPK, but I know this could change with the first u/s.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
UGH! I found out early - only 11dpo and my first symptom even before the positive test was my sore boobs. I'm now at the point that when I take off my bra to shower, they hurt so much and feel so heavy. Additionally, the nausea has hit and I'm tired all the time.

My symptoms are magnified compared to last year (and started early) and I'm hoping this is a good sign!

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Okay so far....the nervousness comes and goes. It doesn't help that I am extremely gassy and end up having gas cramps and keep worrying that their are bad cramps, so that makes me extra nervous.

4. When is your first or next appointment?
I have my first u/s with my RE on 5/17 (I'll be ~6w4d), so hoping for good news!

5. Rants/raves/whatever
It's so hard not saying something to people...especially when I'm tired and cranky!! I know it's better in the long run to wait, but it's such exciting news and I can't wait to tell my friends!

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy?
Hmmm...I'd have to say my light bright - I just loved that thing!

cjs260 · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself
I'm a graduate student working towards my Ph.D. studying sexual dysfunction after spinal cord injury, and DH is in IT by day and a musician by night.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
I've been doing okay, but everything seems to be ramping up today. Boob tenderness, nausea, exhaustion.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
I'm always an anxious person (diagnosed OCD), but I'm decently calm about this for now. I had the tiniest bit of light brown spotting last week, but that seemed to be the end of that episode. Ask me again on Sunday (the day before u/s), haha!

4. When is your first or next appointment?
U/s #1 on Monday with Nurses/History appt afterwards. I O'd on CD21, so I'm sure that they're expecting me to be 7 weeks when I come in, but I will only be 6 weeks. Since you may or may not see a heartbeat at 6 weeks, I'm kinda worried that they are going to put me in limbo for a week and make me come back the week after for another u/s. I've got my FX that the little squirt will give us a heart beat to hear, so I don't have to worry.

5. Rants/raves/whatever
I'm flippin' the world a bird today. I have absolutely zero energy, and I made the horrendous decision to wear flats today when there is an 80% chance of rain. On my 5 block walk into work, it started pouring rain. I'm currently waiting for my shoes to dry in front of the space heater I keep at my desk before I can do any actual science. Also in this rain, I had to stop 3 times to play the game "Dry Heave or Vomit?". On top of all this, I am literally tearing up about how I just want to go to sleep, and I'm not going to be able to do that for like 6 hours at the LEAST.

Image: https://31.media.tumblr.com/a6923f607cfe6eeec2f44ab3447bc7fb/tumblr_inline_mye8qhQu0G1r4m9qq.gif

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy?
My mom got me a plastic tub of actual teacher's supplies for me to play school with. I would lock myself in my room and entertain myself for HOURS with that box. It had a red grade book, certificates, math workbooks, tardy slips, so many teacher things! I still can feel the utter joy when I unwrapped that for my 7th birthday. I also played with it in the woods during the summer. I had a treehouse where class would be held.

Side rant - I've done a ton of babysitting through my extensive schooling career, and I have only sat for one family where the children could entertain themselves. I feel like most of these kids don't even know how to play. This is a pretty big issue I have. Of course, everyone has the utmost right to choose how to raise their own children, but I will do my best to raise kids who can play by themselves. (I hope I don't have to eat those words later, haha!)

yolandamunoz · May 2016

**** just in case TW ****

******* MC mentioned ******

Hey @cjs260 I feel the same about early US. Last time I had one at 5w, then another one at 6w... Finally had my MC confirmed at another US at 7w.... it helps nobody.. at least not me! I really hated the limbo where we are wondering if everything is going to be ok.. or not.

This time I am going to schedule my first US when I am 8w. So I would know definitely how things are going.

I am getting my bloodwork tomorrow. Fingers crossed everything is going as planned.

hugs!
-Y

ceclarlinetlo · May 2016

@cjs260 I was recently diagnosed with pure o OCD in January - and even though it's a new diagnosis I can see now that I have struggled with it since I was a child - so I feel you on the anxiety struggles. I'm rooting hard for both of us to kick ocd's butt during our pregnancies!

cjs260 · May 2016

@yolandamunoz That's exactly what I'm worried about. But I am thankful that my OB is taking extra care for me this go around. She normally doesn't see patients until at least 8 weeks.

@ceclarlinetlo Isn't it crazy how looking back you're like "DUH, how could that have been missed?"! I had super bad intrusive thoughts and compulsions as a child/young teen, but my mom didn't put it together until my younger brother was diagnosed when I was around 20. By then, I had some pretty constructive ways to deal with it, and I didn't get an actual diagnosis until it became a burden on my day to day life from about 21-23 (my self proclaimed "dark days"). Are you taking medication? I chose to stop when DH and I decided to TTC, but I was following the Drs. orders and weaning off when I got my first BFP. I chose to handle the MC without meds which was way hard. Let's definitely lean on each other, because I'm sure that we'll have some difficult moments, especially with our combo of loss and OCD! But I know we can do it!

ceclarlinetlo · May 2016

Yes - I am currently on low doses of lexapro and Wellbutrin - I had a really bad break down (I was super depressed and so anxious that I would go 60 hours with out sleeping a wink) in January. I started medicine/therapy in February and that was also when I was diagnosed with OCD. It was really only 3-4 weeks ago that I really started feeling like a normal human again. I've talked to my doctor and it seems the risk really comes in the 3rd trimester. Given the severity of my breakdown I'm in the category of "possible risk is worth the benefit" right now so I'll probably start weaning in August when I've been on the meds for 6 months and I'll have 6-10 weeks before 3rd trimester starts.

cjs260 · May 2016

@ceclarlinetlo That's so great that you've gotten answers and are feeling better now. Also, that your Dr. is working with you on your medication along with pregnancy! I currently am checking in with my psychiatrist once a trimester or as I think it's needed, per his orders. There is definitely a critical balance between mom/baby. I want to stay on top of that, and it sounds like you definitely already are. H and I have what we call a "mad map" to help guide us on when it's time to seek help. I definitely have an obvious cycle that I go through before I get to the "super darkness" and sometimes H can see that much more clearly than I can. So, he gets to report his observations to me, then we talk together about whether I should go see the psychiatrist ASAP or just wait for my next appt. We haven't had to do that yet, so I'm keeping my FX that it will stay that way. I am nervous about how hormones are going to affect the OCD, though.

afayville · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself

I am 26 and manage John Deere precision ag products with a large dealership group. My husband have been married for 3 years and I are high school sweethearts. We started trying in October for a family, we were that couple that thought we didnt want a family. One day we just decided we were missing out on a lot by crossing that out. We got our first positive in January and miscarried mid february. Had spotting like crazy at 9 1/2 weeks and went in for an ultrasound only to not find a heartbeat. Doc told us to go ahead and start trying again after our D&C, apparently it didnt take us long to conceive again!

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Tired, soo tired. And hungry ALL of the time. Moody, just ask my husband!

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Nervous, excited, but really nervous. Almost guilty that Im not more excited as Im just scared to get my hopes up and then have my heart shattered again.

4. When is your first or next appointment?
May 26th! This is just to go over our "situation" as the Doc referred to it and dates. He wants to line up our first ultrasound a week or so later..

5. Rants/raves/whatever
One minute Im starving and the next food makes me gag.. WTH

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy?
Barbies... I had a pretty bad ass barbie house! Oh and TY beanie babies.. I have around 350 of those things in my folks basement yet.

jsl82 · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself
I'm 34 my DH is 37 and we have been married for almost 9 months. I work in advertising and absolutely hate it (adulting is so hard). We live in central New Jersey and have 2 cats (Sophie and Annie). This is our 3rd pregnancy, so hopefully the old saying of 3rd times the charm is true for us.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
I feel completely normal 2/3 of the time. When I'm hungry (in the morning typically) I have some light nausea and my breast are a little sore. Yesterday was a bad day for nausea- but nothing like my first pregnancy which was 24/7 and brutal. I can live with these symptoms.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
It varies from minute to minute. I'm trying to be excited and positive- but I just cannot bring myself to fully embrace this pregnancy. Not that being detached from the pregnancy will help if this is yet another loss. My OB has me on progesterone but I haven't had any blood work to tell me my levels- so it almost feels wrong to be taking it. She also has me on 1 baby aspirin a day. I'm scared that the extra steps we are taking is doing more damage than good- but I won't know for weeks. I wish I was being monitored more closely- but feel like that would spike my anxiety as well. Basically I'm just trying to forget that I'm pregnant for the next 8 weeks until I get past the NT scan (which is where I always find out the heart has stopped beating).

4. When is your first or next appointment?
U/S scheduled for the 23rd and my first OB appointment later that day. I don't like that they are having me come in so early. I miscarried at wk 8 and wk 10 before so seeing a heartbeat at wk 7 is not going to do anything for me.

5. Rants/raves/whatever
I keep waking up in the middle of the night- sometimes to pee and sometimes just because my body hate sleep and/or me right now. Then I'm tired by like 7:30 every night. I really hope this stops soon.

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy?
I lost every single on of my toys. I would make my mom or aunts look for them for hours after I lost them- but since I lost everything I don't have a "favorite" toy that I can remember. I had a barbie house I remember playing with and I once broke my bed from jumping on it- oops.

curlysue22 · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself
I'm 32 and DH and I have one little girl, 2.5 years old. We also have a fur-baby who is so sweet and an eternal puppy. We live in PA where I work in a high school and he works at a hospital. We are both very musical and do that on the side.

I was blind-sighted when I miscarried in February. I had no complications with my first pregnancy and didn't see it coming. I was home alone for the weekend with my daughter, my husband was on a ski trip. It was terrifying. I didn't know who to call since my mom was also out of town, but I needed help caring for my daughter while I was going through it, so I called one of my mom's best friends - I needed a mom-type figure. She was great and helped me through, and as it turns out she had also had a MC so she understood what I was going through.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
I've had some mood swings, and today for the first time, coffee didn't taste appetizing. That happened when I was pregnant with my daughter too.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Trying to keep it under control, but feel just a general unease. Each back pain or upset stomach makes me think it's happening again. I understand what the previous poster mentioned about feeling guilty about not being more excited. Hopefully that will come.

4. When is your first or next appointment?
May 25 for a nurse visit, June 8 for ultrasound & doctor

5. Rants/raves/whatever
Ugh, when I called today to make my appointments, I was somewhat excited: "Hi, this is XXX XXX and I'm a patient there and just found out I'm pregnant and would like to set up appointments!" Her response was a monotone: "Date of Birth?". That's it? No "congratulations" or "that's great" or any response at all. She was so underwhelming. I suppose it's nothing new for them but still, maybe a little personal touch??

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy?
I loved Lite Brite and my Skip It!

katiebartton · May 2016

Just an update: I had my first ultrasound yesterday... there was a baby! with a HB, I go back in 2 weeks and was told to already set up my first appointment with the MFM in the next 4 weeks.

cjs260 · May 2016

@katiebartton Such great news! Congrats!

ceclarlinetlo · May 2016

@katiebartton congratulations!!!!!

poetryandoceans · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself:
My husband and I (both 30) have been together for almost 10 years, married for 2. I teach high school English, and have taken the last year off to complete a Masters in English Lit. Looks like I might be following that year off with a maternity leave...

We have been trying for 9 months at this point; I got pregnant in November and had an early MC in early December. Christmas was hard this year. This was our 4th cycle trying again after the MC; we were going to switch to TTA after this cycle for a few months in order to better line up with the academic year, so of course it happened this time...

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
The main thing I'm feeling is exhaustion. Everywhere. All the time. Walking up the street leaves me feeling like I just finished wind sprints. I've also been waking up crazy early in the morning; 4 or 5 a.m. eyes are wide open and sleep is no longer an option. Never was an early riser before, but apparently my pregnancy hormones are!

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
As of today (5w0d) I am officially as far along as I was when my last pregnancy was diagnosed as unviable. I just went in for my 3rd beta draw, but my first two showed a good trend, and my regular doc (who doesn't do maternity) has been tracking them and is ordering an ultrasound as soon as my numbers are high enough. I am so so grateful to her because the midwives in our area apparently don't see people until at least 8 weeks, which is making me feel a little unmoored during this early period, when I lost my last pregnancy.

4. When is your first or next appointment?
My non-maternity doc will be ordering a US, probably sometime next week, when my #s look like we will be able to see something. I am looking forward to that. After that, it will be another 2 weeks before I can get in to see my midwife, but I think that seeing something on the scan will get me through.

5. Rants/raves/whatever
At this point, I am just bummed that my regular doc can't just follow my pregnancy. I have always felt so cared for and supported with her; during my miscarriage in December, she actually gave me her cell number when she couldn't reach me before she left the office and she wanted to talk to me right away. And she's been so kind and understanding with my anxiety surrounding this one. I'm a little frustrated that the two main midwife practices in my town seem to not have flexible policies to deal with situations like this where an early appointment would make such a difference to the patient's peace of mind.

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy?
I had a stuffed panda who came everywhere with me. He's sitting in my office armchair right now, in what will be turning into the nursery. He and I have been through a lot together!

RocksInTheWater · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself:
I'm 38 and DH is 40. We have a 2 year old DS who we think is the cutest and funniest kid around. Of course.

My loss history includes 3 clinical miscarriages and 1 chemical. My first mc was before DS (Jan '13) that was discovered at 9 weeks. My second one was last August 2015, discovered at my 12 week appointment. The baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. My cp was in November. I had another bfp at the end of December and was in for blood work right away. Hcg was looking good at first. Early u/s at 5w3d showed gestational sac and yolk sac. Follow up u/s 3 days later, no hb yet. Follow up u/s 3 days after that and still no hb or growth noted. I've had 3 d&cs total and pray that I never have another one! Being that we are older parents, I don't feel that we didn't have the time to take much of a break from TTC so we are forging ahead with our journey. I feel so lucky to have gotten a bfp again so soon.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Nothing so far but I am just 4 weeks today. My first (and worst) pregnancy symptom with DS was reflux. It was terrible. I actually am looking forward to it starting again because it will make me feel more confident that this pregnancy is progressing. I didn't have reflux with any of my loss pregnancies.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Strangely enough, I have zero anxiety about this pregnancy. It's sad but I've become so accustomed to losing my pregnancies that I feel like my bfp is only a minimal first step in having a baby. I want to enjoy this pregnancy but I'll just let things ride until I'm further along.

4. When is your first or next appointment?
Well, I have yet to call about any appointments. I'm planning on calling next week to do blood work and request that I don't have my first u/s until at least 7 weeks. I'm not playing that limbo game like I did in January. Absolutely not.

5. Rants/raves/whatever
As thrilled as I am to be pregnant again, I'm not excited that the timing includes all of summer break because I want to enjoy summer cocktails! I live in a place that has winter for practically 6 months a year so now that it's spring and the weather is warming up, people are coming out of hibernation for backyard bbqs, happy hours, baseball games, vacations, etc. All events that go hand in hand with a delicious moscow mule, or whiskey ginger, or a cold leinies honeyweiss. I had to miss summer drinks last year too

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy?
I loved playing house as a kid so I would say my cabbage patch doll! Child of the 80s here.

ThePax89 · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself. Hi there! I'm happily married and have an 18 month old daughter. This is my 4th pregnancy. My last two ended in miscarriage at 5 and 10 weeks. The second one required two d&cs so I feel like my body is a war zone. I had genetic testing done on my second loss to determine a cause...the baby was a boy and he had trisomy 16 which is unlikely to happen again.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) tired, back achey. Not nauseous yet which makes me nervous.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) Anxious. Very very anxious

4. When is your first or next appointment? At 6 weeks. On Monday. I'm having a scan!!!!! I've had 3 betas done and so far my numbers are doing great.

5. Rants/raves/whatever My cervix feels strange. I've never been pregnant post d&c so I don't know what's strange. I still poas every 3-4 days.

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy? I loved dolls. Especially my American girl doll and barbies.

Jkp7749 · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself - I'm 25 and married to my high school sweetheart. I was a teacher, but my state is one of the worst for tons of things related to public schools, including teacher pay, so I now stay home with my wonderful 10 month old daughter. I have always wanted a large family and DH and I are working on it

We had a miscarriage on May 20th, the day we closed on our house, 2 years ago. My daughter was conceived 4 months later using clomid.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)-So far, I'm just verrrrry tired and have sore boobs. Oh, and I can smell EVERYTHING.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)- I feel like I just want to get past may 20th, because it seems weird to have gotten pregnant at just about the same time as my miscarriage, and we did not use clomid this time so I'm worried my egg may not have been super developed, but so far so good! I never stopped worrying until we hit about 32 weeks because I knew then she'd be a preemie but atleast survive outside the womb if she was born and I kept telling myself that the next pregnancy I was going to enjoy and not worry. I must have forgotten how scary it is until you atleast hear a heartbeat!

4. When is your first or next appointment? I've had two betas drawn and dr was happy with results, so I have an ultrasound scheduled for may 31.

5. Rants/raves/whatever - My husband keeps getting mad at me for being hormonal, but I just can't help it.

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy? I LOVED cabbage patch kids

ceclarlinetlo · May 2016

Welcome to all of you ladies and the others that will trickle in over the next week or two. I'm sorry that this kind of check in is necessary, but I'm glad we are all here to support one another.

I knew new it would happen eventually and I think today is the day - my initial excitement from seeing my beta increase is definitely winding down and the nerves are kicking in. I have plenty of logical things to tell myself about why things are most likely fine but my heart doesn't seem to be in the market for logic these days. I am getting really really worried about this being another blighted ovum. That would be harder for me to take than seeing arrested growth or no heartbeat again. I'm just doing my best to try to be distracted to get through the days.

cjs260 · May 2016

@ceclarlinetlo Are we the same person? I've seriously been sick to my stomach over this last night and this morning. I have no reason to believe that anything is going wrong, but I can't shake this horrible anxiety over it. My H's (and mine by proxy) BFF keeps telling me, worrying doesn't do a bit of good, it doesn't help, and it only makes you feel bad when you may not have a negative outcome at all. You don't have to be excited and hopeful, but don't worry for no reason. Hmph... easier said than done. When I feel overwhelmed, I try to meditate on what baby should be doing now - cells dividing, heart beating, neural tube-sealing, etc. It seems to help, but it's definitely a struggle. I'm happy that we have a lovely community to lean on in such times.

ceclarlinetlo · May 2016

@cjs260 after our exchanges here and the UO Thursday post I am slightly inclined to believe we might actually be the same person

I have been trying to tell myself that being nervous won't lessen the blow should anything else go wrong and therefore it's better to see each day as a small victory and enjoy the time as it happens - but like you said it's a struggle. But just saying it to people who get it definitely helps. I have wonderful friends who are being so so supportive and while I definitely need them to have faith and be positive when I am struggling whenever they say that they are positive things are going to be fine in the back of my head I just hear a small voice saying "yes. I appreciate that sentiment but you don't really know what it's like" I never say that to them because I do appreciate their support and I wouldn't never want to be hurtful, but it's still true that they don't "really" get it.

Briala · May 2016

1. Tell us about yourself
Hello all, I am 26 and my DH is 29 we have been married for 3+ years now. I work very part time as a Surgery Scheduler other then that I am mostly a SAHM with DS who is 19 months. We also have two dogs a beagle and shiba inu who always get to sleep in the bed

This is my third pregnacy and we have been trying to get pregnant since last Nov. in April we had an HSG test done to make sure my fallopian tubes were still open and to clean them out, luckily the dye went through and we were given three months to get pregnant before they did surgery to clean out endometriosis and adhesions from past surgeries and a c-section. Thankfully I just got a BFaintP late on Thursday night and go into for blood tests on monday. DS pregnancy had a couple complications but he was born healthy a year to the day of my D&C from my first pregnancy. We had a missed miscarriage discovered by u/s at 10w4d baby only measure 9w3d and no hb. I have endometriosis and tend to have a lot of ovarian cysts so as soon as we are done with babies I will go in for a total hysterectomy.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
So far pretty good but I have been super lethargic and tired I feel like I could sleep all day. I have had the usual cramping and tenderness but I know I have quite a bit of scar tissue making things really sticky in there so it's to be expected. So far only a few waves of nausea and vomiting but nothing crazy yet.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
At this point we a hopefully optimistic and keeping positive and although nerves are definitely starting up again I just want everything to go right so badly and we are super excited to expand our family. it's hard to begin the worries over again though waiting for each scan and milestone to pass.

4. When is your first or next appointment?
I go in on monday to start blood work and will go in every 48hrs make sure that my numbers are doubling properly. They are also checking my hormone levels to make sure they are where they need to be mine tend to be really wonky. They will tell me more then but I am expecting to have an u/s at 6 weeks and then every few weeks after that to make sure everything is ok and baby develops properly.

5. Rants/raves/whatever
I am determined to really enjoy this pregnancy I spent the whole time last time stressing over every little twinge and didn't allow myself to get excited until the end because I was so worried something would go wrong. So this time I want to take belly pictures every week, get involved here, and get my babywearing stash ready for squish and a squirmy toddler. DH said I could buy a new wrap as soon as I was pregnant Thursday morning lol soo I may or may not already have a wrap in the works. He didn't expect to be taken at his word so soon!

6. GTKY: what was your favorite childhood toy?
Sit'n'Spin by far that toy got so much use!

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