FFFC

LastMango · May 2016

(Flame Free Friday Confessions)

It's Friday and I haven't seen this started yet this morning.

Lets hear 'em!

LastMango · May 2016

In light of yesterday's UO conversation about "sex reveal parties," my FFFC is that if I wasn't Team Green, I would absolutely have one. It legit drives my close family members crazy that we don't like to find out the sex and I know they really enjoyed the one I threw for my sister last year. Don't get me wrong, most people DO NOT care what genitals your baby has but some close family and friends really do.

What I don't understand is couples who know what they are having before the reveal. My favorite part of going to these events is seeing the look on the parents-to-be's faces when they find out. If they already know, what's the point in the party?

SarahS11 · May 2016

I really do feel like crap... but I may be milking it a bit to get DH to help out more with our toddler... I haven't given a bath all week!

cjs260 · May 2016

@LastMango For all the hating on the reveal parties - I think everyone should do whatever makes their heart happy (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, of course). Of course, I think some people take it way too far, but all-in-all what the heck does my opinion matter? We're Team Green because we want to be surprised at the birth, so what is really the difference of having a party for it mid-gestation or waiting 'til the LO pops out? (Shower presents, maybe?) All that to say, you do you, girl.

My FFFC is my first u/s is Monday late afternoon, and I took the entire day off from work. I will be a nervous ball of energy, so I'd rather sleep in, and be a nervous ball of energy on my couch for the morning, than go into work and get diddly-squat accomplished.

Image: https://media.tumblr.com/658787f1af53486258952a550c68ec09/tumblr_inline_mov2a0g2sN1qz4rgp.gif

ashanne88 · May 2016

SarahS11 said:

I really do feel like crap... but I may be milking it a bit to get DH to help out more with our toddler... I haven't given a bath all week!

This is me too. I'm planning on not doing much this weekend and getting DH to take on more of the weekend chores. I've even debated sending him to the store but I don't trust him to get the exact things I want.

asnowsurfer · May 2016

On the topic of sex reveal parties, my FFFC is that I will definitely be having one! I have a very close circle of girlfriends and they told me long before DH and I started trying that they'd like to throw us one someday. I think it's a great opportunity for close friends and/or family members to feel more involved with your pregnancy, which otherwise can feel like an exclusive husband-wife thing. I will definitely have my OB write it down on a piece of paper so I can give it to my BFF's, and no - I won't know the sex ahead of time!

I know it's not for everyone, but I'm pretty stoked about it. I come from a family of almost exclusively girls who have always wanted a boy in the mix, and DH comes from a family of almost exclusively boys who have always wanted a girl in the mix, so either way it will be a really happy surprise!!

ashanne88 · May 2016

I'm in the you do you camp on the sex reveal parties. We were team green last time and will be again this time. What really gets me is people that were shocked we didn't know the baby's sex before he was born. Mostly strangers or people we didn't know well who would ask things like "how can you prepare if you don't know if it's a boy or girl?". Umm, it's a baby. You can only do so much to prepare and sex is pretty irrelevant to basically trying to survive the newborn phase.

mommywesley · May 2016

My FFFC is that I'm scared to announce! This is #5, and while I do not think anyone will be surprised, I just don't like the backlash that is inevitable. I want to keep baby under wraps as long as possible...which is difficult since I'm a little overweight as it is and could totally pass as 5months pregnant right now LOL

ashanne88 · May 2016

@mommywesley Do you think friends and family will be unsupportive of you having a fifth child, just because it is number 5? If that's the case, shame on them.

poetryandoceans · May 2016

My FFFC? I have already started a gear list. I am (checks app) 5w 3d, and I have been very seriously considering the different newborn baby wearing options, and which car seat/stroller combos make the most sense for us. I know I should wait to start a registry, so I just have a word doc filled with the things I think I want, broken down by categories. I am also PGAL, so I know how stupid this is, but I just. can't. stop.

ceclarlinetlo · May 2016

@poetryandoceans I have been looking at nursery ideas on Pinterest and maternity clothes various places online as well and I am also PGAL - on the one hand it feels so stupid with my history of two MMC but hey - we have to take what little excitement we can get this early on. I tell myself that not indulging myself in some day dreaming now will not lesson the blow at all should (God forbid) anything bad happen later. FX we both get to decorate nurseries and look for car seats and baby carriers this time!

mommywesley · May 2016

@ashanne88 no, I don't think they will be unsupportive, most of them have known that I've always wanted 5 kids. It's more the fact that they all feel the need to tell me I am insane...at every opportunity...multiple times!

ashanne88 · May 2016

@mommywesleyUgh. I'm sorry they tell you that, I can imagine how annoying it would be to constantly hear that!

poetryandoceans · May 2016

ceclarlinetlo said:

@poetryandoceans I have been looking at nursery ideas on Pinterest and maternity clothes various places online as well and I am also PGAL - on the one hand it feels so stupid with my history of two MMC but hey - we have to take what little excitement we can get this early on. I tell myself that not indulging myself in some day dreaming now will not lesson the blow at all should (God forbid) anything bad happen later. FX we both get to decorate nurseries and look for car seats and baby carriers this time!

I absolutely agree with this logic. With my loss, I was being so careful to not think too far ahead, and that didn't make it hurt any less when it happened. And my obsessive pouring over of reviews of different baby gear now will only benefit me in the future, whether it's in 8 months or some other point...

Josie3=5 · May 2016

My confession is that I'm mildly annoyed at DH for not recognizing how well I'm soldiering on. I get it, it's our third baby, so it's 'old hat' (he's excited and definitely wants this baby, as I do). But, damn it, I want some recognition for still getting all the shit done that our crazy schedule is asking for with two young kids, two ridiculous jobs, two long commutes and juggling the selling of a house, the buying of another house, finding a new preschool and before/after care program for the kids, getting multiple estimates on movers to find the best deal, etc. WHILE PREGNANT.

I know I shouldn't be annoyed cuz both of us work our asses off but it would be nice to hear, 'man, I know you feel like crap - thanks for taking care of all of this'. Or something.

j32444 · May 2016

Not sure if this belongs here but....
It is take everything I have not to be "hormonal". I am training the new guy at work. He is so disorganized! Not organized caos. He literally doesn't know where a thing is. Piles and piles of papers on his desk. Hundreds of sticky notes and this is the beginning of day three. LORD HELP HIM.

And he says "I am great at multi tasking". What he really means is he is great at starting a million things and finishing zero!

ThePax89 · May 2016

@SarahS11 Bahaha I haven't given my toddler a bath all week and it's not because I feel sick. Im just gross.

ThePax89 · May 2016

My FFFC. I hate the terms "nursing in public" and "extended breastfeeding". Neither make sense to me. Extended breastfeeding marks 12 months as an arbitrary end point of the benefits of nursing.

TinaBelcher · May 2016

I spent so long trying to get pregnant that the crib I really wanted was discontinued last year and I'm being kind of bratty about it (in my head...) I don't want to look at other cribs. ::stomps foot:: (I've only vocalized this once to H)

aishmc · May 2016

My FFFC is I'm actually happy now that we're waiting until 12+ weeks to announce. My brain-to-mouth filter seems to have disappeared and I lack the patience it requires to deal with unsolicited advice.

j32444 · May 2016

@TinaBelcher Have you tried calling some local baby store to see if they have any left? We got my son's crib years ago on clearance because they were discontinued.

TinaBelcher · May 2016

j32444 said:

@TinaBelcher Have you tried calling some local baby store to see if they have any left? We got my son's cribs years ago on clearer because they were discontinued.

I haven't but I'll try that- thanks!

raquel87 · May 2016

@mommywesley I am definitely on the same page! This is baby number #5 for me ( 4th pregnancy and I have an amazing step son) I am a little scarred of all the judgment that I will get and have to pretend doesn't actually get to me! But the truth is I have a great family and wonderful kids and I am happy to add ONE more.

My FFFC is that after this pregnancy I am getting my tubes tied!

mommywesley · May 2016

@raquel87 yea, our family is super close and I know they mean well, I just gotta suck it up and smile lol

chchchchcherrybomb · May 2016

Totally sappy, but I just want my mommy.
We live on opposite coasts & today was the end of a 10 day visit. I'm always sad when she leaves but hormones are kind of kicking my ass this time!

Sunflower9939 · May 2016

I saw the gender/sex controversy on the UO thread and it kind of made me want to check out of here for a few months while you all have your circumcision, vaccination, cosleeping, blah, blah debates. Been through all that with the group from my first child and we are now long passed it all. I just don't get into debating things like that. Won't change anyone's minds and causes a bunch of drama for no reason. It's why I left the group for my second child because those were most of the conversations happening and I don't have the energy with two kids to give a shit what anyone else thinks about circumcision.

pshaortao · May 2016

@sunflower9939 Hopefully you will stick around for awhile. There was a lot of snark and debates on my last BMB but if I stayed away from those, it was okay. Once we got to the end and created our private fb group for 70-80 of us, and they are an amazing bunch. We just know not to bring up a couple topics where there are strong opposite opinions. With that said, I would love to see the same thing 8-9 months from now.

azwildcat62 · May 2016

My FFFC is that I'm new to this site, first pregnancy & I feel like all the acronyms and craziness here is a lot to keep up with! I don't have any close friends with kids yet, so I definitely want this resource. It's all just a little overwhelming! I can't even figure out the dang ticker thing & I'm not even bad with technology... sigh.

Sunflower9939 · May 2016

@pshaortao I'm still with my daughters group on FB and it's a phenomenal group. We've been through a lot together since it started four years ago. just this week we supported one of our members who found out her husband was cheating on her during a business trip and helped her figure out fantastic way to reveal what she knew and get lawyered up before he got home. We haven't talked about any of those "hot topics" in years because it's a waste of time and we are beyond meaningless debate. Obviously it takes time and investment to get to that place and have those relationships, but we will see if I have it in me to wait patiently while this group goes through its "must debate everything" stage. There was a woman on my son's board who loved debating everything and would say stuff literally just to insult those who disagreed and draw them into a debate again. I couldn't take it anymore.

I appreciate the solidarity @pshaortao maybe we can start a "people who don't care about the debate" thread while those go on haha

Josie3=5 · May 2016

@Sunflower9939, I totally understand where you're coming from, I really do, but there's also setting a tone for the board. I left my BMB with #2 bc there were a couple of incredibly rude, denigrating women who drowned out the crowd and left no room for a difference of opinion. I've been impressed at the inclusive tone that I so far have heard on this BMB. For the most part, I don't care where anyone comes down in cosleeping, breastfeeding, circumcision, etc bc there are such bigger things to navigate in life and, as long as you love your kid. But we also have a lot of FTM on here and, if I'm asked a question, I'll answer it with my understanding and experience. I learned a lot from my very first BMB and there are so many decisions to think through as a new parent that I think everyone would benefit from your experience as well. I hope you stick around and that we all get to the pint you're describing. I'm in a group like you describe as well and I call them by 'board of advisors' bc they honestly help bring new points of view to problems I'm facing. Maybe we can develop something like that here but that only happens with time and conversation.

TinaBelcher · May 2016

Debating cosleeping is not the same as debating the existence of transgender people.

I'm judging some posters (and post likers) so hard right now.

Sunflower9939 · May 2016

Oh, I'm sorry, have you seen people debate circumcision before? Telling people they are mutilating and abusing their children is pretty freaking awful. But please, go on and belittle my concerns and judge me. FFS

I've got better things to do. Good luck with your pregnancies.

TinaBelcher · May 2016

Sunflower9939 said:

Oh, I'm sorry, have you seen people debate circumcision before? Telling people they are mutilating and abusing their children is pretty freaking awful. But please, go on and belittle my concerns and judge me. FFS

I've got better things to do. Good luck with your pregnancies.

No one is belittling you so...? I know you're directing that at me but seriously you don't see a difference? In debating cosleeping and the existence of transgender people?? Ummmm I'm not sure how to help then.

TNChick · May 2016

This is my round 3 of BMB. Usually after the babies are born, there is a mass split and off-board creation mess. It is inevitable. We can not expect 300ish people to all agree happily on everything. Eventually, posters will group up and create like-minded tribes.

And I am ALL for threads that cover non-controversial topics while the flame throwing is going on elsewhere!

ElleMF728 · May 2016

My FFSC: I don't think I'm going to BF this baby. I've had difficult experiences both times, with my first I was miserable and it contributed greatly to my PPD. With DS2 I didn't put as much pressure on myself but I still had a lot of supply issues. The constant cycle of nurse/supplement/pump around the clock in addition to taking supplements, eating cookies and smoothies, nursing vacations and drinking so much water I felt like I was going to puke was exhausting and ultimately didn't increase my supply anyway. I stopped BFing at 4 months.

I just don't see how I'm going to keep it up while still caring for my other two who will likely be 16 months and 3 years when this baby comes. Unless I magically supply enough this time around I think I will just BF until my milk dries up. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

TNChick · May 2016

ElleMF728 said:

My FFSC: I don't think I'm going to BF this baby. I've had difficult experiences both times, with my first I was miserable and it contributed greatly to my PPD. With DS2 I didn't put as much pressure on myself but I still had a lot of supply issues. The constant cycle of nurse/supplement/pump around the clock in addition to taking supplements, eating cookies and smoothies, nursing vacations and drinking so much water I felt like I was going to puke was exhausting and ultimately didn't increase my supply anyway. I stopped BFing at 4 months.

I just don't see how I'm going to keep it up while still caring for my other two who will likely be 16 months and 3 years when this baby comes. Unless I magically supply enough this time around I think I will just BF until my milk dries up. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I didn't nurse my second because I blame nursing challenges completely for my ppd/ppa with my first. My daughter was formula fed from the start, and I enjoyed her infancy SO much more without the stress, pressure, and feelings of failure. I also had my first two back to back and I knew there was no space in my life for those awful feelings and stressors, especially with an 18 month old to care for.
With that said, I am not sure what I will do with this one. I am older, more experienced, and much more laid back. I might give it a whirl again, but also give myself the space to say "this isn't working" for the sake of my sanity and family.

ElleMF728 · May 2016

@TNChick Thank you so much for saying this! Your experience BFing your first sounds very similar to mine. I'm hoping that this allows me to spend more quality time with all of my children who are still very young.

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