Okay, she didn't actually straight out call me fat. But she did make several comments at my 12 week appointment today.
First, that she wanted to take extra blood work to check my blood sugars and do the glucose test at 20 weeks instead of 28, because I'm overweight. Even though I have never had blood sugar problems and didn't have GD with my previous pregnancy. And said that I'll likely have a big baby and they want to keep an eye on it and probably do an extra ultrasound towards the end. My DD was 8 lbs 7 oz, so larger but not huge.
Then, she said they won't do my anatomy scan until 22-23 weeks bc my "extra abdominal tissue" would make it hard for them to see so it's better to wait.
So, I am overweight, but not THAT overweight (I'm an 18). Any other plus size moms getting stuff like this or should I be offended?
This particilar midwife is new to the practice and I haven't gotten good feedback about her from other patients I know that have birthed with them. So I'm trying decide if she just lacks tact and is a little harder on heavier girls, or if this is normal. With my DD they did mention wanting to keep an eye on my weight but they weren't so gung ho with extra tests and reminding me I'm overweight multiple times.
Am I being too sensitive here?
28 years old. Married 5 years.
DD born Oct 2014 via C-Section (footling breech)
Baby #2 (AND #3...SURPRISE!) Due Nov 17, 2016. Found out it was twins at 18+5!
Re: When your midwife calls you fat...
I switched to a Dr. in the same practice right at the end of my pregnancy. He is my Dr. this time too. I've only had 1 appt, but he didn't even mention my weight - I'm also a 16/18 and am about 10 lbs. heavier than pp weight with DS.
You could either mention it to her an assume she doesn't realize that her comments lack yact, or you could discuss with her senior. Lastly, you could switch entirely to another midwife.
Regardless, don't think you need to listen to those kinds of comments.
BFP: 2/25/16; DD: 11/6/16
Nov16 Siggy Challenge:
Ive already thought about switching to their supervising physician (it's a birthing center) since I have to deliver at the hospital anyways (VBAC) and this just kinda pushes me over the edge.
I don't want to be overly sensitive, since i know I am at a less healthy weight right now. I've actually lost about ten pounds since my BFP (morning sickness) and am planning to watch my weight very closely. I only gained about 20 pounds with DD, and was careful to maintain a healthy diet as best I could (sometimes we all need ice cream lol).
anyways, thanks for the feedback ladies. It's helpful to know what's normal and what's not. I just felt like it was a bit too much and I wasn't sure how to react.
DD born Oct 2014 via C-Section (footling breech)
Baby #2 (AND #3...SURPRISE!) Due Nov 17, 2016. Found out it was twins at 18+5!
Also, the whole abdominal ultrasound comment is bs. I've had 2 (because I have to go to a high risk dr as well as my OB) and we could see everything perfectly. Our baby had his legs crossed so we couldn't see the sex because of that, but they had to do an internal ultrasound at that appointment as well so we were able to see that way.
I agree the abdominal US issue is total BS. I didn't have 1 transvag US with DS and had USs at every appointment, plus ones @ 6/7 weeks, 12 weeks & 20 weeks. No issues.
You aren't overreacting at all! They haven't said anything about changing the test times for me due to my size. I think that's bs.
Surprisingly, my dr didn't say a thing about my weight, I started at 170 which is about 20 more than my starting weight with my last pregnancy. Im obviously worried, but kinda relieved I didn't have to hear a speech.
As for glucose test I think some offices that's just standard practice if you are overweight. First pregnancy I did a fasting test at 10 weeks. This time around I had a midwife for my initial appointment. She had me do the fasting which I passed with no issue but she had me do the one hour as well for some reason.
I would say switch midwives normally but since you may have her for delivery maybe give her another chance?
But saying I have so much belly fat they won't be able to see the baby? That just felt insulting. I had my AS at 20 weeks with DD and they saw everything just fine. I mean, again, I'm overweight but I'm not that huge. Even though she made me feel like I am. Ugh.
DD born Oct 2014 via C-Section (footling breech)
Baby #2 (AND #3...SURPRISE!) Due Nov 17, 2016. Found out it was twins at 18+5!
Are you risky in any other way? I would be offended/bothered by it.
If anyone can think of a perfect way to handle these things, I'd be interested to hear it- I'm in nursing school and education on better health habits and the importance of maintaining a normal weight is pushed quite a bit, but not so much how to broach the subject. So IME, few providers do. I don't think I've ever had anyone mention it, and I've been up to 192 or so lbs- definitely obese for my height.
BFP #2 3/21 EDD 11/28/16
For OP, a lot of offices like to have patients fill out surveys these days- maybe it would be a good idea to mention this? With quotes to show it's not a matter of you being whiny, but of the midwife lacking tact. Did she just say that they'd like to do BG at 20 weeks and only say it's because of being overweight when asked, or was it like "yo, you need to do this early because you're overweight"?
BFP #2 3/21 EDD 11/28/16
I wouldn't worry about the GD test though. I took mine at 9 weeks because of my high BMI so I think that's just a standard practice.
Georgia 3/15/2012 Matilda 6/12/2014 TWINS!! Babies 3&4 EDD 11/22/2016
From your description, I would guesstimate that we're of similar size. I had an US at 7 weeks because of IVF and we didn't have any issue seeing the little blob at that point. Even with me pudge. And that blob was small. No issue at week 14 with the NT scan. My Dr told me she would only have me do a glucose test before 24 weeks if my blood work came back weird or if a pee dip showed higher sugar levels. That was my family Dr, and I start with the OB clinic at the end of the month, so they may have a different opinion.
We all know the additional health stresses that carrying more weight can have (even if we're in denial about it), but unless some is drastically on the heavier side (and I mean like 300lbs or a BMI of like 40), it's kinda rude to point it out that rudely. If her approach had been different it may have been excusable. Then again, maybe she doesn't realize what it sounds like to the person she's talking to.
I can honestly say that during both of my pregnancies none of my midwives or ob's or anyone ever even made the slightest comment about my weight. Besides monitoring it the same way that they do for all patients and assuring me it wasn't a concern if I had a comment about something. Like the ultrasound for example early in pregnancy, I was remember asking if the reason they couldn't see and were having a hard time was because I was fat. They assured me not. Now, to be fair I do have to say there is probably a couple reasons in particular its never brought up in my pregnancies. I have had HG with both pregnancies and I have had substantial weight loss of pre pregnancy weight with both. First pregnancy I think I lost about 30 lbs from start to finish. This one I'm down around 10 but they are happy that I seem to be maintaining now. And even though this kind of makes me uncomfortable since it's in the interest of helping you I just wanna throw out there I'm 5'8 and weight about 242 at the moment. So I'm pretty substantially overweight.
I feel like there is one slight hole or misunderstanding I'm getting from what you wrote by the way. Have you gained a substantial amount of weight from pre-pregnancy to now? Like more than 10lbs maybe? If were gaining weight quickly in a short period of time it would make more sense that she was mentioning things to you because that WOULD be a legitimate cause for concern.
Since this midwife is new I have a couple thoughts here assuming the above is not accurate. One, is that she is just kinda fresh off the farm and she's seeing pathology that she from a kind place in her heart is trying to stay on top of. I'd believe she is a little misguided in this and obviously she's not exactly a tactful person. Alternately, her comments are kind of concerning and perhaps she really does have an issue with fat people. This would honestly concern me. As a fellow fat person I'm aware that being fat to the degree that I personally am is not healthy so I would not wish for it to be condoned or encouraged but I would also still expect the same respect as someone else and to receive equal care despite it. With either of my thoughts here though I feel like I would look for a new midwife. If she's seeing pathology you are on a road to un-necessary interventions and to a birth outcome that's probably not going to be what you expected. If she's intentionally being unkind and has a fat people problem well she's kind of a jerk it's her prerogative but she's just obviously not a person you want to be responsible for your birthing experience. She is also not asking you for your thoughts and concerns and is just telling you how things are going to be. These are all serious red flags to me personally that leads me to believe your birth experience would be out of your control and not respected.
So... that's how I feel about it I think.
I was suppose to take the gtt last weekend but they didn't have my orders so I am taking it this Friday at 11 weeks.
It sucks that she was so hurtful but I do believe she is coming from a good place. She just wants you and the baby healthy.
I had medication controlled GD last time and my baby was less than 7lbs so I agree with pp that maybe she is a little fresh and more learned in the book sense than in the real world sense. I also agree if you guys don't jive then I would request not to see her unless it is an absolute necessity.
Also, I found that there are several carb friendly ice creams that can help with that need to eat all the ice cream!! In my area I believe it is Blue Bunny Sweet Escapes. 1/3 of a cup is about 20 g of carbs!!
Sorry you were made to feel bad about your body that is currently doing amazing things!
@FiancB, I don't actually have a problem with it being brought up. I've been chubby my whole life, but I'm most definitely at the highest weight I've ever been right now and am VERY aware of it. Between suddenly having thyroid issues a few years back and gaining 30 pounds in a few months until we figured it out, then getting pregnant, then having both hypothyroidism and postpartum depression afterwards, my weight has gotten higher than it should be. And I'm fine with discussing that, as well as a healthy diet and what my goal weight gain should be. But it was already brought up in my first appointment by another midwife, in a kind way. Just discussing my current diet and exercise and what I could do to help keep my weight under control during this pregnancy. However, the second midwife didn't seem to care it had already been discussed, and brought it up AGAIN. And brought in extra tests the first midwife didn't order or feel necessary. And commented on my excess belly fat and said it would make it so they can't see the baby. So I don't think I'm being overly sensitive...it either comes down to her lack of tact or lack of communication between the midwives or whatever, but if it's going to be brought up and hounded on every single appointment, I may find somewhere else. I feel bad enough about where I'm at as it is. I don't know if that helps answer your question? Oh, and yes, she did say I needed to do the extra blood test BECAUSE I'm overweight.
@mayergirl920 Yeah, I agree with you, I think it's good for weight to be mentioned. I would be concerned if they just ignored my weight and would probably bring it up myself. The other midwife already discussed weight gain goals (no more than 5 pounds) at my previous appointment, and I didn't walk away feeling low or shamed. I guess it's just the multiple comments and how this new midwife went about it that bothered me.
@Oakleypoozles THANK YOU for your perspective. We actually the EXACT same height and weight, so that's a useful perspective. lol. I've actually lost about 10 pounds since my BFP as well, due to morning sickness and throwing up at least once a day. And the thing is, she's really not green. She's been a midwife for four years, just new to this practice. And the general feedback in the natural birth world here is that no one likes her. But I can't control whether she's my midwife at birth or not so I feel trapped. Not sure what to do. Being a VBAC, it makes my provider options a little more limited.
For those that asked, I can't remember who to tag...my previous pregnancy was perfectly healthy, no blood sugar problems, not excessive weight gain, no GD, no hypertension, nothing, and I'm only 28. I carried until 40+3 and labored med-free to 7cm until I arrived at the hospital and DD was footling breech, thus leading to a c-section. Nothing to do with my weight. So having it brought up SO MANY TIMES in my first two appointments feels excessive...like I said above, I don't think I'm overly sensitive, and I'm as cautious about my weight gain as they are, and I'm okay with discussing it. Just some of the things that were discussed and said felt a little off to me. Thanks to all who helped provide perspective!
DD born Oct 2014 via C-Section (footling breech)
Baby #2 (AND #3...SURPRISE!) Due Nov 17, 2016. Found out it was twins at 18+5!
It's VERY difficult to do this without offending someone because weight is such a sensitive subject. I don't think she meant to be rude or judgemental. If she use the term "overweight", that is the accepted medical term for a BMI 25-29 (30 and higher is considered obese). She was probably trying to inform you of specifics of your care to be helpful - it's just such a sensitive issue for all of us.
Sorry your appointment was upsetting!
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I just wanted to say that I'm 29 and I'm also a VBAC. So we actually have an insane a lot in common haha.
I don't think you're being sensitive and you seem to be on the same page as me with the weight thing. I've always been fat too and someone calling me fat or bringing up serious issues no big deal to me. The problem is that you are trying for natural and you've chosen a midwife. I'm guessing you are probably trying to go down the same road I am. Her behavior sounds dangerous to the road you want to travel.
If I were you I would look into an alternative midwife practice. I do truly understand though what you say about it being limited. My first pregnancy what I was looking for didn't exist. For this pregnancy there is ONLY 1 within a 3 hour area of where I live so trust me I am with you. That's scary too I get it you don't want to end up with a OB or even a midwife place with bad stats who isn't going to be supportive of your goals. I'd look and see if you have any other options though. If you don't I guess I'd say pray she just isn't the one that delivers and maybe even build a tight rapport with one of the others and see if you can't somehow convince them to be on call for you so that doesn't happen? I don't really know if htat's possible or not btw just an idea.
So, I had my 1 hour glucose test at my 12 week appointment, and passed it with no issues (I've heard the hour test is harder to pass than the 3 hour one). I'm not sure whether they are planning to do another test later, but I was well below the pass/fail threshold, so my guess would be they won't do another test unless they have concerns.
I'm not going to say that I'm not overweight, because I know that I am, but I'm also 5'10" and have always been on the higher side with BMI when you only factor in height and weight. Even when I was wearing a size 8, the BMI chart still said I was overweight. I've always had pretty big boobs and a substantial butt. I am currently about a size 14 and feel pretty comfortable with my body the way it is, so getting such a harsh-seeming diagnosis from someone I hadn't even met yet definitely did bother me initially. However, after meeting her, I realized she is just a bit of a harsh realist in ALL aspects of pregnancy (she doesn't sugar coat things...no pun intended), and then I was less offended. She told me she wanted me to gain no more than 15 lbs during pregnancy and told me to stick with small, healthy meals and snacks as much as possible. I've lost about 5 lbs due to morning sickness in my first trimester, so I guess I get to gain back up to 20 now, which doesn't seem too unrealistic.
All that being said, she didn't say anything about my weight after that. She did tell me my 12 week ultrasound would be trans-vaginal, but didn't indicate it was because of my weight. It ended up being abdominal, and we were able to see the baby without any major issues, although the tech did have to press down a little harder on the wand than I'm assuming is normal. They scheduled my anatomy scan for 18 weeks, which I am assuming they would not have done if my weight could potentially cause an issue
Sorry this was so long! Sensitive topic for me as well, apparently, haha! I guess my ultimate point is that it is part of their job to tell us what our risks are, but you should definitely provide feedback to them about the manner in which they do so.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
So no, I don't think you're being overly sensitive. I think she was being obnoxious. and I've never heard of anyone having a delayed anatomy scan due to overweight or obesity.
I do do think it's fairly common practice to do the GTT earlier for overweight individuals. But still, she didn't have to be such a turd about it.
You do not need to schedule your anatomy scan later. I am larger than you, carry a good amount of weight in my abdomen and the 20 week scan (right on time) went fine.
Larger women do tend to have larger babies. We also have an increased risk of GD. However, our risk may increase but it is still true that the vast majority of plus-size Mom's don't get GD. The increased risk may be genetic and may relate to the correlation between being plus size and having PCOS (another glucose related illness). Checking fasting and A1c in early pregnancy to rule out existing diabetes is fairly standard, but it strikes me as a little suspect to monitor for GD so early based only on weight, but as you say knowing earlier doesn't necessarily hurt.
Many plus size women lose weight in pregnancy without adverse effects, but intentional weight loss in pregnancy is not supported by the literature.
If you haven't heard of it I would recommend checking out the websites/blogs plussize birth, plus size mommy memoirs, and the well rounded momma.
Goof luck!
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
BFP#2 3/7/2016, EDD 11/19/2016 (It's a boy! Excited to meet little Anthony!)